full_meddle_jacket Reviews

We Were Soldiers (2002)

A Rip-off For War Veterans

[1/10 · 16 March 2002]

When describing his hopes for the film "Full Metal Jacket," (based on his war novel "The Short-Timers"), author and Vietnam War veteran Gustav Hasford said, "I didn't want to make another film that veterans are just going to go see and go, 'Oh wow, we've been ripped off again.'" That description fits "We Were Soldiers" to a T. The film has no flexibility, or even a purpose to it. One long cliche full of time killing action and glory speeches. Mel Gibson's cheezy accent will make you chuckle, though. This film takes an utterly true story and cliches the life out of it. A script compiled of every worn out battle trick ever. "We Were Soldiers" almost unintentionally brings disrespect to war veterans. You can definitely afford to miss this screen garbage.

John Q (2002)

One Long Letter-to-the-Editor

[1/10 · 16 March 2002]

"John Q" was probably the worst career move Denzel Washington could ever make. Good thing he got it over with. This "film" is about a man so desperate for health insurance to pay for his son's operation that he takes the emergency room hostage until his demands are met. Though this is how far many of us would go, this film is nothing but a long letter-to-the-editor, in which the writer (James Kearns) just wants to get his opinion out there. It is obvious that "John Q" was fuelled by the writer's beef with the healthcare system, so he threw together a feverish movie so he could trick people into agreeing with him. Definitely a bring-down purpose of any movie. If you want people to hear your opinion, write your congressman, don't waste a fine cast or use up your screenwriting talent.

The Thin Red Line (1998)

An Attempt at Something Impossible

[3/10 · 16 March 2002]

"The Thin Red Line" is one of my least favorite war films (though there are only a handful I found to be worthwhile). But there is one good quality, which unfortunately is part of its downfall; and that quality is its ensemble of characters. The men here are guys you could get to know, and vividly portrayed. However, the film makes a critical mistake when going too deep into the personalities of these characters--they all seem to have a unanimous attitude towards war, and a similar emotional disfigurement because of it. The fact is, it is impossible to determine a general reaction (dare I use a made-up word "aftershock feeling") among a group of soldiers in war. You just can't guess, "Here, you all felt this way, right?", because it's usually wrong, not to mention naive. War affects each man and woman involved in a different way and, though two feelings about it may seem in the same vein, no two experiences are the same, whether you've served in the same platoon, squad, or not. I can't be sure if "The Thin Red Line" attempts to generalize a personal feeling intentionally or unintentionally, but whatever the situation, the film fails to bring any realism to its subject.

Full Metal Jacket (1987)

A Classic Because of What it Does Not Try to Be

[10/10 · 16 March 2002]

With a hole-proof script by a brilliant director (Stanley Kubrick) and two veteran soldiers and writers (Michael Herr and Gustav Hasford), it is no doubt that the product they would create would be flawless. "Full Metal Jacket" was crafted to sheer unglorified perfection. Its vivid portrayal of life in the hell of a 1960's bootcamp and to the grizzly life of Vietnam in the 1968 Tet Offensive is one that looks right in the eyes of the unaware naive viewer and dares them to look deeper. "Full Metal Jacket" is a classic in its own right, not because of what it attempts to be, but because of what it doesn't: the film does not try to glorify war with long speeches and cliched roles praising "good guys killing the enemy." If there was ever a movie that paid meticulous attention to every crescendo and decrescendo of its environment, then this is it: "Full Metal Jacket" is both full of careful detail and spontaneous genius. Probably the best, and only decent, film of the 1980's Vietnam War backlash.

Glitter (2001)

For Teenage Fans Who Want to See Mariah's Ego

[1/10 · 12 March 2002]

"Glitter" is one long, terribly scripted, badly acted, cliche. Based on Mariah Carey's "struggles" (yeah right) to acheive stardom, "Glitter" is much in the same vein as Britney Spears' "Crossroads"--which means, the film is a "pop-star-worshipped-by-teens-placed-in-front-of-a-camera-for-two-hours-smiling-and-singing-anything-but-acting" movie. The producers of course knew Carey knew nothing about acting; her previous experience was limited to running up and down guys' legs in her videos. So naturally, they replaced any remnant of a script with her drawn out, ear-piercing "music." Neil Diamond did a better job in "The Jazz Singer," though he was stuck in the same scenario--a pop star praised for his music, crammed in a movie by greedy execs, only leaving an unforgettable ugly stain on his career. Fortunately for Mr.Diamond, his failed movie didn't result in a mental breakdown. "Glitter" is only for Carey's teen fans who will automatically praise the film and blame everyone as being "jealous." Well, personally, I sure wouldn't be jealous of being in a disaster like this.

Scary Movie 2 (2001)

I Thought the Category Said "Comedy"

[1/10 · 10 March 2002]

I can just see it now; the meeting of movie execs planning a sequel to the equally moribund "Scary Movie." "So it's agreed. We'll make a feeble attempt to cash in on the success of 'Scary Movie.'" "Okay. Well, we have no script, no decent cast, no decent writers..." "Why should we let that stop us? It didn't prevent us from making the first one!" "I've got it! We'll just re-enact a bunch of scenes from other horror movies and add a cuss word and an innuendo in the original dialogue." "...like we did with the first movie?" "Exactly." "Sounds good." Avoid this garbage at all costs. And while I'm on the subject, do yourself a favor and stay away from the first one as well; this is just a remake of a terrible attempt at comedy.

Hidden Passion (2000)

Cheap "Bound" Rip-off

[1/10 · 6 March 2002]

We've all seen the softcore pornographic films that are aired on Cinemax and Showtime after dark, and they're terrible enough. But "Hidden Passion" is worse; not only is it terribly acted and horribly written, but the fact that it's a cheap rip-off of "Bound" adds another layer to the disgust. And the film doesn't even do a good job at ripping it off, seeing as how it's cast with untalented actors, so it's crammed with sex scenes here and there to lure the viewer away from the fact that the entire movie reeks.

Faces of Death (1978)

For the Morally Depraved Only

[1/10 · 27 February 2002]

"Faces of Death"--or any of its library of sequels and ripoffs--is a collection of death scenes. Yes, that's it. Some comprise of actual footage, and some are merely staged. But the point is, "Faces of Death" is for the morally depraved only. Anyone who wants to spend money or even time watching people or animals dying has a problem. And the staged footage is an attempt to satisfy the bloodlust of the depraved people who have chosen to watch this. "Faces of Death" stands as a symbol to a symptom of a sick society.

The Final Sacrifice (1990 Video)

Feverish, Standard Thriller/Adventure

[1/10 · 22 February 2002]

Some people still can't believe that anyone expects great acting, etcetera, from low-budget films, and shouldn't criticize anything without a big budget. However..."The Blair Witch Project" (though I'm no fan) was low-budget yet has become a cult phenomenon. "The Red Violin" had no big budget, yet was critically acclaimed. In "The Quest For the Lost City," (a.k.a. "The Final Sacrifice") a kid conveniently stumbles upon a map of some sort that is a key to a "lost city." A cult of guys in ski masks, led by Satoris--decked in a trench coat, suit, and tie while riding around in rusty GMC trucks--want the map and run after the kid. But he finds the company of a drunken loser who helps him fend off the cult, save the day, and restore a "lost city" made of cardboard. This film is feverishly written and features cheezy performances. The only good thing about "The Final Sacrifice" (noted so many times, it is now a cliche`) is that it was humorously torn apart by our trusty friends at "Mystery Science Theater 3000."

Crossroads (I) (2002)

Hollywood Exploits Fame

[1/10 · 13 February 2002]

Once again, Hollywood finds the most popular pop music star, puts them in a hastily, poorly written script and lets loose. Remember back in '91 when Vanilla Ice was put in "Cool As Ice?" That's pretty much the same thing here. This film has no story, no plot, no character development, just Britney Spears in front of the camera for a couple hours. Whoever wrote this junk knew Spears could not act and inevitably attempted to cover it all up with...surprise...her music. It doesn't help. Equally as poor as Mariah Carrey's "Glitter" last year. And to think, I went out of my way to see this movie in a special screening so I could find something good to review in singers-turned-actors films. But obviously, "Crossroads" wasn't the best place to start. --Bud Sturguess, Texas

Saving Private Ryan (1998)

Standard, Disappointing WW2 Backlash

[1/10 · 13 February 2002]

In the late 1980's, there was the Vietnam War backlash ("Platoon," "Hamburger Hill," "Full Metal Jacket," etcetera, those of which were quite good). And now in the late 1990's/2000-2002, there is the World War II backlash ("Thin Red Line," "Band Of Brothers," "Pearl Harbor," etcetera)...only what it produces is not near as high quality as the Vietnam backlash. The 'epic' "Saving Private Ryan" is no exception; the usually great Tom Hanks gives a sour performance, as does just about everyone else. Yet another bitter installment in the WWII backlash fad. --Bud Sturguess, Texas

Titanic (1997)

Historically Inaccurate, Terrible

[1/10 · 13 February 2002]

Aside from being widely historically inaccurate (the whole "Are there enough lifeboats?" thing--nobody asked that question on that ship, numerous other flukes), the film was horribly written and badly acted. Depended too heavily on Leonardo DeCaprio's brief rise to superstardom among 13 year old girls (whatever happened to that guy?). But it won a buccoo amount of Oscars, and this is just my opinion. But still, the sheer naive sense of it detracts from the entire film. --Bud Sturguess, Texas

Cool as Ice (1991)

Result of 1991's Vanilla Ice Fad

[1/10 · 13 February 2002]

I heard a funny joke about the ill-fated two-hit wonder Vanilla Ice once, in which the film "9 1/2 Weeks" was mistaken for a documentary on Ice's career.

When the rapper hit it big with his (terrible, I might add) whopping two rap/pop songs, movie execs wasted no time in exploiting his short-lived fame, and this film was the result. The flick is terribly acted (despite an early, yet not wisely chosen appearance from Naomi Campbell) and horribly written. If you want to see a bunch of one-hit-wonders, see "That Thing You Do" instead. --Bud Sturguess, Texas

Red Dawn (1984)

Campy and Horribly Written

[3/10 · 13 February 2002]

Well, it's World War III, and the Cubans and Russians are invading America. A bunch of high schoolers head out to one of the guys' dad's store--which conveniently has a lot of guns and ammunition...hm--and take on the Communists by themselves. But, it's just a movie, so anything can happen (though that theory doesn't help too much in taking away the film's campy, cheezy atmosphere). Yet there's still the matter of the flat-out bad acting and a horribly written script. I must admit that the first few times I saw "Red Dawn" I enjoyed it, but I soon outgrew campy films. A poor career move for all the actors involved(though most of them went on to have one big hit and then just disintegrated; Jennifer Grey's "Dirty Dancing," Charlie Sheen's "Wall Street" and possibly "Platoon," and Lea Thompson's...uh...help me out here...) --Bud Sturguess, Texas

Jaws 2 (1978)

Lacks Quality Of Its Immortal Predecessor

[5/10 · 13 February 2002]

Though during its time, "Jaws II" was the highest-ranking sequel ever (possibly next to only "The Godfather, Part II"), this installment in the shark series--the only decent one in terms of sequels--lacks the overall intensity and pure quality of the original. Many key elements are missing. No gripping, poignant dialogue; no strong characters (aside from Chief Martin Brody, reprised by Roy Scheider, who incidentally accepted the role only to end his contract with Universal); no intriguing plot; and the visual effects seen in the original "Jaws" have dimmed. One explanation for this may be the fact that the filmakers began shooting before there was a finished script--a bad move for a thriller, especially one that originally had a great sense of character and plot development. The director's attempts to make "a people movie, not a shark movie" failed. But, "Jaws II" does have its good points; a witty climax (with a signature remark to the Great White from Brody). And though the character development is limited to that of Brody, it really does manage to explore the character a bit further. But finally, for a performance that Scheider accepted to get out of a contract, he does some pretty impressive work...not equal to that of his performance in the original, or "The French Connection" or "The Jazz Singer," but not too bad. The best in all three sequels. "Jaws II" is as good as the original compared to "Jaws 3(-D)" and "Jaws: The Revenge." --Bud Sturguess, Texas

Change of Habit (1969)

Underrated Presley Performance

[7/10 · 13 February 2002]

Although I am not a fan of the legendary Elvis Presley (in music or on screen), I must say that after seeing his 1969 film, "A Change of Habit," I realized his talent as an actor was very underrated. Of course, he was placed in his share of cheezy B-movie musicals, some so terrible that, to quote the King himself, they made him "physically ill." But this film lets Presley perform in a more relaxed atmosphere, without the restrictions of having to have a guitar at his side every second (though he does sing a bit in this film, but not so much that it ruins the drama). The same year, Presley was offered Jon Voight's role in the Academy Award winning "Midnight Cowboy." This film has led me to believe that Elvis may not have been bad at all in that role. --Bud Sturguess, Texas

The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)

Ranks In Top Ten War Films Ever

[10/10 · 13 February 2002]

I'm normally a very picky movie fan, especially when it comes to historical accuracies. And though "The Bridge on the River Kwai" has two or three (not near as many as the flawed "Gladiator"), those little tidbits are completely overshadowed by some of the best performances I've ever seen--by anybody. Sir Alec Guinness especially inspires awe with a relentless performance, right down the core. In my opinion, this film ranks in the Top 10 War Movies ever (though the film takes place in a P.O.W. camp). A must for any war movie fan! --Bud Sturguess, Texas

Roger Waters: In the Flesh Live (2000 Video)

Ex-Pink Floyd Songwriter Triumphs

[10/10 · 12 February 2002]

Roger Waters, who was the songwriting mastermind behind such classic Pink Floyd (with whom he played bass, from their origination in 1965 to 1985) albums as "Dark Side of the Moon" and "The Wall," triumphs in this collection of footage from his massive In The Flesh World Tour. His songwriting abilities shine in such deliciously satirical and cynical songs as "Get Your Filthy Hands Off My Desert," "The Happiest Days Of Our Lives," and "Amused To Death." Just as with his former outfit, his ability to perform on stage is captivating (without the overexposing grandeur of massive stadium shows). A must-see for any fan of Waters, and even fans of Pink Floyd.

Metallica: S&M (2000 TV Special)

The Metal/Orchestra Gimmick Drags On

[12 February 2002]

The shameless exploitation of the old "Metal Meets Mozart" gimmick drags on, this time with metal band Metallica and the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra. The publicity that surrounded this stunt surprised me, seeing as how countless rock acts have already included symphony orchestras in their music, such as Pink Floyd (with whom San Francisco Symphony Orchestra conductor Michael Kamen had previously worked with), Van Morrison, and David Byrne...except those legends actually did it right. Usually, when a concert film is plagued with feverish, inaudible music (like this one), it depends heavily on cinematography and camera tricks, just as "S&M" tries to. But its attempts don't work. A poor effort from the usually worthwhile Metallica.

My Cousin Vinny (1992)

Flawlessly Hilarious Comedy

[10/10 · 12 February 2002]

When two "Yankees" travel to Alabama, the trip takes a turn for the worse when they are arrested for the murder of a store clerk, all a misunderstanding over a can of tuna (literally). That's when they call Vinny (Joe Pesci in the perfect role), a less-than-perfect lawyer who has no experience whatsoever in murder trials. But his street smarts are a big help in the case, and to the flawless plot of the entire comedy. Marissa Tomei is equally perfect in her role, for which she garnered a Best Supporting Actress Academy Award. For any fan of comedies in general, this is perfect. --Bud Sturguess

Pink Floyd: Delicate Sound of Thunder (1989 TV Special)

Pink Floyd Captivates

[10/10 · 12 February 2002]

Though the legendary Pink Floyd's next concert film, "Pulse" (or "P.U.L.S.E.", 1995) was very poor, "Delicate Sound of Thunder" perfectly captures the band's exhilirating 'comeback' after their first studio album ("A Momentary Lapse of Reason") without principle songwriter Roger Waters, who left the band (officially) in 1985. Quite possibly one of the best collection of live concert footage in the past twenty-five years. Though the heavy dependance on extra session musicians (something Pink Floyd rarely did in the past, which was a foreshadowing of their decline in quality...in my opinion anyway) is kind of a downer, it doesn't distract too much from the quality of Pink Floyd's performance.

More (1969)

Standard "Trippy" 60's Junk

[1/10 · 12 February 2002]

"More" is yet another addition into the countless pile of 60's druggie, trippy junk. Avoid at all cost. Terrible acting, equally moribund script. The only thing to enjoy is Pink Floyd's wonderful soundtrack, which is too good for stereotypical waste like this.

Naked Lies (1998)

Uh...is there a plot here?

[1/10 · 11 February 2002]

We've all been in the situation in which we wake up at 1:00 AM and decide to channel surf, and come across cheezy B-movies (many of them direct to video) on late-night cable. The films' scenarios are always the same--a degrading graphic sexual situation every five minutes (and to fill the ten second non-sexual voids, a shower scene), but the label of "pornography" is pathetically covered with some weak plot (that is never followed, due to the heavy reliance on nudity). "Naked Lies" is no exception. To be honest with you, I find nothing special about this film; I just got fed up with all of the kinds of movies I just described and decided to bash the first one I saw on a late-night cable. --Bud Sturguess, Texas, USA

Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

So Sharks Have Feelings?

[1/10 · 11 February 2002]

Well, a fourth great white (though this one is only about ten feet long) follows a widowed Mrs. Brody to the Bahamas after killing her son. It appears as though this sea critter wants to wipe out the entire Brody family--despite the fact sharks aren't exactly known for having emotions. I don't want to reveal how the film ends (though I don't recommend seeing it anyway), but Mrs. Brody has a bunch of flashbacks from the ending of the classic original "Jaws" (despite the fact she wasn't at those scenes) and somehow saves the day. The whole film has little to do with a shark, but with Mrs. Brody's meloncholy state and mourning for her late husband (who supposedly died of a heart attack). Michael Cain wasted his time on this one...even the portrait of Roy Scheider (great actor, played Chief Brody in the first and second "Jaws" flicks) must be ashamed.

Police Academy (1984)

Great Characters, Underrated Slapstick

[11 February 2002]

Granted, the tiring six sequels that poorly followed this film made one wonder "Have they given up yet?" But the original "Police Academy" is a great example of ensemble cast of characters and uproarious slapstick comedy. An underrated gem in 1980's comedy. In fact, I dare say that this delightfully funny satire of life in police training has some of the most lovable, wildly hilarious characters of comedies made in the past thirty years. I whole-heartedly recommend watching "Police Academy"...but the sequels...ugh...