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Reviews
Glass Onion (2022)
Brilliant take down of JJ Abrams
I'm in agreement with Bootleg Universe, this movie is an absolutely genius deep dive into a pretty complicated relationship that Rian Johnson has with star wars and jj abrams. Everything from the childishly simple mystery boxes to the epiphany of just how dumb ed norton's character is are even more hilarious when viewed the through this lense.
I loved every second of it, the acting and sets were superb, not a dull moment, can't wait for the next one!
Bippity boppity boo i'm out of words and so are you!
90 more to go hurry up i forgot how to rhyme and possibly spell dr pepper is the best....
The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power (2022)
Surprisingly mundane/forgettable
Based on the trailers, my only complaint was the lack of beards for the lady dwarves. 3 episodes in, and I have no clue as to what I'm watching. Who is Galadriel? What is the point of her character? If you're going to change literally everything about her from the books, why not just create a whole new character? For that matter, they damn near changed everything about everything from the books, just kept the names of stuff, so why not go ahead and make something new since you already did?
Anyway, I'm totally done with the this show, and not just (but mainly) because it's so poorly adapted, but because it's also really boring. And the elf accents make me want to punch a baby. And the casting is atrocious. I hope this gets cancelled soon.
Arcane: League of Legends (2021)
I'm speechless
This is one of the most incredible things I've ever seen, I actually cried. 40 years of watching movies, and other than Marley and Me, this is the only movie/show that's ever made me weep like an abandoned newborn.
The Exigency (2019)
Austin McConnel sent me too!
This movie is the most inexplicable masterpiece I've ever seen. You'd think that with animation this dated it would be awful, but somehow, it's amazing. This movie is one of the most unique experiences I've ever had, couldn't recommend it more.
The Rookie (2018)
Meh
It's about what you'd expect from trailer, just really forgettable and bland. It's not bad, but it certainly isn't good. Without Fillion, this show would probably have been cancelled mid season, but he's too entertaining to not be on TV.
Black Lightning (2018)
Pretty bad, weird rotten tomatoes rating
This show is somehow 94% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes, which makes no sense to anyone who's actually seen it. I really tried to get into it, but it's just so terrible. It seems like it was written by a black dude who grew up in the suburbs and had to imagine what the "typical" black person went through, and this is what they came up with. The whole show is just one cringeworthy "woke" moment after the next, barely taking a breath to stop itself from drowning in its own smugness.
Do yourself a favor and never even think about this show, let alone watch it with your own eyeballs.
Polar (2019)
Entertaining enough
It's little more than John Wick rip-off, but still pretty entertaining. Vanessa Hudgens is a terrible actor, she pulled the movie down a peg or two, but fortunately, Mads makes up for it. Mostly.
God Friended Me (2018)
Pretty much as bad as you'd expect
Like any good religious propaganda, this show spends a lot of time doing two things: (1) pretending to be "spiritual, not religious", and (2) portraying atheists as people who aren't actually atheists, just secret theists with petty reasons for not liking gawd or whatever. Pseudo-christian fan fiction at its best. That being said, the pacing was good, solid direction, cringe inducing dialogue, the acting was ranged from "meh" to "high school theatre", all wrapped up in a premise that is not going to age well.
God's Not Dead: A Light in Darkness (2018)
Somehow, it's even worse than the first two.
This is easily the worst of the series, but I still loved it! Part 3 didn't have as much unintentional comedy as the first two, but it was still damn near a laugh-a-minute escapade of truly incompetent filmmaking.
Much like the previous entries in this series, Light in a Darkness is a self-congratulatory celebration of the victimhood of christian persecution at the hands of evil secular societies. I imagine that evangelicals across the nation pleasure themselves without guilt while watching this and pretending that the premise is even remotely plausible. I get the feeling that they're unable to appreciate this film the way Zeus intended: as a movie so bad that it's good.
I'd recommend this to pretty much anyone who enjoys bad films. If you liked The Room, you'll love the GND movies!
Altered Carbon (2018)
Started with a bang, ended with a 'meh'
*Spoilers*
Well, sort of spoilers.
This show started out pretty great; visuals, acting, dialogue were all top notch. The first 6 episodes were great, but it was all downhill from there. I've never read the book, so I've no frame of reference for how well it wrapped up the story line, but the climax was just so boring! And predictable! It really didn't leave me looking forward to another season.
All in all, a pretty forgettable show. Not bad by any means, and worth a watch I suppose, but nothing to get excited about.
The Shannara Chronicles (2016)
Laugh out loud silliness
Oh, where to start?
The source material is painfully mediocre, so the expectation of excellence wasn't a forgone conclusion. But did it have to be this corny? It's like they took all the worst concept ideas from 'Attack of the Clones' and just doubled down. Or maybe they just found some mystical cliché dictionary and ran rampant. Who knows.
Suffice to say, three episodes in, this show averages about two eye rolls per minute. The target audience appears to be teenagers and preteens whose parents discourage reading. The opening credits were kind of neat, though.