Coventry Reviews

Reflections in Black (1975)

Countess Adultery

[3/10 · 21 May 2024]

Rock bottom! My obsession to track down obscure and completely unknown Italian Gialli movies has hit rock bottom with the search for "Reflections in Black". I absolutely wanted to own this relatively late entry in my favorite cult/exploitation subgenre, because it supposedly is one of the gorier, filthier, and sleazier Gialli out there. Well, I can't confirm nor deny whether this reputation is truthful, since the version I found was nearly unwatchable. "Reflections in Black" is - to my knowledge - only available on a bootleg with terrible sound and picture quality. Most of the time, the screen was so blurry that the faces were unidentifiable. The DVD faltered frustratingly often, and the awful English dubbing was regularly interrupted by long stretches of footage that were in the original soundtrack in Italian (and thus incomprehensible for me).

During "Reflections in Black" I often wondered why I am doing this. There are so many great movies out there, in fancy and highly qualitative BluRay releases, but I spent my time and money on stinking old sleaze-movies that nobody even bothers to restore.

The film itself is also very mundane and derivative, even by mid-to-late 70s Giallo standards. The plot revolves around beautiful and almost always naked women getting brutally killed by a "mysterious" figure dressed in black and waving around a razorblade. The police investigation is dire and slow-moving, and it takes the coppers an awfully long time to figure out all the murdered women were having lesbian affaires with a married countess.

What's so upsetting about "Reflections in Black" is that the unknown and inexperienced director Tano Cimarosa (who also plays one of the policemen) clearly and confidently assumed that he made a good Giallo because he inserted all the typical trademarks. He threw in gruesome kills, lesbian sex, gratuitous nudity, and the usual killer's disguise, so this must be good. Too bad he forgot that Giallo-lovers also (and primarily) seek suspense, style, and convoluted plot twists (and, most of all, decent picture quality).

I Escaped from Devil's Island (1973)

The Cormans present: Blaxploitation Papillon

[4/10 · 20 May 2024]

The third and last review in my Roger Corman triple-feature (in honor of his passing at the blessed age of 98) is for a film that represents my least favorite side of the legendary producer/director; namely the strictly business-Corman. In his long and profitable career, Corman produced a lot of movies with which he didn't have any personal affinity, but they were profitable projects and very appealing to the exploitation-loving audiences of the early 70s. Many times, these films were blatant and shameless rip-offs of other - widely acclaimed - Hollywood blockbusters.

Together with his brother Gene, Roger noticed the autobiography of Henry "Papillon" Charrière was a tremendously successful bestseller. A prestigious Hollywood adaptation, directed by Franklin J. Schaffner and starring Steve McQueen, was already in the making, but the slick & sly Corman Bros nevertheless beat them by releasing this exploitation version three months earlier. Obviously, Schaffner and an army of lawyers attempted to sue the Cormans for copyright violations and prevent the B-version of the film from coming out but failed.

Why? Because Mr. Corman was a sly fox. You see, "I Escaped from Devil's Island" tells the story of Henri "Papillon" Charrière, but it doesn't feature him as a character. In this version, it's a tough man named Le Bras who escapes from the hellish prison island in French Guinea, and the bizarre sidekick who helps him is named Davert instead of Dega. Oh, and Le Bras is a black man (Jim Brown), so Corman could also sell it as an entry in the contemporary popular Blaxploitation genre as well. Two birds, one stone.

The film itself, however, is a forgettable and disappointingly mediocre action flick. Jim Brown, Christopher George, and Paul Richards give away surprisingly good performances, but the script is too rushed and uncompelling. The action footage that should supposedly form the highlights are rather daft, like a bloody shark attack that only features underwater archive footage of a (non-dangerous) shark and then the ocean's surface coloring blood-red. Passable.

The Gendarme and the Extra-Terrestrials (1979)

Silly laughs with a little bit of textbook Sci-Fi

[6/10 · 19 May 2024]

Odd as it may sound, I consider "Le Gendarme et les Extra-Terrestres" as one of movies that sparked my personal interest (read: obsession) with Sci-Fi & horror movies. That is bizarre because the movies of French comedy legend/genius Louis de Funès, and particularly the cycle of "The Gendarme" movies, are straightforward comedies revolving around silly characters and absurd situations. This entry (the fifth and one before last in the series) is a slapstick comedy too, but it was the only one in the series to also feature a couple of Sci-Fi elements.

With their textbook spacecraft, aliens land in St. Tropez and Marshall Ludovic Cruchot and his team of dimwit gendarmes are up against extraterrestrial perpetrators that can duplicate the exact looks, voices, and behavior of human beings. The alien enemies are nevertheless easy to recognize, though, as they make the sound of a hollow metal drum if you touch them, they drink motor oil, and the totally break apart when in contact with water.

Admittedly, in retrospect, the concept and especially the special effects are incredibly tacky, cheap, and borderline laughable. And yet, when I was 6-7 years old, and the movie got shown on television every couple of months, it simultaneously fascinated and frightened me! Notably the sight of an alien that, after the water of a broken aquarium poured over him, robotically stumbles over the beach and fully disintegrates, left quite a big impression on me. Of course, it primarily still is a comedy with all the regular de Funès trademarks, but it's a nostalgic and fun example of how non-horror and non-SciFi writers/directors interpret the alien invasion subgenre.

Transit (I) (2012)

B-movie Rumble in the Bayou

[6/10 · 17 May 2024]

Albeit very clichéd, "Transit" is an entertaining, fast-paced, and well-made thriller. No nonsense, just straightforward plotting, plenty of action, and ill-tempered gangsters. Set in the always mesmerizing location of the Louisiana swampland, the plot starts with a brutal and violent heist of a money transport truck by four heavily armed thugs. To get their loot passed the police roadblocks, they have the clever idea to hide the duffel bag with the money in between the luggage of a vacationing family. Little do they know this family has quite a few issues, and recovering the money is easier said than done. "Transit" is a 'don't ask too many questions and just enjoy the action' type of thriller, and those are ideal to watch after a long and tiring day at work. There are two or three reasonably shocking moments, and an outrageous finale with lots of firepower. I also love staring at actress Diora Baird! She has a pair of big ... err, lovely eyes!

The Beast with a Million Eyes (1955)

Hey, you darn alien! Stop throwing dead blackbirds at my car, and chickens at my wife!

[4/10 · 17 May 2024]

As tribute to the recently (May 2024) deceased producer/director Roger Corman, I wanted to watch a film that entirely represents his style, working methods, and personality! Here's why I choose "The Beast with a Million Eyes".

The film is not at all good, but it certainly isn't bad. It's extremely low-budget, and because of that the makers couldn't work out the full potential of ideas and gimmicks that later - often much later - got repeated in bigger and better (horror) movies. I daresay "The Beast with a Million Eyes" is a pioneer! Animals spontaneously attacking people? Just look at Hitchcock's "The Birds", Bill Girdler's "Day of the Animals", or Stephen King's "Cujo". I'm not saying they stole from Corman & C°, but perhaps they found some inspiration here. It also represents Corman's business-orientated mindset. He was still a young and inexperienced producer at the time, but he nevertheless confidently fired director David Kramarsky because he was not working fast enough and took over himself. Finally, the film is a prime example of cheapness! The alien spacecraft that lands in the desert is a teakettle in a sandbox! The birds attacking are simply blackbirds or live chickens that are being thrown at people! The music is just an unstructured collection of copyright-free tunes! Nobody in the cast even remotely bothers to act properly! Etc.

The highlight, for me, is when someone gets killed (supposedly ran over) by a walking cow. Genius! Rest in peace, Mr. Corman. You lived a long but not always prosper, but you surely left us a massive amount of entertaining B-movies.

The Intruder (1962)

Humanity at its ugliest

[9/10 · 16 May 2024]

A few days prior to the submission of this user-comment, the legendary producer/director Roger Corman passed away at 98. True, it's a very blessed age that many people - including me - would sign for, but his departure nevertheless remains a giant loss for cinema, and particularly for the universe of low-budget horror/cult B-movies. Therefore, I would like to honor Mr. Corman with a review of his best (arguably) but most atypical (definitely) classic.

My personal favorite work of Corman will always be the cycle of Edgar Allan Poe adaptations that he made with the phenomenal lead actor Vincent Price. They are cheap but atmospheric and imaginative horror movies that fully represent Roger Corman's genius. Once, however, in between the Poe-inspired horror of "The Premature Burial" and "Tales of Terror", Corman took the risk of making an intense socially & politically relevant drama that he would later regret. He didn't so much regret making "The Intruder" because it was out of his comfort zone, but because it turned out the only loss-making production of his entire rich career. Roger Corman was always more of a businessman instead of an artist; hence he chose to exclusively make pure entertainment after this.

Nevertheless, and this was never put in doubt, "The Intruder" still stands as one of the most raw-edged, startlingly realistic, and indescribably shocking social portraits in history. Set in Missouri and based on the brilliant script of Charles Beaumont (most underrated writer of all times - sadly died too young), the film tackles the hugely sensitive topic of desegregation in the South. Via a powerhouse performance, William Shatner depicts the ill-natured but eloquent Adam Cramer (based on the persona of John Kasper) who arrives in a small community to sow hatred among the populace and enforce a stop to the liberal implementation of desecration in schools. More impactful than he could ever imagine, Cramer's speeches quickly result in extreme verbal racism, cowardly attacks on black people (and white liberals), and even Ku Klux Klan activity.

Watching "The Intruder" today, more than 60 years after its release, is still a spine-chilling and emotionally uncomfortable experience. Especially if you then also read here in the trivia-section that the local white community in Missouri obstructed the film's production and factually behaved like the nasty people in the story, I can only conclude this is essential viewing for everyone in the world. If only the film could be shown - mandatorily - in schools, or prior to elections.

The Osterman Weekend (1983)

Ah, party-weekend with the college buddies... Beers! Pool games! Exposing KGB-spies!

[4/10 · 12 May 2024]

"Oh joy, another paranoid Cold War espionage thriller...". That is probably also what Sam Peckinpah must have thought, even though he likes the genre, and thus for his last film he sought a story with a twist and found it in Robert Ludlum's novel. Ludlum is mostly known for his Jason Bourne books, but he also wrote the few lesser famous conspiracy thrillers "The Holcroft Covenant" and "The Osterman Weekend". On paper, this sounds like an intriguingly convoluted and action-packed action/thriller, but - honestly - it's a mess, and not a good movie at all.

The influential political TV talk show host John Tanner gets approached by the CIA to help expose three of his lifelong friends as KGB informants during their annual get-together weekend. Tanner receives guidance from the trained but sly and mysterious agent Fassett and a house full of hi-tech espionage material, like cameras and microphones everywhere, but the weekend is full of twists and surprises.

The ensemble cast is impressive, with primarily non-regular Peckinpah actors that nevertheless perfectly fit into the director's brute & macho universe, like the awesome Rutger Hauer and the even more awesome Dennis Hopper. And the film also features a true milestone in the repertoire of Sam Peckinpah, namely a strong female character! Meg Foster is finally a heroine with balls, instead of a weak and docile wife. She and crossbow are the highlight of "The Osterman Weekend". Those are the good elements but, unfortunately, they cannot compensate for the far-fetched and implausible plot and the shortage of thrills and suspense.

The Killer Elite (1975)

There's nothing "elite" about this...

[4/10 · 11 May 2024]

What I often read about "The Killer Elite" is that it's Sam Peckinpah's most misunderstood and unjustly underrated film. Well, I guess I must be one of those intellectually underdeveloped people who misunderstand it then, because all I saw was a derivative and dull espionage/revenge thriller.

The plot feels very thirteen-in-a-dozen. Mike Locken (Caan) and George Hansen (Duvall) are best buds and colleagues working as subcontractors for the CIA, specializing in espionage. Despite their friendship, Hansen double-crosses Locken and shoots him in the elbow and knee; - supposedly because this cripples him for life. He should have just killed him, obviously, because Hanssen does come back. Tiresome dialogues, poor performances from the lead character (although, admittedly, I personally never liked James Caan), and an insufferable shortage of excitement makes this a dreadful flick. The only highlight of "The Killer Elite" is Bo Hopkins as the psychotic hired killer Jerome Miller. Hopkins also depicts deranged thugs in Peckinpah's movies ("The Wild Bunch", "The Getaway", ...) but at least in this one he doesn't die after 15 minutes.

The Getaway (1972)

Testosterone working overtime!

[7/10 · 11 May 2024]

Certainly not his best, but "The Getaway" gets my vote for most entertaining Sam Peckinpah effort. Titles like "The Wild Bunch" and "Straw Dogs" are more influential and impactful, for sure, but this one offers a combo of straightforward plotting and undemanding action. And sometimes, that is really all I'm looking for. The other Peckinpah trademarks are abundantly present: graphic violence, betrayal & double-crossing, robust macho males, and feeble docile women.

Whether you hate it or whether it leaves you stone-cold (I hope there aren't many people who encourage it), Peckinpah saw absolutely no value in roles for strong women. Female lead Ali MacGraw is only useful to get her husband out of jail, help him unleash his anger & frustration, and to blame when yet another part of the plan goes wrong. The only other female role is even worse. Sally Struthers plays an unopinionated and naïve woman who fully subjects herself to the lusts and will of psycho-killer Al Lettieri. Talk about feminist role models!

Carol McCoy convinces the corrupt magistrate Jack Beynon (Ben Johnson) to release husband Doc from prison, but in return he must partake in the heist of a private bank. The heist goes terribly wrong, of course, and the McCoys run off to Mexico with the loot but pursued by police, a psycho considered dead, and a band of hired killers.

"The Getaway" is not groundbreaking, like "The Wild Bunch" was, but very entertaining and adrenaline-packed action with fierce gunfire and impressive car stunts. Next to the robustness of Peckinpah, the film also owes a lot of its power to the excellent writing skills of Walter Hill (later an acclaimed director himself) and the fabulous cast.

The Wild Bunch (1969)

Mean, vicious, and filthy (but visionary) western from a mean, vicious, and filthy (but visionary) director.

[7/10 · 8 May 2024]

Western is the genre yours truly struggles with the most... What I deeply adore are those nasty and violent Italian Spaghetti Westerns from the 60s and 70s, in which the cowboys are sweaty pigs and the massacres are merciless. What I really dislike, though, are those polished classical westerns from the 40s and 50s, starring Gary Cooper or Johny Wayne, in which gunshot wounds don't leave any bloodstains and all the cowboys have perfectly clean teeth. "The Wild Bunch" definitely leans closer to the first category than to the second. It may not be Italian, but it sure is merciless and filthy. The squirmy and uncomfortable opening sequences, showing a group of kids torturing a scorpion by poking it into a sea of ants, already indicate this will not become a clean and orthodox Western tale with noble Sheriffs or poorly staged saloon fights. Does it genuinely destroy the "myth of the Old West", like John Wayne once stated with plenty of disgust? Well, yes... But you can't make groundbreaking films if you stick to the same old conventional routines, and besides, the Italians - and notably Sergio Leone - busted that myth several years earlier already. As far as I'm concerned, "The Wild Bunch" still can't hold a candle to, say, "Once upon a Time in the West" or "Django".

Another thing I love, however, are short and to-the-point movies with loads of action. Honestly, in between the heist turning in an ambush-shootout at the start and the insanely blood-soaking finale, "The Wild Bunch" is a rather boring and overly talkative movie that seemingly lasts forever. Peckinpah passes his messages, namely that the macho code of outlaws triumphs over the power and corruption of their opponents, but it's quite an ordeal to sit through. Luckily there are stellar performances to enjoy, with Ernest Borgnine and Warren Oates as my favorites.

Not (yet) an expert on the filmography of director Sam Peckinpah, but all I ever read about him is how impossible he was to work with. He reputedly also was an ill-tempered person, an alcoholic, and a serious misogynist. You definitely see some of those "compliments" reflecting in "The Wild Bunch". The only times the lead characters are having any fun is when they pass around a bottle of whiskey or visit brothels. Women don't have a place in Peckinpah's West, except if they can be bluntly executed for adultery or used as a living shield. And still the film is a lot more women friendly as "Straw Dogs", go figure!

Although often boring and unendurable, the long middle-section does prove that Peckinpah was a director with a vision. The transition from old western habits to new modern times (illustrated through mighty railroad tycoons, undisciplined soldiers, melancholic ageing gunslingers, and even one of the very first cars) is what makes this an unhinged American classic. That, and the extreme violence, obviously.

E.T. (1982)

We love E.T. always & forever.

[8/10 · 6 May 2024]

To my great pride and joy, my eight-year-old daughter is becoming as big a movie fanatic as her daddy. And so, what do you do as a pushy father? You more or less oblige your offspring to watch all the movies that you loved so much and that helped shape you into the movie fan you are today! There is often a big problem associated with this, though.... Those old movies that you used to watch with such fascination, especially those with contemporary fancy special effects, now often seem extremely dated and not at all exciting or compelling anymore.

Fortunately, there is still Steven Spielberg's repertoire. Recently "Jurassic Park", and now "E. T.", these are films for which the term timeless got invented! Unlike many childhood favorites, these titles are still as brilliant as ever and manage to make the heart of a whole new generation beat faster. The little creature, with its big eyes, bizarre way of moving, and amazing healing powers, still looks enchanting! Every viewer, especially the children, can still immediately and easily identity with the sympathetic youthful protagonists, and the key scenes (such as when Elliot's bike takes off for the first time) still make mouths fall open in amazement.

Admittedly, now an adult, some scenes make me frown with disbelief and cynicism, such as having to believe that two kids manage to smuggle an alien out of a highly secured house full of government people. But when I look next to me, at my daughter who is cheering loudly and would like to jump on one of the cross bikes herself to help, you just know that it has to be this way. "E. T." is family entertainment in its purest form, and it always will be.

Above the Law (1988)

Give this man a Nobel Peace prize, or something!

[4/10 · 4 May 2024]

I'm really not a fan of Steven Seagal, but I get a kick out of watching the movies he made prior to the year 2000 because it's fun to root for the opponents! Gary Busey in "Under Siege", Everett McGill in "Under Siege II: Dark Territory", Bill Forsyth in "Out for Justice", William Sadler in "Hard to Kill" and - last but not least - Henry Silva here in "Above the Law" ... For some reason, I always wish for the bad guys to prevail in Steven Seagal movies.

This is probably my own personal reaction to how irritatingly serious Seagal takes himself. Unlike other action heroes of his generation, like Bruce Willis or Sylvester Stallone, Seagal is completely humorless and unable to depict characters with weaknesses. Take Nico Toscani in "Above the Law", for instance. He's an Italian patriot, an honest cop, a devoted father and husband, a concerned uncle, a respectful martial-arts wizard, a noble 'Nam veteran, and a social community activist. Phew, Nico! Do you want a statue, or something? Or a Nobel Peace Price perhaps?

Nico walks out of his newborn son's baptism party to work his shift (my wife would kill me for that) and discovers that all FBI agents are dumb, and all CIA agents are utterly corrupt. The plot is uninteresting, and the action footage is unexciting because nobody stands a chance against Seagal and his aikido-shizzle. Henry Silva, on the other hand, is a glorious villain! He's mean, relentless, and megalomaniacal. He even makes the dreadfully old mistake of not killing his opponent when he has the chance. Toy around with your prey and you get eaten yourself, Henry!

My World Dies Screaming (1958)

It's just a house, Sheila. Why are you afraid of a house? What has the house ever done to you?

[4/10 · 4 May 2024]

"My World Dies Screaming" has - apart from a cool title - an interesting plot and starts out compellingly. Alas, but like sadly too often the case with 50s low-budget horror, it rapidly becomes tedious and overly talkative. Lovely Sheila Wayne lives in Switzerland where she follows therapy sessions for a recurring nightmare she suffers from, in which she walks into a creepy and ominous old house. After her last session, her husband Philip takes her back to the US, to Florida, where he leased a quiet house for the two of them. And guess what house that is?

Largely thanks to the great William Castle, the late 50s was the period when directors/producers stuffed their cheap horror movies with silly gimmicks and visual tricks. This film's claim to fame is the so-called "Psycho-Rama" and fires off bizarre subliminal images during the sequences depicting Sheila's nightmare. Neat for about five seconds, but after that I couldn't even be bothered to try and pause the screen at the exact right moment.

The Black Dahlia (2006)

You deserve to be more than a sub-plot, Elizabeth...

[4/10 · 3 May 2024]

Just to make sure: Black Dahlia is the nickname given to the unfortunate Elizabeth Short. She was a young girl who moved from Maine to California to find success and happiness, but all she got was an excruciatingly painful death. Elizabeth's corpse was so barbarically mutilated that the case deployed a huge police investigation and massive media attention, but the culprit was never identified. The murder took place in Hollywood, in January of 1947.

Given the title and the director's (previous) fame and reputation, I was obviously expecting a tense, absorbing, and insightful mystery/thriller revolving around Hollywood's most notorious unresolved murder. "The Black Dahlia" was a huge disappointment for me. Not because it's a bad film (it is not), but because the tragic fate of Elizabeth Short is somewhat reduced to a mere footnote. It feels as if De Palma really wanted to make an old-fashioned and genuine film-noir. Inspired by - or jealous of? - the success of "L. A. Confidential", De Palma took a novel by James Ellroy that literally breathes the atmosphere of the 1940s. The story is chock-full of corrupt police officers, fancily dressed mobsters, femme fatales, sober voiceovers, and cigarette smoke. Seriously, you can develop throat and lung cancer just by looking at all these people smoking!

Coincidentally, the Black Dahlia murder occurred around this time and in this setting, but the script centers a lot more on the triangular relationship between two cops and a woman, the clandestine affaires of one of the cops, and the other's cop obsession with a Black Dahlia lookalike. The atmosphere of 1947 Hollywood is marvelously recreated, through minimal use of color and maximal emphasis on scenery & décor, but content-wise the film is sorely lackluster. The performances vary from excellent (Hillary Swank) to poor (Josh Hartnett) and everything in between. I love Scarlett Johansson and she looks stunning and sensual, but her role is quite meaningless. Mia Kirshner should have the most pivotal role, as Elizabeth "Black Dahlia" Short, but sadly she only appears in a couple of casting-video recordings.

Should you seek a really good (albeit not entirely factual, neither) movie on this subject, check out "Who is the Black Dahlia?" from 1975.

Hunter: The Black Dahlia (1988) Season 4, Episode 13

Boom! 40-year-old cold case solved in 40 minutes

[6/10 · 3 May 2024]

Normally I don't review individual episodes of TV-series, but I had to make an exception for this. I am deeply fascinated by everything that even remotely has to do with the Black Dahlia murder, but it's not worth sitting through seven seasons of "Hunter" for.

For completion's sake, Black Dahlia is the nickname given to the unfortunate Elizabeth Short. She was a young girl brutally murdered in Hollywood, California, in January 1947. Her corpse was so barbarically mutilated that the case deployed a huge police investigation and massive media attention, but the culprit was never identified. And just because the vicious crime never got resolved, it remained - and remains - a source of inspiration for crime and horror movie (and metal music).

The plot of this "Hunter" episode is reasonably clever. During construction works in the area where Short's corpse was found, another skeleton is found, and it reveals the same barbaric mutilation rites as that of the Black Dahlia. Suddenly, and with four decades delay, it's a serial killer case and it ends up on Hunter & McCall's desks.

Okay, they resolve it very easily and make their 1940s colleagues look quite bad, but there's only 40-50 minutes of running time. The plot is good, and there are excellent supportive roles/guest appearances, like from Lawrence Tierney (as the cop who comes out of retirement to help resolved the one case he never could round up), Logan Ramsey, and Macon McCalman.

Who Is the Black Dahlia? (1975 TV Movie)

Nothing alive and pretty is ever permanent...

[8/10 · 30 April 2024]

There's only one thing more sensational and fascinating than a gruesome murder case, and that's an unsolved gruesome murder case! Why are authors and filmmakers still inspired by Jack the Ripper, the Zodiac Killer, and - of course - the Black Dahlia? Well, probably because we can't stand the idea that someone capable of committing such cruel and gruesome crimes is still walking around free and unpunished (even though that's highly unlikely since these cold cases are almost a century old).

Black Dahlia is the nickname given to the unfortunate Elizabeth Short. She was a young girl who moved from Maine to California to find success and happiness, but - during the turbulent WWII years - all she got were a few difficult years and ultimately a tragic death. Elizabeth's corpse was so barbarically mutilated that the case deployed a huge police investigation and massive media attention, but the culprit was never identified.

"Who is the Black Dahlia" is something between a documentary and a fictional crime/thriller, but rest assured, it's an excellent film and absorbing from start to finish. The narrative structure is sublime with, told in parallel, sequences revolving around the slow-moving police search and flashbacks showing Elizabeth's daily struggles. The letters to her grandmother, in which she writes that everything is going swell in LA even though she's suffering, are harrowing. The film isn't entirely accurate or truthful, but it's respectful, overall well-researched, and - do I daresay - hundreds of times better than Brian De Palma's 2006 effort.

Dragged Across Concrete (2018)

All this building up... And for what?

[4/10 · 29 April 2024]

The entire film can basically be summarized using a quote from lead protagonist Brett Ridgeman (Mel Gibson). During their stakeout, when Anthony takes the last bite from a sandwich he spent eating for an exaggeratedly long time, Brett stoically says: "A single red ant could have eaten it faster". That is also my main message to writer/director S. Craig Zahler. Any other living director could - and would - have told this story faster.

Zahler is undoubtedly a gifted writer/storyteller, but he has one major problem. His scripts are unnecessarily and intolerably overlong. "Bone Tomahawk" was long, but at least it featured a thrilling and spectacularly horrific last half hour. "Dragged Across Concrete" is even longer and sadly just features a mundane and predictable climax. 99% of the film exists of people sitting in cars and having pointless conversations, or extensive introductions of insignificant supportive characters.

The best example to illustrate the length is the part of Jennifer Carpenter. What a melodramatic and theatrical appearance, simply to reach the conclusion: if only she stayed home one more day... I appreciate the whole idea that each character has a background and personal situation that is worth telling, but there is a limit to everyone's patience (and certainly mine)

Maya (1989)

Don't Mess with the Maya!

[5/10 · 29 April 2024]

Ah, late 80s horror from Italy... Gory deaths, beautiful nude women, and zero explanations given!

At the great Italian University of Cult & Horror Movies, Marcello Avallone certainly wasn't the brightest or the most gifted student. Six out of the eight movies he directed are completely forgotten, and the two horror flicks he made during the late 80s aren't exactly high-flyers neither. I concur with most reviewers around here, stating that "Maya" is slightly better than "Specters", but it still is a muddled and thoroughly incoherent flick.

Avallone was clearly fascinated by macabre history and ancient civilizations. "Specters" revolved around a feline monster escaping from a sarcophagus in Rome, whereas "Maya" takes place - supposedly, at least - in Mexico and revolves around an entire village falling victim to a vicious Maya (duh!) curse. Old prof Slivak (veteran William Berger) is the first to die when he climbs up a Mayan temple and awakes "something". The evil but invisible force spreads and kills several people in brutally imaginative ways, like impalement through the mouth or hung up by chains. The sexiest girl even has her pretty nose split open when she gets smacked around in her bathtub.

The pacing is sluggish, the occult aspects remain underdeveloped, and the macho protagonist Peter Phelps is an insufferable jerk, so unless you're an avid fan of Italian 80s horror, there aren't many reasons to search for this obscure title.

Phantasm IV: Oblivion (1998)

Suitably named after where it belongs...

[3/10 · 26 April 2024]

I never was a big fan of the "Phantasm" series but could certainly appreciate the high level of morbidity and cuckoo of the first two movies. The third was so trashy that I forgot about the series for the following 20 years, though. This fourth installment has the big advantage that it nicely summarizes everything that happened in the first three movies but, on itself, it's a weak and unremarkable sequel (albeit, apparently, very popular among the diehard fans of the franchise)

"Oblivion" - quite an apt title - has two storylines running in parallel, each of which follow the two protagonists. Mike (A. Michael Baldwin) is chasing after the Tall Man, through various time portals and dimensions, while Reggie (Bannister) is looking for Mike. Mike's adventure is boring and overly psychedelic, and that's exactly what creator/director Don Coscarelli wanted. Back to the low-budget, mysterious and macabre roots of "Phantasm". Admirable, but it isn't nearly as compelling or hypnotic as it used to be. Reggie's trip is more enjoyable, especially his encounter with a demonic traffic cop (although the scene looks stolen from "Maniac Cop 2") or his affair with an unearthly beautiful girl (Heidi Marnhout) with peculiar breasts. For fans and completists of the franchise only.

Scanners II: The New Order (1991)

The Scanner-Force is strong in this one...

[7/10 · 26 April 2024]

Remember at the school's playground, when you were about 10-12 years old, and discussing with friends which super-powers you wanted to have, or which Superhero you wanted to be? Everybody wanted to be Spider-Man or Superman, or desired for X-Ray vision or the ability to talk with animals... Yours truly wanted to be a Scanner. Read people's minds, make them do stuff for you, etc. And if teachers, or adults in general, become annoying, you could always make their noses bleed and their foreheads sweat, or - why not - make their heads go kaboom! Admittedly, I was a weird kid.

In all seriousness, though, the original "Scanners" - written and directed by the almighty David Cronenberg - is one of few movies that made a deep and everlasting impression on me. The fact I was far too young when I first saw it plays a role, but also the idea of telepathically gifted people causing harm to others and abusing their powers truly disturbed me. And yes, that exploding head is still in my top 3 of legendary horror moments. I loved Cronenberg's film so much that, for 30 years, I refused watching the sequels and spin-offs. There was only one "Scanners" for me. Only recently, when I watched and enjoyed both "Scanner Cop" movies, I've been looking for the two direct sequels.

"Scanners II: the New Order" is as good as a belated (10 years gap) sequel can be, especially considering director Christian Duguay was inexperienced, and the film doesn't feature any of major cult stars from the original, like Michael Ironside or Patrick McGoohan. What I liked most here is that the good characters are genuinely likable and sympathetic, whereas the bad characters are truly loathsome and terrifying. Police Commander Forrester and Doctor Morse are not Scanners themselves, but they developed the fiendish plan to create the New Order; - a superior police army existing of Scanners enforcing a zero-tolerance policy. Their only problem is that their Scanners are either dangerously volatile projectiles (like the psychotic Drak) or drooling zombies addicted to medicines. They stumble upon the powerful but pure Scanner David Kellum from the countryside, but he fights back!

There are multiple highlights in "Scanners II: the New Order", like the opening sequences in which crazed Drak trashes an entire Arcade video-game hall, the liquor store robbery when David discovers his powers, the quest for the milk-poisoner, David hearing the truth from his parents, or the brutal and gore-soaked finale at the hospital facility. The anonymous cast does a terrific job, notably Yvan Ponton as the evil Forrester and Raoul Trujillo as Drak, and the special effects & make-up art is downright sublime. Whoever said 90s horror wasn't worthwhile?

Maniac Cop 3: Badge of Silence (1992)

Officer Matt Cordell wants a girlfriend!

[6/10 · 25 April 2024]

"Maniac Cop 3: Badge of Silence" is a textbook example of a sequel that doesn't have any valid reason to exist, but nevertheless one that is tremendously fun to watch! Why redundant? By the end of "Maniac Cop 2", anti-hero Matt Cordell got what he wanted. The prominent people who sent him to Sing Sing Prison are dead, the inmates who made his already ugly face even uglier are dead, the corruption was publicly admitted, and Cordell was granted his honorable burial with a few years of delay and his soul could finally rest in peace. So why does the voodoo priest wake him up again? Perhaps because Katie Sullivan, a female police officer in the NYC Corps, risks undergoing the same outrageous treatment he did, due to corrupt politicians and sensationalist reporters? Okay then, but perhaps more because there was still a lot of easy financial gain to be made with a third film.

A better question is perhaps: Why so much fun to watch? Well, despite - allegedly - a lot of production issues and disagreement on set, "Maniac Cop 3" is a delicious old school slasher with a gloomy hospital setting, gruesome kills, spectacular stunts, and a fiery climax! Let's not overcomplicate things: Matt Cordell returns from the dead to slaughter a lot of random cops and arrogant doctors, while he helps the real thugs to escape. Robert Davi returns as well, but he's more interested in chasing after the lovely Dr. Fowler than after Cordell. Can't blame Davi for this, because actress Caitlin Dulaney truly looks amazing!

Most interesting thing I learned watching "Maniac Cop 3": New York hospital have basements and underground tunnels that are somehow directly connected to voodoo-churches!

Maniac Cop 2 (1990)

To Attack and To Slay!

[7/10 · 24 April 2024]

There's a vicious urban myth going round in horror land... No, not that Matt Cordell might sneak into your bedroom at night and break your neck, but rather that "Maniac Cop 2" is one of those rare sequels that surpasses the original. Myth-buster (and devoted fan of the original) Coventry goes undercover...

Better than its predecessor? I beg to differ, although there's definitely a "The Terminator VS. Terminator 2: Judgement Day" similarity here. What I mean is that the budget for the sequel was four times higher than for the original, and hence it looks a lot better. Obviously, the budget is still quite low (especially compared to films like "Terminator 2"), but $4.000.000 versus $1.000.000 makes a giant difference in what you can achieve. Moreover, director William Lustig and writer/producer Larry Cohen (we can easily speak of a dream-team) put every cent to a good use! The make-up and special effects are undoubtedly superior, and the film features a couple of impressive stunts. It starts with the physical appearance of anti-hero Matt Cordell, who looks a lot more monstrous and horrific, but Lustig also inserts two spectacular car chases and a fiery finale that is downright brilliant.

Spectacle aside, though, I don't think "Maniac Cop" is better than the original. The surprise and shock element of a relentless killer in a tidy and honorable NYC police uniform is gone, and personally I didn't buy the whole 'teaming up with a serial killer' plot. Cordell wants revenge and murders a lot of cops, I get that, but his collaboration with a psycho who kills strippers to purify them is implausible; - particularly because the latter is such a needy and whiny freak. Also, as much as I appreciate Robert Davi, he's not a substitute for both Tom Atkins and Bruce Campbell. Great sequel and an awesome trilogy altogether, but my personal favorite of the three is still the original.

Monster on a Plane (2024)

Whatever happened to good old snakes?

[4/10 · 20 April 2024]

Remember the (internet-) hype caused by "Snakes on a Plane" back in 2006? It was a big hit, simply because the title was straightforward and because the film delivered exactly what the title promised. 18 years later, writer/director Ezra Tsegaye considers it's still a brilliant idea to rip off the idea! Obviously, "Monster on a Plane" will never cause a hype. It probably won't even been seen by many people, but one thing's for sure: it is a lot of fun to watch under the right circumstances.

Make no mistake, "Monster on a Plan" is a terribly bad movie! But it's a FUN bad movie, and sometimes horror fanatics can really enjoy those. There's nothing remotely original about the film. The concept is stolen from "Snakes on a Plane" - duh - while the monster looks exactly like the design of "Critters", and its infrared vision is borrowed from "Predator". Oh wait, there is one original gimmick! The monster's flatulence is a sophisticated attack-mechanism a causes people to hallucinate. Awesome! Some irresponsible scientist smuggles it on board of a charter flight to Berlin, it escapes during a bit of turbulence, and naturally goes on a bloody killing spree.

"Monster on a Plane" is a German production, but entirely shot in English, and the language skills and accents of the entire ensemble cast are hilariously atrocious. Although gory, the digital effects are lousy and the complete opposite of disturbing. Luckily, the film doesn't take itself too seriously. The performances, the inside jokes (like casting a pilot who's a dead ringer for Peter Graves in "Airplane!"), the evolution of the critter into a giant kind of Venus Flytrap, ... it's all very tongue in cheek.

Five Minutes to Live (1961)

She has five minutes to live, while he has seventy-five minutes to chatter, sing and play the guitar!

[5/10 · 19 April 2024]

It's typically Johnny Cash that he, still at the start of a promising and successful career, nevertheless stars as a loathsome and merciless villain in this low-budgeted thriller. That's just who he was: a rebel, and a stubborn and quirky one to boot! How many country singers at the verge of their breakthrough do you know who would depict a mean thug who shoots his mistress in cold blood, assaults a petrified housewife, or uses a small child as living shield?

"Five Minutes to Live" is not a very good film, but it's a worthwhile and remarkable thriller for several reasons. Johnny Cash, obviously, even though his acting skills are mediocre at best and the title song isn't exactly an earworm classic. More noteworthy is the fact this is a still relatively early example of a home-invasion thriller; - and a rather brutal one. Possibly inspired by "The Desperate Hours", starring Humphrey Bogart, "Five Minutes to Live" stars Cash as trigger-happy crook Cabot who holds a housewife hostage while his partner sits at the bank where her husband works and demands $70,000. The partner doesn't use a gun or violence but threatens that Cabot will execute his wife if he doesn't pay up. Complications arise when the husband was apparently planning to run off with his mistress, and the phoneline is constantly occupied by callers from the local Ladies' Club.

The concept is original and ensures there are a handful of suspenseful moments. Still, even at barely 80 minutes of running time, "Five Minutes to Live" feels overlong and too many extended parts exist solely of Johnny Cash chatting with the woman or singing the title song (though only the first two-three sentences) while jamming on his guitar. The acting, as said, is poor. It must be quite embarrassing for the ensemble cast when the best performance comes from 7-year-old Ron "Ronnie" Howard!

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)

T-Rex Double T-Rouble

[4/10 · 19 April 2024]

Confession time! Never-ever have I watched "The Lost World: Jurassic Park" before. Sounds difficult to believe, but I was so overwhelmed and deeply impressed by the original "Jurassic Park" when I first saw it at age 12 in the cinema, that - back in 1993 already - I decided that nothing could ever surpass the experience. I never watched parts 2 and 3 but started again with the "Jurassic World" movies as per 2015. Since the most recent one - "Dominion" - was so terribly awful, I figured I might as well watch the older sequels too.

The good news is that "The Lost World" isn't as awful as "Dominion", for sure. The bad news: it's bad and undoubtedly the worst piece of work that Spielberg has ever put to the table (yes, including "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull").

Let it be clear, though, the special effects and dinosaur creatures obviously still look amazing. If you were crazy about the T-Rex from the original (and who wasn't?), there are now two T-Rexes plus a little one! While we're mentioning the strong points, there also are a few nail-bitingly suspenseful and incredibly spectacular sequences, like when Julianne Moore falls - seemingly painful - on the windshield of a camper, which subsequently starts cracking while hanging hundred meters above a stormy and rocky ocean.

The problem simply is the script that contains too many utterly implausible and exaggeratedly ridiculous twists and turns. A 12-year-old girl joining a supposedly well-planned and hi-tech excursion as a surprise-stowaway? I don't buy it. Battling a vicious Raptor using gymnastic tricks? Are you serious, Steven? Preferring the jaws of Tyrannosaur of the ticklish feeling of a snake in your shirt? Get out of here! Finally, can someone please explain how the T-Rex locked itself back in the below cage after devouring everybody aboard the vessel?!? Jeff Goldblum's Dr. Malcolm character was so cool in 1993, but he's dreadfully annoying here, and it seriously isn't normal that I liked the arrogant hunters (Postlethwaite and Stormare) the most. By the time our T-Rex goes on an old-fashioned and "Godzilla"-like rampage in San Diego, I had long given up on "The Lost World" and melancholically drifted off thinking how great and effective simple the original "Jurassic World" was.