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oddjob589
Reviews
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)
Better than Phantom, but that's not saying much
*This may contain some spoilers here and there*
Well after Phantom Menace, I came into the Theatre with a few hopes about Ep. 2: Jar Jar Binks would be almost nonexistent, Anakin would be better acted, no stupid and inane sub-plots (like the podrace), and the movie would be nice and dark, like Empire. Well, my first hope was overfufilled. Jar Jar is not only almost never on screen, but he is responsible for single handedly screwing over the entire universe. Nice one George. My favorite part was Jar Jar convincing the Senate to give Palpatine those 'Emergency Powers,' I kid you not. Unfortunatly, my second hope went only moderatly fufilled! Hayden Christensen's preformance was only slightly better than that pug-faced little brat Jake Lloyd's. Hayden did have a terrible script to work with, but that's no excuse. Watch the first Star Wars again some time, the diologue is only slightly better than Ep 2, but the actors pulled it off. Hayden just sounds like a whiny little brat, like what Jake Lloyd would grow up into maybe, but not Anakin Skywalker. As for stupid sub-plots, well...that depends if you count that beast of a love story a sub-plot. And for those who say that its difficult to have a love story in Star Wars, go suck an egg. What do you think the story with Leia and Han was? Possibly one of the best love stories EVER! Well, maybe not, but it was still pretty good. As for the dark aspect, well..it was darker than Ep 1. The part where Anakin kills those Tusken Raiders was of the right essence. Look at the original trilogy, Planets getting blown up, Aunts and Uncles getting burnt into charred skeletons, the loss of the battle of Hoth, Luke Skywalker finding out that Vader is his father, THE LOSS OF DEK, LUKE'S TRUSTY SNOWSPEEDER GUNNER? The pre-tril looks like a Barney Episode compared to the originals! Overall, the action sequences were very good (mind you Ep 1 had a better lightsaber fight as far as style goes). Good effects and CGI. Obviously the acting and the dialogue are the worst aspects. I think that the plot is sound, and can't wait to see how it unfurls in Ep 3. What I won't be looking forward to is more mediocre acting, bad dialoge, and more Jar Jar Binks. When I make my millions, I'm going to hire a good twisted director like Tim Burton and finance the remaking of the pre-tril. Same basic plot with no Jar Jar, no pod-racing, more death, better actors, better writers, and some good old fashioned special effects and models. The Star Wars Pre-trilogy remix: Potential fully realised.
Tail Sting (2001)
Eye-Wateringly Awful-But I had a great time laughing at it
My friends and I had a movie night in which we each brought a terrible movie. This festival of atrociousness contained such esteemed titles as 'Chairman of the Board' (starring Carrot Top), 'Benji,' 'Like Mike' (starring Little Bow Wow), 'Murder She Purred,' and of course, 'Tail Sting.'
So how bad was Tail Sting? Well, let me put it this way, my friends and I were all in agreement that Tail Sting was worse than all of the other movies combined. The end of the Matrix Revolutions made six billion times more sense than this entire movie.
Ever heard that Richard Geni comedy routine about Jaws the Revenge (if you haven't, you should)? Mr. Geni could make an entire HBO comedy special out of this joke of a movie.
The production values of this movie are exceeded by elementary school educational film reels, while the acting could have been done better by Chester, your friendly neighbourhood homeless person.
*Spoilers Ahead*
But all of this is understandable. They had a poor budget and could only afford to cast the washouts from the Gong show. But a poor budget is no excuse for a script that allows a woman to kill a giant scorpion by hitting it over the head with a laptop computer. I mean honestly. I would have gladly written them a better script for free, AND MY WRITING STINKS!!!
Now should you see this movie? YES. Show it to your family, your friends, your enemies, your pets, your English teachers, and complete strangers. THE WORLD MUST SEE HOW BAD THIS MOVIE IS. If you are the sort of person that delights in laughing at terrible movies then this is a must. Make sure you watch this with a large group of friends late at night so you can revel in this movie's putridness. Better yet, buy it for one of your friends.
Cheers
Chairman of the Board (1997)
Laughing at it instead of with it
This movie is stupid. There's no getting around it. But so is Dumb and Dumber. Mind you, Dumb and Dumber is significantly more funny than this. However, I for one love seeing stupid movies (Tail Sting) and laughing with a group of good friends over how bad it is. Call me callous, but see this movie, and you'll find that the only way you can laugh at it is if you laugh at it instead of with it.