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Reviews
Parallel (2018)
Enjoyable Sci-fi with a touch of Thriller
The poster makes it seem as if this will be type of action movie when it is very profoundly not. This is a science fiction move to the core, with thriller aspects. The premise is fairly simple, down on their luck college grads discover a mysterious mirror that when you walk through it leads to alternate realities. They exploit the use of the mirror to enrich themselves.
The movie's own description however suggests that there is something inherent to the mirror that is dangerous, when there really isn't. The real danger is dehumanization, greed, and a dangerous lack of empathy of the characters themselves.
The movie does do a good job of setting up the gradual decline of the character's, showing them exploiting alternate universe versions of themselves for money, literally robbing them with no indication of guilt or even hesitation. If you can perform an act of evil without repercussions and do so, you were never a good person to begin with.
I found the acting to be rather solid and the writing good as well with only a few minor issues that are very easy to forgive. The only part that actually makes me cranky the very end of the movie where I believe it would have been much stronger if the last few minutes had just been trimmed off altogether, but it may not bother you as much as it does me. It just felt unnecessary, and akin to the end of a horror movie where the presumed dead killer's hand suddenly thrusts up from their grave. An addition that detracts a bit from the overall enjoyment of the film, but not so much that I would take off more than one star. There is a plot point that isn't examined fully that I wish it were but it isn't actually all that important that it is left unexplained.
If you like clever movies I do suggest watching this one. It isn't full of itself, has an engaging plot that is paced very well.
The Wolf of Snow Hollow (2020)
I feel like I'm someone is trolling me...
I adore horror comedies, I adore horror, I don't much care for straight comedies. This movie... is in now way shape or form funny. It is a perfectly passable, and not very memorable or exciting, horror movie. The horror elements feel very muted. While there is some gore all the violence is done in a way that even the most squeamish of people would likely barely bat an eye at and is likely to bore someone who enjoys harder horror movies.
There are reviews saying how it is a 'black comedy' or has 'deadpan humor' but if you'd never told me this was a comedy I would have no reason to think it was. Yes, it's plaid very straight, but to the point that it just feels like a legitimate if weak effort to make a horror movie.
The effects are fine, the 'monster' is only seen at a distance and the camera doesn't linger long enough to make it look silly or low budget. The acting is also perfectly fine with no real stand out performances beyond I guess the lead actor who did a decent job of playing someone who's life is falling apart and over burdened with stress.
There is legitimately no black humor here. No deadpan humor and I think if people were never told it was supposed to be a comedy they wouldn't have any reason to assume it was or comment about it.
A perfectly fine movie but forgettable beyond it feeling mislabeled.
The Open House (2018)
Dreadful
This movie is so profoundly badly written it was astonishing. It takes forever to actually get to any of the meat of the plot, with the first 3/4 of the movie spent faffing about. When things do finally happen it happens all at once and the characters do every possible bad choice they could possibly make.
The villain is never revealed, his identity kept hidden for no reason other than to withhold the information from the audience. His face is literally never shown. When he arrives at the house all you see are his boots. When he shows up in the background skulking about all you see is his shadowy outline. This serves absolutely no narrative purpose, there is no mystery to unravel as to qualify for a mystery there has to be hints, clues, bread crumbs for the audience to puzzle over.
So when the climax hits (in the last 1/4 of the movie) everything goes wrong all of a sudden and like I said, all the characters make the worst choices possible, for no other reason than that is what the writers wanted them to do so that they could get to their ending.
Ah the ending. It sure... eventually stops and shows the credits?? It isn't an ending story wise, the movie just... stops.
I feel very bad for the actors, most of them are rather fine actors, just written to be absolute idiots. They squeeze out the best performances possible with very little to work with.
The music score is positively incompetent. The typical 'Scary thing is happening!' violins show up but... nothing is happening? Legit. It plays randomly and for no reason. Nothing creepy is happening, nothing interesting is happening, the camera is just lingering on stuff.
So yeah, hard pass on this movie. There are far better bad movies to watch.
A Christmas Prince (2017)
This movie is exactly what you think it is
If you want a movie with no surprises, twists, unique plots, characters or any kind of deviation from a very strict formula... then you'll probably like this movie. I don't mean that in an insulting fashion. This movie is the food equivalent of cotton candy. Sweet but without any substance.
It's a standard boy meets girl but girl is hiding something plot (Never Been Kissed, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days), with the the male love interest being a Prince.
Before going in I could have written all the plot beats on a paper and gotten them largely on the nose. The difference is she isn't just keeping a secret from him she's stalking him. She's a reporter trying to get a scoop on the Prince who has an unearned 'Playboy' title (with no real reason given).
The reporter goes undercover as the tutor for the Prince's younger sister and within minutes of her arrival and introduction she's destroyed a million dollar Ming vase. For reasons I can't fathom she's allowed to stay around (days later she ruins a painting that looks to be several hundred years old).
As the movie progresses, with time being difficult to track, the Prince is shown to be Absolutely Perfect. The lead actress is proven to be an unethical piece of trash but played by a very charming actress! She ends up coming across documents that prove the Prince is adopted, and thus not eligible for the crown. She agonizes over reporting this and actually does tell 2 friends back at her magazine. I'm sorry but she's lost all moral ground at this point and is now A Bad Person. Spying on and stalking the Prince are already Bad Things, but to steal documents that she found by chance and then even for a second considering releasing them?
Honestly when everything played out (the reveal, the evil cousin because there is always one of those, trying to take the crown) and she saves the day because for some reason the previous king can make up new laws without anyone ever finding out about them. She goes home all sad like.
Then of course the 100% expected thing happens. The Prince, now King, shows up in New York and proposes to her. Because of course he does.
The movie genuinely feels as if minimal effort went into making it. It was very paint by numbers. Nothing unique or interesting happens that deviates from what one would expect.
So if you're looking for some Christmas movie pap, go see it!
Amber should have been thrown in jail though.
Wayward Pines (2015)
So badly written I can see nothing but white hot rage.
I've seen a few reviewers suggest suspending disbelief but the amount of cranial trauma I would have to endure to get to that point is strongly ill-advised.
The plot makes no sense and the writers just have things happen in a way to make things be 'mysterious' rather than pulling you in with a real mystery! The acting from much of the cast is sub par to decent (the best actor is killed off far too soon... might count as a spoiler?)
+++spoilers start here+++
You can't just state that people can't handle the 'truth' and will either kill themselves or go running into the jaws of instant death. Human beings don't work like that.
The science of the show makes absolutely no sense. Evolution doesn't work that way. Devolution doesn't exist. Cryonics doesn't work that way. Energy doesn't work that way. NOTHING IN THIS SHOW WORKS.
It frankly floors me that so many people are giving this dreck positive reviews. I can accept a huge variety of different situations, I love sci-fi and fantasy but without having a setting that makes at least some internal sense... it's not fun to engage with. Characters have to do things that you can reasonably assume a person in that situation would do. You can't just write in a way that is contrary to human nature and behavior.
+++end of spoilers+++
This show is bad and I hope it feels bad.