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Reviews
Monsters in the Woods (2012)
laughable
Cast and crew voting their own movie, AND made the storyline a freaking sob story, go whine to someone who cares "jayson" with all capitals.
You aren't McG, just for an example of another dumb name.
Just all around bad, don't even pirate this shite.
I have to write more, so I will write, the cover looks bad, but for 30K damn dun, get a dude with some shoop skills some artistic taste or something. Give me a few hundred and i'd bust out something better.
Make a better movie too, and not do the lame cast n crew praise then whine about "problems". It's like an athlete saying " I was hurt, so that wasn't a great performance, but wait will next season".
The Dead (2010)
One of the best zombie offerings since the two Dawn of the Deads
The movie begins good, and is solid throughout. Even though they are "slow" zombies, their sheer numbers and constant threat+ low ammo, gas, fatigue makes a lot of suspense here.
The zombies are authentic and scary, and ever present. People in this movie don't do dumb things. For example, people actually stop and grab ammo and needed items off the dead. They don't trip and fall and suddenly get pounced on and eaten.
This is a mature zombie flick, and a nice break from the zombie comedy. I really enjoyed it personally.
Others may find it a bit slow if they want meaningless carnage, but rest assured there is a payoff. 8/10 based on zombie movies for sure.
Bite Marks (2011)
'Bite Marks', a gay vampire comedy
Since no one reviewed this, I decided I would since I made the first thread and a few people are at least talking about this, so might as well review it.
First off, this is a genre movie that targets a certain demographic (See above if you don't know what i'm getting at. It's a rare "gay" horror comedy. When I first watched this, I didn't know that.
Knowing what it is about, and not taking it too seriously, this could be OK for people into this kind of thing.
The movie was on a shoestring budget, with only about 2 locations, and a few actors. One of them is the guy who played "Evil Ed" in Fright Night, which i'm sure will attract some to this.
Basically, there's a gay couple and an in the closet "straight guy" in a truck with coffins in the back. Of course we all know what comes out of the coffins. They did do some creative things with the vamps, at least I will give them that.
Most of the jokes fall flat and it's totally schlocky, but that is what it is aiming for I guess. It wasn't for me, and if you don't like things of this type, i'd suggest you miss it.
The director or anyone representing this is missing, but I have a feeling one of them posted on the boards.. This probably won't even be picked up for distribution.
I gave this a 4/10 because I did watch it all the way through, because of what they did with the vamps, and a few of the jokes were OK, but most fell flat.
At first when I didn't know what this was supposed to be, I rated it lower. But if you want a silly movie to watch with some throwback references and homages, this might pass some time for you one night.
Howling V: The Rebirth (1989)
Very slow and hard to make it through
Very slow moving and hard to make it through. It never explains the back story and important details. Instead, the viewer is led on the typical "seperate and get killed one by one" type deal. That's about all this movie offers, no real plot, no gore.
The werewolf is barely shown at all, that is effective only if there is any REAL suspense. If the acting is bad, you don't care about the characters, and it's genuinely not scary then at least you should get some cool werewolf/gore/kill scenes. None of that is present in this movie.
If you can find anything at all better to watch, I wouldn't recommend this one.
Paura nella città dei morti viventi (1980)
Did you guys really sit through this film?
So, I was excited about some good reviews I read. The opening scenes had me thinking : Nice , a city of the dead, this is gonna be good! Well, I was out of luck completely. Instead the plot focuses on something totally different, and people trying to PREVENT the city of the dead.
So don't expect to see lots of zombies, expect a very slow moving plot which doesn't make sense and like 3 kills in the first hour (of course they were very gory, no doubt why some fanboys drool).
It literally put me to sleep. I was going to force myself to watch the last 30 minutes, but I won't bother to put myself through it, and no one else should either.
Gutterballs (2008)
Exactly what I expected looking at the cover, but even more gore.
This is exactly as it appears, well almost. It's an 80's slasher film homage that goes further over the top than what was the norm back then. Some may think this is a good thing (mostly genre fans), and others will be disgusted (see some of the threads on the boards).
I hope the acting was very bad on purpose, and i'm sure it was. But it got downright annoying, I guess the director did his job of me wanting all the characters killed off. A little too much "bro humor", so much that it's totally unbelievable that anyone would talk like that for an extended time (Steve) and it does take you out of the movie.
We all know these types of movies aren't about the acting though. It certainly delivered in the gore and sleaze department. From the brutal rape to original killings, and 80's music/clothes, it brought that 80's slasher feel back.. although I must say there were a few modern things in it that made me take a step back and once again brought me out of the movie (why is that there, etc).
The killings were great, definitely more gore and violence than it would have had this been made in the 80's. The ending wasn't as predictable as I had thought (except for the very end scene). If you like this genre, or cheesy gratuitous horror, it's a must see.
Mutant Chronicles (2008)
Drags on at times, but a decent action flick
The storyline is okay, but the action is really what this movie is all about. The scenes when they go underground can get repetitive, and somewhat confusing.
It does drag a little bit underground. There is action in between though, along with some stuff that would never happen (I know its action/fantasy) but it took me out of the movie a few times, thinking "oh really, that just happened..".
The dark scenes were way too dark with the copy I have, but I think the movie is made to be darkish, kind of like the Angelina Jolie movie captain of something, can't remember.
Anyway, it's got a lot of violence, gore and shooting. Cool looking mutants, bombs, etc. For an action movie, not bad, but could have been way better.
Lost Boys: The Tribe (2008)
Didn't expect much going in, a little better than I expected.
It was an average movie in all aspects. Like I said in the subject, as well as others, I didn't expect anything out of this one due to the Straight to Video, and the other reviews.
But, don't let that keep you from watching it, if you are a Lost Boys fan. It had it's moments, but a lot of it was pretty cliché, almost like a parody of the first one. The "lil sis" was pretty hot so that's a plus I guess.
I expected this to be like Troll 2 from the comments I read, and it's not quite that bad. This ones a rental or "aquired elsewhere" deal, only serious hardcore fans need buy this.
Shutter (2008)
Slow paced, but picked up before I stopped watching
I almost didn't make it all the way through this slow-paced movie. Most of the scares were cheap, and you could see them coming a mile away. Very cliché stuff going on here, it's like the director hasn't seen a horror movie for 20 years.
That being said, it does start to pick up near the end. It also has a "twist" ending, which was a real relief for me. Was thinking of rating this a 4 tops, until it added rhyme and reason to why the events were taking place. Still kind of predictable though, but at least it did deliver somewhat.
You don't HAVE to see this movie, but if you're into horror and are able to give it a chance, it's not TOO bad. I gave it a 6 out of 10