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Reviews
I Am Soldier (2014)
Not about much
Is 'I am soldier' a film about the harsh training one has to go through to become an elite SAS soldier? No, the film fails in this regard. Although we do get to see the candidates go through the infamous SAS marches carrying various weights of bergen, the brutality of this process is not communicated well or even at all. (Remember men have died doing this). Where is the 4 week jungle course, the swimming and running tests, arms training etc? No, this is not a film about the SAS selection process Is it a film about our protagonist overcoming his fear of parachuting? No, although the numerous flashbacks and his story of a comrade dying during a parachute jump would have you think otherwise. How does he get over this fear? He doesn't, his instructor pushes him out of the helicopter and all is hunky-dory, smiles and a pat on the back.
What 'I am soldier' is really about is how pretty-boy Tom Hughes manages to keep his perfectly coiffured hair intact throughout this 'grueling' training process whilst at the same time trying to pull a 'bird'. I spent most of the film wondering what product he uses.
All in all the film is not about anything much and is extremely vague in its direction and lacks closure in some plot elements. The sub-par acting by our leading man and much of the cast feels forced and lacks conviction, one exception being Ian Pirie as brief his appearance is.
Gravity (2013)
Overrated
I was in two minds on whether to watch this film or not as I have a serious aversion to Sandra Bullock, I put her level of repugnance on the same level as Shia LeBeouf. They both possess similar babbling, er.. acting qualities, but hey, give it a shot I told myself, put your feelings for ms Bullock aside, after all Alfonso Cuarón is director on this one and Y Tu Mamá También is one of my favourite movies, I told myself.
Visually, Gravity is stunning, no doubt about that but that's pretty much all it has going for it. This might be fine for some but as a lover of film I prefer something more, a little substance, some semblance of realism pertaining to the rules of the world being portrayed on screen. Gravity, unfortunately fails to cater on any of these fundamental details nay, prerequisites. Instead we are asked that any incredulity that the film so rightly deserves is put aside in favour of the shiny, shiny graphics, like a moth to a light-bulb I feel, is how I am asked to approach it.
To call a film 'Gravity' but then disregard all other rules of physics is utterly beyond my comprehension. I won't go into all the mistakes made in this film regarding physical errors and the like, that has been well documented by other writers already. What I will add however, and something that still bugs me with the plot is why the Russians decided to blow up one of their satellites. How dumb are we supposed to think the Russians are? Surely there are regulations regarding the destruction of property in space, there have to be.
Have they managed to polish the proverbial turd with this film, I keep asking myself? Perhaps not but they made a good attempt at trying to distract from its axiomatic shortcomings.
Long Weekend (2008)
one word - stupid!
The idea sounds good on paper but the delivery is seriously lacking. So much so that it could've been produced by a twelve year old.
As a few people here have mentioned there are a lot of things that aren't fully explained. For instance, the friends they were supposed to be camping with, what happened to them and why do they not care when they don't show up even after a few days? The mysterious family camping down the beach, what happened to them? The loss of Carla and Peter's child is never fully explained, just hinted at.
To add to this there is some down right weird stuff going on. The spear-gun spear that manages to fire itself from a locked gun on a chair behind Carla and manoeuvre like an F-15 in front of her and hit a tree to her right is extremely impressive on the ridiculous scale.
The two main characters are just as unbelievable and annoying as the rest of the plot to the point where I found myself hating the two of them. Peter is a macho airhead yuppie type that goes around shooting all manner of things for no good reason and Carla, the wife, is just a hateful complaining wingebag. No chemistry between the two of them at all. The only real emotion between the two is when Carla punches Peter and proceeds to leave him stranded after a bit of a tussle. Another stupid scene.
To close as my summery states - stupid
The Dead Zone (2002)
Not as good as it could've been
I've watched this series with a level of intrigue up until season 3 but the plot does not follow a logical direction based on the development of the storyline. I don't understand why the producers decided to make the hero Jonny/Johny focus on other peoples problems when he knows Armageddon is short approaching. The meat of this storyline (armageddon etc) has been going on since season 2 as far as I can recall and yet the producers seem to think it best to focus on other aspects of his abilities such as helping to reunite families etc despite the fact that they might be blown up in a nuclear explosion along with the rest of America. Excuse me but... priorities anyone? Entertaining as it may be but it lacks a focus based on the serious dilemmas faced by the lead character and instead focuses on the potentially ridiculous making the character Johny seem like a reactionary idiot in the process.
Hitman (2007)
Absolute nonsense
Honestly, don't waste your time with this movie. Go and watch Bambi or maybe the little mermaid. At least these films have a better cast than this sorry excuse. Forget the video game ties because that in itself is bound to produce a terrible movie. If you've never heard of the video game then you are probably in for an even major disappointment. I will admit I've never heard of Timothy Olyphant before this movie and to BE honest I sincerely hope his other work is miles better than this. As the lead in this movie you would expect he would pull off something deserving that position but alas this is not the case. He moves around like he is being controlled by extremely bad puppeteers for most of the film and dare me to say this but his performance is more wooden than a two by four in a vice submerged in a bath of quick drying cement. Don't waste your time with this tripe, do the ironing or wash the car instead and your life will probably be more fruitful. I wish I had the ability to be more literally obscene about this picture but it would not even come close to how I feel about it. I can't believe they got the funding. Crap, Crap, Poopies and a complete pile of turd and thats just the tip of the dung-heap.