HorrorCreepshow Reviews

Curtains (1983)

The Show Must Go On!

[8/10 · 11 January 2012]

Curtains sure is a strange movie. Hell, that's probably the understatement of the century. It shouldn't work at all and yet, somehow, it manages to be both compelling and terrifying.

The story centers around aging actress Samantha Sherwood (played with scenery chewing gusto by Samantha Eggar) who desperately wants to be in the good graces of the famous director Jonathan Stryker (John Vernon) so that she can win the coveted role of Audra, a mentally deranged woman.

Sadly, Samantha takes method acting all too seriously and gets herself committed to an asylum. To her and Stryker, it's a joke, but no one else seems to be in on it, so they leave her there to rot. Stryker goes about re-casting the role of Audra and brings several diverse actresses to his isolated, snowy mansion for a little line reading, dinner, sex games, and, ultimately, murder.

Sounds pretty simple, right? It's not! Although the basic concept is pure Agatha Christie goodness, the way Curtains goes about executing this premise is surreal to say the least. Scenes don't make sense, characters' motivations are always sketchy, a spooky doll appears in two scenes only to never be seen again...there's so many strange moments in the movie that I can't even keep track.

Thankfully, even on the blurry VHS and bargain bin DVD releases, one can tell the film is handsomely made. The wintry atmosphere evokes The Shinning.

Also, the cast seems surprisingly game for whatever the script sees fit to throw at them. The performers get to sink their teeth into some pretty juicy dialog, teetering the line between threatening and soap opera camp. With horror veterans like Lynne Griffin (Black Christmas), Lesleh Donaldson (Happy Birthday To Me), and Sandee Currie (Terror Train) It's fun to watch this cast in action.

The killer's disguise is also pretty terrifying and a stalk and slash sequence in broad daylight, on an iced over pond is pretty startling and nightmarish. It's perhaps one of the most memorable scenes from the 80's slasher cycle.

Light on gore, but big on atmosphere, Curtains is one of the most unfairly obscure gems in the 80's slasher movement. There might be plot holes the size of Swiss cheese all throughout (ex: Who's Samantha's friend who apparently helped her break out of the asylum? ) but it's still a relatively classy affair for its time.

The Devil Inside (2012)

Found footage "thriller"s offers little thrills!

[1/10 · 6 January 2012]

I'll be the first to admit that I loathe the found footage subgenre with all my heart. The movies are always goofy, annoying, and could have been made by any 4th grader with their parent's video camera. They take no real skill to execute and I've yet to see a good one. Blair Witch, Paranormal Activity, etc. all bored me to tears and made me wish they'd discover a tripod instead of the cause of all that strange noise late at night.

So, right here, you might want to stop reading if you love found footage movies. I know I would. Still, even for a subgenre I detest, The Devil Inside might easily take the cake as the worst one I've seen throughout this whole cycle (which should be due for a vacation any day now).

The acting is abysmal, the scares non-existent, the camera-work is appalling, everything just adds up to a horrible experience at the movies. This is bottom of the barrel, Wal-Mart bargain bin material here. How it ever got a theatrical release is beyond me. I don't even think this could scare a 4 year old child.

Some of the imagery, when isolated from the context of film, could be considered spooky. Hell, that's why the trailers have been generating buzz. It has more gore and naughty language than most of the other Exorcist rip-offs of recent years, but that doesn't add anything when the script is so dull and unscary to begin with.

A waste of time, a waste of money! Skip it! Not even worth a rental!

Gypsy (1962)

A brilliant musical, a mediocre film!

[6/10 · 3 January 2012]

Gypsy is one of the greatest musicals of all time. In fact, I, personally, think the book for Gypsy is the finest of all time. Take away the score to most musicals and a tedious and usually hardly serviceable book is left behind. However, even if you took out all the songs from Gypsy, you'd still be left with a terrific play with great characters, humor, terror, suspense, and heartache. It's everything one would ever want in a musical.

How they managed to screw up such wonderful material is beyond me! The orchestrations are lush, the sets and costumes look great, most of the actors are solid and game, but the screenplay and direction are pedestrian at best.

Once the screenplay finally decides to get faithful to the source material half way in, the pace tightens up immensely. The direction, however, remains equally as dull from frame one to the last frame of the movie. There's simply no imagination put into the staging of the musical numbers at all. In fact, most of the time, I was hoping they'd just skip past most of the musical numbers and get to the book scenes.

This is also, in no small part, due to the fact that no one in the cast can really handle the vocal demands of the score. Natalie Wood sounds just fine in her numbers, even charming, but poor Rosalind Russell had to be almost completely dubbed for her numbers. Strangely, Russell got rave reviews for her performance in the Broadway musical Wonderful Town. Karl Malden has so little to sing that it doesn't really make a big difference.

The only numbers that pop a little bit are "You Gotta Get A Gimmick" and Louise's transformation into sexpot stripper Gypsy Rose Lee in "Let Me Entertain You". The rest fall flat.

Thankfully, even if they can't handle all the vocals with the best of 'em, they certainly act the hell out of their roles. Russell, while far from perfect, at least doesn't embarrass herself like Bette Midler did in the 1993 TV movie version. Her monologue right before "Rose's Turn" is subtle and well delivered, even if the number that comes directly after it is horrendously executed.

Malden is warm and charming as Herbie, Rose's poor bumbling love interest and Wood shines as timid and naive Louise. The final dressing room scene between her and Russell is quite good.

This version is really only marginally better than the TV movie version and that's really only for the acting.

Gypsy (1993 TV Movie)

Midler nearly sinks this TV musical!

[6/10 · 3 January 2012]

Despite stellar orchestrations and a more faithful screenplay to the original Broadway production, this version of Gypsy suffers from a not-so-solid leading lady and a super cheap, dull production.

On paper, Bette Midler seems ideal. She's loud, brassy, fun, can sing like an angel, and is a pretty great actress. Well, I don't know what went wrong, but Midler is terribly uneven. Don't get me wrong, she has her moments (the quieter scenes between Rose and Herbie, the songs "small World", "You'll Never Get Away From Me", and "Small World (reprise)", etc.), but all in all, she butchers her two biggest numbers ("Everything's Coming Up Roses" and "Rose's Turn") by over telegraphing and hamming them up. During the film's finale, it's actually pretty embarrassing to see such a talented actress deliver such a wonderfully written monologue in such a one note and goofy fashion. She reads more like a cartoon than a human being.

Is it Bette's fault or the directors? Apparently, the director was dying during production and wasn't able to be as present as he'd hoped, so that left Bette to essentially direct herself, which is never a good idea given the heft of her role. This leaves us with one hell of a strange, over the top, and campy performance that isn't even enjoyable on a "so bad, it's good" level.

Without a solid Madame Rose to lead the cast, poor Peter Reigert and Cynthia Gibb have very little to play off of. They both have their moments as well, but they can only do so much without a strong Rose to back them up.

The production values are cheap and tacky, not to mention overly colorful for a tale about parental neglect and lost dreams. It's just a huge missed opportunity. The sets and furnishing would have probably been more at home in a Tim Burton movie than a fairly realistic musical.

One wishes the marvelous Tyne Daly had been able to recreate her brilliant performance in this TV version. While not possessing the strongest voice, she gave Rose more pathos than anyone else I've ever seen.

It's not all bad, though. The orchestrations are lovely and brassy and the screenplay is much more faithful to the stage version than the equally disappointing 1962 movie version starring Rosalind Russell and Natalie Wood.

Worth a look for more forgiving Bette Midler fans.

Carrie (1976)

A horror classic for the ages!

[10/10 · 31 December 2011]

What can be said about Brian DePalma and Stephen King's masterpiece that hasn't already been said before. It became a smash phenomenon upon first release and has, not surprisingly, grown in popularity after years of VHS, cable TV, DVD, and Blu-Ray. But has it held up? YES!

Carrie tells the all too real story of a bullied girl who gets no support from her religious freak of a mother who'd rather lock her in a closet and tell her how much she's sinned from getting her first period than trying to notify teachers of her plight. Luckily for Carrie, and not so luckily for her classmates and mother, she possesses a great power - one she can't control.

Carrie is essentially a dark modern fairy tale. It's Cinderella territory all the way, but with a darker ending. Carrie doesn't get through her moment of glory unscathed. Instead of a glass slipper, she leaves a trail of blood back home with her.

What could have been a simple fun exploitation film (see: Jennifer) is made all the richer by Stephen King and Lawrence D. Cohen's vivid characterizations and tight plotting. The actors are all universally stellar. Sissy Spacek takes Carrie from pitiful, heartbreaking, and ultimately, scary as hell! As her psychotic mother, Piper Laurie is more than up to Spacek's powerhouse performance. She's truly one of the most terrifying characters ever committed to celluloid, mainly because we all know someone just as unstable as her. Nancy Allen and John Travolta (in his first big leading role) are equal parts hilarious and pure evil...and boy, do they make evil look good. Amy Irving and William Katt both radiate kindness and warmth, as does Betty Buckley as Ms. Collins, the kindly gym teacher who seems to be the only responsible adult in the film.

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention Brian De Palma's exquisite direction. He was labeled as a Hitchcock imitator back in the day, but it's really nothing more than homage. His camera effortlessly glides through the sets and characters in the film. The crowning of the prom king and queen has never been so nail bitingly intense.

Carrie is a simply perfect horror film AND a perfect film. It just is! It's filled with heartbreaking drama, pulse pounding suspense, plenty of humor, and a few jump out of your seat shocks! How can you ask for more?

Young Adult (2011)

A beautiful, funny, and thoughtful drama!

[9/10 · 31 December 2011]

Young Adult is the kind of movie people rarely make and, according to box office receipts, moviegoers rarely go see these days. It's a grown up, adult drama and a fascinating character study of a truly disturbed woman.

Charlize Theron (one of our most fearless actresses working today) brilliantly portrays Mavis, a ghostwriter for a popular series of young adult books who, after hearing news of her ex flame having a baby with his new wife, heads back to her provincial hometown to see what she can do to win him back.

Sound like a typical, likable main character thing to do? Absolutely not and that's what makes Mavis so fascinating. Why is she so obsessed with Buddy, her ex boyfriend, and why is she so hellbent on destroying his marriage?

She even gets into a friendship with a disabled former classmate, played by Patton Oswalt, who gives a remarkably sweet and sad performance. Those familiar with Oswalt's stand up acts with be more than a little impressed with the dramatic chops on display. It's total out of the box casting, but that really speaks for the movie as a whole, which is a very out of the box kind of experience.

It's not a typical Hollywood film by any stretch of the imagination. It goes places most mainstream movies are afraid to go. I thank Diablo Cody and Jason Reitman for making a movie for grown ups!

It seems to have been ignored upon initial release, but mark my works when I say that it will, one day, become a cult classic! It's too good to go on into obscurity.

Carrie Fisher: Wishful Drinking (2010 TV Movie)

Hysterical and inspiring!

[9/10 · 30 December 2011]

I've never been the biggest Carrie Fisher fan! I've loved her books and screenplays like the wonderful "Postcards From The Edge", but I've never really gone for Star Wars movies.

Still, I adore her personality and strengths. This act is hysterically funny and moving! I simply love her charm and wit. She never wallows in self-pity like so many other movie stars. She can look back on her problems and make something funny out of them, which is something I always encourage. Why take life so seriously?

Also, who knew she had such a lovely singing voice? Why hasn't she ever done a movie musical or done something on Broadway. The Great White Way is ready for you, my dear!

Why sit down and explain it? Just go out there and rent or buy it! It's a terrific hour and a half of fun!

Scream 4 (2011)

A worthwhile entry in a legendary series!

[8/10 · 30 December 2011]

Back in 2000, Scream 3 left a lot of people cold. Sure, it was the "last" Scream movie, but it didn't have the sense of finality so many of us fans were hoping for. The movie was goofy, cheesy, and tame as could be. I'm sure a lot of people were thanking God that the franchise was finally coming to a close before it had the chance to embarrass itself further.

It was with great trepidation that I entered Scream 4 back in April. The film came out to a scattering of mostly mixed reviews, surprisingly very little publicity, and a cold audience reaction. Surprisingly, Scream 4 is one of the better entries in the series. It's just as good as the extremely entertaining Scream 2 and is almost as good as the original.

Scream 4 follows the beloved Sidney Presscott returning back home to Woodsboro to promote her new self help book, but, of course, as fate would have it, a certain someone doesn't want her to leave alive this time. Can the poor girl ever get a break?

Filled to the brim with fresh young talent, Scream 4 manages to do the impossible - still feel fresh and interesting more than 10 years later.

If there was anything to nitpick, it would be the rather half-cooked opening sequence which starts off as fun and cute for 5 minutes or so and then becomes remarkably goofy, unscary, and outright stupid. Considering the fact that the Scream series is known for it's brutal, scary, and suspenseful opening sequences, this is a huge let down.

After a fun fake out or two, the real prologue to the film just can't seem to live up to what's come before it. In fact, it's one of the worst things I've seen in a long time. Thankfully, the DVD/Blu-Ray release comes with the much better alternate opening. As to why it wasn't used? Anyone's guess!

The film also gets very brutal at times, which is welcome, considering the Disney movie that Scream 3 was.

I don't want to give much away, but I can tell horror fans that there's a lot to love about this sequel and it's worth seeing.