carlsbagy Reviews

Bonelab (2022 Video Game)

Great with 2 issues

[9/10 · 10 February 2024]

There are two problems with this game, only two.

The game is 40 dollars, and is a bit shorter than you'd expect. But hear me out.

The game is well worth it's price, by far. While difficult to access (as it's VR exclusive and a bit costly) the game is amazing. To it's physics, to it's story, to it's gameplay, the combat, and the graphics. Everything is perfect. And it also always keeps a steady framerate despite the quality (well, granted, besides mods.) There's also another piece that's vital to this game, and how it functions. The game is known for modding. It's like the Gmod of VR because of how in-depth and extensive the game is, with built-in mod support. If you can afford it, and you have a quest, the game is a MUST HAVE.

Dream Scenario (2023)

They forgot to add the ending

[6/10 · 8 February 2024]

This movie is great. Well, about the first 75% of the film was great. Then it's the last bit that screwed it all up. The movie is funny. It's moving. It's tragic. It's everything you want it to be. Until they lay the last 20 minutes to you. The movie is great; no doubt about it. Everything they do is captivating, or funny, or dramatic, or just genuinely sad. But no, the ending is bad. It didn't have a reason to be there and it just sucks. It promises everything to go upwards for Paul, then flips it on it's head and ends with so many loose ends that they practically introduced a whole new element to try to make it interesting... only for it to make everything worse.

I wouldn't urge you to watch this. But you should. I'd say "hey, watch dream scenario if you want," and then in a few hundred years, I'd ask if you watched it yet.

Saw V (2008)

I "Saw" this... and it's the worst one in the entire franchise.

[5/10 · 4 February 2024]

Saw 5 is, to put it simply, a load of garbage. I hate this film, but its traps are (mostly) great, which is the only reason this film is a 5/10.

The movie provides no new story or information, and is practically meaningless and unnecessary as all hell. It has no reason to exist as a movie, especially not in this franchise. If this was the first saw, then this definitely wouldn't get a sequel.

The movie consists of the new jigsaw killer taking a look around at everything he has done in the past, and what he's done right, including some of the coolest traps in the franchise! Unfortunately, the rest of the movie is boring garbage that introduces nothing to the plot.

In short, this is the movie equivalent of a filler episode.

Jigsaw (I) (2017)

I mean... it's fine.

[6/10 · 4 February 2024]

Jigsaw is something. Not something bad, but way far from something even remotely good. I'm split on this movie, it's almost too strange and unneeded. The plot twist, which while I won't spoil, shows a new apprentice- who is never mentioned again. Not even in spiral, which is supposed to take place after jigsaw. The movie is also highly dependent on CGI. It has nonsensical traps, but also really cool ones, and then strange ones. The movie is very sci-fi with some of its traps, one literally just being lasers that can cut through flesh? What the hell, saw?! Lasers?

Overall, a few decent traps surrounded by a pretty bad movie, almost non-canon feeling twist, and cop drama. I'd say this is second to last in the saw franchise in what's better, from best to worst.

F.U.B.A.R - The banned movie (2022)

Like watching the VHS tape from the ring- without any of the disturbing imagery.

[1/10 · 3 February 2024]

This short lasts 3 minutes.

And while it took 3 minutes, I want my money back that I didn't spend and time back. This movie is like the VHS from the ring. Except different; there is literally one interesting thing about it that we have no reason for. The movie is a bunch of videos of lakes, ducks, and crowds but with inverted colors, a few optical illusions, all flashing a few seconds at the time, and occasionally a plague doctor appears. He kind of just stares and prods at the camera a few times and that's it. Just inverted colors of ducks. A lot of times the same footage of ducks but different. There's no explanation on why the "movie" is banned or how it's disturbing, that's why the plot is so short. The plot added MORE than the ACTUAL SHORT!

Detroit: Become Human (2018 Video Game)

Absolute perfection

[10/10 · 14 January 2024]

This is a game about dehumanization.

About struggle.

About segregation.

About discrimination.

I beat it in 2 days because I'm so invested, but there are 40 distinct endings and 85 endings in general.

It's called Detroit: Become Human and is phenomenal.

The stories are simple, and yes, I mean stories as in plural, but I'll touch on that in a minute.

The year is 2038. There are androids roaming around the world. Humanoid androids which can look exactly like humans if you get rid of their core feature that sets them apart from people; a circular outline that stores information on their heads. Human are becoming increasingly dependent on them, but at the same time, becoming more and more angry at them for taking their jobs. Taking their lives. You play as 3 androids, each equip with their own personality, story, and purpose.

There's Conner, a police Android who deals with legal threats taken by the cops.

There's Kara, a robot made to be a housemaid to an single abusive father and his young daughter.

Then there's Markus, a robot who stands above all and takes care of a well-intentioned old painter named Carl.

You swap through them, normally between chapters and must adapt to their personalities. Remember what I said earlier; 85 endings, at 40 of them are completely distinct. Will you save the human race and destroy all the androids? Will you save Androids and ruin the human race's world? Or will you find a perfect balance?

All of that... is up to you.

There are so many branching paths are around it's incredible. So much detail.

Just look at the graphics alone and ask yourself, "do I want this?"

"Do I want to experience this?"

Think about the rest of it. The game is amazing and has a 9.2 on this platform.

Undoubtedly, you will say yes.

The Stockholms (2020– )

Funny enough, the ending was hilarious

[6/10 · 1 January 2024]

The Stockholms is a series made by the creators of cyanide and happiness. So, does it hold up to cyanide and happiness?

No. Not even close. But I will give it this. It seemed like the whole series was a lead up to a joke (the ending) and it was just one really long bit with jokes sprinkled here and there. Not to say the rest of the show isn't funny, but with it's 40 minute runtime, the entire series just wants to show you the ending, because it was actually pretty funny. Just know that it's a very, very strange series, and most of it isn't as funny as other things they've done, and you're set for a fine time.

Smile (V) (2022)

Horrifying, traumatizing, with a side of smiles.

[9/10 · 23 December 2023]

This is a great movie. No, no, not just a great movie; this is a GREAT movie. Smile is about a therapist, who needs a therapist; after seeing one for her patients die, she begins to notice people smiling uncontrollably around her. With a blank stare from the entities, the movie screams "slasher" without an actual slasher; it's simply horrifying without a main villain.

A few friends and I watched smile at their house. I had already seen it, but they had not. The house's mom has gone to bed, and we thought to watch something, I suggested smile. They said sure. I didn't know that I would be scaring my friends so damn much. The movie absolutely dominated them, I saw one of my friends, by the end of the movie, literally in a fetal position. Not crying, just... relatively scared. Another just refused to watch, covering his eyes at the end instead. Only me and one other person had actually seen the ending that night. The fetal position guy honestly just seemed tired (he wasn't scared in the slightest, he was honestly probably using it as an excuse to sleep) but the guy who closed his eyes was absolutely horrified. We were literally forced to use our flashlights to go out because he got so scared to even leave the room. One of the guys forgot his phone and we had to plan an entire SWAT investigation, meanwhile I Just walked over. My point of telling this story is that smile is such a good movie, and it provides plenty of scares that can keep you up all night long. I recommend it very heavily, but sit down and prepare; this is a REAL scary movie.

Leave the World Behind (2023)

Watch this with all your electricity out and inhuman attacks coming after you

[8/10 · 15 December 2023]

Leave the world behind is such a good movie. In fact, it only has 2 problems. One of which, however, is much more viral than the other. The less important con is the ending. It's somewhat bland, but I don't hate it as much as other people. It still makes perfect sense, just leaving a lot more to be wanted. The main thing that got this bumped down from a 9/10 to an 8/10 is the fact the movie can drag along at parts. There are long parts of dialogue, however, I'm fine with this. It just happens a bit too frequently. Either way, the movie is brought up by a brilliant and yet horrifying story, great writing, realistic acting, and overall perfection in several statistics.

28 Days Later (2002)

Watch while being chased by rage-infected zombies

[9/10 · 11 December 2023]

One of, if not, the best zombie movies out there. So damn good; not only does it remake zombies into a new, more mysterious variant of their known concept, but the acting, filming, and everything is incredible. There is really only one problem with the movie. That would be the fact that it can get a bit boring, but not really. Another thing, not just about the movie... one of the best songs of all time (at least, to me) is the theme from this movie. "In the house, In a Heartbeat" is seriously probably the craziest yet simple songs ever conceived. With 4 instruments, it sure packs a punch as a theme. Same can be said about the movie; a must watch of any horror fan.

Spiral (2021)

Unneeded hate, pretty good movie

[9/10 · 23 November 2023]

Listen. If someone tells you they hate this movie, that probably means they don't like the story in it, speaking of which, the movie has a lot of, and just want gore for gore's sake. Instead of a game like previous movies, we have a new jigsaw from long long after the B-plot in Jigsaw (2017) meaning this is someone we aren't aware of, taking place in the far, far future (of saw. It's pretty likely it's quite literally just a few years ago or a few years forward in our time.) The traps are amazing (however, a downside is that there aren't many) and extremely gory in some parts. Take, for example, a subway train running over a guy with his tongue stuck in a vice. And that's just in the first scene! If someone says that it's the least gory... they're lying.

Unedited Footage of a Bear (2014 TV Short)

The most horrifyingly bizarre short ever conceived.

[8/10 · 23 November 2023]

"Horrifyingly abstract" completely describes the entire short. It's approximately 10 minutes long with a bear! Roll credits! No, I'm joking of course. This is adult swim, you wouldn't expect real footage of a bear in a short titled as such. No, it's about 30 seconds of unedited footage of a bear! Then it cuts to an infomercial. This infomercial goes on for a minute, and then follows Donna, who is a likely anxiety-filled, schizophrenic woman. She drives with a horrified look, checking around her, and the next 6 or 7 minutes follow pure dread. She stops, finds a strange clone, and is assaulted by said clone with no dialogue stated. I won't spoil this masterpiece, stop reading this and start watching this!

Knock at the Cabin (2023)

Watch this while being hunted down by people causing the apocalypse

[9/10 · 6 November 2023]

Such a good movie; watch it. That's it, that's all, just watch it! Now!

Okay, you're still here? Either you've already done that or I haven't convinced you with something simple like that. Genuinely, this movie isn't much of a horror movie; and that's fine. It's a thriller. The story is simple, 2 men and their daughter go out to a cabin in the woods, where their daughter is out in the forest, meets a strange man, and as it does in most movies like this, something goes wrong. They find their way in and the movie is about the struggles of trying to keep each other alive. Now have I convinced you to watch it? Just do it!

Night of the Demons (1988)

Cheesy party

[10/10 · 6 November 2023]

This is possibly one of the cheesiest things to have ever been created, and that's why it's so great. Don't go in expecting horror or suspense, save it for a time with friends and you're going to have a good time. The acting is horrible, and it makes the entire thing funnier. Just don't mistake this with a horror movie, it doesn't compare, this is a comedy and a half with horror elements and 80s cheese. Such a fun movie that is known for being so ungodly bad it's amazing. You're going to like it whatever mode you're in. I could keep going, but I have a better idea of your time. Stop reading this review go watch it!

Five Nights at Freddy's (2023)

Worth (half) the watch, not the wait

[5/10 · 5 November 2023]

This movie is dreadfully dull in some parts and decent in others. The start is amazing, the beginning credits are phenomenal, and then what follows in the negative side are several almost unneeded dream sequences, you could remove them and nothing would change. 30-45 minutes of the animatronics... not really trying to be scary. The idea is that since they're kids, they would act like them, but it goes on for way too long.

The positive side is that it includes a lot of story! Not just mindless scares. Don't get me wrong, I think slashers like Scream, Halloween and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre are amazing, however it's nice to have story too. It has several references to past parts of the franchise and I hope if there's a sequel it will be better than the first!

Rick and Morty: How Poopy Got His Poop Back (2023) Season 7, Episode 1

Don't say season 7 will suck because of this, but this did suck.

[6/10 · 21 October 2023]

This episode is unfair for season 7 - I mean it's unfair to give this as our first real look. While it's not season 6 bad, this was a horrible debut. The rest of the season actually looks amazing! This is just going off the trailers, but season 7 is looking great. This isn't it, though. It's just a bit too much of a random episode. It's like having a Rick and Jerry episode, then swapping jerry with Mr. P. B. And then adding a bunch old characters who were written for jokes, not to carry the episode. Again, Rick and morty season 7 doesn't look like it'll suck; far from it, but this really just isn't the best way to debut it.

Nope (2022)

If you're thinking of watching this, just say "nope."

[3/10 · 3 October 2023]

This movie is boring. In all reality, the movie is garbage with a few good scenes at most. My family and I decided to watch it together (we all love horror movies) and we're able to enjoy movies like fall, with less of a horror aspect and more of tension, with low ratings but.. no. This isn't it. The movie has a total of 2 interesting scenes and the monsters (or aliens) are hinted at and yet never shown despite the movie practically leading up to their appearance for most of it. In a lot of movies, that's okay, but with 2 interesting scenes you get a UFO party and some children playing hide and seek. This movie goes on for 2 hours way too long.

Fall (I) (2022)

A great movie

[8/10 · 3 October 2023]

This is possibly one of the better horror movies to come out recently. It's a solid watch the whole way through, but be warned, it absolutely isn't for the faint of heart. The story is simple enough, 2 professional climbing women climb a very old 2000+ foot satellite tower. They stay up there for a bit, but then eventually, as everything does in horror movies, it goes wrong and the ladder falls. Stranded 2000+ feet, watch the girls' desperate attempts at freedom. Every shot feels incredibly great, with the heights being absolutely horrifying for me. Even without acrophobia, at some points you might want to take a seat and relax with the sheer quality of the fall. It really sells the tension and legitimate horror. If you're acrophobic, be prepared because this might be a bit rough, and yet you're still likely to enjoy it with each watch.

Breaking Bad (2008–2013)

The best show ever created

[10/10 · 28 September 2023]

Breaking bad is possibly the best show ever created, from it's acting to it's writing. Almost every single aspect of this show amazing and it's great from start to finish. It has action, tragedy, comedy, and even more in every single episode. From season 1-5, it spills with creativity. As mentioned before, it even pulls of comedy in some ways in most episodes. It's characters are so realistic as well; some of the best acting ever seen, likely some of the best acting ever aired on TV. It's so great I would rate it an 11/10 if I could! What the hell are you waiting for? Stop reading this review and go watch the damn thing!