I rarely rate a movie a 1, but this movie totally deserves it. Everything about it is complete trash, but the "music" is laughably bad. There is a montage about 23 minutes in, that is set to one of the worst butt-rock cheesiest songs that I have ever heard, which is probably the most cringeworthy 5 minutes of any movie ever made. Seriously. I had to pause the movie at this point because I was straight up laughing too hard to continue watching it. Perhaps the only reason to watch this movie is to get a good laugh from this God-awful moment. Soooooo cheesy. 1/10
Reviews
55 Reviews
Jacob's Ladder
(2019)
Unneeded Remake
24 August 2019
Let's get this out of the way first; the original Jacob's Ladder is a great and unique film that by no means needs an updated version. If you want to watch a great version of it, just go watch the original.
Story: While it is a remake, it is not a shot for shot reiteration. Several key story elements have been changed up, but many of the scenes reappear in a different context. The problem with this is that some of them feel shoved in to pay fan service to the original. The changes to the story and characters are at times major, and it feels like they are trying to tell a similar story just with vastly different parameters and it doesn't quite fit right.
Acting: The three main actors do a very serviceable job in their respected roles, however Michael Ealy really wasn't able to fully capture the same insane paranoia that Tim Robbins brought.
Production: The cinematography, while not bad, was lacking creativity and polish. The sound design was solid throughout. The effects on the other hand were cheesy and repetitious. They drastically overused the sped up head and camera shaking effect, while the cgi would have looked like it was 10 years old, 10 years ago. Seriously, half-assed practical effects would have looked much better than this shoddy cgi.
Entertainment: Well, there was little. It honestly felt like one of the most generic and predictable films that I have seen in a long time. I understand that it's difficult to make a remake unique, but this iteration has no heart, enjoyment, or identity to it at all and it just falls flat.
Overall: It's not the worst movie that you could watch, but there's really no reason to watch it. It's bland, mediocre, and the only thing scary about it are the bad special effects. Like I said before, if you want to watch a great version of it, just go watch the original. A generous 4/10
Story: While it is a remake, it is not a shot for shot reiteration. Several key story elements have been changed up, but many of the scenes reappear in a different context. The problem with this is that some of them feel shoved in to pay fan service to the original. The changes to the story and characters are at times major, and it feels like they are trying to tell a similar story just with vastly different parameters and it doesn't quite fit right.
Acting: The three main actors do a very serviceable job in their respected roles, however Michael Ealy really wasn't able to fully capture the same insane paranoia that Tim Robbins brought.
Production: The cinematography, while not bad, was lacking creativity and polish. The sound design was solid throughout. The effects on the other hand were cheesy and repetitious. They drastically overused the sped up head and camera shaking effect, while the cgi would have looked like it was 10 years old, 10 years ago. Seriously, half-assed practical effects would have looked much better than this shoddy cgi.
Entertainment: Well, there was little. It honestly felt like one of the most generic and predictable films that I have seen in a long time. I understand that it's difficult to make a remake unique, but this iteration has no heart, enjoyment, or identity to it at all and it just falls flat.
Overall: It's not the worst movie that you could watch, but there's really no reason to watch it. It's bland, mediocre, and the only thing scary about it are the bad special effects. Like I said before, if you want to watch a great version of it, just go watch the original. A generous 4/10
Tone-Deaf
(2019)
A honest review for Tone-Deaf
24 August 2019
First off, this film is classified as a horror comedy, but the only real comedy comes in the form of a few awkward moments and a couple attempts of 4th wall breaking humor of Millennials and Boomers taking some cringeworthy jabs at each other (which are not funny at all and seriously bring it down a whole point by themselves).
To keep this review short and to the point, any positives that I have to say about this film goes to the production and acting. There is some nice cinematic shots, good sound design, and solid effects. The acting is slightly above average but there will be no award nominations coming their way for this movie.
The story on the other hand, is a mixed bag of mediocrity. It is all over the place and changes tone several times during the film. At some points it tries to be a serious thriller. At other points it is a light-hearted dramedy. Yet at other times it's an arthouse parody that really makes little sense.
Overall the movie is weird and doesn't seem to have a good sense of itself. There are a couple good scenes and there is some decent production to it, but the majority of it is a just a nonsensical mess that's just not very entertaining. Not a film that you're going to want to watch twice and very forgettable. 4/10
To keep this review short and to the point, any positives that I have to say about this film goes to the production and acting. There is some nice cinematic shots, good sound design, and solid effects. The acting is slightly above average but there will be no award nominations coming their way for this movie.
The story on the other hand, is a mixed bag of mediocrity. It is all over the place and changes tone several times during the film. At some points it tries to be a serious thriller. At other points it is a light-hearted dramedy. Yet at other times it's an arthouse parody that really makes little sense.
Overall the movie is weird and doesn't seem to have a good sense of itself. There are a couple good scenes and there is some decent production to it, but the majority of it is a just a nonsensical mess that's just not very entertaining. Not a film that you're going to want to watch twice and very forgettable. 4/10
Hoax
(2019)
An honest review of Hoax
21 August 2019
The couple rave reviews are obviously fake, but the movie is not complete garbage or unwatchable by any means.
The acting is about average but adequate. The cinematography and sound design, while not great, are serviceable and do nothing to add or detract from the experience. The gory practical effects are actually decent, but the bigfoot itself (which is rarely seen) is pretty shotty.
The characters are blatantly stereotypical with the corporate shill, self centered journalist, ex-marine badass, the smoking hippie, and the good-natured scientist who's only there for the much needed money.
The story itself starts out very cliche, kind of like 'Anaconda' but with a bigfoot. The first three quarters of the film feels very much like this, but the story takes a strange turn at that point and it becomes something different entirely. I give them props for trying something a little different here, but doesn't quite feel like it's part of the same movie and very out of place.
Overall, it is watchable but kind of loses itself at the end. It's not going to win any awards and is fairly forgettable, but if you want to turn your mind off for a little bit, you could definitely do much worse. 4.5/10
The acting is about average but adequate. The cinematography and sound design, while not great, are serviceable and do nothing to add or detract from the experience. The gory practical effects are actually decent, but the bigfoot itself (which is rarely seen) is pretty shotty.
The characters are blatantly stereotypical with the corporate shill, self centered journalist, ex-marine badass, the smoking hippie, and the good-natured scientist who's only there for the much needed money.
The story itself starts out very cliche, kind of like 'Anaconda' but with a bigfoot. The first three quarters of the film feels very much like this, but the story takes a strange turn at that point and it becomes something different entirely. I give them props for trying something a little different here, but doesn't quite feel like it's part of the same movie and very out of place.
Overall, it is watchable but kind of loses itself at the end. It's not going to win any awards and is fairly forgettable, but if you want to turn your mind off for a little bit, you could definitely do much worse. 4.5/10
Rosa Leigh
(2018)
Here we go again
10 August 2019
This is by far the most played out setup in horror movies today and it has to stop. Okay, stop me if you've heard this one before. A small group of people go into a supposedly haunted location to try and catch on film proof of paranormal activity. They're warned not to go beforehand but go anyways. When they get there, things do not go according to plan and they do not have a good time.
It is exactly the same as every other bad B movie like it. Horrible acting, cheap jumpscares, bad editing, cheesy makeup, and no originality. It's obvious that movie-makers are running out out of good ideas but this setup has got to end. It's boring, played out, and predictable. 2/10
It is exactly the same as every other bad B movie like it. Horrible acting, cheap jumpscares, bad editing, cheesy makeup, and no originality. It's obvious that movie-makers are running out out of good ideas but this setup has got to end. It's boring, played out, and predictable. 2/10
Clown Motel: Spirits Arise
(2019)
Horrendous
1 August 2019
I'll keep this one short and sweet. It's bad. Really bad. Some the worst acting I've ever seen. A nonsensical story. Horrible dialogue. Piss poor effects. Seriously cringeworthy jokes. Just a complete mess. I only rate movies a 1 star if they're essentially broken so I'm giving this one a generous 2/10
Critters Attack!
(2019 TV Movie)
Well that wasn't very good
14 July 2019
Critters has always been a cheesy hor/com franchise, but this iteration is just bad. It honestly feels more like a made for Nickelodeon special than an actual movie.
The "plot" is nonsensical and all over the place. I mean who finds a basketball shaped furball in the forest, whose mouth takes up half it's head and just says 'This must be some sort of wild animal who needs our help' and takes it home with them? While the ending of the movie is about as anticlimactic as it gets.
The acting and dialogue are amateurish at best and the "jokes" are seriously cringe-worthy. The effects are very poorly done and it's clear that that the critters are just hand puppets. Everything about it is half-assed and that's putting it nicely.
I'm a fan of cheesy horror movies and the original Critters films from the 80's, but there is seriously no way to look past the many flaws of this one and find any real enjoyment in it at all. The worst thing about it is that it's boring and that's the last thing a Critters movie should be. I'm giving it a generous 2/10.
The "plot" is nonsensical and all over the place. I mean who finds a basketball shaped furball in the forest, whose mouth takes up half it's head and just says 'This must be some sort of wild animal who needs our help' and takes it home with them? While the ending of the movie is about as anticlimactic as it gets.
The acting and dialogue are amateurish at best and the "jokes" are seriously cringe-worthy. The effects are very poorly done and it's clear that that the critters are just hand puppets. Everything about it is half-assed and that's putting it nicely.
I'm a fan of cheesy horror movies and the original Critters films from the 80's, but there is seriously no way to look past the many flaws of this one and find any real enjoyment in it at all. The worst thing about it is that it's boring and that's the last thing a Critters movie should be. I'm giving it a generous 2/10.
Hellboy
(2019)
People here do not know how to review a movie
10 July 2019
First off, I need to be nice here so consider anything in quotes to mean the opposite. So, to all the "smart people" here whining that this isn't the movie that they wanted, or that Ron was so much better, or that they don't like the mature tone, or that the other movies were better, and rating this movie a 1, are just "brilliant" and are not actually reviewing the movie at all. You have obviously never seen a really bad movie and do not understand what one looks like.
Here's what a real review looks like. The story itself is what you would expect from a retelling of an origin story, but feels rushed at times. I would have like to have seen more meaningful action and had some scenes cut and replaced with extended scenes of the more main story. The main story overall is good though. The dialogue does leave something to be desired, but is really not all bad. A few cringeworthy jokes mixed with a handful of truly funny moments.
While I do miss Ron as Hellboy, David Harbour does a very serviceable job in the role. Honestly, after the first 20 minutes, he becomes the new Hellboy in my eyes. The rest of the character's acting are all above average but I wish that they would have cast a different actor for Alice. The effects are nicely done but there is a disparity between the practical and digital effects. The practical effects are amazing, while the cgi is still above average.
See, that's how you write a review. Simple, huh? You're welcome to disagree with me on these points, but rating this film a 1 is ridiculous. 'I paid money to watch this movie and it didn't quite live up to my expectations so I'm rating it a 1' isn't a review, it's just whining from a "mentally capable person" with their head in "the clouds" whose never seen an honestly bad movie in their life.
Here's what a real review looks like. The story itself is what you would expect from a retelling of an origin story, but feels rushed at times. I would have like to have seen more meaningful action and had some scenes cut and replaced with extended scenes of the more main story. The main story overall is good though. The dialogue does leave something to be desired, but is really not all bad. A few cringeworthy jokes mixed with a handful of truly funny moments.
While I do miss Ron as Hellboy, David Harbour does a very serviceable job in the role. Honestly, after the first 20 minutes, he becomes the new Hellboy in my eyes. The rest of the character's acting are all above average but I wish that they would have cast a different actor for Alice. The effects are nicely done but there is a disparity between the practical and digital effects. The practical effects are amazing, while the cgi is still above average.
See, that's how you write a review. Simple, huh? You're welcome to disagree with me on these points, but rating this film a 1 is ridiculous. 'I paid money to watch this movie and it didn't quite live up to my expectations so I'm rating it a 1' isn't a review, it's just whining from a "mentally capable person" with their head in "the clouds" whose never seen an honestly bad movie in their life.
Alita: Battle Angel
(2019)
Forget the critics, Alita is amazing
10 July 2019
I'll keep this short and sweet as there are already a million reviews here. Alita looks as good if not better than any movie ever made. Top notch. All the characters are great, but Alita herself is spellbinding. Innocent, naive, sweet, heartfelt, determined, and relentless. She is a character that you can instantly fall in love with. The story had a lot to cover in the time that it had, but was very nicely done and well paced. The acting was awesome all around but especially with Alita. The critics flat out got this one wrong and this is exactly what a movie based on an anime should be. Love it!!
Visuals:10 Story:9 Acting:10 Overall:9
Visuals:10 Story:9 Acting:10 Overall:9
Wretch
(2018)
Mediocre but not unwatchable
27 June 2019
Wretch is a slow-burn, psychological horror movie. The whole production is low budget and average but that doesn't really ruin the film at all. The story however is a different story. While it is kind of unique, it is also rather convoluted and confusing. I honestly believe that the creators don't even fully understand the story and were just trying to make the pieces fit together when they got to the end. Even so, it does have a few good moments and it is watchable. I've seen far worse. 4/10
Winterskin
(2018)
Honest review of Winterskin
23 June 2019
Winterskin is a low budget horror flick out of the UK. I am a fan of low budget horror movies but this one is really not worth the watch. The whole production is subpar but what really drags this movie down is the annoying dialogue and piss-poor acting. It's hard to tell if it's the actor's are ruining the dialogue or the dialogue is making the actors sound amateurish. The fake accents are cringe-worthy bad, and that added to the fact that the film is so dialogue heavy only makes it worse. If you took a drink every time that Ol Agnes obnoxiously says "child", you'd be passed out drunk within the first half hour (and maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing).
The story itself is kind of original and unique but there's a strange shift in the tone about halfway through where everything grinds to a halt and the story becomes complete back and forth dialogue between the two characters and it turns monotonous.
The few effects that are used aren't horrible, but the fake blood looks and flies like dark red water, with a whole 64oz Big Gulp cup of blood spewing from each bullet wound. I realize that it's a horror movie, but that's not how that works at all.
Without going into any details, the ending is pretty weak and not worth the tedious ride. I honestly can't even recommend this one to the hardcore horror fans out there, as watching this one felt more like a chore because of the grinding dialogue and the fact that there are much better low budget offerings out there. Skip it. 3/10
The story itself is kind of original and unique but there's a strange shift in the tone about halfway through where everything grinds to a halt and the story becomes complete back and forth dialogue between the two characters and it turns monotonous.
The few effects that are used aren't horrible, but the fake blood looks and flies like dark red water, with a whole 64oz Big Gulp cup of blood spewing from each bullet wound. I realize that it's a horror movie, but that's not how that works at all.
Without going into any details, the ending is pretty weak and not worth the tedious ride. I honestly can't even recommend this one to the hardcore horror fans out there, as watching this one felt more like a chore because of the grinding dialogue and the fact that there are much better low budget offerings out there. Skip it. 3/10
Cheesy and low-budget...but not unwatchable
17 June 2019
Not surprisingly at all, this low-budget film is pretty cheesy. The whole production is average at best, but it's not completely bad. The story is pretty played out, the effects are subpar, and the acting isn't going to win any awards. That being said, it is apparent the cast and crew actually tried to do the best with what they had to work with and overall it is watchable. I'm saying that it's good, but movies like this are usually only worth a 2 star rating but this one is worth a watch if you feel like turning your mind off for a little bit and enjoying some cheesiness. 4/10
The Keeping Hours
(2017)
Not a horror movie at all
15 June 2019
There is literally one jumpscare scene in the early part of the movie but that is it. The rest of the movie is a dramatic love story about a couple and the ghost of their dead kid. It is decently acted but the story itself is pretty sappy and overly dramatic. It is completely nonsensical how easily the circumstances just became "a matter of fact" and the ending is quite cheesy but it is semi-entertaining and watchable. If I knew this is what it was going to be like going into to it, I probably wouldn't have watched it, but at the same time I'm not completely disappointed that I've seen it. A very mediocre and average 5/10
Dark Highlands
(2018)
Slow, Boring, Not Rewarding
15 June 2019
Original does not always mean good and Dark Highlands proves it. Do not be fooled by the (as of now) above average rating. This is a slow-burn, low-budget horror movie that I can only describe as tedious. Like I said there is some originality here, but it is ultimately lost in a boring, convoluted art-house style film that lacks any polish or substance. There is some action but little dialogue and by the time it is all said and done, I was just happy it was over. Pass. 3/10
End Trip
(2018)
Not great but watchable
14 June 2019
I have seen far worse movies but this one is very generic and forgettable. The whole production is very mediocre but not horrible. It's a micro-budget thriller and really not a horror movie but there are a few intense moments. You're not missing anything my skipping this one, but you could do worse. 4/10
Assimilate
(I) (2019)
Forgettable
13 June 2019
There is absolutely nothing new or memorable about this movie whatsoever. That's not saying that it's horrible or unwatchable, just completely forgettable. The story has obviously been done before and in much better fashion. The overall production of the film is average at best and doesn't necessarily drag the film down, but is not going to win any awards either. Overall it's just lackluster and kinda boring. 4/10
Diggerz: Black Lung Rises
(2017)
Really Bad
13 June 2019
I'm not sure how this movie has an above average rating because it is really bad. Like some of the other reviews have already said, this isn't even worthy of "B movie" status. This is closer to a mix of a horribly made soap opera and a college student's sophomoric project that barely got a D+. No need to go into details, just as there is no need to watch this movie at all. I only rate a movie a 1/10 if it is truly broken and awful so I'll give it a 2/10, but it really doesn't deserve any more than that. Skip it.
Hallowed Ground
(2019)
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
12 June 2019
Slow. Reeeeeaaaaalllllly slow.
Dumb. Reeeeeaaaaalllllly dumb.
Boring. Reeeeeaaaaalllllly boring.
There, I just saved you two hours of your life. This is not a horror movie. This is a bunch of bad actors slowly monologueing nonsense, with bad background music constantly playing. The movie obviously has strong LGBT ties and I am completely okay with that, BUT every male character is portrayed as either being evil or as a complete, backwoods idiot. But honestly, none of that really matters because this is such a boring, pointless movie where absolutely nothing of interest happens anyways, and trying to find a deeper meaning in it is futile. Not worth the watch. 2/10
There, I just saved you two hours of your life. This is not a horror movie. This is a bunch of bad actors slowly monologueing nonsense, with bad background music constantly playing. The movie obviously has strong LGBT ties and I am completely okay with that, BUT every male character is portrayed as either being evil or as a complete, backwoods idiot. But honestly, none of that really matters because this is such a boring, pointless movie where absolutely nothing of interest happens anyways, and trying to find a deeper meaning in it is futile. Not worth the watch. 2/10
A Brilliant Monster
(2018)
A not so Brilliant Monster
23 May 2019
Here's an honest review of A Brilliant Monster. First off, it is labeled a horror movie and there are some horror elements which are revealed very early in the movie, but don't expect any blood or gore. All of the action takes place off screen and it would legitimately be classified as a thriller if it wasn't for the "monster" as there are no scary scenes to speak of.
The production of the film is not going to impress anybody. The cinematography, acting, and sound design are below average at best. It does not ruin the movie by itself but it does kinda leave a bad taste in your mouth.
So a low budget Indie horror movie with low production and no scares needs to have a damn good story if it's going to make any kind of an impression at all. Unfortunately, the story is both the high and low part of this film. It does try out some original ideas, but it's ultimately a one note story that is nonsensical and grows tedious by the end. There are really no twists here and once the originality is revealed early on in the movie, it never grows past it or expands on it in any way whatsoever. There is no explanation or really any conclusion to the story either and it would have worked much better as a short film instead of a feature length one.
Overall, I applaud them for trying something a little different. Sort of like "The Babadook", they tried to put a new spin on the genre, but honestly it falls flat and is no where near the caliber of film. Not the worst movie ever, but it's slow story that could have easily been told in a half hour and unflattering production values make this a pass for me. 4/10
The production of the film is not going to impress anybody. The cinematography, acting, and sound design are below average at best. It does not ruin the movie by itself but it does kinda leave a bad taste in your mouth.
So a low budget Indie horror movie with low production and no scares needs to have a damn good story if it's going to make any kind of an impression at all. Unfortunately, the story is both the high and low part of this film. It does try out some original ideas, but it's ultimately a one note story that is nonsensical and grows tedious by the end. There are really no twists here and once the originality is revealed early on in the movie, it never grows past it or expands on it in any way whatsoever. There is no explanation or really any conclusion to the story either and it would have worked much better as a short film instead of a feature length one.
Overall, I applaud them for trying something a little different. Sort of like "The Babadook", they tried to put a new spin on the genre, but honestly it falls flat and is no where near the caliber of film. Not the worst movie ever, but it's slow story that could have easily been told in a half hour and unflattering production values make this a pass for me. 4/10
The Evil Down the Street
(2019)
These rave reviews are obviously fake
11 May 2019
What the reviews here calling this movie an "indie film" mean is that it is an ultra low-budget, super cheesy horror movie. The acting is bad, the plot is played out, and the sound design is noticeably atrocious. By far the worse part about it is the "scares and effects". They consist of people's voices changing, door shutting on their own, bad jump-scares, and cheesy makeup.
If you feel like being really bored for an hour and a half or you just can't fall asleep, I would recommend it. Everybody else should avoid this train-wreck like the plague. Any review rating this movie higher than a 2 is fake. It's not that this isn't my kind of movie, it's that this is obviously a very badly made film. PS: who doesn't like potatoes?
If you feel like being really bored for an hour and a half or you just can't fall asleep, I would recommend it. Everybody else should avoid this train-wreck like the plague. Any review rating this movie higher than a 2 is fake. It's not that this isn't my kind of movie, it's that this is obviously a very badly made film. PS: who doesn't like potatoes?
Night
(II) (2019)
Avoid this movie at all cost
26 March 2019
I rarely rate a movie a 1 but that is really too high of a rating for this "film". Any review rating this movie over a 1 is obviously fake. EVERYTHING about this is trash. The acting, script, story, characters, concept, direction are pure garbage. Nothing is salvageable here. It's just 2 people in a small room, with a static camera, trying to act and failing spectacularly at it. Everyone involved in this production should never again attempt being a part of another movie. Seriously, just stop. DO NOT WATCH!! 0/10
1st Summoning
(2018)
Again
23 February 2019
So these young people want to go to an abandoned building because they hear strange things are going down there and it's like haunted and stuff. So they get some camera equipment and the four of them go this supposedly haunted location to try and capture on video the existence, or the lack there of the paranormal and/or the evil there. You'll never guess what happens next...things don't go right and spooky things start to happen.
But it's really original how they used like this found footage perspective, so it seems like the actors themselves are actually shooting the whole movie. It's like super cool.
Sorry for all the sarcasm, but this is getting really old. If you're anything like me, you've already seen the much better versions of this film and there's really no need to watch this one. It does absolutely nothing new and follows the exact same formula as every other film like it. These young people find out about a scary place, grab their cameras, on the way there locals warn them not to go, they go anyways, weird things happen along the way, they finally get there, things don't go right, and they don't have a good time.
It's not that it's a horrible movie. It's just exactly the same as the many other movies just like it. It is easily the most played out setup in horror movies today and completely unoriginal. If you've never seen the Blair Witch or the thousand other clones of it, you might take away something from this. But for everyone else, it's just not worth your time. 4/10
But it's really original how they used like this found footage perspective, so it seems like the actors themselves are actually shooting the whole movie. It's like super cool.
Sorry for all the sarcasm, but this is getting really old. If you're anything like me, you've already seen the much better versions of this film and there's really no need to watch this one. It does absolutely nothing new and follows the exact same formula as every other film like it. These young people find out about a scary place, grab their cameras, on the way there locals warn them not to go, they go anyways, weird things happen along the way, they finally get there, things don't go right, and they don't have a good time.
It's not that it's a horrible movie. It's just exactly the same as the many other movies just like it. It is easily the most played out setup in horror movies today and completely unoriginal. If you've never seen the Blair Witch or the thousand other clones of it, you might take away something from this. But for everyone else, it's just not worth your time. 4/10
Delirium
(II) (2018)
Found Footage Tedium
25 January 2019
When making a movie, especially a horror movie, it is vital to introduce and differentiate your characters right away. If you have 8 different characters who all look, sound, talk, act, and dress alike, it's virtually impossible to gain a connection to them, especially when you introduce them all at the same time. There is a reason so many horror movies use certain tropes and stereotypes. The jock, stoner, permiscuous girl, nerd, token black guy, virgin, etc. Their personality really has little to do with the story. It's all about differentiating the characters. Without doing this, it's really difficult to tell the characters apart, which makes it impossible to gain an emotional attachment them, keep their motives straight, or care when one of them is killed.
Sorry for the rant but this is the number one problem with this movie. All the characters are introduced immediately together, they are all very similar and really pretty lame. It's a chore to try and learn who these guys are and try to tell them apart. That's the last thing you want in a cheesy horror movie and completely derails the story.
This is not to say the rest of the movie is any better. The acting is half-assed, the story is nonsensical, and the music is overly dramatic. The effects are nothing more than bad makeup, camera cut aways, filters, and bad acting. The direction is all over the place. The decision to make it found footage was not a good one and just an excuse for the bad cinematography.
Overall it's just another bad paranormal movie. With an incredibly played out story and a very minimal amount of legitimate scares to speak of, this is one you should probably pass on. 3/10
Sorry for the rant but this is the number one problem with this movie. All the characters are introduced immediately together, they are all very similar and really pretty lame. It's a chore to try and learn who these guys are and try to tell them apart. That's the last thing you want in a cheesy horror movie and completely derails the story.
This is not to say the rest of the movie is any better. The acting is half-assed, the story is nonsensical, and the music is overly dramatic. The effects are nothing more than bad makeup, camera cut aways, filters, and bad acting. The direction is all over the place. The decision to make it found footage was not a good one and just an excuse for the bad cinematography.
Overall it's just another bad paranormal movie. With an incredibly played out story and a very minimal amount of legitimate scares to speak of, this is one you should probably pass on. 3/10
Killer High
(2018 TV Movie)
Surprisingly not bad
23 January 2019
If I had to describe every aspect of this movie in three words it would be 'surprisingly not bad'. I'm not saying that it's good, I'm just saying that it's surprisingly not bad. The acting, sound, cinematography, and effects are all better than what you would expect. The story itself isn't great, but it's a decent setup to what is essentially an excuse for cheesy jokes and bloody kills. I really could have done without the handful of pointless freeze-frame scenes. I'm not sure if they were trying to be stylish here but it just doesn't work.
Overall, it's very mediocre. But for a SyFy original, you could certainly do much worse. If you feel like turning your brain off for a little while and enjoy some cheesy practical effect horror, with copious amounts of fake blood, it's a decent watch. Just don't expect too much. 5/10
Overall, it's very mediocre. But for a SyFy original, you could certainly do much worse. If you feel like turning your brain off for a little while and enjoy some cheesy practical effect horror, with copious amounts of fake blood, it's a decent watch. Just don't expect too much. 5/10
The House That Jack Built
(2018)
Not Good
11 January 2019
I wanted to like this movie. I really did. But there are way too many things that drag it down. First off, it's slow. Reeeaally slow. Now that wouldn't be such a bad thing, but it's also really long. The dialouge is very monotone and not engaging. Honestly, I have never been so bored watching people get murdered. Even the action is derivative and difficult to pay attention to. There is some good acting and it is shot well, but that does not save it from being boring. By the time I got to the end, all I wanted was for it to finally be over with. But instead it just limps alongs even slower to a completely nonsensical finish. I'm not a huge fan of art films, and this one is the reason why. Overall, it's quite overrated and really only appeals to a small target audience.
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