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harbhippo
Reviews
Never Surrender: A Galaxy Quest Documentary (2019)
Ow! My poor ears!
I love the content, as will anybody who loves the film.
But they really need to remix the audio, and dial the music back. Say, about 40%. Until then, be sure to turn on the closed captions.
The VelociPastor (2018)
This deserves an Oscar
Incredible special effects, subtle writing, and I've had nightmares ever since watching it. It's not family suitable because the violence is so realistic. Almost too realistic.
My only question is how long is it going to take for the UHD release?
The Jurassic Games (2018)
Not Oscar-worthy, but well worth the rental.
It seems this movie is either getting slammed by reviewers who expected Spielberg, or praised by people who just wanted a fun movie. Count me with the latter group.
Look, the writing, acting and directing are all better than adequate. The complaints come down to the special effects, ie, the dinosaurs. Yes, the dinosaurs look like virtual reality / computer game graphics. But think about it - that's what they're supposed to be. These people are in a virtual reality game, with virtual monsters, and so I don't mind in the least that the monsters look all digital and stuff.
I recommend getting a copy in BluRay from your friendly neighborhood Redbox, or however you like to see HD movies, sit back with some snacks and enjoy it. It's not "Jurassic World," but it's better than a made-for-SyFy movie.
Terminus (2015)
Slow and full of clichés
Putting aside the ridiculous portrayal of disabled veterans (all they're good for is getting into bar fights for no reason), this film fails first because it makes no real sense. We're told that an object that falls from outer space and has magical properties and stuff is considered so unimportant that it can't get or keep research funding from the US government, which will generally fund any research involving a political connection. Yet agents of the government are so determined to seize the second one that falls, that citizens suspected of having it are beaten and shot at when they refuse to give it up. Is it important or not? But even if you're willing to overlook such things, the pacing is so slow as to make the viewer wonder if he's made a mistake renting or streaming it. And I'm not talking about a lack of action - I'm talking about the pace. Dialogue is so slow, and dramatic pauses are so long, and the plot is so glacial, that it's difficult to keep interested. Especially when the film completely failed to make us care about the characters - at all.
Woodlawn (2015)
Surprisingly good
The wife and I watched "Woodlawn" last night. We were surprised that we liked it so much. It's a combination of a sports movie, an anti-racism movie, and a pro-Jesus movie. In most cases, I don't much care for any of the three, because I don't like preachy movies and I don't care about sports itself. But this one really worked for me. It's based on true events. I found myself cheering out loud over a lousy touchdown (I never do that)! I found myself caring about the characters. It doesn't go over-the-top on the anti-racism message - so many movies have one or two token white guys who are decent, while the rest are vicious devils, just to make sure we don't miss the point, because after all we're too stupid to get it otherwise. The pro-Jesus message is there because it is necessary to the plot and the furthering thereof, so you don't feel like your church took you to see it in a van just to keep it from tanking at the box office. And the sports element is - well, OK, any football scenes in any movie are basically 'will he get the ball to the end zone or not?' because that's what sports is. It's a darned inspiring movie is what it is.
Superfast! (2015)
Finally, a good parody
"Airplane!" was just about the last good parody to come out of the film industry, and it's been a long time. Since then, most attempts have failed because they take the cheap way out and give us a string of cheap dirty jokes, thinking it's funny. It makes the little kids laugh, kind of like making noises with your armpit.
I was expecting more of the same with "Superfast." But it only took a few minutes to see that these people get it - they know that you have to have a constant flow of references to the film being parodied, in this case, the entire Fast and Furious franchise.
This is the first parody that I laughed out loud, along with my wife (who had had a bad day), and one of the few that we didn't lose interest before the film ended.
If you enjoyed Airplane! ("Don't call me Shirley") and the silly jokes it was full of, you will certainly like this one. Yeah, they scraped the bottom of the barrel once in a while, but you have to do that if you're going to get all the clichés in.
I loved it, and I didn't expect to going in.
Neighbors (2014)
Tries, but fails, to be Animal House
There is humor to be mined from crude situations, and in some scenes, this film finds a nugget or two. I watched it all the way through, but never laughed out loud. I did smile a time or two.
The couple with the baby succeeded in being likable, at first, but as the same old joke kept repeating itself, and as the situations required them to make more and more out-of-character decisions to keep the plot moving, I found it harder and harder to sympathize with them. Identifying with them became impossible.
It quickly devolved into a string of tired comedy stereotypes and clichés, and I do not blame the actors. They did what they could with this lame script.
I suspect that this well has been drawn from too many times. But then it could be just... bad writing.
Skip this one, and dig out your copy of Animal House. Or if that's too far back, there are lots of great Jack Black films that try this genre and succeed.
The Wait (2013)
What was that, a film class project?
This is the first time I have been moved to write a review immediately after seeing a film. "The Wait" is well-titled, because I kept waiting for this thing to get to the point - any point. Other reviewers are seeing artful imagery. I'm seeing self-indulgent clichés. We see film shot out of a car, from the side window, as the scenery flies by too fast to make out. We hear dialog delivered with unneeded, meaningless pauses that seem to be there just to slow things down even more than they already were. We see a tantrum of a phone conversation that makes no sense whatsoever, never explained, and not contributing to the plot, such as it is. Or isn't. Finally, the credits rolled, and I sat there for a moment, wondering what in the world was the point?
So there's the spoiler, folks. Nothing. Happens. I can almost hear the makers of this film laughing "made ya look!"
Theodore Rex (1995)
Make terrorists watch this. They'll talk just to make it stop.
On many occasions, depending on my mood and what kind of a day I've had, I look for known bad movies for the fun of laughing at the result. I've seen the silly shark movies, and I'm a fan of Plan 9. But this movie doesn't even rise to that level. It's awful. The dinosaur costume is cute, but the script is constantly trying to be clever (and fails), the premise could have been clever (but failed), and the story -- no, that didn't even have the potential for failure. Until now, I've loved any movie with dinosaurs, no matter how bad. Until now. It must be hard to make a movie that can't even entertain fans of bad movies. Maybe we should give them credit for that, I don't know. By the way, Whoopie Goldberg didn't want to do this thing. She was forced to because of a lawsuit. Maybe the whole point was to punish her for something we don't know about. If so, her attorney should have appealed to the "cruel and unusual punishment" clause.
Rock of Ages (2012)
Please tell me the stage version is better. Please.
Several of my friends (who have good taste in entertainment) have given the stage production of Rock of Ages a thumbs up. GA and I aren't going to New York any time soon, and if we did, there are shows we'd be more likely to buy tickets for, so we decided to check out Rock of Ages the film. Please tell me this is one of those deals where the show just fails to make the transition from the stage version - I know that happens sometimes. We hit the stop button fifteen minutes in. What's supposed to be good? If it's the music, the numbers I saw were no improvement over the original releases. And even if they were, you could get the soundtrack and not have to endure this noisome failure of a film. The acting? No way. I may have to watch War of the Worlds again just to get a better vision of Tom Cruise than what I saw last night. What I saw was a series of tired clichés for a plot, and a city block full of caricatures for a cast. There was nothing to laugh at. There was no legitimate point being made. Granted we left early - and I rarely do that, even with a weak film - but if the producers were planning to change directions after the opening stank so badly, that's generally a mistake. So we watched "28 Weeks Later" instead. Much better entertainment, thank you very much. Watching the UK collapse in horror for the second time in four weeks is a much better choice than what we had originally planned.