RavingJinn Reviews

Gunpowder Milkshake (2021)

A lazy forgettable mess from people that should know better

[4/10 · 19 November 2021]

I just don't get it. Are these overly recycled gender-swap copy-cats all that production companies are willing to make anymore? There was a time not too long ago when strong women-led action pieces like this simply couldn't go wrong. Just watch Charlize Theron in "Atomic Blonde" from 2017, it offered nothing new in genre or story, but its execution was brilliant and both the movie and its cast are thrilling and engaging throughout. It's a production representative of what was once known as a great movie-going experience, an achievement Hollywood no longer pursues.

Much like Netflix's "Jolt" with Kate Beckinsale, "Gunpowder Milkshake" had the potential and cast to do something great but failed miserably. Both are tedious under-performers, not just because the writing and setups and action pieces are lazy and uninspired, but because both productions had a chance to do something wonderful but couldn't deliver. Instead, they seem way more focused on woke casting than entertainment value, foregoing dialog, storyline, and engagement for Girl Power. Can we all just agree right now that oppression and prejudice are bad and give the reigns back to those professionals who are actually capable of making a good movie?

A generous 4 stars out of 10: not a completely unwatchable mess, but close.

Girl Blood Sport (2019)

Not a movie, not a feature, not worth your time.

[1/10 · 26 October 2021]

Not a movie, not a feature, not worth your time.

For you nine year olds out there, here lies 2 hours of trashy "fight girl" promo shots that have been stitched into ... what? A movie? What's clear from this mess is the narrowly-focused entrepreneur Kelcey Coe (whose name appears about 20 times during the 40-minute credit roll) has taken his collection of cheaply captured Emo role-play fantasy footage and regurgitated it into as many mediums as possible to make a buck. Magazines, websites, videos, apparel, and yes, this thing.

If watching a long series of amateur teen girls mug at the camera while holding chains and dripping fake blood sounds like something you'd like to see, drink your fill. Just know it's hard not to make that sound titillating ... it's not. There's no acting, no story, no direction, no premise, and no purpose. It's an unhealthy look into Coe's personal fantasy world, which also hosts his alternate persona Russell Brown, the world's deadliest assassin.

Army of the Dead (2021)

Falls way short of its awesome potential

[6/10 · 21 May 2021]

A number of reviewers have already taken shots at the huge plot holes and ridiculous setup of this movie; I share in both their criticism and disappointment. If you happen to care about such lofty things like coherent storytelling or character development, I'd wait to watch this lazy entry into the zombie genre until you're either drunk or stoned to overlook its many problems.

And while Zack may have gotten some kind of personal thrill out of manning every major job in this project, the outcome has clearly suffered as a result. What could have been an otherwise outstanding zombie action flick, given proper attention to detail and an avoidance of lazy tropes, is instead no more than another sparkly yet mediocre piece of cookie-cutter movie confection.

The fact that more movie goers aren't outraged by the significant and apparently permanent drop in quality/intelligence of most these blockbuster Hollywood productions is what bewilders me. Apparently, just shoveling an old retread of a story into a production-line CGI machine is enough to satisfy most of today's audience, who blithely flock to, praise, and subsidize whatever vapid POS comes out. Are super hero action scenes really all we're after anymore? Isn't it time to demand more for your entertainment dollar?

Splinter (I) (2008)

Are you serious???

[3/10 · 28 April 2021]

Who is dropping these positive reviews? Splinter is pure POS.

This could have been something: viral parasite (a tired trope done much better elsewhere), good cast (underused by a terrible script), close quarters survival (probably the best of the lot). But lazy writing and poor directing keep Splinter from being anything more than just another Sci-Fi Network token.

I suppose you could argue that characters exhibiting a complete lack of logic or reason in the choices they make have become a staple of the horror genre. If you're comfortable with that, watch-away and avoid stumbling over Paulo Costanzo's lifeless portrayal of the nerdish Seth, and good luck locking down any visual or mental understanding of just WTF is going on here.

If you demand more from your entertainment, from the writers and directors of such sloppy and lazy efforts, spend your time elsewhere.