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Filthy Cities (2011)
Why Was This Show Canceled?
Pretty good entertainment, the host didn't really grab me, but he served his purpose, so why only three episodes? I watched all three episodes and I only saw one slight pronunciation error, he said swathing like Sway-thing, that is until the last episode.
I don't know if I'm right or not, but in the last episode, they show an elephant being executed by electrocution, a clip from the 1930s or so, and I thought the animal rights people are gonna be all over you, man, show canceled, then it turned out that there were no more episodes. Maybe he really got sued or something or maybe people thought he was a little boring and awkward, kinda like a British Anthony Bordain. That's just my opinion, he was great besides that, the bit with the bedbug and louse in the New york episode was exciting to watch since I hate them both, lol.
Los cronocrímenes (2007)
The Only Perfect Time Travel Movie I Have Ever Seen
I found this movie to be excellent. It was so good, I didn't mind the obvious low budget or subtitles. Most time travel movies allow a person to change the past, create different alternate dimensions and time lines, it's all nonsense to the Logical mind. This movie looks at time travel in the most logical manner possible with no bullshit, no tricks and no cheating. I can't say enough good things about this movie. If you haven't seen it, please do, especially if you are one of those people, like me, that hate that most people think if you went back in time and killed your dad, that you would slowly disappear. That just doesn't make sense. In this movie, time is much more logical. You did kill your dad or you didn't kill your dad, no hocus pocus, no exceptions, no tricks. It is what it is. Love it, highly recommend it to everyone.
Mile... Mile & a Half (2013)
Worst Doc I've seen in a long time.
Everyone hiking in this doc is a snooty rich jerk with no sense of humor. They are so corny and stupid, it makes me a little embarrassed to be a white American. There is nothing hard about what they did. They were going at the pace of 8 miles a day, which can easily be covered in about four hours through the manicured trails these people were traversing. They also broke trail and hit up a burger joint along the way. There is no substance here, nothing happens the entire time, there is no character development at all, just rich jerks snapping photos like Japanese tourists and pretending that they are 'roughing it.'
John Muir's quotes are excruciating and if he saw this documentary, he would be rolling over in his grave. I'm sure he never envisioned pioneering a joy walk for rich douche bags.
Odd Thomas (2013)
This Movie Blew it for me
The first 20 min of this movie really hooked me and I was hoping for that level of interesting storyline to continue, alas, it did not. Too much of this movie is wasted on buildup, which isn't that big of an issue, the thing that really hurts this film is Addison Timlin. I don't know if this is someone's daughter or girlfriend, but her overbite is enormously distracting during the film and her acting is abysmal. She delivers her lines with a strange melody, like a high school production of Shakespeare with false Shakespearian accents. If it wasn't for Stormy, I would have felt comfortable with an 5, possibly even a 6, as Willem Dafoe is one of my favorite actors. However, Addison/Stormy is in a majority of the scenes and her acting is too horrible to ignore. She will skip around Thomas gaily, chirping and buzzing, then all of a sudden say, Thomas, I'm scared, I've been scared this whole time. It's as if she started acting yesterday.
***Spoiler*** The other reason I'm giving this movie a low score is because they overused the "oh, crap, that person's already dead" bit and they broke their own rules. I HATE it when movies break their own rules. First off, Stormy and Thomas were not together forever, they were together for about 10 more years after the gypsy mummy's fortune. Second, it was told that once a Bodach has acknowledged that you can see it, they will kill you. Odd Thomas stared directly at a Bodach, attracted it's attention and after failing to kill Thomas on the first attempt, the Bodach lets him live. F*** You. I can't stand awful movies that will allow the main character to break every law set forth. Allowing the Bodach to see you notice him is like suicide, it didn't make any sense when Thomas did it, and I was waiting the entire rest of the movie to see the Bodach kill him, and they didn't.
Scandal (2012)
Unless you like Danielle Steel novels, skip this stupid show.
This show seems like it was written by or written for delusional women who would otherwise be reading ridiculous romance novels. Nothing that happens in this show is based in reality and no one on the show is emotionally older than 15. Furthermore, none of the characters have a personality. It sounds like the same person wrote every ridiculous silly tantrum that the show tries to make into an impassioned speech ... every 7 minutes or so.
Olivia Pope is the biggest hypocrite I can remember in recent television, and Kerry Washington does a poor job with the acting, consistently coming off as a emotionally juvenile twit. She only has three faces: Hurt, Shocked and about to cry. She also throws herself at multiple men on the show and cheats on the married man she is cheating with. The entire show is pretty rough. I would have had a lot more respect for all actors involved had I skipped this disaster.
I hope I never see Kerry Washington in film again. She has the all the charm and scope of a mildewed washcloth and leaves just as bad a taste in your mouth.
A Brony Tale (2014)
Awful, Awful Documentary
The title of this film should have been, Ashleigh Ball: Attention Whore and other losers. It seems like the only people that they interviewed for the Bronies were socially inept, in other words, losers. They interviewed a "tough" mechanic and a man from the army in order to show how tough the fans are, however, both men seemed to ill-fit in a 'normal' crowd and both confessed, through their criticisms of what society expects from a boy, that they envy women and even wish they were women. Most of this I found mildly compelling. The interest ended there.
Most of the scenes in this film are of Ashleigh Ball, a voice actress who voices two of the Ponies in the My little Pony Cartoon. She bursts onto the scene, parading herself in various outfits and plugging her band. She talks about herself extensively and pretends that she thinks the Bronies are weirdos and that she thinks the interest in the show is bizarre, however, due to her poor acting ability, it is overwhelmingly obvious that this is her dream come true. She sees herself as the star of the show even tho all she does is provide the voice of two characters. She is not involved in the writing, or anything else to do with the production of the show, but she seems to feel like the most important person in the room whenever Bronies are mentioned and she reads about her characters and watches video and looks at fan made pictures for hours to feed her inner narcissism. If anything, this was a documentary about how entitled, connected and privileged Ashleigh Ball is.
I was interested to hear what the psychologists had to say until I realized that they were far from objective. Their own son is a Brony. Terrible work, No focus, hard to watch.
47 Ronin (2013)
Japanimaniac's Wet Dream
OK, I'm giving this one a 3 because the special effects weren't too bad. Aside from that, totally stupid movie. Keanu Reeves is the only white dude in medieval Japan, (yeah, right) and then he meets and hangs out with a bunch of samurai until they accept him as one of their own. Oh yeah, and he wants to score with a Japanese chick the entire movie and these 47 Ronin want to help him score with this Japanese chick because her new husband killed their master and the samurai want to free her and kill her husband, which works out for Keanu Reeves. So Stupid.
RIght after their master gets killed, the second in command samurai gets thrown in a pit for an undetermined amount of time, possibly months, and the first thing he does when he gets out is free Keanu Reeves from his UFC style existence aboard a Pirate ship. (yeah, right) After freeing him, the samurai states I don't know who or what you are, but help me. If that's true, why did he free Keanu Reeves? He then leads Keanu Reeves a short distance away where the other 45 Ronin are waiting. What? if they're right there, why raid the pirate ship alone? None of the rest of the movie will make any more sense, it's so stupid. It's like a fat greasy kid daydreaming about fighting monsters with samurai. Soooooo Dumb!
Pacific Rim (2013)
Not for the Adult Mind
Giant, multi piloted robots fighting giant monsters? Sounds like power rangers. This is an old idea. I think the movie was OK, but the anime theme was distracting, unnecessary and alienated the bulk of the target market. *NEWS FLASH* More people DON'T watch anime than do.
For all it's special effects budget, the robots were slow, clumsy, fought mostly with ineffective punching, and towards the end, began wielding swords that they had all along, but just never thought to use. Fun for the kids, but the glaring plot holes, anime clothing/haircuts, & the unimpressive acting will leave serious movie-goers wanting. Subpar work, Mr. Del Toro.
Miss Representation (2011)
*Spoilers* Missed the Point
This film is meant to address the social distortion present in media as it affects women. I feel this doc fails to point out that this happens to youth in general, not just women. Secondly, it should have been stressed that such a focus on sex & marriage leads to increased teenage pregnancies, which, in turn, contributes to young delinquency and uneducated adults having children who will not attend college or even finish high school.
Unfortunately, the majority of this doc consists of a woman obviously reading a print out of monologues in a dull, lifeless monotone. Several speakers chastise the media for reflecting the low number of women working in big business and politics in movies, but most of the thoughts presented are fragmented or inappropriate to the topic. These women say such things like 'Women should be politicians so other women will want to be politicians.' 'Women are never leaders and men don't want us to be. Just look at Star Trek.' These statements seemed to defy the fact that England had Queen rulers for over a century and that Star Trek is and always has been a show that shatters social boundaries, and the different seasons have seen Famale captains, doctors, Science officers, ensigns, engineers, psychologists, and a plethora of other positions. It seemed like this documentary was more interested in talking about hurt feelings than any serious issues. It's as if they interviewed the absolute dumbest women available and said, 'Talk about how movies make women look bad,' then showed 15 min worth of UNSCRIPTED REALITY TV clips while the interviewees stumbled through cliché after cliché, generally never making a solid point, cohesive statement and/or expressing conclusions related or even relevant to what was just said. 'I hate bikinis on TV, so I became a politician after a particularly moving episode of Murder She Wrote.'
Lastly, some of the issues blamed on media aren't real issues or controlled by media. Why aren't there more women politicians? Same reason there aren't more women trashmen, fisherman, hunters, mechanics, mathematicians, Footballl coaches or construction workers: Most women are uninterested in such professions. Equally interesting is the idea that men are expected to work successfully at a job that isn't embarrassing, or that the media tells youth to hump like rabbits, accumulate debt & go to jail in hopes of turning us all into consumers rather than producers. Monetary slaves providing a financial battery to the rich. Another point left out is that when the youth have teen pregnancies, who will work? Man or Mother? Usually the man, so it is not more surprising to see more men at work than it is to see wives staying home.
I feel that this film is highly destructive to the cause it's attempting to address.
Caillou (1997)
Whiny Stinkbomb
This show is horrible for a variety of reasons, most notably, Caillou's consistent unacceptable behavior. I actually signed on today specifically to write this negative review of the show and after reading the other comments, I think I know why my son has been whining non stop and throwing tantrums. Let's take it one at a time.
The writing is bad. The characters in the show say everything in the absolute simplest terms that it can be said, and then they will repeat it a couple of times and then the narrator will reiterate the point, just in case you missed it. Caillou, at times, seems completely unrealistic with the frequency and intensity of his bad behavior, ironically, often due to his own actions. (the famous episode in which Caillou thinks today is circus day.) This show is written as if it is a reality show or is somehow otherwise unscripted. In many episodes, the progression of the story is not linear or is completely broken, the two halves of the show not relating to each other. Lastly, much of Caillou's behavior goes unpunished, consistently leaving loose ends at the end of an episode.
The animation is worse. All of the characters are poorly drawn and the 'lines' with which they are drawn are 'Chunky', varying in width, like a bad pen that lightens, darkens and bleeds unexpectedly while drawing. The pallet is much too 'baby' oriented. These colors are what adults think of when a woman is decorating a nursery, not what the palette of an entire show. The backgrounds are almost never completely filled in, giving the impression that either the work was rushed, sloppy, done by a lazy man, or that Caillou's entire life is a dream. I have seen entire backgrounds that consisted of a blue block-like shape with rounded corners. The movement by most characters in most situations is extremely clunky and when objects in Caillou's world are manipulated, they quite often ignore the laws of physics.
The behavior is the absolute worst. Everyone in this show is a douche bag. Caillou is ALWAYS whining about something and often throwing tantrums, yelling, breaking things on occasion, and doing pretty much every unacceptable behavior that you can think of. His parents act like they are on Valium all the time. They often take no notice at all that Caillou is acting out in any way and NEVER punish him or take any action that might result in a lesson being learned. They are so aloof, in fact, that in one episode, the father leaves his 2 yr old on the changing table and exits the room completely, leaving the child unattended on top of the table. Rosie, Caillou's 2 yr old sister, seems to have a better grasp on the language than Caillou and throws less tantrums, however, she does throw objects and food at people, yell, scream, fight with her brother.
Basically, the average 'plan' for the episode is something happens, Caillou responds by acting out, his parents ignore his behavior and a couple minutes from the end, Caillou gets what he has been wanting the entire episode. The problem is that 4 yr-olds do not relate to Caillou the way the writers think they do. Rather, they imitate Caillou's behavior as he spends the majority of the episode trying for a goal and then acting out with every setback. The children don't follow the show close enough to really grasp the plot devices, so they see a kid whining and throwing a fit for 20 min and then getting what he wanted.
HORRIBLE SHOW all the way around.
Jessie (2011)
This Show is Horrible
This is a terrible show. The acting is poor, plots are poor, and there isn't any consistency at all. Just take the basics - Jessie earns a living as a nanny to the three spoiled bratty kids these rich people have adopted to show how supportive they are of cultural diversity (a la Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt). However, they are left, most of the time, with Bertrum ( the butler) or completely by themselves; she rarely watches them at all.
Jessie - usually out chasing boys and treating her employers like her friends or family. Completely unprofessional, and the parents seem to be gone all the time only showing up occasionally, usually inexplicably wearing formal wear as if they were just about to go to a charity ball or something. She shirks her responsibilities constantly and teaches youth to be lazy, aloof, undependable, deceitful, disrespectful, dress in manners that compromise their personal integrity, etc.
The Indian kid is completely unbelievable as he is about 8 years old and for whatever reason, he acts like he is some sort of Junior Dhali Llama that knows all the factual and statistical information about India that is available. It's just ridiculous, the kid has obviously never been there or was removed at such an early age that he would have no recollection of the country at all. His character's tendency to 'speak beyond his years' is like a blood-thirsty woodpecker incessantly chipping loudly at my brain.
The little African American girl acts very stereo-typically African American regardless of the fact that everyone around her is white (thus she would not have learned the cultural language and body expressions). Not only is her constant 'attitude' annoying, but it perpetuates this behavior in real life by teaching our youth to behave in such a manner. All of the kids are rebellious and completely undisciplined with absolutely no moral compass to speak of whatsoever. Furthermore, her character often tries to 'act tough' towards everyone else on the show regardless of the fact that she is incredibly weak and totally dependent on those around her to perform even the simplest tasks.
The ugly kid from Mirrors- He regularly overacts on a regular basis and seems to be catering to the idea that over-the-top theatrics, yelling, running, and imitating Kramer = so, so funny. Sadly, this young and unskilled actor is so, so wrong. He often acts in a manner that supports the idea of talking a big game and then running away. Like the other characters in the show, the boy is a coward and a liar and this is just another example of the morally hollow role models Disney Channel is producing. They even have this kid and some other characters perform on the show.
The channel seems to be a huge recruitment factory in order to ensure further cheaply produced entertainment in the future. It's like a grotesque "Children's Lot".
Long story short - Stay away from this show unless you like pain. Mind-numbing pain.
Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (2010)
Avoid at all costs
The acting in this movie is atrocious. The story seemed somewhat compelling and that's what drew me to the movie in the first place, but, in my opinion, they don't really do anything with the concept at all, just dance in the shadows, bolstering the anticlimax.
I don't know why Bailee Madison is not listed on the credits as the first 'Actor', but you will see more of this bull-dog-faced troll than any other actor during this film. She has two modes in this movie: Whiny/rebellious and Whiny/Crybaby. She acts like she spent a lot of her time reading to a wall and doesn't know how to convey her scenes realistically with another person in the room.
Katie Holmes is ridiculously bad in this movie. I laughed at her scenes over and over. Not only are her emotions unbelievable in the sense that a normal person would obviously not act in this way in this situation, but the emotions she was trying to give me were not coming through at all. Most of the more emotional scenes came across as weak and half-assed and other times, she was flashing between emotional extremes at comical speed.
Guy Pierce is the only saving grace in this film, but, unfortunately, he isn't given many scenes and his character seems overly aloof and uninterested in his child. Furthermore, his character has the emotional depth of sea cucumber.
If you want to see scene after scene of acting so harsh that it makes your eyes hurt, then, by all means, check this stink bomb out.
No Ordinary Family (2010)
Just Doesn't Make Any Sense
I started watching this show ignoring the small questions that started being raised, like if there is a lake in South America that endows people submerged in its waters with super powers, why is there no super village of indigenous people? The final knife in the heart was the genuine stupidity of all of the characters. The father has super strength, invulnerability and he can jump a quarter mile at a time. His character is by far the most genuine, kind and responsible with his powers, however, he is horribly aloof in combat and puts himself in positions that he easily could rectify with the same powers, but somehow never thinks of it. The mother can run fast, just upwards of 750 MPH. She is a horrible woman, habitually neglects her family and then badgers the father about not spending time with the family. A couple of times the father pointed out that the mother is even worse with the neglect and she retorts saying things like, 'Well, I have a career.' How many times can the pot call the kettle black? Watch this show to find out. Also, even though she runs 750 MPH or so, she somehow avoids breaking the sound barrier, and her hair and clothing are always flawless. Many times when she is running, her hair will fly forward as if she is standing in a windy area, not running forward. She uses her powers constantly in front of other people, yet somehow, no one seems to notice. She runs to work, leaving the car, runs around the house, runs down the freeway, runs across the Mexican border. Later in the show, she will sometimes break the sound barrier, and also leave a trail of flame in her wake, but still no one seems to notice her. Also, inexplicably, sometimes when she is running indoors, it will whip things around with the wind turbulence she is creating and other times, she creates no turbulence whatsoever. The boy has super intelligence, and the only catch given is that he can only remember things he learns for 6 hours at a time. This rule is broken on a regular basis, furthermore, he inexplicably is able to perform complex tasks that are a result of knowledge learned, not intelligence. For example, the kid, having no prior experience in any of these fields, is able to computer hack, decrypt encoded files manually, alter grades in the school computer, become a star quarterback, a pool hustler and a classic car mechanic without ever learning any of it. His vocabulary explodes over night and it's like every technical skill imaginable is already learned. Someone must have pointed that out because mid way through the season, he has to start reading textbooks to perform such technical feats with the rule of only having the new abilities for 6 hours. He also stops playing sports and thereby excelling at them as if there was no talent involved, only math. The girl on the show is a mind reader and takes full advantage of her power by constantly reading the minds of those around her. She misuses her abilities by habitually meddling in other people's lives and using them, across multiple episodes, in order to seduce a boy. She pretends to be an art prodigy by reading the mind of her brother while he is reading an art textbook. Every time she uses her powers to try to 'Help' someone, it ends poorly 100% of the time, but she never stops doing it. This show is full of selfish, immoral, bickering people and plot holes big enough to drive a truck through. Please, if you like super heroes or value consistency, stay far away from this nightmare flop.