Change Your Image
aaronjamesmaximus
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Oppenheimer (2023)
A Great Visual and Auditory Cinematic Artful Experience
Oppenheimer was a fantastic excellent and visually compelling piece of cinematic art; I saw it in IMAX. It was awe-inspiring in that format was very visual, loud, and realistic. It was really loud and really visually stunning I had to sight in the front row where it felt like you were really getting hit by an atomic It was great but I would recommend sitting in a middle row. The film overall had excellent performances from its cast, especially Cillian Murphy, Matt Damon, and Robert Downey Jr all of them were fantastic, and the IMAX experience really heightened it since it was how the film was intended to be seen instead a lower quality digital version.
Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021)
Boring Movie With Stupid Cartoons
Even worse than the first one just a bunch of stupid references to other Warner brothers properties to disguise the thin plot. Most of the loony tunes would taste good on my plate not as 3 dimensional characters they're as flat as flapjacks. This movie is boring as hell I was not all interested it's just shiny gimmicks made to make small children want to watch it like dangling keys in front of a baby.
The Weather Man (2005)
An Underrated Film: One Of Nic Cage's Best
Saw this movie as a kid and again as an adult its not as i remembered it the brain kind of combines various memories into one an amalgam you think something is one way but when you go back and look at it it's another. Its just how the human brain processes long term memory there's no bs effect or anything you brain just compresses information like a computer and that information bleeds together until you release it by reopening the memory usually by rewatching or rereading whatever it is.
However this is not a computer science psychology or neurology class it's a movie review so let me get back to that for a moment. The weather man is surprising some of what I remembered about it is still there but other things have shifted, it's the tragic tale of love lost both romantic and platonic, of neglected children of trying to live up to your father's expectations. It's not a high concept film he doesn't fight aliens or go to another time or dimension he just tries to live his life. And in life there are a$$holes, people who treat you like nothing or that you're there to only please them and you can't have a moment to yourself. People who give up on love their children their family, it happens all the time you may not have experience it yourself but go ask someone else if that ever happened to them and after you ask enough people you'll get and answer that is different to how your life went.
No one person is the center of the earth or the world or the universe we all live on the same spinning rock orbiting a massive ball of flame fueled by atomic energy constantly splitting atoms and getting vast cosmic amounts of energy from explosions that could destroy our little rock in an instant if we get to close. When you try to reach for the sun sometimes you burn and fall back down to earth, not everything will go your way that's called hubris for those lacking even an elementary education. This film shows that it represents that same idea the human experience. There's also an arc there's change our lead character changes grows as a person doesn't get what he wants just what he needs.
I don't fully comprehend how some people can give this film such a low score it meets all the criteria of a good story characters change or at least learn something there's a coherent plot. And more than that too I guess, critics will give moronic gibberish like ant-man and the wasp or guardians of the galaxy high praise because they're dumb popcorn movies full of dull action but no heart no drama without interaction relationships suspense or basic drama that action means nothing a good scene is not great unless it has great characters or compelling drama and that keeps the audience the viewer or the reader or whatever in suspense not knowing what will happen next or caring enough about the character that even if they do know what's going to happen next at least they're along for the ride with a character or characters that are likable or relatable to them in some way.
The weather man has all that in more it's an underrated film, and people give Nicolas cage too much $hit about being in a lot of movies that just assume are all bad. People judge you before they even know who you are if you're in the public eye on television films radio podcasts or whatever. The only way to get through it all is to just push on, giving up may be easy, but nothing in life that's easy is worth doing.
Iron Man (2008)
Overrated But Still Well Made
They get the origin of iron man mostly correct but failed in execution in some areas like the villain he's literally just an evil version of Iron Man. While this might've been quaint and somewhat original at the time it got old after several other marvel movies just copied the concept. Ant-Man did it Dr. Strange did it Incredible Hulk did it even Iron Man 2 did it again. Jeff Bridges does a fine job with what he was given and is a decent villain. Robert Downey Jr however is a conceited greedy hog or rather a ham. Downey even screwed over Rhodes Tony Starks friend in an ironic twist proving the actor behind Iron Man is nothing like his superhero character. The movie does feel forced because it was written by an aging bloated hack director who did an even worse job of adapting Daredevil for the silver screen. Now the movie is overall decent the dialogue scenes and characters work well together and form a decent cohesive story. The origin as previously stated is well written and teaches its hero a valuable a lesson and gives him a well conceived arc. The villain is interesting but at the end is underutilized and they mindlessly just kill him off with no hesitation even though he was previously a close friend of the so called hero. The comedy feels very much out of place Iron Man is not a comedic quipping hero like Spider-Man. Iron Man is also robbed of all his human flaws like alcoholism from the comics he's not a very deep three dimensional character just an arrogant billionaire who becomes a slightly less arrogant billionaire by the end. He is driven by a desire to do good but I feel his arc is only half realized, because by the end he's still a blowhard and thinks himself above everyone. As he reveals his identity as iron without taking a second thought as to the repercussions of his actions now everyone knows he's iron man and can use that against him.
Spider-Man (1994)
Mediocre Series Ruined in the Final Season
Madame webb was a hair brained addition to the series she was annoying in the comics and she is in this show as well. She's just there to give exposition and to give Spider-Man pep talks and be annoying. Unlike Fantastic Four and Iron Man Spider-Man the animated series only got worse as it went along. Eventually they ruined the marriage of Mary Jane and Spider-Man by making mary jane a clone. Which is a twist to the comic where spider-man is a clone, a stupid plot reversed is still stupid you would think the writers would be smart enough to avoid adapting the terrible comics but no they revel in the horrible writing as the writer is a hack who can only adapt stories written by better writer or make even worse those same stories. The series adapts several episodes quite well but eventually falls into a pitfall of bad writing they introduce venom too soon when he should've been introduced later. The series poor structure and plot is not due all to the writers of course, the scummy avaricious producers also helped to ruin it. But I've read how the lead writer intended to end the series before it got cancelled, basically they a stupid time travel scheme where spider-man has to go back in time to defeat jack the ripper or some such nonsense and as I read on it became quite apparent that it was probably better the series was cancelled before it could get any worse. I think if the writers for x-men also worked on spider-man then both series might be great achievements in the medium sadly corrupt producers would have ruined it still as they did almost every series from the 90's.
Doctor Strange (2016)
Doctor Dull: A Faithless Adaptation
Of all the the adaptions of comic books into film this is probably one the least faithful, changing several characters from their attitudes powers and even skin colors just to make a quick buck. And before you think of labeling me a racist know this, the two characters whose race was changed were both Asian and were made black and white just to appeal to the American demographic which seems stupid since there are more Asians in the world than both white and black people combined. Marvel is very guilty of race changing for the sake of "diversity" now they are also responsible for white washing characters which seem counterintuitive to their political agenda. Next they'll make Luke Cage a small Inuit man, Johnny Storm will be a 50 foot reptile terrorizing Tokyo, Nick Fury will be an alien from Planet X, Thor will be Zeus, The Hulk will be an old man Alzheimer's who constantly forgets how to smash, and Spider-Man will sprout wing and call himself angel. Turning established characters into slightly different versions of the same character yet still calling them by the name of the old characters seems stupid and pointless when you can just create a new character instead even Stan Lee said he was against that kind of thinking. Speaking of the creators of Dr. Strange the filmmakers neglected to contact Steve Ditko because he was just a silly old man who created all the characters in their not cinema "film". The part about Steve Ditko being silly was me being sarcastic in case no one picked up on that. Eggs Benedict Cabbagepatch Kids is again the same old character the art arrogant genius who nobody gets the same character he and Johnny Depp always play. Baron Mordo is now black and now a totally different character and steals a sacred scroll or something. White ugly old lady with cancer who thinks she can play a wise old Asian man senses the chosen one will come. Doctor strange The neurosurgeon is an arrogant blowhard genius with a heart of gold, gets into a car crash and his hands are crushed so he can no longer perform surgery. He spends almost all his money trying to fix his hands which at best would take years of therapy without magic. But he's a spoiled Narcissistic brat And wants his hands fixed now, obviously with no luck. Then He hears about this one guy who was a paraplegic who can now walk which to a sane person would sound like bologna. But he a gullible idiot and he falls for it and low and behold it's real, and he meets Crazy cancer lady who thinks she's Asian. Cancer lady tells him he must perceive beyond his senses not be limited by his thinking and more quoting Yoda and poof his hands are healed and he's the new sorcerer supreme. But he's now tasked with defeating Baron Mordo Evil black guy and Evil white guy played buy a terrible Swedish actor who may or may not be also white washing an Asian character. It's hard to say because not much was known about the character since he was a very minor character originally. But he likely wasn't Swedish with a name like kaecilius which sound Mediterranean, so I'll say Maddy Mickeymouse is also Playing a whitewashed character. Blah blah blah, he wants to take over the world by releasing an ancient fire monster because he's predictable and one dimensional like every other character in this overproduced CGI heap of garbage. Surprise Doctor Dullard beats Mad Mickey and Baron Blordo and saves the day, and now his butler is a terrible comic relief character. The End.
Drive (2011)
Literally One of The Coolest Movies Ever Made
The arthouse violence the simple plot of mysterious boy meets down on her luck girl, boy kills criminal thugs who threaten them, boy drive off into the night like an avenging wraith. The mysterious driver is such an awesome character like many mysterious characters in cinema we don't need to know their backstory in fact that would take away from their character there mystique that makes them relatable by them being vague. He's like a ghost he come from nowhere and leaves the same way. Great, no spectacular performances by Ryan Gosling as The Driver Carey Mulligan as Irene Bryan Cranston as Shannon Albert Brooks as Bernie Rose Oscar Isaac as Standard Gabriel Christina Hendricks as Blanche Ron Perlman as Nino Kaden Leos as Benicio and James Biberi as Cook. The movie oozes that feeling of exoteric bliss that awe like seeing the vast beautiful cosmos in a single breath the striking color the contrast it feels like art painted by a master like Michelangelo and the Sistine Chapel Da Vinci and The Mona a masterwork and nothing less. The music also exudes hypercharged jet fuel for the soul and heightens the experience of watching art and also hearing it. Like the best films of the vhs era this movie feel like it is beyond it's time a callback to an era of great movies taking you to another world much more appealing than our own. Like you want leave your mortal coils and enter a new world beyond our own. Sometimes the best movies and soundtracks are also the simplest the best way to represent something is to simplify it and unlock new complex understand. If something is near incomprehensible then that door is locked and you cannot immerse yourself into a brave new world you cannot full enter and receive new understanding. The movie is amazing we need more movies like this perhaps not the same Mtv era arthouse feel but also made with craft and skill and written exceptionally well.
Synecdoche, New York (2008)
Interesting But Incoherent Near The End
This movie is as illogical focusing much more on emotion and deterioration on dementia or the slow crawl of insanity. I think it's not logical for most of the film it's incoherent I get that it's somehow supposed to reflect the madness of the main character but to have a truly great movie or rather film you need to logically show someone's descent into madness so sane people can understand what you're trying to convey, and not become mad yourself. It's just poorly structured and uses the pretentious excuse that it's art it's doesn't have to make sense. Art reflects life art is meant to reflect our souls so to speak, how can you reflect something clearly when it's clouded with the obscurity of insanity and perhaps vanity and has nothing to structurally keeping the story together it's just pulp or mush.
A reflection needs to be clear and unclouded there cannot be big holes or cracks or it will fall apart. To make something structured you need logic to make a story clear coherency to make characters understandable and relatable. Even an actual crazy person would not understand this mess because you would need a hint of logic even the insane have a twisted logic because the human brain functions that way it can't think without some semblance of reason.
I'm not saying it wasn't creative it was and it definitely hit an emotional high note rather than a storytelling or plot high note and I won't say it wasn't the worst film Philip Seymour Hoffman was in (that probably goes to red dragon) or even a bad film, because while ecentric it is still better than most of the popular movies we see today which are bland cookie cutter movies made with no artistic merit and solely for profit; and written not by a writer with a dream or inspiration but a team of fat dull witted executives trying to appeal to the fat dull witted masses.
Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017)
Rian Johnson The Re... I mean special person.
Rian is a liar he lies about the empire being polarizing that movie made more money than any other of the top 5 movie of that year combined and was re-released two more times to keep up with demand. Luke is a curmudgeon who hates everyone and has turned his back on all that he learned from Obi Wan Kenobi and Yoda.
He drinks monster milk throws away lightsabers complains the jedi are bad sounds like he joined the darkside. Yoda was also made into a idiotic clown who also hates the jedi for no reason other than Rian the re... I mean special individual, said so because he wants to be a contrarian ass clown who makes mediocre films, but decided to make a terrible film with The Last Jedi. He also adds Porgs stupid penguin quail seal things almost as stupid as ewoks. Even Mark Hamill hated Rian's interpretation of Luke Skywalker sarcastically mocking him and jj abrams in interviews.
Again the rock/ireland cliff planet is the worst part of the movie it has all the worst scenes I mean the whole movie is terrible but the curmudgeon luke who acts like a rian johnson; dumb penguin seal things; ugly monsters who Luke milks and drinks the disgusting monster milk fake yoda.
However the rebel alliance scenes are equally bad all men are dumb all women are smart but not really. Purple hair lady mocks Popo for trying to have a plan and being proactive then she get mutinied for being a dumb purple hair lady and then she kills herself because she is sad.
Then to finish the film they kill off the main antagonist and make buttface emo boy the new supreme leader. And they have a stupid final battle on a hoth like planet but surprise it's salt as one of the troops on the ground states to the camera. The resistance has like 12 living members left they are left hopeless its not a cliffhanger just a bad stupid ending.
Avengers: Infinity War (2018)
Better than end game but still terrible except for the ending
There are too many heroes that we get nothing from because we are expected to already like them, but the opposite is now true now none of the heroes matter, they get no character moments it's all in the service of the big epic plot thus making the villain the only likable character and thus the hero of the story and he wins, which is quite satisfying as all the heroes are all bland and boring. Just because the characters are already established is not a good reason to just stop making your characters interesting.
the first iron man was good and he was likable, but the second movie had a forgettable villain with dumb powers. The second sequel (the third iron man) tries to fix the bad villain issue, but just tricks everyone for a lame surprise villain who hates iron man because he wasn't nice to him once or something. Much is the same with all the other superhero movies, except Thor all his movies suck. Ant man and black panther just rip off the plot of the first iron man by having an evil version of the hero fight him at the end and they both suck and just feel like bad copies.
By the time this movie rolls around there are no really likable characters except Thanos. And they give the hero of the story his ending where he kills all the dumb unlikable characters, but then take it away in the next movie and have the villains win, which on the whole is much less satisfying and an insult to the comics these movies were based on.
Legion (2017)
You can't have your cake and eat it too
The first season is great except for the stupid orb at the end, and the second has a lot of interesting moments too, but does suffer from some bad editing, pacing, and basic plot holes by the end of the show they are fixed by saying they were in service of the plot. By the third season it just goes all over the place jumping back and forth and making the evil villain who tortured a child murders his friends and his sister into the good guy.
The love interest is shown that her boyfriend has some issues from being tortured his whole life and she accepts that he is bad. She believes the parasite that tortured and nearly killed her and her friends over the man she had proclaimed to love so many times, proving she never really did if her mind can be changed so easily. And sure Legion starts out crazy, but is saved by his love for her and then she spits in his face and tells him that he's evil and deserves to die and guess what he does because now he has nothing good left in his life so why not turn to madness and he does because he's tired of being treated like dirt by people and being told he's crazy so he becomes crazy. It's all her fault basically then he tries to make her forget and tries to love her again, but she says no because the shadow king, makes her remember and tells her half truths and she believes it all like a stupid gullible child.
Then season 3 starts and he's being hunted by his friends and the evil organization that tried to kill all mutants who everyone forgets was an evil organization not so long ago headed by a moron in a basket with his idiotic looking androids with stupid mustaches. And they just accept that he's not evil or weird and just go along with him. So anyway season 3 starts and the backstabbing harpy goes to kill David now fully embracing his Legion persona because of said harpy. She kills him, but everything is stopped because of the new character who can go back in time who keeps on trying to fix the future and keeps failing and making it worse David tries to use her to fix everything but it doesn't work. Then the series ends with the biggest f u to the audience and cops out and changes history and makes everything in the show meaningless like it never happened with some BS time travel nonsense. So f this show because it told a decent story for almost two seasons, then acts like it never happened by the end of the third. It makes the clearly evil villain into a hero because he tricks everyone into turning on the hero.
The shadow king in the comics is without question evil he uses children to do his bidding and feeds off other mutants' powers a true parasite that can't produce anything itself and feeds off others to sustain itself. And guess what smart people don't believe his lies and half truths and send him back to hell every-time he tries to come back and possess someone. Legion is also mad and a super villain because he was tortured by people possessing his mind, then the shadow king took over and made it worse and David became Legion, but at least his loved ones tried to help and not abandon him because the shadow king said so.
In conclusion the show tries to be like the Legion from the comics a schizophrenic multiple personality disorder mutant with his multiple personalities making him more powerful. But then it also tries to be a story of love and heroes and killing evil dragons then turns it on its head, and has to retcon everything so it didn't happen to fix this garbled mess of a show. The show tries to be all about the interesting visuals, but then tries to make it about the story using half baked ideas to make an unlikable story. Using lazy writing, the writers make everything in service of the plot and try to fix all the plot holes by saying it was intentional. And then when it gets too much they just cop out and make it so none of it happened. I mean it's still a good show and has some great music in the soundtrack, but the story leaves a lot to be desired especially season 3.
BoJack Horseman (2014)
Bad Animation Bad Story
The animation and overall quality of the drawings are terrible and ugly the story is a ripoff nicolas cage's character from leaving las vegas James Mason in a Star Is Born Even Starling Archer from Archer the only difference is he's a grotesque horse head with a humanoid body. Usually something like that would be hunted down with pitchforks and torches not a failed te. evision actor. He is unrelatable and uninteresting when his mother died I couldn't believe some people thought that was a sad moment. This show cannot get me to sympathize with these poorly drawn poorly written characters like most "animated adult comedies" it is ironically childish and uncomedic from everything that seth macfarlane has made to the terrible american animated comedies on the ironically named comedy central tbs and on netflix. Most animated adult comedies are poor simpsons imitations with poor animation quality that are made for the lowest common denominator Bojack Horseman is no exception.
Avengers: Endgame (2019)
Marvel Ruined Ant-Man Doctor Strange and now Thanos part 2
Thanos had more understandable intentions for killing half the universe in the graphic novel and his intentions also made more sense but also made him seem eviler because he is literally in love with death and loves killing people because of that fact, I mean he's called the mad titan for a reason, you idiots working at Marvel. He's also named after the Greek god of death you stupid idiots all he wants to do is kill people literally. In this movie, however; and in infinity war Thanos is a big ugly bald crybaby and only wants to kill half the universe because he thinks that will stop overpopulation or some nonsense which it won't permanently the population will just go back to what it was eventually he solved nothing if he wanted to stop overpopulation he should have killed 100% of the universe's population along with the annoying guardians of the galaxy.
And then they just do a back to the future and resurrect everyone which is stupid and cliché and meaningless because no one died, nothing of value happened, nothing had a lasting impact for more than a few months blah blah blah they killed iron man thankfully, since he wan't the iron man that Stan lee and jack Kirby created in the 60's he was just a shell of man pun not intended (in case you didn't know his nickname is ole' shell head) this Iron Man helped ruin the last Spiderman movie but he will likely help ruin the next one too along with help from all the bad writing.
Also, Thanos' costume looks bad I hate how they have to make all the superhero costumes look more realistic or really more like pretentious modern art with weird textures. But back to the movie, it looks like it has over used CGI all marvel movies are just big cartoons with real actors in the old cartoons from the 90's and early 2000's looked better and the action looked realistic within the universe rather than jarring. Tired of the marvels they are all the same except infinity war where everyone's least favorite characters die exempt fake ant man as seen in this film, which is not as good because all the annoying characters come back.
A Star Is Born (2018)
Lady Gaga Is A Mediocre Singer and A Terrible Actor (Or, IT'S A TRAP!)
Don't watch this movie it's a trap! Anyways Lady GooGooGaga can't act and she has an even bigger nose than Barbra Streisand, who was parodied on south park and turned into Mechagodzilla because of said nose (they should've had lady trap turn into Mechagodzilla instead would've been more accurate). Anyway to make a long story short, I would've much preferred lady gaga's character hang herself and Bradley Cooper have done the final number or even better both hang themselves so the audience can be spared their terrible acting and terrible characters. And then Slayer would do the final number so that there could be some be actual good music in the film.
P.S. Go watch the '76 version of this movie it's much better acted, directed, and written or literally any other film.
Pink Flamingos (1972)
Edgey movie for pretentious douches
This movie just screams pretension the director even admitted he just wanted to offend people like an edgy 12 year old on the internet but because it was made in the 70's people didn't realize that John Waters had the intellectual equivalent of a modern 12 year old on the internet. Someone who just wants to offend people with no actual depth is just a pretentious man-child. A selfish self-centered sociopath devoid of empathy, social reasoning, social context, or self awareness made this movie and all the characters are the same kind disgusting sociopaths as well with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. The only difference between John Waters and his band of disgusting characters and other notorious sociopaths is that they made movies so their sociopathic acts are excused because its "art" like many pretentious so called modern artists who like defecate on a canvas and call it art. When in reality they are just sociopaths who crave attention but lack the social skills mental reasoning and intellect to actually create art that isn't a pretentious facade with no meaning or depth. And just like the aforementioned "artists" john waters includes human leavings in this movie which are consumed by the fat ugly transvestite called divine. The entire cast of this "film" are sociopathic freaks who should be in mental hospitals. Insanity should not be excused because some people think it's progressive. Bestiality, pedophilia, genital mutilation, transvestism, and other sick fetishes presented in this travesty of a film are symptoms of mental illness and not the same as being attracted to other men or women which is fine and normal and people shouldn't feel like that makes them special and above straight people. John Waters however does think that he's special and also thinks that gives him the right to act like a maniac and have his characters do whatever to offend people, again much like a 12 year old which Waters shares a mental level with. In closing the movie is terrible so only watch it if you're a pretentious douche who thinks that they're better than everybody else like Waters.
Transformers (1984)
I love the first film and I love the show
Some Transformers fans may not like the movie but personally I thought it was great and had some truly touching moments and some great music as well. I'm not a nostalgic fan with rose tinted glasses because I did not grow up with this show in fact I grew up with the god awful bayformers and after seeing that train wreck was not too interested in seeing what had originally spawned it but I was pleasantly surprised.
I first saw The Transformers as a young adult of around 19 or 20 years on the late night hours of discovery kids/the hub and one of the few reasons why I watched that channel well this and GI Joe. But the same goes for Voltron, GI Joe, and Thundercats I grew up with none of them as I was born in the mid 90's but fell in love them as if I was a child or reliving my childhood at least. So I can honestly I became a fan of these show because of how good they were and that goes for many non animated shows as well that I didn't grow up like The Twilight Zone, Star Trek,Knight Rider, The Sopranos and the best seasons of the Simpsons. Of course I do hold a special spot in my heart for the shows I did grow up with like Samurai Jack, Dexter's Lab, Ed Edd n Eddy but some of those show I grew up with as a kid I now hate like the powerpuff girls, fosters home for imaginary friends, and rockos modern life because I just didn't like them as an adult I thought they were unfunny stupid and bland. But I don't like shows just because they're old for instance I don't like MASH Loveboat Chips or even He-Man with the exception of a few episodes in season 2.
Anyway back to the Transformers the first season was good the second season was great although it had one the worst episodes child's play were the transformers are taken to an alien planet where they're the size of toys and it's all pretty stupid and lame the season after the movie was alright but Rodimus even though he saved cybertron was not the charismatic leader Optimus was but still wasn't as bad as most fans say but ratings went down so they had to resurrect Prime which was a pretty good multi-episode story and the rest of the episodes were alright and then it ended in '87.
However we also got the War for Cybertron video game and its sequel Fall of Cybertron which were both pretty good. This was the first show that made me fall in love with 80's cartoons after this I became a fan of GI Joe, then Thundercats, and in the past year I've also become a fan of the original Voltron around the time the new one came out which I hate; however I think Transformers is probably my favorite mostly because it had a lot of good episodes same with GI Joe Thundecats was great except when it focused on Snarf or his relatives. And really Transformers to me is the best animated show of the 80's and will always be one of my favorite all time shows.
Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends (2004)
Meh it was tolerable
The premise is kinda interesting and the animation is alright but it falls prey to many clichés that are overly childish or annoying such as characters that exist solely to be annoying and stupid or characters the are afraid of everything, characters that are annoying but aren't annoying all the time, the weird kid with the square head who's just bland and forgettable, the crazy old bat who still plays with her imaginary friend, the selfish teenage girl, the mean older brother blah blah blah whatever. It's not as bad as the shows now airing on Cartoon Network but not deserving to be called a classic either.
Robin Hood (1973)
The stupid cringey version of Robin Hood
Now the plot is like most Robin Hood stories robin and his band steal from the rich and gives to the poor fights the Sheriff of Nottingham and King John but with anthropomorphic animals. However, this film seems to begin in the middle of the story after Robin has lost lordship and been branded a traitor to the crown and an outlaw however, none of that is ever mentioned in this film as it is lazy in its storytelling and would rather begin in the middle than at the beginning like most well-structured stories. Now this version of Robin is a fox and tries to be suave and witty like Errol Flynn but comes off as an annoying idiot with a cockney accent. This version of Maid Marian is bland and boring who loves Robin however, it is never shown as to why she loves him only hinted at because the writers are lazy, also make sure not to google her with safe search off otherwise you'll need a lot of bleach. Little John is basically Baloo from the jungle book and recycles some of his animations from the jungle book as well as the same voice actor. There also a King John, who is a lion, but he and his followers are overly incompetent to the point of nearing mental retardation King John is also shown to be a total coward (not much of a Lionheart ironically) and the only reason he is unable to outwit Robin is because of his sheer incompetence.
The film starts off with a stupid chicken narrating the tale of Robin Hood and says this is the real version of Robin Hood and the cringe overflows from there. After an annoying song and dance Robin and Little John walk through the forest while a song is playing about them being in the forest (redundant I know). Then the Sheriff of Nottingham and his men ambush the pair of imbeciles, but being incompetent oafs, they lose sight of him and easily give up their hunt further illustrating their stupidity. They then dress up as gypsies and do what gypsies do steal and though they say they are not robbers their eyes seem to gleam greedily when they spy the king's hoard of gold and proceed to steal it from him while he and his men just sit there like rocks completely unaware they being robbed even though little John clearly just fill his pockets with gold in broad daylight no one notices and they leave with their pockets full and their enemies stumped. What further illustrates that this version of robin is greedy and vain is when he only gives a small bag of gold to a poor family and is never seen giving more than that meaning he and Little John greedily kept it for themselves what irony.
Then the worst part of the film occurs the annoying children who are just disgustingly cute and cry like little babies and they just make the film even worse luckily after about 10 minutes they are gone for the moment. Then King John sets up an archery contest, which should be near the end of the story not in the beginning, however they did start the story in the middle, but it still feels rushed. Of course, robin wins and wears a disguise that would only fool a blind beggar, but it fools the idiot king and his guards and if robin had not been so egotistical about winning he could have left, and the king would have been none the wiser. But eventually even the moronic King John catches on and tells his men to seize robin. However Little John can sneak up behind king John and of course when robin is found out he sticks a dagger in john's back telling him to let Robin go or he'll cut him. But the sheriff notices the king's strange behavior of letting robin go and sees little John is threatening the king and sneaks up on John who get away without a scratch. They then escape there's a cringey scene with Robin and Maid Marian.
The sheriff of Nottingham then arrests friar tuck and the king announces he will be hanged to lure out robin into yet another trap, but being an incompetent oaf messes that up too and Robin is able to rescue all the captives in the castle because the guards are brainless buffoons. But then as they are escaping robin gets too greedy for his own good and steals too much gold waking up king john who alerts his men to attack but they fail as they lack even mediocre intelligence then everyone is about to escape but robin back goes back to save an annoying child at the risk of his own life and is cornered by the king's men but with them being idiots they let him escape and he flees to the tower where the sheriff is waiting for him and chases him while setting the tower ablaze and in the best scene in the whole movie it looks like robin about to become fried fox but then jumps into the moat surviving the fall and the arrows being fired at him but makes them wait before surface to provide false drama then they all escape and king Richard shows up to arrest his brother and Robin marries Maid Marian and become an in-law instead of an outlaw. This robin is not the dashing hero like Errol Flynn in the Adventures of Robin Hood nor is he the more hardened warrior like Sean Connery in Robin and Marian the only other robin he's comparable to is Kevin Costner, who also made a mockery of Robin Hood, but at least that version didn't help to spawn the cringe inducing furries who draw animal porn and dress up in stupid costumes, yuck.
Ed, Edd n Eddy (1999)
One of the Best Cartoon Network Shows Ever!
This show is so awesome it makes you want to scam pigeons label everything in your room act ocd wear a hat that so no one will ever find out whats under it, eat buttered toast, gravy and jawbreakers. Basically in most episode the ed boys try to scam the kids to get their money to pay for jawbreakers and its awesome. Now they do vary up the episode so they're all different even if they all share similar plot points like scamming kids sometimes a particular kid, eddy being a greedy but lovable jerk, double d creates all the inventions and devices for scams, ed or one of the other eds (usually ed) messes everything up, if eds get jawbreakers or money they lose them, and the nasty kanker sisters kiss the eds to their horror. Still one of the best overall CN original show ever though(along with samurai jack) but of course Batman TAS takes the top rung best show on CN overall. There's also Space Ghost Coast to Coast, Metalocalypse and some other early early 2000's adult swim shows. Anyway Ed Edd n Eddy is awesome.
Kiru ra kiru: KILL la KILL (2013)
Edg Edge & Edgy
In the land of terribly boring edgy 2 dimensional characters there's Dante from the Devil May Cry Remake (Edg) There's Shadow the Edgehog (Edge) and Ryuko (Edgy) from Kill La Kill and here we'll be talking about the latter. Now kill la kill looks a lot like Gurren Lagann that's because the writer and director both worked on Gurren Lagann another bad anime with a moronic plot and bland two-dimensional moronic characters that don't develop at all and remain bland two- dimensional moronic characters.
So the story go like this; Ryuko's father apparently created the goku uniforms that give the wearer super human strength, speaking of Goku I'd much rather be watching Dragon Ball Z or Goku Midnight Eye both of which are much better anime. But back to Kill La Kill so Ryuko's father made the super suits that everyone uses in this anime but made another suit that no one knows about and of course it's black because it has to be edgy. Her father was also murdered because he didn't like how they were using them or whatever. So this edgy girl name Ryuku comes to the Honnouji Academy of Stupidity and Idiocy to avenge her father or whatever she also carries around a ridiculously big looking pair of garden sheers that's supposed a sword further cementing her as an edgy teen with daddy issues. So Ryuko fall down a shaft or something and finds the black edgy suit and it bonds with her but takes some her blood in the process then she goes up to challenge the evil school of uniform wearing morons. She fight her way to the top the school until she has to fight the school president Satsuki and they fight and fight but then surprise surprise she wasn't so bad after all and it turns out her mother was the real villain all along. So even though Ryuko and Satsuki have been rivals for the majority of the show they team up to beat the bigger bad guy.
Like Gurren Lagann from here on stupid fights occur there's nonsensical action explosions and other michael bay esque garbage. Then the two protagonists one the former antagonist fight against the evil Principle they fly around everywhere there's fireworks stupid humor blah blah blah then they charge up they're super duper attack and the two edgy girls beat the principle/mother and save the day. But wait there's still graduation...
So the secretary shows up in a giant robot and captures whatsherface the anti anti hero then she beats Ryuko who is about to fall to her death in the best moment in the entire show but is cut short by the edgy uniform which turns into an absurdly large pair of scissors to save Ryuko but not to cut a grand opening ribbon with but to beat the bad guy. She does obviously with a bunch of stupidly named attacks that appear in bold on the screen in Japanese and then everyone lives happily ever after except the people who just finished watching it. If you want to watch an anime about a dark brooding anti hero with a giant sword go watch the 1997 Berserk series or read the manga, if you want a story about a whiny edgy teen with a giant pair of scissors I guess you can watch kill la kill.
The Amazing World of Gumball (2011)
The Bland World of Gumball
This show's humor is based almost solely on either references to pop culture example being Dragon Ball Z and some other famous anime shows in the pretty lame anime episode they did there's also references to Batman Alien Gremlins and other classic movies from the 80's 90's or whenever. The other source of "humor" is pure absurdity and I like absurd humor when done right like Monty Python or even a cartoon network example like Space Ghost Coast to Coast. The latter being characters just acting crazy or doing weird things for no real reason and set up properly its comedic timing is pretty bad and as a result all of its jokes fall flat as I can't remember one laughing once while watching this show they're not really joke even more just funny things like a character throwing up on another character a character saying or doing something stupid etc.
I know what you're thinking I'm one of those people who hate modern cartoon network and views the world through red tinted nostalgia glasses. Well I'm not because even the classic cartoon cartoons had their bad episodes Dexter's laboratory final 2 seasons were rife with clichés bland animation and bad writing but had a few good episode in between but not enough like older seasons had. And honestly upon re-watching it as an adult I didn't find powerpuff girls to be that good or funny the animation was fine but lacked in the humor and plot areas and as a great man once said (ironically) "a special effect without a story is a pretty boring thing" a quote which will also come into play later in the review. Now there were some good episodes in powerpuff girls but the pilot which is supposed to drive the show was boring and unfunny which says a lot about it. Cartoon network for me has been dead since 2010 when started to bring in new crappier shows and began airing less classic cartoons on both cartoon network and even boomerang which was made to air classic cartoons now it just runs reruns of newer shows. Adult Swim is currently the source of any good shows on cartoon network but still most of them suck too with the exception of the Samurai Jack which came back a few months ago and was pretty good and the only reason I would watch cartoon network for a while until it ended.
Anyway back to The Amazing World Of Gumball. Really though this show tries too hard to reference pop culture in lieu of actual jokes they reference famous movies books songs video games and expect the audience to laugh because it's something they recognize kinda like Robot chickens crappy jokes but toned down for kids. I mean I utterly hate every episode I've ever seen of Gumball the age of smart cartoons that can appeal to adults as well as children is dead despite what pedo/zoophile bronies may think. And even just adult cartoons seem to suck too Southpark is now bland and tired though that show was only good for the first few seasons then it became overly preachy stupid and left wing kinda like family which it mocked but has now become, and same goes for the Simpsons, it's no longer innovative or inspired it's just bland and stupid like Gumball as well as pretty much all other cartoons on Cartoon Network, Disney, or Nick now.
Tengen toppa gurren lagann (2007)
Go watch Voltron, Robotech, or Mobile Suit Gundam instead
This show pales in comparison to other giant robot anime of the 80's and 90's and even the early 2000's. First off the characters are inane boring and one dimensional especially yoko whose sole purpose is to make fanboys horny, I mean I don't mind sex appeal in an anime, but at least don't show her boobs every 2 minutes or make her interesting or better yet get rid of her entirely. Now for the music which is horrible in this show call me lame but I can't stand rap it was mildly annoying in the late 80's early 90's but now there's talking animated dogs who rap kitchen appliances it infected are very society like a virulent disease the only cure Heavy Metal and no hair metal crap. Anyway back to gurren lagann if the lame characters and bad music didn't drive you away the moronic plot will I mean it makes no sense first genome is the bad guy and then oh no it was these weird dna helix or whatever aliens they're the real bad guys and now we gotta blow em up because bros. I mean it seems like a five year old wrote the plot to this crapola. As I said before go watch Voltron(classic), Robotech 1985, Big O, or Mobile Suit Gundam instead.
Rocko's Modern Life (1993)
boring and unfunny
I liked this show as a kid but rewatching it as an adult I find myself not laughing at any of jokes in this show or even cracking a smile really. I don't see why people love this show as adults as it's incredibly unfunny and would only make small children laugh because their brains aren't fully developed. I mean I like stupid humor I can laugh at a fart joke but this show couldn't tell a funny joke if it's life depended on it.
Daria (1997)
diarrhea cha-cha-cha diarrhea cha-cha-cha
This show is called daria but a more suiting name would be diarrhea seeing how it sucks and isn't half as good as beavis and butthead. It just a stupid boring show about an emo bisnitch who's about as funny as ebola and hates everything because blah blah blah the world sucks blah blah blah. Her only friend is another emo goth loser and they whine and complain and blah blah blah. She is unlikable and mean because everything sucks because teenager have the worst luck apparently, not starving children in Africa not mothers who lost their sons in war not the poor old bums who have to live on the street and the children abused by their parents but a whiny brat in highschool that's who has the real problems.
Batman: The Animated Series (1992)
Batman at his Best
This is the best Batman show ever made,If you haven't watched it you should it made Batman dark and cool again instead of campy and stupid like he portrayed in the 60's by Adam West. Here we get the truly spectacular voice acting talents of Kevin Conroy and Mark Hammil who really made the best voices for Batman and The Joker, respectively. It made Mr. Freeze a three dimensional villain by giving him a tragic backstory and received several awards the Mr. Freeze episode being one of the great episodes that got the show an Emmy. The show also created Harley Quinn who is now a fan favorite and fleshed several other lesser known Batman villains. Bottom line if you heaven't watched it need to, nuff said...