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Totally Killer (2023)
Poor Attempt At Recreating & Panning The 80s
Not much to say that other reviewers who gave the film bad marks have not already said...but I will try because I cannot believe this clunker has anything higher than a 5 on IMDB.
1. This isn't a real "movie". It is "content" disguised as a movie. This would have been better shown as a series of short videos on YouTube or Instagram. Or, they should have added a laugh track - that way it would be seen for what it is.
2. There is no character development to speak of. The characters are shallow, unlikable, and uninteresting.
3. The direction and editing is horrid. Whoever edited and/or produced this film should stick with daytime children's television programs because it feels as if it were made for people with the attention span of gnats. The scenes are short, shallow, build up no tension or interest, and lead to nowhere. It is all a disjointed, jumbled mess (see content comment above).
4. The writing is all over the place. Some lines made me laugh, but most of the time it left me wondering how many fingers had contributed to the script. No story buildup to speak of.
5a. On the 80s part 1: having lived through the 80's, I can say that, with respect to accurately portraying the 80s, the film missed the mark by a wide margin. Throwing in a few 80's pop hits did not make up for the unauthentic 80s hair styles, dress styles, vocabulary and vernacular, etc. It was like looking at a picture of a cat drawn by somebody who was told what a cat looked like by somebody who heard what a cat looked like from somebody who once saw a very poor drawing of a cat.
5b. On the 80s, part 2: *IF* the 80s "bashing" in the show was "sincere", not only did it fall short of its intended purpose, but rather it pointed out how ridiculous, petty, fragile and overly-sensitive people from later generations have become. Each time the film went out of its way to point out a behavior or cultural norm from the 80s that would be considered "unacceptable" in 2023, I found myself feeling sorry for people with the gossamer sensibilities displayed by the main character as she navigated her way through "the 80s". Having said that, I'm not 100% certain that the 80s "bashing" was sincere. There were points when I thought "they have to be ridiculing the fragility of GenZ" because when the "unacceptable 80s behavior" on display is compared to the main character's reaction to said behavior, it is hard to decide which is the less desirable of the two.
TLDR: Bad writing, bad direction, bad production, bad acting, unlikable characters.
The entire thing is a mess.
Heartland Homicide (2022)
Would you like crime with that fry?
The one positive about this series is that they present interesting cases. Other than that, the show is not good. (1) It is very, very slow and extremely repetitive - they repeat the same points over and over again. (2) The information presented is not always accurate. For example, in one episode they show a person using a hammer to commit a murder, and repeat this "fact" over and over again. However, upon checking the case court records, I found that there was no hammer used - it was a pipe. I think they put the hammer in for effect, which is lame. Nobody wants to have to check facts when watching a true crime series. (3) The reenactments are also very poor (bad direction, bad "actors", bad in general). And, last but not least: Benji Greenberg (the legal expert) and her voice/manner of speaking have to go. Her vocal fry is so annoying that it absolutely ruins anything positive about the show. I found myself dreading her appearance in each of the episodes I watched (five in total). This is the reason I ultimately stopped watching the show. I would voluntarily listen to fingernails dragged over a chalkboard for a year straight before I listen to one more second of her voice. Think Donald Duck with structured vocal fry and you have hit the bullseye - yes, it is that bad.
Prey (2022)
Please End The Torture
The original Predator is one of my favorite action movies of all time. It is original, cast well, filmed well, has a great soundtrack, etc....and then we got the "sequels", each one worse than its predecessor. So it is no surprise that the latest installment was a flaming pile of rubbish. Yes Prey had a budget and yes, it was shot with some skill (meaning it looked like a movie and had some nice cinematography); however, that is where the positive aspects end. Not only was Prey fairly boring, but it was just plain stupid as well because: (1) Native Americans did not have Ninja/Matrix/Wudan sword, spear, knife or general martial arts fighting skills, (2) if you cannot kill a mountain lion, you are not going to defeat a predator - at least not with a hatchet attached to a rope, some arrows, a spear and a black powder gun, (3) a person living in the wild in 1719 who has never been exposed to any technology greater than the workings of a simple iron animal trap is NEVER going to figure out how an alien targeting helmet works - even if he/she is "smarter than a beaver" - yet the main character not only did so in less than a day, but managed to also figure out how an alien guidance system worked and used said system to kill its owner and, finally, (4) cooling your blood leads to hypothermia and death, not insane fighting skills.
Let us not forget: a predator managed to kill a team Green Berets and most of Arnold's crew with little trouble - and yet failed to take out Neolithic natives with rudimentary weapons?
The frosting on this manure was the addition of a series of scenes that amounted to "Indians good - White Man bad (and stupid)", where the main character is "captured" by a group of French trappers that can only be described as despicable, uncouth, quasi-human animals. The absurd exaggeration of their behavior/state-of-being was as pointless as the writing was dumb.
To whoever is in charge of the Predator franchise: Please stop.
Jurassic World Dominion (2022)
Please Let This Franchise Go The Way Of The Dinosaurs
I have to admit that I did not finish the film. 40 minutes in I decided that I'd prefer to spend the remaining time doing anything else but watching this disaster.
Why?
- Stupid Writing: check
- Stupid Plot: check
- Pointless Scenes: check
- Bad Casting: check
...and on and on and on.
While I did not expect much from this film (I read other reviews), I was surprised at how bad it was. If you are an "older" fan of the franchise (like myself) I suggest you save yourself the disappointment and take a pass - its not worth your time. The film was made by "children" for children. Much like most of the big-budget films these days, this movie is basically a collection of mindless action scenes bridged by slower scenes where dumb ideas are expressed via thoughtless, predictable, unintelligent dialogue. Some of the writing and/or acting sequences that do not involve dinosaurs are so ridiculous and implausible that they dismantle any hope of retaining the suspension of disbelief necessary to enjoy this type of film - and that is saying something given the overall subject of the franchise.
I gave it three stars because the dinosaurs look good.
Pokot (2017)
Astrology Ruins Otherwise Decent Film
This is a well made film with good acting. Unfortunately the astrological nonsense subverted the suspension of disbelief to the point that it was turned off about 40% of the way through. I am admittedly picky about such things but be warned: if you find astrology and people who believe in astrology annoying and irritating, this film will probably not be to your liking. Five stars for production quality and acting.
Mother/Android (2021)
Terrible Characters - Terrible Story
Turned this off after 30-40 minutes. Chloë Moretz is a good actress but the character she plays is dreadful. When combined with her overly apologetic/groveling boyfriend what you get is an insufferable pair that is hard to watch without wanting to smack them both. If one can get past the characters, there is still the story to be dealt with - and there isn't much of a story (at least in the first 40 minutes). Feel safe in knowing you didn't miss much if you skip this dud.
The Witcher (2019)
It insprired a new movie watching game!
How many lines of dialogue can you predict and say, word for word, before they leave each characters mouth? I stopped watching this series after the second episode of the first season because nobody is ever going to beat my score in "Guess That Line". Banality at its finest I'll tell ye.
Whoever wrote the first two episodes of season one should never, ever, ever be allowed near a word processor, typewriter or pen/paper again. Some of the worst, most predictable dialogue I have seen since the last Netflix series I watched.
The characters seem a bit "forced" as well.
I'm giving it four stars for the short but well made fight scene at the end of the first episode.
Hudson Hawk (1991)
Brilliant Oddball Comedy
This film seems to be getting better with age. Oddly funny on first viewing (decades ago), I found myself in tears watching it at the end of 2021. Great goofy script. Bruce Willis at his quirky best.
Greenland (2020)
PB & Js for the end of the world road trip!
(1) You just watched Tampa be completley vaporized by a piece of a comet. (2) You have just been informed (for the SECOND TIME) by DHS that you and your family have been selected for limited evacuation at the closest Air Force base and that if you miss the flight you are dead meat. What do these knuckleheads do? Bicker about what to pack and make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the road.
That is as far as I got.
I don't know about the rest of humanity, but if I see hundreds of AF planes flying overhead right after receiving evacuation notice number one, I'm not going in to join the neighborhood BBQ. I'm stopping at the house, grabbing my family, and getting my arse to the AFB.
Who writes this tripe?
The Tomorrow War (2021)
Good Concept, Bad, Bad, BAD Film
This film had promise but in the end it was just silly (not in a good way). The characters were shallow. The plot becomes ridiculous at the end. The script was awful. Another example of style over substance gone terribly wrong. While its expected that films portraying the fantastic will have unrealistic scenes and unrealistic actions by the characters, this film went too far. At the very least, humans should behave like humans and I am fairly certain that most of the untrained "civilian-soldiers" would have fainted, defecated themselves, screamed/cried/gone fetal, had a sudden 'coronary event' or a combination of all the above upon (a) being shot into the future such as they were, (b) being dropped onto the top of a building in an apocalyptic war zone in an extremely violent manner, (c) seeing alien monsters eating other humans, or (d) simply seeing an alien monster for the first time. Forget about being ready to fight alien monsters under extremely distressing combat conditions that they had zero preparation and/or training for. Instead of behaving like normal humans the characters act as if they were dropped into Disney World after closing to hunt pesky rodents that may/may not bite. Terrible "movie". The director should stick to Lego movies for children, or Robot Chicken skits.