Darcusdebaal Reviews

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)

The popcorn was more engaging!

[20 August 2003]

I can only add to all the other sensible reviews. This film sucks, a major non-event. I couldn't believe how bad the lead actors' acting really was, maybe it will be revealed that he is also an android? I didn't expect much from the script but wasn't prepared for this dire drivel. Did Schwarzenegger secretly write it? It really is vacuous and contains pretentions expoused as if by a five year old. There does seem to be some dodgy editing which shouldn't be allowed in a big budget film like this. Add to this a few totally unfunny jokes and you have another vehicle created to mug the average cinema goer of their hard earned money.

Stop encouraging this kind of low quality crap getting made.

Paradise Grove (2003)

You'll be on the verge of death after watching this! Health Warning!

[1/10 · 18 August 2003]

After seeing this film I have to revise my understanding of the word 'comedy'. A good warning sign is any film that describes itself as 'quirky' or 'dark' and sure enough, Paradise Grove is neither of these. It assumes that to make a film jewish only requires that a character has to say schmuck and schwartzer a few times.

Paradise Grove is totally devoid of anything resembling humour, the script sounds like it was made up ten minutes before shooting started and some plot devices look like they were bolted on from a completely different film. Some of the shots would make a first year film student proud. Rula Lenska shows talent by managing to pull off a passable appearance given the dire lack of material she is given to work with, but Ron Moody looks as though he only turned up to collect the pay cheque and Lee Blakemore as Kim makes Metal Mickey look like Lawrence Olivier.

Ultimately this is probably one of the worst films I have had the agony to watch. By the end I almost felt embarrassed and was certainly intrigued as to how a film like this managed to get funded. Maybe it is an educational tool to show how not to make films.

Do not expect to see at a cinema near you...ever!!!