ArcherAdam Reviews

The Sadness (2021)

Action packed, but falls a little short

[6/10 · 22 December 2022]

To call it a World War Z/Train To Busan hybrid is accurate, but this one goes in places the other two only touched upon. It's quite gory (I'm not one to shy away from that - but it even made ME cringe), and visually it's stunning in places, but it lacks the emotional punch of those two ultimately superior films.

It's strong for the first 2/3 of it, in terms of its pacing, and we get some superficial character development regarding the main couple. Eventually the pair are separated, but determined to find each other. Most of his scenes are spent running away from the diseased (these are zombies in behavior only), while she spends most of her time trying to escape a creep she met on the subway.

Eventually the film focuses almost exclusively on her, leaving her boyfriend to be little more than an afterthought for the last third. And this is where the movie falls apart. I just didn't care about this couple. I had no emotional attachment to them, and I really didn't care if they reunited. I will say that the last five minutes of the film, where we learn what ultimately happens to them, has some of the most disturbing dialogue I've heard in a mainstream horror movie in some time.

Hannah Gadsby: Nanette (2018 TV Special)

Razor thin comedy wrapped in joyless cartoon Feminism

[5/10 · 7 July 2022]

I would have gladly given this a higher rating if was properly placed in the genre to which it belongs.

As a humanities lecture with some forgettable humor tossed in, it's outstanding. As a character study of a severely broken woman it's fascinating. As a standup comedy show it's a dismal failure. Her material includes competent but hardly memorable jokes that go on for way too long.. Her ramblings about men didn't offend me -do people think this is the first time our gender has heard any of this? It's hardly the groundbreaking work it pretends to be.

I've noticed some unfortunate things from reading the reviews on this, though. If you're only mildly entertained by dull, razor thin feminist baiting tripe you're some sort of incel. Women aren't above criticism, and if you're going to touch on this subject you don't get to call anyone who disagrees with you a misogynist and leave it that. It's too simplistic. And it takes away all accountability for your failure to entertain.

The message I took away from this was unfortunate - men want comedy (most of the top tier comedians are male), women want validation. And that's truly a sad, cynical attitude to walk away with. She makes a better public speaker preaching to the choir because, as a comedian, she does little to dispel the tired stereotype that women aren't funny.

Thank God for Kathleen Madigan.

Followed (II) (2018)

It has its moments

[5/10 · 19 May 2022]

The movie does a great job of blasting the hell out of influencer culture and the toxicity that surrounds it. The lead character is impossible to like, which is the point, but really I just didn't care enough about anyone else. The entire thing could have been carried by the main character alone and you'd still end up with the same movie. It definitely has a good scare or three - his descent into a dark hotel basement is great - , but it's also unnecessarily convoluted, and the twist is pretty obvious. Even so, it's still a pretty well made, solid entry in its genre.

Curse of Aurore (2020)

Creepy but empty

[2/10 · 7 December 2021]

I realize this is a cliched thing to say about a found footage film, but I absolutely hated these people. Kevin, in particular, might be the biggest nozzle I've seen in a movie of this type since probably ever.

I will give it some credit - there's a creep factor that pervades the movie, and the performances from the men are fine (even though the guy who plays Kevin looks like he belongs in a treatment clinic for a meth addiction). If you keep your eyes pealed you can see some interesting things happening around dark corners, but otherwise there's not much happening. The ending stepped straight out of TBWP.

An okay choice if you find three American dicks being constantly yelled at by a bunch of French Canadians scary.

Somebodys There (2015)

Frustrating

[2/10 · 17 September 2021]

Good concept. Okay acting. Terrible execution. There are too many characters to keep up with. You won't remember their names, let alone getting to know anything about them enough to care. The murders are totally random and creatively bankrupt, and that glitching effect that directors of these types of movies think they need to include for it to feel more authentic is super annoying. It's not 1986.

Two of them men keep getting into random fights because....reasons, and apart from wearing pig masks, there's nothing intimidating or special about the killer.

It's too bad they used a title like The Pigman Murders. Somebody could have made a decent movie called that.

Smiley Face Killers (2020)

Shoulda Woulda Coulda

[4/10 · 28 July 2021]

The source material for this movie is fascinating, and if it had been handled the right way there could have been a great mockumentary made from the mythos. The drowning deaths of several male, athletic, attractive college students over a number of years, all of them accompanied by a smiley face nearby where they were found, is tailor made for the genre. So what went wrong?

Firstly, there's not a likable character in the bunch. Given what we know about the disappearances, and subsequent deaths, we know where this is going. But it's such a slog getting there when your lead character is a whiny, stupid dolt who has nonsensical explosions of anger, and a girlfriend who seems to be totally willing to throw him under the bus when he's suspected of murder.

He has a brother that he references several times for 3/4 of the movie, but he doesn't actually show up until the last 20 minutes. And that's only to serve as a prop piece.

Then there's a stupid explanation as to why all of this is going on in the first place, and once you finally get there, you really won't care.

I will give the film points for gender swapping what has long been a tired cliché . But it's hardly the first horror movie to do that, and most of those did it better.

I'll wait for someone to tell this story the right way because this ain't it folks.

Home Economics (2021–2023)

Tolling the death knell for network sitcoms

[4/10 · 8 June 2021]

Pilot episodes are generally clunky, so I gave this another episode to sink in. I can't tell who it's supposed to appeal to because it seems like it's trying to appeal to everybody and nobody at the same time. I guess it's trying to fill the hole left by Modern Family, but it fills that hole with a cast of weak men and humorless women. It ticked off every 2021 diversity box (and I mean Every. Single. One) in the first five minutes, and that's never a good sign.

The acting is fine, and I didn't mind Topher Grace, but I think he's being overshadowed in the show he's supposed to be the star of. The writing is god awful and the jokes stepped out of the 90s. It needs a laugh track. It's not as deep or important as the people who make this show believe it to be. And worst of all, it's dull.

If you're somebody who can't watch a show unless you're hopelessly pandered to then you'll love this. Everyone else should flip to something else once The Goldbergs ends.

Steelmanville Road (2017)

Even worse Ben

[2/10 · 22 February 2021]

I sometimes really like these low-tech, no budget, everything-caught-on-camera movies because they're often made by people with a love of the genre. I guess that could be said about this movie (thus, I gave it two stars), but its' really got some pacing and character problems that don't make much sense.

First, there's no way to tell the passage of time based on the events or the characters actions. We're TOLD everything rather than SHOWN. One minute they've moved in, and three minutes later the wife (Rachel) is complaining to her husband (Matt) that she hears voices all day long. Since when? When did this start? Yesterday when you moved in? Or have you lived there a year at this point? She tells her husband everything that she's experiencing after the fact, while we're never aware of any of it in the first place.

Naturally, Matt doesn't believe her (trope), until something happens to him. And something does. We just don't know when. Or what. Or where. Or how. It just sort of....does.

Then there's the characterization. These people, including Matt's best friend, seem to actively hate each other, and their motivations don't make a lot of sense. Any time Rachel tries to explain to Matt what's going on, he jumps down her throat and walks away. Mid way through the movie we find out Rachel actually really hates her husband's best friend, even though there was never any tension between the two this entire time, because of reasons. Suddenly, Rachel pulls a Paranormal Activity character assassination that feels abrupt, but actually ends up being 9 months (!!!!) later. So these people stayed in the world's most beautiful ugly house for months despite being terrified of the place?

I actually don't mind the bad acting. It's a given, and you really can't be that surprised by it going in. Should there be a sequel, I hope they'll upgrade the camera to at least an iPhone 6. I'll give it props in one area though - at least the ghost had the courtesy to show up in slacks and a crisp white shirt.

Savageland (2015)

Interesting take on a well worn theme

[7/10 · 16 December 2020]

I didn't expect nearly as much as I got, particularly with such a low budget, but it delivered. The film actually doesn't spend much time with the man charged in the murder of an entire town, but instead we get to see what he saw that night using a set of blurry, yet unsettling photos depicting the carnage that went on as he made his way through town. There is no shortage of plot holes that can't be so easily filled in with the racism theme the movie is going for, but the creep factor is dialed to 11. You catch on to what is happening fairly early into the movie, but the most interesting thing is the way it makes an old trope feel new. You'll have a much better experience with it if you avoid any and all spoilers.

Llamageddon (2015)

Pick a shirt Dan!

[9/10 · 14 November 2020]

2 stars for concept. 2 stars for execution. 2 stars for Floyd, 2 stars for introducing me to bungheaded twizzle, and....

Tmelapse

Another star because of the commitment one guy had to twitching around in a hot tub for a solid two minutes while wearing a horse head.

Havana Darkness (2018)

It's Saw in Cuba

[3/10 · 14 November 2020]

The acting and direction are fairly solid, and it's got an interesting set up that plays well for about the first 2/3, but then it degenerates into one horror trope and cliché after the next. You can telegraph who's on the dead list, and in exactly what order they go because it's been repeated by my estimated count about 7,423 times. The only thing I was left with was the feeling that horror movies really don't have anything left to say.

Big Top Evil (2019)

The hell did I just watch

[2/10 · 12 November 2020]

Look, it's not as if I'm expecting some classic when I intentionally choose a Grade Z horror movie on Prime, but nothing happens in it for a full 42 minutes and 51 seconds. I don't ask for much, but is it really that difficult to give me something to chew on along the way?

Before that, there's one too many closeups of people chewing, some weirdo in a gas stations gets shot, and two frat bros write the worst frat bro song I've ever heard that goes, "la da da da." There are aimless characters that show up out of the blue who appear to serve no purpose, but I'm guessing they're friends of the director who wanted a part. So he made a few up. The most annoying character in horror movie history gets to live about 42 minutes longer than he should, and no joke, the dialogue sounds like it was written by somebody who has the most basic understanding of the English language.

And it took TWO people to direct this mess.

No. Just no.

Day of the Dead (1985)

Solid entry in Romero's cannon

[7/10 · 19 July 2020]

While not quite up to the levels of Night or Dawn, Day Of The Dead still packs a story line that is just as relevant to day as it was in 1985, and boasts performances that are better than it should be. I really loved Lori Cardille here, and I'm surprised she didn't do much, much more than this.

It has one of the best openings in horror movie history (and Dr. Tongue is likely the most impressive zombie in any of these films), but it does drag just a little bit in the middle. The antagonists (of which there are more than one), aren't your typical mustache twirlers, and Romero gave them some depth and nuances that actually made most of their actions completely believable.

The climax more than makes up for the middle drag, and I love how Romero injected his undead with both horror and humor. A must for not only Romero fans, not only zombie fans, but horror fans in general.

Knives Out (2019)

It's fine, but nothing special

[6/10 · 19 July 2020]

Okay mix of Christie and Clue has fantastic performances, atmosphere, and witty dialogue. But it's seriously predictable, and I found it obvious who the guilty party was less than half way through the movie.

Craig, Curtis, and Collette are standouts, but the cast is still solid all around, the direction tight, and the cinematography properly bland (this is a good thing). I found the symbolism typical of modern Hollywood, and even more heavy handed than usual, but I still had fun with it. My main issue was its predictability. There were no surprises to be found here.

A Little Late with Lilly Singh (2019–2021)

Webster should change the definition of cringe to a picture of Lilly

[2/10 · 20 April 2020]

Lilly Singh is what happens when you care more about who's on your writing team, rather than what comes out of it. There's no point in making your staff 50% women if those women aren't funny. Where a host like, say, Conan O'Brien, focuses on the merit of his writing team, Lilly is more concerned with virtue signaling, as long as that signaling does not include white men. Based on her brand of "comedy," I'm surprised she hasn't called them "icky".

I can only recommend this show if you are a misandrist, racist, into hearing about how she's a bi-sexual woman of color 500 times (and expecting applause for it each time), canned, unenthusiastic audience participation, and famous-adjacent guests.

Girl, bye.

Superstore (2015–2021)

Well, damn....

[6/10 · 18 January 2020]

I gave the show a great review in season 1, and it only got stronger through season 4. The jokes were sharp, funny, and witty, and the background gags were even better than the one liners. Dina is one of the best characters on TV (later joined by Marcus), and there have been episodes that have literally been a laugh a minute.

So what happened to season 5? Characters that I used to find quirky are now grating, Jonah may be the most irritating, judgmental male character on network television, Dina has lost both her wit and her edge - she been essentially neutered, Marcus is now a one note, buffoonish stand in for the stereotypical dumb straight guy. Mateo is a PC wet dream, Amy is that angry feminist we all pretend to listen to, but secretly try to avoid, etc.

There are still some laugh out loud moments here and there, but the show is choosing a bully pulpit over comedy, and when bad things like this start happening to good shows, I lose a bit more of my faith in the entertainment industry's ability to actually entertain.

It will take some writing talent to bring this show back from the brink, but I think it's one season away from relying on guest stars to do most of the work.

Psychotic! (2016)

Hey Maxwell Frey and Derrick Gibbons...

[2/10 · 13 December 2019]

If either of you pick up a camera or write a script ever again, I'm sending the cops to your house.

Hell House LLC (2015)

Impressive entry in the genre

[8/10 · 5 October 2019]

I can get very annoyed with found footage films. You don't need a huge budget to make them, but every so often you get one that stretches its dollars as far as it can take it. This is one of those films.

What a nice surprise. I didn't expect much from it, but I was taken in by these characters almost immediately. They're (mostly) quite likable people, and I was rooting for them, but you know how things go in these types of films. There's actually some character development here, and I'd consider none of them a particular trope.

The haunted house atmosphere - which could have been incredibly cheesy in less capable hands - works really well, and the use of the many plastic models that populate the house are effective (particularly a nasty bit when a character is stuck in a room with a strobe light.)

Sound and the corner-of-your-eye visuals are a plus. Look closely for some of the more subtle scares. I did have some issues with what I assume was meant to be a twist ending, but not enough to spoil what came before it.

I would put this among my list of favorite horror movies of all time. It beats The Conspiracy as the best found footage movie I've ever seen.

This would make a really great companion piece to The Houses October Built. A fun double feature for sure.

The House on Mansfield Street (2018)

So much potential

[4/10 · 5 October 2019]

First the good: The atmosphere was quite good for the type of movie that it was, and Nick was appropriately frightened without being over the top about it.. I initially liked Nick as a character - he's the type of guy you'd have a couple of beers with, and then spend the rest of the evening playing Call Of Duty,

The movie naturally, will earn comparisons to Paranormal Activity, which itself owes a lot to The Blair Witch Project, so that's not a big deal. I like that they, for the most part, decided to forego the shakycam, and instead made the choice to show some of the scares. The budget was nil, so good on them for knowing how to stretch it.

The not so good: The last 5 minutes of this movie were just silly, and I significantly lowered my rating because of it. Nick keeps insisting on catching the train to London, and yet still decides to sleep an extra two nights in this house, in the dark, clearly aware that things are quite wrong. It really does feel like they ran out of ideas, and decided to pad it a little.

In a way, it sort of assassinated Nick as a character because his choices during the last bit were just so dumb, one has to wonder how he made it as long as he did. It made it difficult to sympathize with him the longer the movie went on.

As far as Emma goes, she's pretty underdeveloped, and rather vanilla. I'm assuming she's supposed to be a demon, but it's the first time I've ever seen one in a movie that relies on a butcher knife to do in the protagonist.

You're an utter moron, Nick.

The Creeping Terror (1964 TV Movie)

Who knew you could do so little with a living room rug and a vacuum cleaner

[1/10 · 20 August 2019]

What a fantastic car accident. The Creeping Terror isn't just the worst movie ever made. It's the best worst movie ever made, narrated by the guy who sounds like the other guy who did the educational shorts warning young servicemen to stay from hookers.

The soundtrack was lost (apparently it fell into Lake Tahoe. Just the sound of that is funny), so a narrator explains the action the whole time. And when there is dialogue, it doesn't match up with what's actually being said. It's a giant walking carpet that victims pull themselves into, made by somebody with a fetish for women's legs and men's shoes. There are words in it like "hootenanny", and there's a dance sequence featuring a bunch people doing the twist for a solid 9 minutes.

The US Army consists of six guys in a pickup truck who helpfully stand in a line, shoulder to shoulder, for easier snacking by said giant walking carpet. It moves at about 2 feet an hour, yet manages to eat an entire dancehall of about 30 people. And the "hero" has the worst posture I've ever seen.

When the victims help themselves along into its gaping maw, the screaming that they do sounds exactly the same, at the same volume, inside the carpet monster as it does outside. Gratuitous thigh shots follow. When the hero makes his way into the carpet's spaceship, he finds it full of buttons and levers that go bleep-bleep-bleep-bloop-bloop-bloop (kind of like that scene in Airplane where there's and endless about of instruments that keep spinning). The carpet has no arms of fingers. So....there's that....

There's only one conclusion that can be drawn from all of this. Humans are the dumbest life forms in the universe. I have endless gooey hearts for it.

Cruel Summer (2016)

This movie made me angry

[7/10 · 8 August 2019]

I can't remember the last time I had trouble getting through a movie. The brutality against Danny was so very hard to watch that I had to walk away from it twice. I liked Danny, and there were periods where I had to turn away because I didn't want to see what was going to happen to him next. I had a visceral reaction, alternating between sadness and anger, often within seconds. The abrupt ending was a letdown, but it's beautifully shot, the script is strong, the acting is exceptional - and I never want to lay eyes on this movie again.

Us (II) (2019)

Nope on out of this one

[4/10 · 14 July 2019]

I don't even know where to start.

The acting is terrible, the plot makes no sense, the action is poor, the horror is non-existent, and I actually felt embarrassed for most of the cast. I just don't get all of the critical love for this movie.

It references Hands Across America for some unfathomable reason, and the duplicate characters are totally disconnected from their real life counterparts. I just can't with the ending, but I'm offering 25 bucks to whoever can decipher it in a way that makes it worthwhile for me to have wasted 116 minutes waiting for it.

Jordan, stop it, stop it now. You silly, silly man.

Scream Park (2012)

Thanks Kickstarter!

[3/10 · 3 July 2019]

It's a final girl slasher movie. There. I saved you 85 minutes.

Tales of the City (2019)

Not your father's Tales

[6/10 · 13 June 2019]

The acting by the primary cast alone is nearly enough to completely carry this update - but not quite. Where the original adaption was a solid story about the lives of a group of diverse personalities, this one buckles under the weight of its own political correctness. Each time a character is introduced, I can practically see a checkmark over their heads. The 1993 adaption was about people. The 2019 adaption is about types.

Still, it does have its positives. Episode six is a real standout. It takes an honest, critical look at the same political correctness it spent five episodes building up, and the series picks up a bit from there. And it was nice to see a different side of Brian. More mature and responsible, but still has a bit of that womanizing player shinning through.

It's just too bad that it didn't really find its footing until midway through the season. Had it hit its stride much earlier, it could have gone from middling and okay, to, well, fabulous.

Creep Van (2012)

I had more fun with this than I should have

[5/10 · 12 June 2019]

I enjoyed this. It didn't try to be anything other than what it was - a cheesy, poorly acted cheapy that probably took about nine days to make. While the rest of the cast shouldn't quit their day jobs, the lead actor is actually quite good. He must have been the one who studied the script beforehand. The others deliver their lines as if they're reading from a chalkboard. The change in tone in the 3rd act is a little jarring, given what came before it, and it may actually kill the buzz a little bit. I deducted a star because it just didn't fit with what came before it, but don't let that put you off.

If you're a fan of campy horror that asks nothing of you other than to suspend your disbelief, turn off your brain and enjoy the ride.