johnmack63 Reviews

Ali (2001)

The Not So Greatest

[4/10 · 6 January 2012]

Muhammad Ali is perhaps the most photographed, filmed and written about sports figures of all time. His life story, the victories against Sonny Liston, conversion to Islam and subsequent suspension and return to the ring, has been told and retold in movies, documentaries and books, ad nauseum. The question then is what could Ali tell us about the real Ali that we don't already know? The answer, unfortunately is nothing.

Will Smith, who looks nothing like the real Ali, has the unenviable task of portraying a man whose face and voice are seared into our collective subconscious. He tries hard, but I did not for one minute believe that Smith was really Ali. He is also unable to duplicate Ali's incredible grace and speed in the ring. Jon Voight, of all people, plays Howard Cosell wearing what looks like a Halloween mask. I found the boxing scenes unconvincing and boring.

All of Ali's major fights, in addition to interviews with Ali and the important people in his life are available on the internet. Why would anyone be interested in seeing this movie?

Alexander (2004)

Epic Disaster

[1/10 · 13 December 2011]

If Oliver Stone is ever charged with murder and wants to plead the insanity defense, he can use Alexander as Exhibit A. Alexander is a three hour train wreck that may rank as one of the biggest bombs in movie history.

Alexander was one of the greatest military leaders in history and by the age of 32 he had conquered most of the civilized world. None of his military genius or the inner drive that made him the terror of the ancient world, however, is explored in Alexander. Instead, Oliver Stone focuses on Alexander's sexuality and on his insane, snake-handling mother, played by Angelina Jolie, with what sounds like a Transylvanian accent.

Colin Farrel is spectacularly miscast as Alexander. The slightly-built actor sports a ridiculous blond wig, and looks more like a surfer dude who would have a tough time beating Jolie in an arm wrestling contest, than the ruthless conqueror of nations (think Leonardo DiCaprio as Patton). The acting is universally awful and scenes continue endlessly with no apparent point. There are only two battle scenes in the entire movie and both are so confusing it is tough to tell what the hell is happening.

Tropic Thunder (2008)

That's Funny?

[19 October 2011]

As a huge fan of the crude, gross, and juvenile i.e., Caddyshack, Blazing Saddles, Waterboy, South Park, I had high hopes for Tropic Thunder, especially after reading the glowing reviews from the press.

After seeing this bloated mess, I had to read some of the "hated it" reviews at IMDb to make sure I wasn't losing my mind, because I thought this was one of the worst movies I have ever seen.

I wasn't "offended" by this piece of garbage, I was bored to tears. Expecting a laugh riot, I laughed exactly once, at the farting family trailer, the rest of the time I sat in stunned silence, like the rest of the audience. I want my $12 back.

Ed Wood (1994)

Burton At His Best

[10/10 · 5 October 2011]

Offbeat, hilarious and touching, Ed Wood is Tim Burton's best film and one of my favorite films ever.

Johnny Depp is outstanding as the title character,the outrageously eccentric and utterly talentless creator of such monumental bombs as Plan 9 from Outer Space and Glen or Glenda, who befriends a dying and destitute Bela Lugosi.

Martin Landau gives one of the most astonishing performances in movie history as Lugosi (and won a well-deserved Oscar). Stellar supporting work by Bill Murray, Sarah Jessica Parker, Mike Starr and Jeffrey Jones. A must see.

Patton (1970)

Great Scott

[5 October 2011]

A so-so war film elevated to almost greatness by the towering performance of George C. Scott as the brilliant and eccentric George S. Patton. Great supporting work by the British actors, particularly Michael Bates, who should have won an Oscar for his amazing portrayal of Bernard Montgomery.

The combat scenes are unimaginative and unconvincing, however. Particularly irksome is the fact that the tanks used to portray the famous American Sherman, bear absolutely no resemblance to the real thing. This is particularly evident when a real Sherman appears in a piece of news footage in the movie.

Interestingly, the movie is based partly on the memoirs of Omar Bradley, who in the movie appears to regard Patton with a combination of affection and awe. In real life Bradley, who did not drink, smoke, or swear, disliked Patton personally and almost never said anything positive about his abilities as a general.

Still, the film is largely accurate historically and worth seeing, if only for Scott's performance.

The Longest Day (1962)

War Isn't Hell

[3/10 · 3 October 2011]

A good old fashioned Hollywood war movie, if you like that type of thing. Star studded and big budget would-be epic, was well-received at the time of its release, but now seems as dated as a Tom Mix western.

Impressive in scope, but short on realism and heavy on comic relief and overacting, TLD makes war look like good, clean fun. D-day landing is completely bloodless and played for laughs. Pales in comparison to more realistic films like Paths of Glory and Saving Private Ryan.

John Wayne plays a paratrooper, but is so old and fat he looks like he couldn't climb a flight of stairs. Scenes with Richard Burton are ludicrous. They don't make 'em like this anymore, thank God.

Happy Gilmore (1996)

Happy Rules

[7/10 · 22 September 2011]

The critics hated it of course, but HG is one of my all time favorite comedies. However, I am a male and an avid golfer, so I don't know if you can take my recommendation. On the other hand, I don't like all of Sandler's films. In fact, I don't like most of his films, but this one is genuinely funny.

Carl Weathers is great as the one-handed golf pro and Ben Stiller and Bob Barker (of all people) have great cameos. Christopher MacDonald, who is a fine actor, is very good as Happy's nemesis, Shooter McGavin. There are also very funny scenes involving an albino caddy and an alligator's head (you'll have to trust me on this one).

Spaceballs (1987)

Another Stinker from Mel

[2/10 · 22 September 2011]

Yet another depressingly unfunny outing from the formerly great Mel Brooks. Space Balls recycles the same tired schtick and jokes that haven't been funny (coming from Brooks, anyway) since Young Frankenstein. I did not laugh once during the entire movie, although Rick Moranis did make me smile once or twice.

Space Balls was Brooks 4th or 5th dud in a row and and his movie career, thankfully, was coming to its end at the time of its release. On the plus side, the film is innocent and safe for kids and Brooks does manage to stay clear of the dirty old man jokes that plague History of the World Part 1.

Caddyshack II (1988)

Must Be Seen to Be Disbelieved

[1/10 · 21 September 2011]

Caddyshack 2 is so bad it must be seen to be disbelieved (and I loved Caddyshack). It is an insult to movies, golf, gophers and humanity in general and must rank as one of the worst movies ever made.

It's not bad in a bad Adam Sandler movie way either. It is so bad its surreal. It is so strange and poorly written you will be convinced that the screenwriters must have been dropping acid. Everyone in the movie is embarrassingly awful and Dan Akroyd, who speaks his lines in a strange, high-pitched voice, should have his SAG card revoked for his performance as a crazed grounds keeper.

The movie "stars" an incredibly miscast and unfunny Jackie Mason, and his love interest is played by an ancient and cadaverous looking Dyan Cannon (I am not kidding). To give you an idea of how old Dyan Cannon is, she was once married to Cary Grant. For masochists only.

History of the World: Part I (1981)

Let's Hope There is no Part 2

[1/10 · 21 September 2011]

Vulgar and wretchedly unfunny Brooks spoof. The only parts that made me laugh were Jews in Space and Hitler on Ice, which aren't even part of the movie.

Wastes the talents of Brooks regulars, Korman, Kahn, Leachman, etc. A sad comedown for the talented and classy Madeline Kahn.

Worse than Space Balls and Robin Hood Men in Tights, if that's possible, but better than Life Stinks, which is a complete disaster. Hard to believe this is the same talent who made The Producers, Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein, but then again, Brooks hasn't really been funny for 30 years.

Casino (1995)

A Bloody Trip Down Memory Lane

[5/10 · 21 September 2011]

Wow. Can't agree with most of the reviews for this one.

Love DeNiro and Scorcese and Goodfellas and Raging Bull are two of my favorites, but I found Casino hard to sit through, despite the great performances. I think Scorcese went to the DeNiro/Pesci/gangster film well once too often. I found the aging and diminutive Joe Pesci a little hard to believe as a Mafia enforcer and his "love" scene with Sharon Stone is unintentionally comical.

Brutally violent, overly long, and with few laughs to break the monotony, I actually found myself looking at my watch halfway through. Non-stop narration is distracting and an odd choice for Scorcese.