MadMan400096 Reviews

Parasyte: The Maxim (2014–2015)

Dammit, Parasyte! Just...dammit!

[4/10 · 22 April 2016]

I really wanted to like Parasyte. Hell, for the first 11.5 episodes, I did. The parasites felt unique, the interactions between Shinichi and Migi were entertaining, and there were loads of great action sequences. Of course, even back then, there were problems. I hated Murano, the love interest with no personality other than to be either a whiny bitch or a blank slate, and few of the other characters were that interesting, either. There was also a tendency to hammer in pretentious morals about life. But as bad as they could get, they were tolerable, as the rest was generally good.

But then, episode 12 ended with a really dumb middle to anyone wanting answers to a certain character's burning mystery. And it only got worse, leading to one of the worst final episodes I've ever seen. Plot threads were either ignored or ended in incredibly lame ways, characters either were utterly wasted or turned into complete balls (think Reiko Tamura) Murano continued to be pointless and unlikable, and the hammering in of its hippie morals turned into full-on dropping an anvil-no, 50 an-screw it, there's not enough anvils in the world to describe the utter lack of subtlety. There's a place for ambiguity, but Parasyte overdoes it to the point of creating full-on plot holes.

In the end, Parasyte is a prime example of a good show that completely crapped on itself on the end. I'm surprised how many people love it, because whereas they see a deep, compelling show, I see a pretentious mess.

Akame ga Kill! (2014)

Nothing short of a trainwreck

[1/10 · 21 February 2016]

I can't think of very many series I hated as much as Akame ga Kill. I sat through every godawful episode of this damn thing on Toonami. It was only 24 weeks worth of episodes and, even without the breaks for marathons, it felt like I'd had to watch it for a full year.

I will give it this: It's well animated. White Fox did a mighty fine job here; the characters move smoothly and there were very few (if any) times I felt they were half-assing it, which is fairly admirable considering the ultra-generic designs and tight budget.

That's where the good stuff ends, though. Nothing else about it works. The characters are little more than lame archetypes or dumb non-entities. They try to be all grimdark by throwing around gore and politic and crap, but then they use optimistic hero crap and "comedy" that left me praying for Adam Sandler's paid vacations. A lot of the action scenes are full of ass-pulls and nonsense. Most of all, however, it can't figure out what the hell it's supposed to be! Its tone is obnoxiously inconsistent, it flip-flops between modern and medieval notions, and, again, ass-pull after ass-pull.

This is without a doubt, not just one of the worst anime I've ever seen, but one of the worst cartoons in general I've ever seen. Nobody in it made me care about them. None of the jokes got a single laugh out of me. And it can't even decide its tone. It's just groanworthy and manipulative at best and worthy of being tortured to death at worst.

Cowboys & Aliens (2011)

Every bit as stupid as its setup

[1/10 · 29 July 2012]

"Cowboys & Aliens" is what happens when a good director (Jon Favreau) makes a moronic abomination. Of course, you shouldn't blame him. Blame the five writers who still managed to louse it up.

It's an already stupid setup (Western meeting Sci-Fi) executed just as badly as you'd expect. Daniel Craig's character has the name "Jake Lonergan". Ugh. Puns like these made me sick. But that's not all. The flick is pounded by a confusing plot, unengaging characters, CG that doesn't feel as good as it should, and utterly stupid and ridiculous plot twist: mysterious girl Ella being revived by fire. Are you kidding me!? It makes no sense (even for Sci-Fi), it destroys our willing suspension of disbelief, it's an utter disregard for basic biology, and it has a flimsy explanation-she's an alien. That's not an excuse! On top of that, it barely explains anything else about her, either! Her death by explosion actually make more sense than this.

So, overall, this movie should not be watched by anyone. It's a brain dead mess.