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Joelony84
Reviews
Monsterland (2020)
The only horror is how much time you'll waste
I will openly admit I couldn't get more than 20 minutes into the first episode. My experience: "Sure, I'll give this a shot. Seems like maybe Supernatural meets American Horror Story." Nope. I had my suspicions this show was a stink bomb before I even started it. The title sounds like a Goosebumps reject and I laughed out loud when they tried to make it cool and artistic as it faded in and out on-screen.
But, it was the hamfisted choices, direction, and writing that made me hate this show. 1) creepy dude notices a wound on his face, he uses an absurdly large fishing hook to suture it closed. The eyelet was huge, highly impractical, and would do more damage. This was a purposeful choice to make it more shocking, but it looked dumb, especially when you could see the edges of the prosthetic. It also looked gummy rather than resembling real skin in any way. 2) Stupidly overdramatic with some of the most unrealistic portrayals of working class people. "Let's do this, not because it makes any sense, but because we need to connect this to a traumatic flashback." It's amateurish and forced writing. It would not surprise me if AI was used. 3) The bait and switch. These are "depressing stories" of experiential horror, not supernatural horror. The show and episode descriptions are purposefully misleading. This is clearly a case of poorly executed vision originally intended to be a study in human trauma. They could not deliver on quality, so Hulu pivoted toward these sleazy tactics of marketing it as something else to recoup investments and artificially boost potential viewership interest. They weren't even very clear about it being an anthology show. Idiots greenlight shows like this as a competitive product, not on artistic merit. Anthologies have to be top notch to get audience investment since longform character connection and overall story arcs won't be present. This is nowhere near that quality.
Finally, this show ultimately didn't make the cut. I can't blame the acting, just everything else. While no cancelation was announced, it's been four years. Thankfully it seems like they let this monster/not monster die. Don't waste your time with this one.
Snake Oil (2023)
How Dare You For Using Veterans to Sell a Lie
I like David Spade, I like the concept for the show, and I like the inclusion of celebrity guests. But, the first episode I chose to watch included lies about helping veterans. As a veteran myself with a VA disability rating, I found it appalling that the creators/writers would use "heartstring" stories to make it more difficult to find the fake product. This isn't about being easily offended, I'm close to Adam DeVine's age, enjoy all types of humor, but I find it irresponsible, ignorant, and opportunistic to use Vets and the VA to perpetuate a lie. But hey, when nearly a quarter of a million dollars is on the line, anything goes, right?
I Care a Lot (2020)
Not even bad in a campy fun way. Just bad. Avoid.
One of the most atrociously bad movies I've seen in a long time.
The point the movie is trying to make has the subtlety of a sledgehammer hitting a nail.
Pike's acting as a conniving horrible human is the only "good" thing about the movie. But the dialogue is unrealistic and hamstrung. All believability must be suspended... constantly, and it's clearly written in a way to get the viewer wrapped up in the activity of the movie and not think about any of the connotations.
Ridiculous spoilers below:
1 doctor in on it.
1 dumb judge.
1 stereotyped russian mob boss (Dinklage)
1 ARMED security guard at a care facility that shoots first and asks questions later (but hey, he kills a bunch of mobsters so that's okay/cool right?)
1 Dinklage that teams up with Pike after being bested by her at every turn.
1 heroine identity crisis. Were we supposed to be sympathetic to Pike's character?
Multiple feminist-fueled monologues that casts lesbians in a bad light.
As someone else pointed out, a slasher film has a more intriguing antagonist and is more believable than this. I'd also go on to say that every season of 24 is more believable than this.
Avoid this film.
The Mandalorian (2019)
Part awesome, part fanservice, and part nerfherder.
I won't retread too much ground here.
Mandalorian badass including his lore.
Baby "Yoda" cute.
Side characters..... mostly suck.
Some episodes are only held up by the merit that it's Star Wars. Also, I hate to do it, but I'm gonna:
Firefly/Serenity blows this out of the airlock as a space western. Even with the bigger budget and flashier effects, Firefly had so much more going for it.
I can't believe that Mandalorian has throwaway episodes in such a short run season? Shame. The overall narrative is sloppy and is somewhat of a throwback to more conventional "episodic" storytelling. There is a reason most mature TV has developed longer form story arcs for more invested viewership.
As much as I liked this show more than the new movies, it really wasn't "must-watch" for me. It's really tough for me to explain this. I'm glad I watched it, I was entertained for the most part, but I also wouldn't really miss it if it was gone. I never really got that "tune in next week" feel and I've already kind of forgotten how the season ended.
A decent start, but we'll see how Disney+ unfolds.
This is the way.
The Witcher (2019)
Should be named "The Witcher... and friends."
Great show. True(ish) to the source materials (books and games).
I like that it filled in stories outside of the games. Some of the costume design was troubling during production. Cavill's wig looked particularly bad until we saw the final product.
Casting is both really good... and really weird compared to expectations from the games.
I don't care that they changed the ethnicity of Triss. Despite being based on a real place, it is a fictional world. The problem I had is that the actress was incredibly flat, not at all close to the source material. I'm also hoping we are merely seeing the "origin story" of Ciri unfolding and her character starts to more closely reveal the badass she is supposed to be in future seasons. Anya Chalotra knocks it out of the park as Yennefer with her origin story.
However, despite how interesting some side characters are, my biggest issue is they combined get more screentime than Henry Cavill's Geralt for whom the show is named.
It isn't egregious enough to warrant a bad overall rating, but some individual episodes were quite a bit weaker than my overall rating of 9/10.
I also get the lore behind Witchers and that their transformation dulls emotions. It potentially could've been rough to watch 10 hours of flat emotion, but I at least had hoped for more screentime of him. That is part of the charm, seeing him interact with more lively characters.
Overall, The Witcher may not exactly be a Game of Thrones replacement, but it is a good starting point for a fantasy show considering the source material.
Cursed (2020)
Too much good content elsewhere to waste time on this
My wife and I had both commented on wanting to watch it. She then suggested it yesterday.
I didn't realize it was a "retelling" of King Arthur's story... I just saw Frank Miller, fantasy, and was interested.
From the first interaction with the little boy, I knew I was going to hate this show. How is the freakin kid the best actor? He's going places. Hopefully far from this show.
10 minutes in my wife turns to me and asks if I wanted to keep watching. No! Thank you. No!
She hated it too. Honestly, her bar for CG and acting is lower than mine, but she hated both. Too many pieces are off or out of place with this.
I completely understand that it's not fair to rate a show from 10 minutes, but that is exactly why I rated it! It's rare I'll even START show that is so awful I don't even make it through the pilot, but this truly is deserving of the hate.
I can usually tell by trailers if it's worth my time. But Netflix is so hit or miss with their content, they do a good job of making the trash look like treasure. And Netflix does have some great original content. Just not this.
Don't waste your time. I'm glad I only lost 10 minutes.