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shinobi272
Reviews
Primal (2010)
thankfully I didn't go see this in theaters
I just saw this movie on syfy... even with the parts edited for content this is still arguably the worst movie ever. It goes from archaeological expedition flick to zombie movie to Japanese tentacle rape... seriously pick a genre and go with it will you? Is this how Aussies deal with threats now that their government has taken away their guns? big f*cking rocks and torches? I guess the socialists won huh? You've reduced yourselves to cavemen with cars and cable TV... good job. This movie would have been over in about 30 seconds if it took place in America. Oh look shes crazy and she bit me *bang* problem solved. But instead I had to put up with 2 hours of screaming over the simplest things and inaction when action is the only logical response to the stimuli... Girl running with machete and gets caught by 2 "zombies" don't get off your ass and help just sit there and tell her to run... uh yeah that's gonna solve the problem. I guess the commie government took your testicles too.
The Crazies (2010)
Not even Timothy Oliphant can polish this turd
I know its a zombie movie but come on. A military satellite that can locate a crashed plane but does nothing about it for weeks till someone discovers it? Why no we wont track this plane full of toxic chemicals or a virus or whatever and when it crashes in the middle of Iowa we'll leave it alone to contaminate the water till someone finds it then we'll roll in hot and wipe out the town... Horrible premise but the brilliant acting of Timothy Oliphant does give it some watch-ability.
In the house scene where the sheriff and his wife get held hostage at gunpoint by 2 of the "crazies" I have to ask... in a silent house how do you not hear a wheezing zombie psychopath right behind you? Or for that matter several other places where there are "jump scares" like the military's first appearance ... sheriff's in his barn his wife yells from the house for him and he goes running out and there's 50 soldiers with trucks and flashing lights and a school bus and he doesn't hear that or see it coming up the extremely long path to his house on the way out to the barn 20 seconds earlier? Then later on the street after the rednecks take off with their truck he hears the military coming when its completely silent. So he has selective hearing?
Then there's the burning of the bodies... if you are infecting people with a bioweapon that turns them crazy after drinking infected water and then you shoot them and burn the body how do you know that you wont make the virus become airborne and spread even faster?
Its just not even close to believable to be honest. Maybe John Romero should go watch the movie outbreak again to see how to do a real containment and military oppression movie...