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racpehrsson
Reviews
Vampires Suck (2010)
Terrible, Terrible, Terrible
I did not go to this movie willingly. But still I can't help but blame myself for sitting through this piece of crap.
First of all, the movie isn't funny. Oh, it tried, it tried extremely hard. But all of the jokes amount to a bunch of fourteen year olds making a four minute YouTube parody, stretched out to a full length movie. It is overridden with violence (for example, when Edward stops the car from hitting "Becca," he instead puts a secondary character in front of it. We then are delighted to a minute long sequence of him showing us his many disgusting wounds, including his spine jutting out his neck and his arm almost cut in half. Thanks, movie!) and bad pop culture references (when Becca is dreaming, she randomly shouts out "WIZARDS OF WAVERLY PLACE!" Um, funny?) You'd think that only dumb teenagers would think that two guys beating each other up in the background is great humor, but you'd be wrong. The rest of the jokes are sex jokes that you most likely heard on the playground after sex-ed in elementary school.
Second of all, I am not a fan of the Twilight series. At all. But the movie, instead of parodying the stupid parts of the series for what they are, simply goes through the plots of the first two movies adding random jokes into them. And since the jokes aren't funny, its twice as painful.
I've never seen a movie by these directors before, but I've heard about how bad they are. Still, I never expected my intelligence to be this insulted. I HATED this movie. It is, by far, one of the worst movies I've ever seen, if not THE worst.
Just watch the Rifftrax of Twilight instead. Bill, Mike, and Kevin are comedy gods compared to this movie.
Monster Makers (2003)
OK, Obviosly it's not Oscar-Worthy
I still do have some bones to pick.
1. The ONLY good character in the entire movie (A fiery female cop, she was pretty cool) was thrown against a wall and knocked out, and, then, that's it! They never mention her again! They just forget her! The movie is resolved and she could still be laying in that corner unconscious! 2. That forced romance between the mom and Sheriff whats-his-name is pretty stupid. The minute the mom said "And pretty cute, too" I was thinking "Oh no, the can't POSSIBLY be that stupid." but alas, that is a positive 3. Why was the Sheriff so determined to erase himself from the script? He didn't have a reason, it was obviously just to be "sad", even though the main characters knew him for what, two hours? 4. HOW THE HECK DOES EVERYONE BELIEVE THEM SO QUICKLY? I mean seriously? The mom, the police, they just believe them immediately! IT MAKES NO SENSE! 5. Have you noticed that the female lead in this type of movie is always -Pretty -nice like Jesus -pretty much perfect -dating the kid who beats up the main character
So yeah, the movie was bad. It wasn't even harmless kiddy entertainment, and that's pretty easy to do. My one question: How the heck did they get an actress from one of the most famous horror movies of all time? HOW? Every time the rat-guy said "I'm just down on my luck!" I thought "Yeah, like Linda Blair apparently is" If you have very young kids, they may like it, but I think above 9 they'll just be bored.