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skibbleyboo66
Reviews
Best Laid Plans (1999)
I wanted to like this film. Really. I tried.
I failed pretty miserably, though.
On a whim, I found this movie, having never heard of it, took it out, and popped it into the DVD player. It started. Intriguing premise; two friends at a bar, one meets a girl, statutory rape... It's all there.
PLOT TWIST => FLASHBACK.
Alright... fine. Usually this kind of "start at the end" turns me off; after all, I know the ending already. And, having read the back of the box before placing the disc into the player, I've got a pretty good idea of how the first hour or so is gonna play out.
Boom. I was right. Surprise, surprise.
Then we come back to the flashback scene, this time in real time, and continue on to the end of the movie. Insert a few gratuitous sex scenes wherever you please; the love side story doesn't really contribute a whole lot to the film, and can more or less be ignored. It's nice that you love each other, but every other movie has a main couple too. Yup. Every single one.
But wait! "What would a bad movie be without the random incoherent plot twist at the end?" you may be asking yourselves. And this one comes in on spades. Suddenly people supposedly dead ... aren't! And other people who seem to be drug dealers who stole your car and your girl... are really pretty nice guys! And suddenly every conflict that the main characters have vanish - in the face of poverty, of course, because love always wins out over money - and they ride off into the sunset as the credits begin to roll.
No, I'm not kidding. The only saving grace of this film is the main theme, which is actually pretty awesome. Save yourself an hour and a half and just watch the DVD menu for a bit. You'll get the same experience I did.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)
More often than not, remakes fail miserably in trying to live up to the original.
And this is one of those times that that just isn't true.
That said, it's truly difficult for me to compare this movie to the original; they hold two rather different moods. Johnny Depp's performance as the slightly eccentric Willy Wonka just seems different than Wilder's some 30 years ago. Where Wilder is the wise, witty man behind the factory who breaks out into song every now and then about imagination, Depp is flat-out weird. He almost seems a bizarre mix of Michael Jackson and Freddy Kreuger, yet he pulls it off perfectly. He's just not the kind of guy you want taking care of your kids, because he laughs and dances as they turn into behemoth blueberries, get sucked up giant pipes, and get dragged around by squirrels. And then he encourages you, the parent, to do the same! So why do we like this all-too-creepy man who just watches and waits as one by one, the children fall prey to some bizarre trap designed perfectly to ensnare the children based upon their oh-so-annoying faults? Honestly, I don't know. The viewer will find an aura about Depp as he acts, however, that, simply put, entrances the viewer into wanting to see more, to learn about his horrible, candiless past, and to learn of how he shamboozled the Oompa-Loompas into doing his nefarious bidding.
Or something.
And it doesn't hurt that the cast surrounding Willy Wonka is simply amazing. Each of the children, their parents, the Bucket family, and the Oompa-Loompas find themselves delivering top-notch performances. Honestly, I think the only character who might have been more fleshed-out would be Adam Godley, the man who plays Mr. Teavee. And yes, I know that perhaps he wasn't as fleshed out in the book. All I'm saying is that maybe it would've been nice if they had given him just one more joke or stunt. The family, especially Grandpa George and Grandma Georgina, are family-like, if that makes sense, while still being hilarious.
The musical numbers... honestly, they were a good change, though I will complain, as I so often do, in the fact that I really couldn't understand everything that was being said by the Oompa-Loompas. Still, they provided absolutely hilarious interludes between each child being taken away.
The factory, the main set of the movie, finds itself as being an environment that is a pure joy to view, with its colors, shapes, puppets, animals, and most importantly, candy everywhere one looks.
And all of this comes together to deliver a unique, enjoyable, and refreshing experience. Masterful.
Fantastic Four (2005)
Could've been better, certainly. Much better.
Before I turn this into a scathing review similar to my review of the remake of Dawn of the Dead (which I'm slightly tempted to do), I realize that I cannot do that and tell the truth about this movie. This really was not a waste of the money I spent to see this in the theaters, for the simple reason that it is fun to sit down and watch. Once. No more.
But what makes this movie fun? Is it watching the pretty special effects as Jessica Alba turns herself invisible, or as Ioan Gruffudd stretches himself out into unimaginable proportions? Perhaps it's watching the hilarious Chris Evans as he plays the Human Torch and tries to annoy Michael Chiklis in any way possible.
And... hate to say it, but that's about it. Yup. The two truly good points lie in the special effects and Chris Evans' performance as the teenage pyro.
The storyline. Ah, this is nice. Some outside force from space affects four otherwise ordinary astronauts in slightly inexplicable ways (a vague "alteration of DNA" is referenced), and suddenly they gain the ability to do amazing things, like light themselves on fire, stretch all parts of their body, become invisible, or even permanently become some rock... beast... thing. The story goes on to reveal the antagonist, how the antagonist is defeated, and that the guy gets the girl. Yup. Sounds like a pretty typical action movie. Unfortunately, nothing the story, script, or even the action does really rises above the average. One major fault of the storyline lies in its predictability. Of COURSE Ben Grimm is going to be resentful that he is stuck as a hideous rock-beast while the others can turn their powers on and off. Of COURSE he's going to do whatever he can to reverse the power, no matter the cost to him or to his friends. It just felt very unoriginal, and predictable. I've heard it said that Chiklis' performance was the best of the lot. I wholeheartedly disagree, for the simple reason that it was just so predictable. Evans, on the other hand, was a fun character to watch, whereas Ben Grimm's life after the accident was simply a sob story, and an overused one at that.
Perhaps it was poor timing to be released relatively soon after the Incredibles, a rather similar movie. It just felt like the Incredibles without the wit. And I'm going to get lynched for comparing such a famous group of heroes for an animated recent movie, but considering I'm not a comic fan, I have nothing literary in nature upon which to base this review.
In other words, I don't care if it's true to the comic, which it may or may not be. The fact remains that the storyline, the script, and the movie as a whole remains wholly unimpressive. The music was, put simply, forgettable. I don't remember it at all as I type this, having seen the movie a few days back.
And yet I liked this movie. I really did. I said it already, but Chris Evans really did do a good job with his role, and it seemed to fit him perfectly. The movie just could have been a lot better, perhaps if it had strayed more (?) from the comic's storyline, and given us an intriguing tale, rather than one more of Grandpa's boring old yarns. Rent it. You'll only need to see it once.
Dawn of the Dead (2004)
This... was an April Fool's joke, wasn't it?
No. No. No no no no no no no no no.
Seriously - I sat there with my jaw slack, wondering if this was actually supposed to be scarier than a bunny in a field of flowers or better than a fetid pile of compost. Apparently, neither.
It's true - there are some great special effects in this movie, what with the obvious green screens, as well as the explosions that just so happen to be exactly the same all throughout the movie. Ooh, pretty.
And the gore factor is certainly there - because, of course, blood makes a good movie, the directors decided that it would be fun if they just randomly killed some people off by decapitation, dismemberment, and generally blowing brains out. No, literally. More than once you see blood splatter behind a zombie. But naturally, that's what I'm looking for in a good scary movie. Oh. Oh wait. No I'm not.
The storyline? Wait. Whoa. A STORYLINE? You'll have to forgive me, because I didn't notice. Well, that's not true. I did notice the endless clichés, and the fact that the storyline was only exactly the same as in Resident Evil, except now Hell has run out of room. (An unfair comparison, considering the original came well before RE, but this is the one time that even under the law, this does not necessarily deserve a fair trial.) In all seriousness, the storyline (as well as the rather odd side plots) was actually more offensive than intriguing. Killing newborns (even zombified ones) and randomly picking off zombified celebrities, while supposed to be shocking or humorous, are poorly executed, and I can't find a single example of a person who finds killing newborns humorous that isn't psychologically impaired. Give me a break.
"But skibbleyboo66, the point of that plot is that the family went insane! It's supposed to make you sympathetic to their plight!" Right. And I'm supposed to believe that having some stereotypical old lady duel a stereotypical African-American with a stereotypical family involved in a completely stereotypical zombie movie will make me sympathetic. I was sympathetic in the Exorcist, a similar movie in some regards (possessed children, scares not necessarily in the jump out kind, but the psychological kind), but with much, much, much less flawed execution.
To the movie's credit, the soundtrack is really not too shabby. I enjoyed the jazz version of Disturbed (much more than the original), and, though completely unoriginal (like the rest of the movie), the music actually did strike me as better than the rest of the movie. Unfortunately, that's not saying much.
The problem with this movie is really not the behind-the-scenes concept. It's really not. The execution that takes precedent over the concept is beyond flawed. Upon reflection, the movie really does remind me of the Exorcist, except I enjoyed the Exorcist. It boggles my mind, that America actually buys tickets and DVDs for this movie. I wouldn't recommend this movie to my worst enemy, and after this review, I expect I'll have a few of them.