douglasjeffreys-688-703001 Reviews

The Collector (I) (2009)

it got 1 star only because I had to give it one

[1/10 · 2 May 2021]

If I could have given this negative stars I would gladly have done it. The writers, Patrick Melton & Marcus Dunstan, deserve to experience every horror inflicted on the victims of this film. The only likeable person in this film was the little girl, actress Karley Scott Collins and she seemed to escape at the end. Everyone else, including the protagonist, deserved to die. Mainly for being stupid and/or for being a dirt-bag. That was 90 minutes of my life I'll never get back. Save yourself, watch something else.

#Alive (2020)

Sad to see

[3/10 · 13 September 2020]

It was truly disappointing to see the South Korean writers putting out such a idiotic "horror" film. They seem to have watched every brainless American slasher flick to get their horribly stupid plot. The protagonist seems to have absolutely no survival skills of any sort and survives on sheer dumb luck. Also the utilities (water, gas, electric, phone, etc.) stay on far longer than they should. I had considered the Koreans to be one of the last bastions of good horror films, I guess I have to rethink that. Truly sad to see.

Hamilton (2020)

Zero historical value

[3/10 · 20 July 2020]

I guess you have to be a "millennial" or younger to appreciate the songs and that's all well and good (I'm just not into rap, hip-hop, et al). The performers have obvious talent when it comes to singing and dancing. That being said, this musical has absolutely no historical basis other than the names and some of the costumes and I fear that the folks that enjoy this musical will believe it as cannon. Please research for yourself, I don't mean Wikipedia, and get the real story.

I See You (II) (2019)

Don't waste your time

[1/10 · 24 May 2020]

I don't know where to begin. One would expect a person to do something stupid occasionally. However, when the husband, who is a seasoned detective as well as a fairly successful serial kidnapper/killer, his wife, their son, the "phrogger" that has insinuated herself into their lives and her psychopathic cameraman make stupid decisions and mistakes on a nearly hourly basis, you know the writer of this film took the lazy way out, going for cheap scares and spooky atmosphere rather than good writing to move the plot along. Oh well. I guess the actors have bills to pay too.

Thirst (III) (2015)

Bad in every sense of the word

[1/10 · 7 March 2020]

Save yourself! I watched this movie so you don't have to. This movie takes every bad cliche, trope, plot point ever put into a horror film and not only uses it, but actually makes it worse. Yeah, I know, I didn't think it was possible either. I gave it one star because the format requires something but if you consider it a minus 5 you will be much closer to the real rating.

Hunters (2020–2023)

Not bad but...

[6/10 · 2 March 2020]

I am now four episodes into this series and whereas I find it generally a pretty good series, I find one actor to be a major distraction. Logan Lerman is disappointingly good at playing pansies. Of his 29 on screen appearances he only played one character with balls, and that was one written by the 19th century novelist Alexander Dumas. Clearly all the writers in Hollywood are liberal hacks that are, unsuccessfully, trying to impart their misguided modern sense of justice on a bunch of 1970's Jewish vigilantes, you know, some of the most right-wing, NAZI hating people on the planet. They need to get rid of the Jonah Heidelbaum character, or have him grow a pair.

Them (2006)

Brainless

[1/10 · 1 March 2020]

Quite possibly one of the stupidest movies I've ever seen

Allies (2014)

I watched it so you don't have to

[2/10 · 7 January 2020]

Well, the beginning of the film had some issues as has previously been pointed out; such as the Germans and allies standing erect, in tightly bunched groups, firing at each other as if they were re-enacting a revolutionary war battle. Too, the cameraman seems to have an advanced case of Parkinson's disease. The scene in the aircraft, which was flying straight and level and NOT under fire, shook so badly it was nearly unwatchable. I saw at least one soldier (somewhere around 22 minutes) pull a grenade pin with his teeth before throwing it. This is a sure way to loose some teeth. I'm hoping that anyone that gave this film more than 4 stars did so with tongue firmly in cheek, in fact the ones that gave it high marks seem to have had their tongues planted between the film makers hind cheeks. This is the kind of film you want to watch with a group of your friends so you can make snarky remarks ala Mystery Science Theater 3000. At least the props department and costuming seemed to put some effort into the film. Because of them I will give it two stars.

Doom: Annihilation (2019)

Such Potential, Such a Waste

[1/10 · 29 December 2019]

These are the worst soldiers I've ever seen. Yes, I called them soldiers because they are clearly not Marines, and I use the term "soldier" very loosely. The writers used every bad trope from every bad creature feature. This crap feature should have been written for the SciFi channel.

Sweetheart (I) (2019)

A Nice Surprise

[8/10 · 29 December 2019]

From the very beginning the protagonist captures the feeling of panic and helplessness a person with no knowledge of survival might feel. Her backhanded attempts at various survival techniques were quite convincing. She learned fairly quickly due to her fear of the "monster". The story successfully builds the feeling of isolation and, I must say, the creature was well done and original. I am usually quite critical of creature features but this one was well written and the protagonist was smart enough to watch and learn.

Ravenous (2017)

Another Pointless Zombie Film

[3/10 · 2 November 2019]

I love a "good" (emphasis on good) horror flick, you know, one that has an intelligent plot with at least one intelligent protagonist. This movie has none of that. A series of brainless scenes strung together in a random fashion with no plot. The really sad part is this story had potential. The cinematography was beautiful. The make-up effects were well done. The tension in many parts was built steadily. Even the plot had potential, if only the writer and director had known what to do. *sigh* I can only give this three stars.

Terrifier (2016)

Don't waste your time

[1/10 · 31 December 2018]

This is one of the most mind numbingly stupid movies I've ever seen. Written by stupid people, about stupid people for stupid people. this is every bad horror movie cliche all wrapped up in one film. This is an hour and twenty-two minutes of my life I'll never get back.

Knifepoint (2011)

Unknown, for good reason

[1/10 · 11 November 2016]

*Spoilers* When I first stumbled upon this film, I'd never heard of it. As I watched it, I began to understand why. I went into this expecting a movie about potential victims turning the tables on their criminal tormentors. What I got was an hour and twenty minutes of pointless, warped, depravity and violence. This film had absolutely no redeeming characters whatsoever. With a body count of nine you'd kind of expect to feel sympathy for at least one of them, but, no. I was actually glad to see most of them die and didn't care about the others. They were simply so evil or so stupid, I expected bad things to happen to them. The entire plot was just to stupid and contrived to make any sense at all. The two sisters shared an apartment in the very popular Venice Beach, California, yet it was less populated than the Siberian tundra. This very large gang staked out this apartment complex for a strong- arm robbery, yet there was no way they were going to get enough loot to split among the nine of them and make it worth their while. This was clearly a film with only one goal. See how much senseless evil and bloody violence can be crammed into an hour and twenty minutes. Save your money, and more importantly, your time and stay away from this horrible film.

Stan Against Evil (2016–2018)

Awesome parody

[7/10 · 5 November 2016]

*Spoilers* First, let me state the obvious. The shows are too short, and John C. McGinley is hilarious. Clearly this is inspired by "Ash vs. Evil Dead" but it is not a rip-off. Sheriff Stanley Miller (John C. McGinley) attends the funeral of his recently deceased wife and gets into a violent confrontation with a witch that only he can see. Thus forced to retire he soon discovers his late wife was protecting him from a 400+ year old curse that caused the untimely and horrifying demise of all the previous town sheriffs. He now must ally himself with the new sheriff, who just happens to be a woman...And from out-of- town to boot, to fight off a seemingly never-ending horde of witches, demons and devils. Add to this a whole town full of colorful characters and an odd daughter and you have the perfect foils for McGinley's old-fashioned, misogynistic, sarcastic humor. If you have a slightly warped sense of humor, a love of shows about the para-normal & supernatural, you will enjoy this show. It is programmed into my DVR so I won't miss a minute.

Alien Outpost (2014)

Better Than Expected

[7/10 · 27 July 2015]

I watched this movie because I was laid up at home with an injury and was bored out of my mind. This turned out to be a decent film. The acting was good, the special effects were top notch and the locations were clearly well thought out. For a science fiction film it was quite believable. My biggest criticism would be that it was too well produced and too tightly scripted for a supposed documentary, which it was supposed to be. You need more than some hand-held cameras to pull that off. The script should have felt a little more natural throughout and the cinematography should have looked a bit more "raw". Also, I felt that after the hypnotic-like actions of the 'suicide bomber' at the slaughtered goat scene in the rock quarry the soldiers should have been able to recognize the same behavior in certain characters later in the film. But, really, aside from that, this was a pleasant diversion.

Extraterrestrial (2014)

Just horrible

[1/10 · 18 May 2015]

Colin Minihan & Stuart Ortiz are clearly two of the worst writers on the planet. I've seen more sense come out of the crayons of five-year-olds. Apparently this is the only kind of writing that comes out of Hollywood. Don't waste your time on this crap, or anything written by these two talentless hacks. Whereas I don't expect much out of the younger actors, I must say I was a little disappointed to see the likes of Gil Bellows and Michael Ironside wasting their time with this type of nonsense. Well I suppose they have bills to pay, but you'd think they would take a job with a little more respect and esteem like, oh I don't know, pimps or even insurance salesmen. Sadly, this is 101 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

Z Nation (2014–2018)

Where have all the good writers gone

[2/10 · 4 October 2014]

I was hoping that with actors like DJ Qualls, Tom Everett Scott & Harold Perrineau this zombie apocalypse series might be worth watching, I mean, it couldn't be worse than "The Walking Dead" right? Boy was I wrong. The premise of the story is interesting but the characters are so mind-numbingly stupid that in any tale even close to reality they would not have survived the first show, and it only gets worse. What makes this particularly bad is show number one starts some three years into the zombie apocalypse. By this point you'd kind of figure the survivors would be pretty wise to the ways of living in this savage new world, but nope. They proceed to stumble through their daily hazards, escaping each ridiculous scenario at the whim of the script writers. There is the 'stoner' doctor that provides a bit of comic relief but even that runs thin when he shares a 'blunt' with a zombie and gets it high. Also, can anyone tell me where the teenage sharp-shooter, 10k, carries his seemingly endless supply of ammunition? They they consistently walk into a variety of ambushes that even a blind man could see coming a mile away one has to wonder how this group of mental midgets will save the world? As time goes by, you would expect them to learn from their mistakes and grow smarter, but no. Stupidity and cowardice are the rules of this show, Don't waste your time.

The Colony (I) (2013)

Decent start, bad finish

[3/10 · 22 June 2014]

With a solid cast and a good plot, although based on improbable science, one might expect an entertaining movie but you'd be wrong. It's as if the writer quit about half-way through the script and they got one of the gaffers to finish writing the film. SPOILER ALERT: After fleeing from the cannibals Sam (Kevin Zegers) and Briggs (Laurence Fishburne) have to stop and seek shelter due to the ferocity of the storm, yet hours later, the cannibals are able to run them down by following their completely visible foot prints that gale-force winds and falling snow failed to obscure in the least. Also, how do a group of twenty or so savages, armed with blades, take out a group of around fifty survivalists, armed with firearms and hunkered down in a bunker? That's just part of the mindless inconsistency of the second half. Don't waste your time on this one.

Enigma (I) (2009)

Watching paint dry would be more exciting

[3/10 · 26 April 2014]

I watched this because in the blurb on Amazon Prime it mentioned "Winner 20+ festival awards". I really don't know how it won any awards unless the other nominees were horrible. First, anyone with at least a third grade education knows there is no sound in space, yet anytime a scene went to an exterior shot of ships in space there were loud engine sound effects. That alone is a deal breaker. The plot was nothing new. The acting was wooden and contrived. The dialogue was simplistic and boring. The fight scenes were poorly shot and apparently choreographed by someone who has never, ever used a firearm or seen actual hand-to-hand combat. The story was confusing at best. Imagine missing the first and third acts of something like "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine" and trying to make sense of it after viewing only the second act. With an estimated budget of $50,000 it is clear they spent it on sets and some special effects, because if they spent any of it on writing, directing, acting and choreography, they are due a large refund. Save yourself the 42 minutes and do something more entertaining like watching the grass grow.

Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

Re-defines Bad

[1/10 · 26 October 2013]

The most unbelievable thing about this is there are apparently enough stupid fans to make these seemingly endless sequels worth filming. This is the most atrocious, bad, awful, crummy, dreadful, lousy, poor, unacceptable, inferior, cheesy, crappy, deficient, dissatisfactory, faulty, god-awful, inadequate, slipshod, stinking, substandard, unsatisfactory, garbage I've ever seen. At this point in the series everybody knows the legend of Michael Meyers, so you would think that when they finally set his ass on fire they would keep adding fuel until there were nothing but a small pile of ash, but no. Just lightly sear him and walk away. Goodbye common sense. Hello next horrible sequel.

Olympus Has Fallen (2013)

Unbelievably Stupid Plot

[1/10 · 13 August 2013]

This is so mind-numbingly stupid I barely know where to begin. First, the opening scene; One of the heavily armored presidential limos is wrecked when it hits some form of wildlife during a snowstorm. In reality this wouldn't even cause a vibration in the vehicle nor a panicked response from the driver as in the film. Second; The rogue aircraft which begins the attack was obviously a "Gunship" and would not have got within fifty miles of the White House. Third; The North Korean ground troops that miraculously appear in large numbers armed with automatic weapons and rocket launchers and handily dispatch the Secret Service agents armed only with handguns would, in reality, have been met and died at the hands of U.S. Marines and Secret Service agents all wearing state-of-the-art battle armor and carrying a variety of automatic weapons, sniper rifles, grenade launchers and man-portable rockets. If, after all that they somehow managed to get into the Presidents bunker and take him hostage, the acting President along with the remaining Joint-Chiefs would simply tell them that their hostage was no longer Commander-in-Chief and they were, in fact, now imprisoned and all previous codes would be instantly changed, making any codes or information the captives knew valueless. I don't believe I need to go any further. Consider yourself warned and use your time for more pleasant activities such as a root-canal or spinal tap.

Dead Snow (2009)

Don't waste your time

[2/10 · 17 March 2010]

Clearly the Norwegians don't get it. This movie is listed as a comedy, horror movie. I don't know. Maybe you have to be Norwegian to understand the jokes. The only scene that was in any way funny was right after one of the main characters gets bitten on the arm and explains to his buddy that he will now have to cut off the limb to avoid infection and proceeds to lop of the arm and cauterize it with fire, a zombie bursts up out of the snow and bites him on his crotch. The look on his face when he realizes what he is going to have to now amputate is funny. Other than that, this could have come right out of the Hollywood zombie mill. All the predictable scenes as well as annoying sub-titles. The Norwegians seem to have a real fascination with people having their intestines slowly drawn out too. Now let's move on to Zombie Physiology 101. These zombies bled profusely when wounded, moved like Olympic athletes and were obviously breathing. Now anyone should know that the dead don't bleed (That requires a working circulatory system to provide blood pressure). The dead can't move fast as the strain on decaying muscle and tendons would be too much. (The longer you been dead, the slower you are). Some might argue that these zombies were fairly fresh as they had been buried in the snow all these years. That means they would be frozen SOLID and unable to move at all. And lastly, being dead they would not need nor even be able to breathe. If you want to make a Zombie Comedy then follow the same formula as "Shaun of the Dead" or "Army of Darkness". Plenty of sight-gags and parody. If you want to make a serious Zombie film try making your protagonists at least moderately capable. Otherwise you're just rehashing the same old garbage.