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Triangle of Sadness (2022)
Triangle of Badness
My god this film is literally a no plot driven load of drivel. People just talking nonsense about nothing. The film actually made me feel like I was spiked with something, it's so stupidly surreal with characters popping in and out with the camera zooming right in to them for absolutely nothing to happen. I just can't describe how utterly pathetic this film is, you wait and wait for something to happen, but it never does, you find yourself guessing to what's going to happen only for nothing to happen. Really bad acting, terrible script and a God awful plot if you could call it a plot. If this is art then you can keep it. Watch the Menu if you want to see how it's done properly.
Road House (2024)
Load House
What a load of nonsense, I honestly can't believe that they decided to remake a cult classic that in my eyes will never be bettered, ever.
Really naff dialogue throughout, a main villian that wouldn't scare my cat, an over the top Conor Mcgregor who can't decide whether he's an American or Irish, a really poor back story where he hurts his friend, a equally poor side story with the book shop and his love interest.
Honestly, Hollywood just can't make good movies anymore, why not write something new instead of embarrassing yourselves. Swazye is Road House, just as Swazye is Dirty Dancing or Ghost.
A couple of plus points were some of the fight scenes but even they got to a point where I was finding them exhausting, the other plus point is the main protagonist. He certainly looks the part, i just wished they'd flushed his character out a bit more instead of this dark brooding suicidal fighter.
Leave the classics alone.
Proxima (2019)
This is not a sci fi
Whilst watching channel 4 I saw the info for movie Proxima described as a Sci Fi, me being a big lover of Sci Fi settled down to watch it.
I was hoping at some stage they would leave the planet, you know like Sci Fi's, well they don't rake off till the very last scene abd then it's the titles. Yep, no space, not one single glimpse. This movie is all about the hardships of leaving your family for prolonged periods of time and watching the family distance themselves from each other. It is not a sci fi, this sort of thing happens to soliders working abroad which would of made more sense than astronauts as there isn't really many of them. A dreadfully boring movie that is wrongly genred as a sci fi.
Strays (2023)
A good laugh but way too many dick jokes
After seeing the trailer for this movie me and my partner were desperate to see this.
The movie did not disappoint with the frequency of laughs, some really made us laugh out loud and we weren't the only ones. But if I had to complain about anything, it would be the over use of dick jokes, yeah we get it, dicks are funny but only for so long.
Voice acting and CG is so good you'd honestly believe these dogs are actually chatting to one another. Plot is kept simple to allow the humour to take centre place. I enjoyedbthe movie and would recommend it to anyone wanting a good laugh.
Be aware that some of the jokes are very crude incase you are easily offended.
Area 51 (2015)
Not a bad found footage movie
Wasn't expecting much but recorded this the other week on film4 and have actually got round to watching it. It kinda reminds me of Chronicle the way it sets up with the main cast. The only thing with found footage films is that the camera bounces about and it hurts my head after a while.
The story is decent although they seemed to be able to break into everywhere a little to easily for me. Also I couldn't really understand where the big powerful alien came from and why it was different to the others. The film left me a little creeped out which I'm sure was its purpose. Not a bad effort and certainly a genre that I would love to see more of.
Empire of the Sun (1987)
Pointless movie
I looked at the reviews and thought I'd give this one a go. Christian Bale is a good actor, maybe he was in the movie, maybe he was supposed to be the most annoying kid you've ever seen. Was wondering if Jim had some sort of autism or something as I've never seen anyone behave the way he did.
There were moments in the film that I just didn't get and certain pieces of cringe worthy dialogue that went nowhere. All in all I couldn't recommend this movie to anyone, not even my enemies. If I'd seen Christian Bale in this movie at release, I'd probably never of seen any of his more recent stuff as he annoyed me that much.
Minions: The Rise of Gru (2022)
Kung Fu part not needed
I've seen this movie twice now as I promised my neice I'd take her after seeing it with my minion loving partner. I'm really gutted that I paid twice to see this movie. My neice like all the other kids in the cinema was bored within the first 45 minutes of runtime. She never laughed once although I did at certain times. Too be honest once the kung fu lady came on (which I thought was very strange and took me right out the movie) I noticed kids were getting restless and startedrunning up and down the cinema stairs. My neice even started climb the reclinable cinema chairs. I know kids have short attention spans nowadays (probably due to mobile phone usage and constant 3 second tik tok videos) and have to be constantly entertained or have money spent on them. I just thought that the movie was aimed at older people than kids.
Kids today will never understand life in the 70s and most of that time period related jokes were completely wasted on them.
The only reason I didn't score this lower was because I liked the new minion Otto, he made me laugh and I actually liked Wild Knuckles although I could tell he was unrelatable to the kids in the cinema. I still reckon another minion movie will come out, just to take gru up to the despicable movies.
The Drop (2014)
Has me sitting on the edge of my chair
This film is so tense and superbly acted. Tom Hardy has to be one of the greatest actors around at the moment. So glad nothing happened to the dog. It's not often I'm affected by tense movies but this one had me clenched till the end.
Crimes of the Future (2022)
No idea what the hell is going on
I've watch just over an hour on this and I can't for the life of me understand a thing that's going on, people having tumours removed and other finding it erotic. It's just weird and I'd go as far to say that I hate it.
Rough Night (2017)
A Rough Shight
Bottom of the barrel comedy, if you don't laugh at penis jokes combined with cocaine usage then this film ain't for you. Don't be fooled by the inclusion of Scarlett Johanssen as this is her worst performance to date. All the women are outrageously in your face annoying whilst the men are pathetic.
Cube (1997)
All round poorness yet called cube
Some of the worst acting I've seen for a long time. When you have a movie with limited cast you have to have compelling characters. I didn't like one of them and wasn't bothered about the outcome of any of them. Poor cgi didn't help when different people met with doom due to the moving rooms, it was so bad you couldn't tell whet just happened. Another couple of things that really bugged me were when they found a room they needed to go in they all just sat around when anyone one in that situation would of been frantic to get out. Also one of them kept throwing the guy through to the next room that needed to be climbed up to. I mean is this guy bionic, it would take super human strength to throw a fully grown man that high up and across. Just utter garbage. Not scary, not gripping, not worth watching.
Dirty Grandpa (2016)
Usually not my thing
I'm not usually into these types of movies, probably too old to remember being young.
For some unknown reason I absolutely love Dirty Grandpa, De Niro is hilarious for me his best comedy roll closely followed by Analyse This. Don't watch this movie if you are easily offended.
Black Books (2000)
Over my head
I like some of Graham Linehams works, namely father Ted and the it crowd.
Black Books goes right over my head, it just isn't my sense of humour at all. The characters are annoying, the plots are outright stupid and nothing seems to gel at all. I've watched the entire 1st series in a hope that it gets better but unfortunately it gradually got worse. I'm jealous of the people that loved it as I would of loved a good chuckle but I didn't laugh once. Gutted.
Killerman (2019)
Straight to TV budget flick
This movie looks like it was filmed on an original iPhone, the colour and contrast are awful, the whole movie is so dark and it makes it hard to watch. Take out the F word and this movie would have no dialogue, I get that it's supposed to be gritty but it's literally ever other word. I found it unwatchable.
Breaking In (2018)
Breaking Wind
The most incompetent robbers since Home Alone, poor dialogue, poor acting, poor editing, poor plot and some of the worst decision making ever seen.
Save yourself the time by bypassing this stinker.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)
Hitchhikers guide to smashing your TV
I didn't watch the 80s version but thought I'd give this a try. Its utterly stupid, not funny just garbage. What a waste of talent. Can't believe this made it on to any sort of media other than the bargain bin.
Jackie Brown (1997)
Boring
The plot of this movie could of been summed up in 15 minutes but it's dragged out with pointless dialogue. Loads of scenes not needed and add nothing to the story. Reminds me of the hateful 8 when it took them 5 minutes to close a door.
Mother/Android (2021)
Run of the mill low budget effort
I watched to the end but wasn't overly convinced with the androids, I was never once really affraid if them as they were just humans with blue light up eyes. Cheaped out on the fight in the camp but Sam had no marks on him whatsoever and the other guy apparently lost an eye but yet the other guy brought the fight to himself, any real man would of admitted his wrong doing and kept the mother and her unborn baby safe.
The Spy Who Dumped Me (2018)
A comedy that isn't funny
I usually like Milas Kunis movies but this is just utter garbage. Ive made it to half way and thats enough for me, gonna turn it iff and stick pins in my eyes.
Help (2021)
Last 20 minutes could of been so much better
I thought the last 20 minutes of this was where it all went wrong, the suspense really didn't work for me as the story just went really stupid.
I've worked in care for nearly 20 years and as much as you try to protect the residents, you never once think about kidnapping them, breaking out of the home and then breaking into a caravan.
Also I know for a fact that if I spoke to any of the bosses I have worked for like she did, I'd of been sacked on the spot, especially as it could quite easily of been heard by the residents. I know how hard care work can be, especially as staff constantly don't turn up for their shifts and you are left short. If the story had just carried on with the hardships of care work it would of hit home a lot harder than it did. A real shame as it really had an excellent ensemble of actors and touched upon many points of the way care homes are run, staff are treated and residents forgot about.
Jexi (2019)
I've had more fun standing on lego
This comedy is god awful, crude language just for the sake of it, everytime something happens it cuts to loud music with slo mo dancing. Really generic American garbage comedy about an annoying Character with an equally annoying phone.
A Quiet Place Part II (2020)
A Stupid Place with stupid people
Wow, this movie is total garbage. I really enjoyed the first one but this is god awful.
Too many people doing stupid things for me. The son made a completely pointless journey to a warehouse, leaving the baby, sorry but this plot point took me right out of the movie and it never got me back. Also this reminded me of playing The Last Of Us, the monsters make the same clicking sound and look very similar.
Why does it take the monsters ages to attack the main leads but yet there are packs of them ripping apart the gang in a matter of seconds.
Disappointing sequel that unfortunately looks like there's more to come, count me out of anymore thanks.
Time (2021)
Best Of The BBC
Well done to the beeb, this is a very powerful series that's going to put people off ever putting a foot wrong,it's certainly heightened my fear of prison.
Meet Joe Black (1998)
Brilliant
Im a 50 year old man who watched sci fi, action and gangster movies, so theoretically I thought I wouldn't like this movie. But you'd be wrong, this film just oozes class.
Brilliant actors in their prime, a magical score and a plot that makes you reevaluate your own life. I absolutely love this movie it's a masterpiece in my eyes.
Extant (2014)
I'm only 4 episodes in
And I'm so bored, this series is at a snails pace. Feels like you are about to find something out and then the story shifts to something else. The robot kid as a side story doesn't work for me, felt out of place.