staunton-gary Reviews

Candy Cane Lane (I) (2023)

Not Treading on Toes

[6/10 · 3 December 2023]

I felt that the producers didn't want to step on anybody's toes, why? I have no idea. Eddie Murphy (Chris Carver) seemed like he was restrained, it looked like he was struggling to do a PG rated movie. There are glimpses of him through the movie though, and it does make the movie better.

At 1 hour 57 minutes, Candy Cane Lane, didn't seem that long. Having said that, it also felt that some scenes could have been left out and spent too much time on them. I wonder how much, better, footage was left on the cutting room floor. There was enough in this movie to keep me watching it, just.

It's a shame, this was my first 2023 Christmas movie to start off the season, it managed to rate just above average. I would recommend it though.

Bad CGI Gator (2023)

Everybody Shouts

[4/10 · 2 December 2023]

What a little movie with a little humour. It lost all credibility when the crocodile started flying around. Seriously, who in their right mind would put such unbelievable and untrue things into a movie. They must have used that invisible wire that the Asian martial arts movie uses. However, I managed to push past this fictitious feat and was on the edge of my seat for the rest of the movie.

Bad CGI Gator (2023) doesn't pretend to be anything other than cheesy with bad CGI (as the name hints at). I have seen other movies with worse CGI than what was on offer here.

The movie itself could have been a little better, script wise. Some of the scenes felt like they were based on other movies. The first one that came to mind was Chad (Ben VanderMey) felt like Shawn Wayans (Ray) from Scary Movie (2000). Enough rambling to fill out the minimum character limit, I would recommend it, once though.

Mad Heidi (2022)

Basic moves of Schwingen

[6/10 · 5 November 2023]

What a fun little movie this is. I must admit. I wasn't expecting much and gave myself 30 minutes before finding something else to watch. I managed to get all the way through it, had a fair few chuckles along the way too - sorry, no belly laughs.

5 minutes in and we get to see Heidi's (Alice Lucy) ass and not complaining about that at all. I thought that the cast, including Casper Van Dien, Katja Kolm, Rebecca Dyson-Smith, Max Rüdlinger and Kel Matsena all did a good job and kept me entertained. Will there really be a "Heidi & Klara" movie? I doubt it.

Overall, the movie is watchable, don't expect much, just enjoy the over acting and silliness. I would recommend to watch at least once.

Aged (2023)

I tried

[3/10 · 29 October 2023]

Warning, do not fast forward any part of this, you might miss something that explains what is going on and you will be forced to rewind it and watch it again.

Veronica Grey (Morgan Boss-Maltais) did play this part well, however, with the pace of the movie a little slow and the runtime too long for this story, I lost interest in the plot and the story itself became a "what" "huh" moment, more than once.

Mrs Bloom (Carla Kidd) play off against Miss Grey well, sometimes and other times her presence was like the "what" "huh" moments I mentioned above.

Joe (Adonis Ringo) brought nothing but "huh" moments to the story, he did this rather well. Perhaps he was only included because his name was Adonis.

I realised that while writing this, I dropped the rating down to 3 "what" says something about the movie. I'm hoping that Morgan Boss-Maltais gets some better roles. Would I recommend this? Nope.

Vindicta (2023)

aspiciebam in hac lingua mortua

[5/10 · 29 October 2023]

My Google Latin didn't come out as expected, but at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter, id quod est.

Vindicta feels like a meld of a couple of other movies, without their budget, Daredevil (2003) and Elektra (2005) come to mind, as somebody else stated in these reviews. It does seem to be a bit of a mash, parts were good, others not. Writers Ian Neligh and Steven Paul were possibly not on the same page. That's just my opinion though.

Elena Kampouris was, I felt, miscast in this role, although she did have some credible parts in this movie.

David (Daniel Cudmore) wore this mask that only had two small holes for his eyes. His peripheral vision must have been crap and wouldn't have helped him on his killing spree.

Jeremy Piven was in this, and that's all I have to say about it, that's how impactful his presence was.

Anyway, overall, Vindicta had a chance to be good, but all it managed was average. I would recommend this, but with the above warnings.

Cocaine Cougar (2023 Video)

Avoide at all costs

[3/10 · 22 October 2023]

Just because somebody provides the soundtrack for free, doesn't mean you should use it! With a whopping 6 minute intro, most of it playing Properties Of Terror by Snipers Of Babel, and some monotonous, unchanging wildlife noises followed by Snipers Of Babel.

Holy mother of God, where to start with this? I can tell you now that the sound post production was all over the shop, dialogue levels compared to filler music levels will get you reaching for the volume control, quick smart. The special effects, well let's just say that they were "special". Writer/Director/Actor combination rarely works and should be a warning.

I can't even tell where the budget went on this, maybe the soundtrack wasn't free after all. The only redeeming thing for this is that the credits start rolling at just under 41 minutes - but they go on for 10 minutes!

I am guessing that due to the writers and actors strike of 2023, we will be bombarded with tripe like this. The reviewer that rated this a 10 needs to be shamed for their 10 star review. There are 3 directors listed for this, shame that they could get it together. No recommendation here.

Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One (2023)

Don' think about it

[7/10 · 14 October 2023]

I went into this thinking Part 1, WTF! At least we only have to wait a year for part 2 (supposedly), unlike 2 years for part 2 of Fast X (2023). The steps in MI, I recognised from Fast X with the big ball. Shea Whigham (Briggs) was in the early versions on the Fast franchise.

Vacant characters Luther Stickell (Ving Rhames) and Benji Dunn (Simon Pegg) confused me somewhat, where's the team work. Hayley Atwell (Grace) I'm sure was put in the movie for some eye candy rather than a credible character - I got zero chemistry from her and Tom Cruise, maybe they tried to ignite some chemistry with Ilsa Faust (Rebecca Ferguson), which also failed. Hell, Vanessa Kirby (The White Widow) looked confused and probably put in the minimum effort. I'm sure that Esai Morales is a reasonable actor, but his character (Gabriel) didn't work as a villain.

Anyway, at over 2 and a half hours (and no post credit scene), this installment was way too long and lacked the polish of other MI movies. Some of the action sequences worked and locations are visually appealing. Maybe budget was the reason this didn't live up to the hype. Overall, I was entertained and therefore, I would recommend it.

The Nun II (2023)

No more sequels

[7/10 · 7 October 2023]

Judging from the end-credit scene (at about 1:44:30), with the appearance of Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga, I don't think that there will be a The Nun 3 - but you never know.

Taissa Farmiga (Irene) is back in this sequel to 2018's The Nun (2018). Jonas Bloquet (Maurice), as the lovable handyman is also back, but, not on his own.

Usually, sequels suck and never capture what the original did, in this case, it was better done than the original. Is it a masterpiece, no it isn't, but it is an enjoyable movie experience, well above average. Some scenes do let the movie down, but the better ones out weigh these. I would recommend this.

57 Seconds (2023)

If the main genre is SciFi

[5/10 · 7 October 2023]

If the main genre is listed as SciFi, you should know not to expect too much. I didn't and I was able to enjoy 57 Seconds for what it is.

Josh Hutcherson (Franklin Fox), I'm not sure that this role was suited to him, could another actor have done it better? I don't know. Having said that, the part was ok. Lovie Simone (Jala) - her role in this was simply to provide a compass to Franklin Fox, it did nothing for the movie. Greg Germann (Sig Thorenson) as the antagonist didn't work, it's a shame as he's a good actor.

Having Morgan Freeman (Anton Burrell) cast initially added credibility to the movie and was the main reason I decided to watch it. Sadly, he couldn't get the movie to above average.

Overall, 57 Seconds is a watchable movie as long as you don't expect much. I would recommend watching once.

Gran Turismo (2023)

Amazing

[8/10 · 28 September 2023]

Glad that I took the time to watch this movie. I thought that it was going to be the usual game-to-big screen fanfare, but I had a bit of time free. I wasn't expecting it to run for 2 hours and 14 minutes though. A tad long, but entertaining nonetheless.

Archie Madekwe (Jann Mardenborough) was perfect in this role, albeit about 6'3", much taller than Jann Mardenborough. David Harbour (Jack Salter) performed well, Orlando Bloom (Danny Moore) was a typical over the top marketing person. It all worked.

Some great effects and a banging soundtrack accompanies this movie. I would recommend this.

Primeval (2007)

One of the best croc movies

[7/10 · 27 September 2023]

I couldn't decide on a rating of 7 or 8, I decided that I would issue a 7 as the .5 of a star was closer to 7 than an 8. Moving on, Primeval tried to be something that it wasn't. A touch of Lake Placid (1999) maybe, a bit of a slasher, tried with the comedy, but failed.

Dominic Purcell (Tim Manfrey) played his part rather well, even though he contractually obliged to have at least 3 buttons undone, which made no difference to the plot - at all. Orlando Jones (Steven Johnson) was probably included to inject some of the comic relief that didn't materialise, having said that, I think that he's a great actor.

Brooke Langton, Jürgen Prochnow and other noted actors did a reasonable job. Overall, the action was well done, at 1 hour and 33 minutes, it did feel a little long. I would recommend it.

The Boogeyman (I) (2023)

Surprise!

[7/10 · 17 September 2023]

The Boogeyman was a welcome change from the poor efforts of the horror genre that have been released over this pandemic era.

It took a film adaptation of a short story, written by Stephen King, to get some scare back into the genre. Sophie Thatcher, in my opinion, nailed the part. Including children in a horror, either works or it doesn't, Vivien Lyra Blair played her part very well.

Some of the plot seemed to be some kind of filler a material, which is to be expected as this was based on a short story. At one hour and 38 minutes (according to the IMDB page) The Boogeyman didn't feel too long.

There's enough scare and creature on screen presence to keep you entertained. I would recommend this.

The Baker (II) (2022)

Nova is pink

[6/10 · 17 September 2023]

When the movie started, I was thinking to myself that it kind of felt familiar. It was almost like somebody had binged watched some early Steven Seagal movies like Above the Law (1988) and Hard to Kill (1990), and then thought up this story. Wasn't bad, just a little slow. The action wasn't that bad, Ron Perlman aka The Baker, did a reasonable job portraying his character. Old school baddie, Harvey Keitel was his usual self and matched his character too. Vic (Elias Koteas) played the tortured number two. If you are expecting a movie similar to Taken (2008) or the fast action of Liam Neeson, you won't find it here.

Overall, a solid above average movie. I would recommend at least one watch.

Battle at Big Rock (2019)

Not bad at all, and done in under 10 minutes

[8/10 · 14 September 2023]

Battle at Big Rock was a bit of surprise for me, I wasn't expecting much for the running time that it was done in.

The synopsis, from IMDB is: A family on a camping trip to Big Rock National Park, about 20 miles from where Fallen Kingdom has ended, take part in the first major confrontation between dinosaurs and humans.

As stated, the movie follows on from Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018), and it makes sense as most of the dinosaurs go off into the night.

Edge of the seat entertainment, André Holland, Natalie Martinez, Melody Hurd, Pierson Salvador and the baby (Noah Cole/Ethan Cole) all played their part in this.

You either like it or you don't, I think that it's worth 10 minutes of your life. I would recommend it.

2012: Ice Age (2011 Video)

Holy mother of batman's butler's brother's bit on the side!

[2/10 · 6 August 2023]

Within a few minutes you will realise that the budget wasn't used on the actors or even the writers.

If you want to see a movie similar to to the Day After Tomorrow (The Day After Tomorrow (2004)) I would suggest that you look elsewhere, you will not get you natural disaster fix here.

Reminds me of the time I watched 2012 (2009) and thinking why is Woody Harrelson playing a character like this, such a shame. Thankfully, this movie (I won't bother putting a link to it), showed me that when your budget is used to get actors that can actually act, their performance does make the movie more entertaining.

Anyway, not recommending this one one.

Sheroes (2023)

Angels of Mission Impossible

[5/10 · 2 July 2023]

From the synopsis, I thought that this might be a little fun movie to while away the time, I was right. It was nice to see Isabelle Fuhrman (Ezra) being all feminine and sexy, especially after I had recently seen her in Orphan: First Kill (2022). Wallis Day (Ryder) played the part of the fighter, but was portrayed to look like Wallis Day in Charlie's Angels (2019), but that was in my opinion. Sasha Luss (Diamond) played the part well enough, but I couldn't take to her character. Skai Jackson (Daisy) was just the helpless love interest that needed to be rescued.

With a relatively small budget (around $20 million), I think that the movie was done well enough. A bigger budget would have produced a much better experience, but it is what is. Some acting is rubbish and is definitely a B level performance. The writing, it's easy to see where some of the inspiration came from, just didn't have the budget to produce it for the screen.

Don't expect big budget effects and polish, and you will probably enjoy it. I would recommend this.

Fast X (2023)

I was enteratained, somewhat

[7/10 · 11 June 2023]

Released May 2023 for a part 1, part 2 is due April 25 - at this rate, Zimmer frames will start making an appearance, due to necessity, for the Part 3 installment. Dangerously becoming a "milk it" project. If we didn't have to wait so long for the "Part 2" movie, it might have been ok, but an almost 2 year wait - with a Part 3 still to be organised.

I wasn't sure about the campiness of Jason Momoa, but he managed to make it work and fit the character well - maybe that's just because it is him.

Michelle Rodriguez looked older than the in the last movie, this is the main reason that the time between each installment needs to be shorter, otherwise it runs the risk of petering out rather than finishing on a high.

Gisele (Gal Gadot) will have a bigger part in Part 2. Just waiting for Shaw (Luke Evans) to make his return.

Anyway, overall, I was entertained and I would recommend it.

Deadtime (2013)

Australian Movie

[4/10 · 7 May 2023]

I don't know what it is, but Australia does struggle to produce a polished movie project. Deadtime is just below average. The acting and dialogue lacked pace and struggle to keep me entertained.

Rody Claude, among other things, stared and directed this movie. Was that a mistake? I think that it could have been, and the movie suffered from it.

He story line was passable, however, the lack of pace and direction l;et the script down. It's possible that with a more experienced director, Deadtime, may have been an above average movie. I am hopeful that the Australian film makers get a bigger budget to add the finishing touches to their movies. Would I recommend it, no.

Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023)

For the boobies zip to 24:40

[2/10 · 16 April 2023]

The year is 2023 - B grade movies are expected to have bad actors, bad effects and a bad story telling, it's all here. The prologue sets up the movie awesomely, then the budget ran out and the remaining hour and 20 minutes (roughly) is what you have to sit through. As I said before, it's 2023, a better effort should have been made with this adaptation of Winnie the Pooh into the horror genre. Do we want to see this? Hell yeah, if it's done right, there's a good chance that it will become good enough for a multi-movie horror fest. Forget a sequel to this, just start a fresh with a bigger budget. Would I recommend this, not really.

The Most Dangerous Game (2022)

Ach du lieber Gott

[3/10 · 11 January 2023]

Oh My God indeed. Yes, this movie was rubbish and low budget, apparently just under $220k. To keep the costs down, I think that Kevin Porter wasn't given a speaking part and his dialogue was the best part of the film.

I didn't recognise Tom Berenger (Dr Ben Colt), well done there. Judd Nelson (Marcus Rainsford) actually didn't look too well and looked stupid in an oversize shirt. He could pass as being related to Bruce Dern (Whitney Tyler).

Casper Van Dien (Baron Von Wolf) didn't break his character during the whole movie, I found it a bit weird that he had a picture of himself, in his hunting gear.

Overall, this movie sucks, the acting sucks, the set sucks, the effects suck. I'd recommend The Hunt (2020) instead, this I wouldn't.

Glass Onion (2022)

Layered like an onion

[8/10 · 4 January 2023]

Glass Onion (A Knives Out Mystery) wasn't the perfect murder mystery, I don't know why I was expecting that genre, especially as it wasn't listed as being in that genre. However, I was entertained and for that reason I rated it as I did.

A well cast movie. I wasn't sure about the character Derol (Noah Segan) and what he offered to the movie (although he played Trooper Wagner in Knives Out (2019)). No other reference popped into my head and the part is small so wasn't worth thinking about anyway. (Update) Well, I went and read the Trivia section and did find the reason that he's in the movie, an association with Rian Johnson.

It's neither mind blowing or lackluster, it is simply entertaining. I would recommend this.

Don't Fuck in the Woods 2 (2022)

The Pandemic Movie Collection

[2/10 · 1 January 2023]

Holy mother of god! Who the hell thought it was a good idea to dump some cash on this thing?

This movie must be highly listed on the Screenplay Highlighting Inferior Talent index. I have to warn you about this dribble, and I have to have a minimum of 600 characters.

You would be better off watching The Evil Dead (1981) or Evil Dead II (1987), at least they did it correctly.

Lot's of boobs, couldn't spot any plastic though. Only one scene where the thing entered a girls clacker and a bit of girly bits can be seen.

Bad acting, forgotten lines, bad set, it's all here. The story was passable, with polish and a decent budget, this movie could have risen in the ratings. Sorry, not recommending this one.

Oculus (2013)

Mirror mirror

[8/10 · 31 December 2022]

What a good movie Oculus is. I didn't know anything about this, (Karen Gillan) was the draw card for me - probably because she has been in a fair few of the Marvel movies and I enjoyed her acting.

Anyway, the movie switches from past events to the present events, usually, I get tired watching this type of story telling. However, this method worked in this movie and wasn't distracting.

Katee Sackhoff played the mother (past) very well and the path her character took was well done too. Rory Cochrane) was probably the weakest link, although his acting was just good enough. I've been watching (EastEnders (1985)) of late and he reminded me of Mick Carter (played by Danny Dyer).

The genre for the movie is spot on with enough Horror, Mystery & Thriller to keep you jumping and entertained. I would recommend this.

Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022)

Three Parts

[3/10 · 28 December 2022]

This movie, Christmas Bloody Christmas, I wasn't expecting much, at least I thought that it would be a mindless slasher. And guess what, I was somewhat disappointed with the results.

The use of the potty mouth to, maybe, aim the movie at a particular audience, failed and just became annoying. Maybe it was to overcome the poor acting, audio, lighting or script. Anyway...

Christmas Bloody Christmas could have been over and done in under an hour. Especially if they got rid of most of the dialog in the first 30 minutes, made the movie feel much longer.

This is what I got from it: Part 1 - talking and Riley Dandy in her underwear. Part 2 - too much screaming and not enough slashing. Part 3 - farcical robot action, and too much screaming.

Would I recommend this, nah.

Violent Night (2022)

Home Alone with John McClane

[8/10 · 28 December 2022]

What a pleasant surprise Violent Night was. I went into it expecting a Christmas Santa Slasher complete with bad acting and not much of a story. Although I did not get that, I wasn't disappointed.

During the movie I did find myself thinking about other movies this may have drawn from, such as Home Alone a the Die Hard franchise. It didn't really spoil the movie though.

David Harbour (Santa) played his part well, and wasn't over the top or with magical kung-fu skills. John Leguizamo (Scrooge) played a good antagonist, without being over the top.

Overall, it was well acted acted and entertaining. The violence wasn't over the top or an obscene amount of blood and gore. I would recommend this move.