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Reviews
Law Abiding Citizen (2009)
Who's the hero?
Expectations are everything. I went into the movie (shown on Channel 4 this week) expecting gratuitous, "Saw"-levels of gore and a shockingly bad ending. Instead, I found the violence to be fairly restrained (mainly taking place off-screen) and the ending not nearly as bad as everyone makes out.
It runs as an interesting concept-thriller where the main character is clearly in control every step of the way. Clyde is a lot like Michael Scofield in "Prison Break". He's in there because he chose to be there and every little event takes place for a reason.
It also explores themes around the sensibility of the law quite nicely, such as the scene around Clyde's application for bail.
However, here's a fundamental problem with LAC, namely that there's no clear hero. Obviously, the audience is supposed to side with Clyde, at least initially. His wife and daughter have been horribly slaughtered and the real killer receives a minimal sentence. Clyde wants justice and he gets it, exacting torturous revenge on the murderer. Now it's fair to say that Clyde seems fairly demented at this point, despite his careful strategic planning. But then his crusade for justice goes further afield, and it's here that our sympathy starts to wear thin. Are we to continue supporting his murderous campaign against the justice system? Or are our affections now supposed to shift to ADA Nick and his band of legal beagles? A much more interesting story would have been one in which Clyde saw justice triumph through a clever manipulation of the system itself. If that sort of thing appeals to you, go see "Fracture". As for LAC, an interesting cat-and-mouse thriller entertains for most of its running time, yet ultimately disappoints in the final analysis.
F (2010)
Dull dull dull!
I must confess that I didn't watch this all the way through. It was on Film 4 last night and I kept dipping in. However, suffice it to say that whenever I did dip in, absolutely nothing happened. It seemed to be a serious of clichéd build-ups (figures running in the background, faceless villains, a basketball dropped ominously in a locker room) which implied threat and then promptly cut away to another scene. I also understand that a lot of the killings were implied, in which case this movie fails both on scares and blood-letting.
It also suffers from character stupidity, the kind I thought had been put to rest following the horror rules as outlined in "Scream"! Something creepy/disturbing happens and a character slowly walks towards it saying "Hello? Is someone there?" From what I saw, "F" is up there with "Prom Night" on the list of banal "horrors" that neither shock nor scare.
Avoid.
Dèmoni (1985)
Let down by poor production values
I watched most of this when I was about 13 and remembered it being amazing. Watched it 25 years later and have seen it in a new light! The problem with Demons is that it makes no sense whatsoever. Why a movie theatre? Who organised the event? Who is the usher? She seems in on it at the start, but not at the end. What's the connection between the movie and the real world? Coupled with this is the frankly appalling acting and dreadful 80s Euro costuming.
Yes, there are some gory make-up effects but there's no character engagement and no clear plot.
A classic only if you're a fan of Bava/Argento.
Dèmoni 2... l'incubo ritorna (1986)
Ferocious but daft
This is a sequel in the worst sense of the term - not a continuation but a complete retread of the first film, albeit in a different location. It does indeed make no sense whatsoever and the acting is beyond dire. Strangely, it sounds dubbed, but the actors are clearly speaking English.
It's certainly more ferocious than the first movie and the scene with a demonised boy is quite effective. However, the gremlin puppet is the most dreadful addition to a horror film I have ever seen. It is hard to see how Bava/Argento could have intended this be anything other than laugh-inducing.
There are some nice effects - especially when the first demon enters the real world - but the uneven tone, inappropriate music and nonsensical plot make this instantly forgettable. If you must see a "building ravaged by demons" film, go see REC. Now that's scary.
The Collector (2009)
Panic Room Meets Saw
Let's be clear about this; much of "The Collector" makes very little sense and the extent to which you'll need to suspend your disbelief may well influence how much enjoyment you'll get from it. However, the same is true of other recent horror greats, including "Switchblade Romance", "Inside" and "Saw" itself. Suffice it to say, once our hero is inside the house the tension doesn't let up for a second. It echoes Panic Room in the way Arkin light-foots his way from room to room, trying to evade the titular collector, with some nice aerial shots through the house. Similarly, the series of near misses with trip wires, spikes and all manner of nasties ratchets up the tension nicely.
If you've seen "Switchblade Romance", you'll appreciate this stripped down, back-to-basics thriller, where the threat of violence keeps your knuckles whiter than white.
The set up and ending makes little sense, but the rest of it is an extremely well-executed masterclass in fear. One to watch.
The Emperor's New Groove (2000)
Groovy!
I always thought this movie slipped under the radar - certainly not normally mentioned in the canon of Disney Greats, like The Little Mermaid, Beauty & The Beast, The Lion King, etc.
The Empereror's New Groove is therefore a delightful surprise - beautifully animated, well paced and with a generous dollop of genuinely funny moments. David Spade is terrific as the spoilt, arrogant Kuzco, while Eartha Kitt hams it up nicely as Ysma, the evil aid (kind of like a very thin Ursula, from The Little Mermaid).
As other reviewers have mentioned, the humour is appealing to adults, without resorting to crude innuendos.
If you've not seen this, you and your kids will love it!
The Hole (2009)
Not for kids!
The great thing about Dante's latest feature (his first in 7 years) is that it's so disarming. The look, feel and tone all tells you this a family-friendly kids flick, in the same vane as The Goonies and Explorers. In fact, I first heard this movie pitched as a gentle introduction to horror for tweens. This film, however, is definitely not suitable for a 12 year old.
Dante is renowned for having his tongue lodged firmly in his cheek, his movies very much anarchic in tone and content (Gremlins being a perfect example). The Hole is much more tempered than this, and the first two thirds are a genuine masterclass in ratcheting up fear and tension. Sure, there are plenty of jump shocks, but Dante cleverly places his camera close to the characters, leaving most of the background hidden so you never see what's coming.
The lead characters are all very good, and the initial scenes with Dane and the girl-next-door feel realistically stilted (as you would if you were a teenager and you just met the cute babe next door). Dante doesn't hang about, and quickly gets to the hole. This in turn immediately opens up all manner of scares, with some dark and genuinely frightening scenes, extremely well executed.
Dante borrows heavily from the likes of The Grudge, Poltergeist and The Sixth Sense, as well as affectionate nods to his own films (Gremlins, Small Soldiers and even It's A Good Life, a segment he directed for Twilight Zone The Movie). However, none of it feels ripped-off. It has its own inimitable style and is expertly put together, complementing the story.
For me, the final act was a little wacky but the overall movie is a satisfying experience. Considering its influences and the fact that Dante has been in the game for over 30 years, this is a surprisingly fresh addition to the genre.
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Mascara (2009)
Dreadful!
Like many reviewers, I am a huge CSI fan (Vegas only, not the spin-offs). I actually thought the series got incredibly creative once the rather smug Gil Grissom left. However, "Mascara" was a howler. Everything about it is wrong. The pacing, the over-used scenes of wrestling (my wife even asked, "Why do they keep showing so much wrestling - it's boring?"). The parade of suspects drags and the killer's reveal is a real anti-climax (no real motive and, due to the use of a mask, could have been just about anybody).
CSI excels in its use of clever plotting, inventive deaths (and causes) and a liberal use of well-judged humour (light, but not overly comedic like "Bones"). However, "Mascara" is a genuine dud and without doubt the worst episode I've seen so far.
Stir of Echoes (1999)
Fairly routine
Much has been made about similarities between Stir of Echoes and The Sixth Sense, however, that's not the main problem with this movie. Nor are its inadequacies a case of bad timing in its release around the same time as The Sixth Sense.
Firstly, this is a fairly routine story. Girl dies and attempts to communicate as to what happened and where she's buried. That's the sole extent of the plot and, as such, it becomes more like a whodunnit than anything else.
Secondly, for a supernatural thriller, it isn't scary.
Thirdly, David Koepp's direction is somewhat bland and proves he is a better writer than he is a film-maker.
Kevin Bacon, as always, holds the film together but there are too many borrowed elements and plot contrivances not adequately explained. This has more than a hint of The Shining to it (including a kindly black psychic who discerns the same gift in a small boy). We also see - as in The Shining - a father descending into obsession after communication with the spirits. It also borrows heavily from another of Stephen King's stories - the Dead Zone - through the use of flashbacks.
Stir of Echoes is a competently made thriller, but the plot is too one-dimensional to make this a genre classic. It doesn't carry the concept of family disintegration as compellingly as The Shining, Close Encounters (or even Poltergeist) and the supporting characters feel like...well, supporting characters.
More scares, a fuller plot and a little more character development would have lifted this on a par with The Sixth Sense.
Event Horizon (1997)
A cracking horror film!
I saw "Event Horizon" when it first came out in '97 and found it immensely disturbing! Repeat viewings have lessened the impact, but it's still Paul Anderson's finest film to date. The set design - all Gothic chambers and torturous spikes - is a work of art and the visual effects are excellent. Liquid suspended in zero gravity, a walking man on fire and the ship itself are all extremely well done.
This is indeed an underrated horror movie and bears much more of a likeness to "The Shining" than it does to "Alien". However, it most closely mirrors Michael Crichton's novel "Sphere" (1987), which was made into a woefully inadequate film with Dustin Hoffman, Sharon Stone and Samuel L Jackson. The idea of a spaceship discovered which affects the salvage team's psyche is the central premise - "Sphere" even has a reference to the term "event horizon".
This movie slightly falls over in two main areas. Firstly, the characters are not well enough explored (not even Weir, with memories of his deceased wife), although the crew banter riffs naturally on the crew dynamics in "Alien".
Secondly - and most importantly - the film loses its knife edge tension in the last third, due to an accelerated narrative and a descent into hell. Weir (Sam Neill) in particular becomes a clichéd figure and it's down to Laurence Fishburne (excellent) to maintain the credibility.
That said, the scares are well staged and Anderson uses split-second (almost subliminal) shots of body horror and torture, along with clever use of sound and music, to ratchet up the fear factor. The production design and cinematography is excellent - if you've not seen it, give it a go.
Triangle (2009)
One heck of a head scratcher
Triangle is one of those left-field movies that come out of nowhere and surprise you with how good they are. This one has real shades of "The Prestige", as well as obvious nods to "The Shining", "Ghost Ship" and "Death Ship".
Melissa George is a compelling lead and effectively carries the narrative. The plot will have you thinking it over and over, so I recommend reading through some of the message board posts once you've watched it.
If you like neat, tidy endings, give this one a miss.
It's extremely well made and, considering the complex interweaving of the supernatural, space-time and Greek mythology, it is amazingly plotted. Smith's greatest achievement is his steady and consistent focus on the central character, without becoming overly distracted with the concept and theme.
This is one of the finest additions to the genre I've seen in a long time.
Martyrs (2008)
Be prepared - go in cold
Early critics advised that you are best placed knowing as little about Martyrs as possible before viewing. Unfortunately, all the surrounding buzz focused on the unprecedented level of physical and emotional violence in this movie, prompting many (like me) to read as much about the film in order to determine if they could stomach it.
Know this - Martyrs is a phenomenal horror film, but is not the gruelling ordeal many would have you believe. It's hard to understand reports of people fainting, throwing up or even leaving the theatre before the end of the first half. Yes, the movie is violent, but not to the point where all you focus on is a series of stomach-turning set-pieces (which is where the "Saw" franchise fell foul).
So why all the fuss? Two reasons. Firstly, a lot of "horror lovers" have never been exposed to some of the most cutting-edge genre pics out there - "Audition", "Old Boy", "Switchblade Romance" and even the much-maligned "Funny Games". Most horror films have a satisfying closure at the end, enabling the viewer to emerge in one piece as they follow the main protagonist who usually survives. The afore-mentioned films are either devastatingly brutal or punishingly tragic. Secondly, Martyrs hits hard because of its emotional resonance. This is NOT the most graphically violent film ever made - not by a long shot. Nor is it 95 minutes of wall-to-wall torture. It does, however, deliver a series of tragic blows that leave you feeling hollow and haunted as you follow two thoroughly engaging lead characters on their path to devastation.
To me, a truly great horror film should leave you just that - horrified. Dazed, a little shaky and unsettled. Movies that succeed in this way show that we are sensitised to violence, not desensitised. In conclusion, watch Martyrs cold and be amazed at what you see. Uncomfortable, uncompromising and a mighty addition to the Horror Hall of Fame.
The Forgotten (2004)
Forgotten, Not Forgiven
The Forgotten gets off to a very promising start, as Julianne Moore struggles to make sense of her son's fading memory. He disappears from a family photo, there are no pictures in her album and all the home movie tapes are now blank. Her husband, psychiatrist and friends all swear blind that she never had a son, and the audience soon begins to question whether or not the little boy was just a psychosomatic illusion to help her cope with her miscarriage.
And then it all gets very silly. That's not to say that director Ruben doesn't handle the action and plot with a certain verve (some of the more shocking moments will leave your popcorn clinging to the ceiling), but that's about it. Like most Hollywood efforts these days, it's yet another case of style over content. In the wake of movies such as The Sixth Sense, The Matrix, Donnie Darko and Butterfly Effect, audiences have found that action thrillers can also have complex, intelligent and well thought out concepts; concepts that will leave you scratching your head and talking about it for days afterwards. This reviewer believes quite firmly that modern film-fans no longer tolerate gaping plot-holes and illogicalities. In fact, we feel positively cheated by them.
And so it is with The Forgotten. What was the point of these alleged 'experiments'? Why was the psychiatrist in on it? And why on earth was normality restored at the end? The movie borrows shamelessly from the X-Files central theme, a theme incidentally which is far more complex in structure and epic in scale than Forgotten. The whole abduction edge has been done more coherently and impressively in other movies, and with a far more interesting plot. Julianne Moore gives a solid performance, although the ever-watchable Gary Sinise is sidelined to a somewhat utilitarian role.
The Forgotten is neither clever, nor thought-provoking and is saved only by one or two well-staged (if not a little predictable) set pieces. Forgive the cliché, but this one's best forgotten. 2 out of 5.
Cellular (2004)
This call should have been terminated
It's hard to pinpoint exactly what makes "Cellular" so woefully mundane, since it lacks the emotional punch of "Ransom" and the high-peril concept of Phone Booth (the latter disappointingly average as well). "Cellular" is a movie which fundamentally lacks identity, and this is its biggest problem. The characters are functional at best and serve only to move the illogical plot forward, leaving the viewer constantly frustrated that they cannot engage with either the damsel, the hero or the warm-hearted cop. The plot itself is hinged around the idea that our reluctant hero must use his own resources to rescue the victim and thwart the kidnappers, but none of it rings true. Honestly, if you walked into a police station and advised the desk-sergeant that you had a woman on the line who claimed to be kidnapped, what's the first thing that would happen? Chances are, you wouldn't be handed your phone back and advised to go upstairs to find someone else who can help you. From here on in, the race against time treads a very familiar path of improbability, lifting the best bits from superior movies such as "Ransom" and "Speed". Jason Statham, THE archetypal cockney bad-boy struggles to pin down a gruff American accent and is far too cartoony to convince as a genuinely frightening ring-leader. Kim Basinger hams it up in the histrionics department and Jessica Biel (after a more-than-competent lead in "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre") is inexplicably sidelined to the role of "confused girlfriend". Chris Evans is a likable lead, but struggles to make the best of bad material.
"Cellular" is a concept movie that's based upon an idea rather than a story and as such, it never gets out of 2nd gear. In summary, you can file this under "generic, derivative, no-brainers".