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Mad Dog McLagan
Reviews
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)
Loved it from start to finish
This film could well be the most unjustly reviled film I've ever seen. I never thought I'd see Douglas Adams purists foaming at the mouth, but that day has now come. If you listen to these people, you'll hear that the film is absolutely rubbish because we don't hear about how the Babel Fish proves the non-existence of God.
I, however, went in not having read the books for years, only vaguely remembering a few of those riffs of comic genius that Adams penned, willing to be amazed.
I was amazed.
A problem that people have with this film is that it is simply fun. It has Adams cartoony zaniness in abundance and it has the pretentious tongue-in-cheek intellectualism, which for me captures Adams's spirit in an instance. But more than that. The film has also been giving jaw-droppingly beautiful design and, what's more, a coherent plot! Yes. Say what you like about Adams, plotting wasn't his strong plot. I'm sure anyone who's read the whole Hitchhiker's series will agree... it was almost as if he defied all storytelling conventions. But here, the story's set up quickly. Arthur Dent, ape-descendant, and his alien friend Ford leave Earth just before the Vogons blow it up, and soon find themselves on the Heart of Gold with Zaphod Beeblebrox, President of the Galaxy, Trillian, his girlfriend, and Marvin the depressed android. The beauty of the setup is in its succinctness.
We then learn Zaphod (played by the excitable Sam Rockwell) is looking for the ultimate Question, as the Ultimate Answer has been found but makes no sense. And so the quest to find the lost planet of Magrathea begins, meeting opposition from the wicked high priest Humma Kavuna and Questular Rontok, Vice President of the Galaxy who is trying to reclaim the spaceship Zaphod stole.
This film is adorably silly, but the story bubbles along with the ease that the BBC TV series didn't quite have, helped by Stephen Fry, who narrates animated interludes from the Hitchhiker's Guide itself. I can't describe how lovely it is to hear him describe, in his syrupy, elitist tones, the Pan Galactic Gargle-Blaster: "The best drink in the galaxy".
The cast are uniformly perfect: Martin Freeman is an actor I have respected for some time, even before "The Office", seeing him steal scenes as a Dutch DJ in "Lock, Stock" and other shining guest spots. Now he's truly in his element as the continually confused and frustrated Arthur Dent. Mos Def, like many people on the net, I was unsure of, but astonishingly he seamlessly became the Ford we know and love. ROckwell's Zaphod is all that I imagined. Zooey Deschanel is the only Trillian so far who felt real, and gives a perfect spot. Alan Rickman, John Malkovich, and Bill Nighy also shine very brightly in their guest spots. And my favourite part of the film guest stars Bill Bailley as a confused sperm whale. 'Nuff said.
I wish this film wasn't under such scrutiny, because I don't think it's the type of film that should ever be scrutinised. Like the books before it, it's just for a bit of fun, and ends up being a LOAD of fun. I think Douglas Adams would have approved, and that's what matters to me.
Gunpowder, Treason & Plot (2004)
The Harlem Globe-Trotters of Drama
As soon as I saw the text "Written by Jimmy McGovern" flash up on the promos, I knew that this would be something special. Having watched the first season of McGovern's "Cracker" I knew that this would be history with true grit, venomous dialogue, and buckets of conflict. I wasn't disappointed.
Judging by the other comments some people found McGovern's style too harsh, that he belittles the both Royal family and the Protestant and Catholic branches of church, and overuses sex and violence. It's a fair criticism, but so many over-starched interpretations of British history have been made that this gritty drama becomes a breath of fresh air.
The show is evenly divided into two parts, both riveting stories. The first is the reign of Queen Mary I of Scotland, a French Catholic girl now ruling over Protestant Scotland. Clemence Poesy turns in a brilliant performance as the young queen faced with her conniving half-brother Lord James, Queen Elizabeth I of England, her misogynistic husband Lord Darnley, and her brash suitor the Lord Bothwell. The whole story is turbulent, as a state of war with the English gradually precipitates.
The second part is much higher drama, though. It is concerned with Mary's son James I, a repugnant, bitter cripple, who promises the Catholics tolerance, and then reneges on his promise at the behest of the manipulative Lord Cecil, one of the most powerful men in England. This proves the catalyst for the famous attempted bombing of the houses of parliament on November 5, lead by the ruthless Spaniard Guy Fawkes.
It is true that McGovern revolves the entire show about the us-and-them viewpoint of the Catholic and Protestant, BUT this works to great effect. Emphasising the conflict in this war really ups the ante for the drama, making for some very high-octane television. Add to this brilliant performances by Robert Carlyle, Tim McInnerny, Kevin McKidd, Sam Troughton, and Michael Fassbender (Playing Guy Fawkes as a silent Clint Eastwood type delightfully)
This is, without a doubt, the greatest telemovie I've ever seen. However, if you're at all squeamish this definitely isn't for you: this is history with the filthy bits left in for a change...
Clueless (1995)
Awful to the power of 85 000
You know what I hate?L.A, stupid blonde bimbos, rich people, and humour that isn't funny no matter how frickin' hard it tries.That and a criminal waste of half-decent actors in what is really an act of puerile pantomime that has no right to be recorded on celluloid.
This film throws all of those truly awful ingredients together in a steaming cocktail of really, really, bad stuff.It expects us to give empathy and sympathy to a stupid blonde biatch who thinks she is, like, really smart and falls in love with, in the following order, a moron, a gay guy, and her step-brother.But in all case this is outweighed by her love for herself.
This film encourages blonde halfwits with walk-in wardrobes around the world to believe they have the power and right to do what they want and that they are superior.To countermand this I reccomend a mass-culling of all things blonde and teeny-boppy.Right now.
Wayne's World (1992)
Repulsive Drivel
I cannot believe the amount of stirling comments this farcical film has recieved.It is pure rubbish, with Mike Myers and Dana Carvey delivering what must be the two worst performances ever.
No other film can age so badly.Dr No will impress Generation Y. more than this, and doubtlessly get more laughs.My class watched this when our Sports lesson was rained out, and there was not a single laugh throughout this turgid film.
There is such a lack of humour, that the film is boring.All the potentially humourous moments are mis-delivered, coming out as expanses of nothing-ness.It all entwines into an un-entertaining mess.
The plot, if it can be called that, is Wayne and Garth, two complete morons, getting their pathetically unfunny show bought by a network.Curiously enough, this is ignored for 40-minutes or so, and the film has lots of gratuitous scenes involving Wayne and Garth aimlessly drifting from place to place, Wayne's psycho ex doing stupid stuff, and Wayne and Garth making pathetic attempts at trying to get laid by their respective teases.
This is the worst film I have ever seen, bar none.Watch at risk of brain meltdown.
Bad Eggs (2003)
A Superb Comedy
Australian comedian Tony Martin (famous for the "Martin Molloy Breakfast Show") has made his directorial debut with Bad Eggs.He's always wanted to work in film, and it shows.
This film is a magnificent production, with a great story and an even better cast.Martin uses the technique of throwing two moronic heroes into a dramatic story....which turns out to be quite a clever trick.
Detectives Ben Kinnear (Martin's comic partner Mick Molloy) and Mike Paddock (Bob Franklin) our are loveably inept heroes, two public dicks working in Victoria's elite Zero Tolerance Unit.A freak accident involving a dead magistrate, a run-away car, and a dozen reckless fire-arm infringements lands them in a lot of trouble; and it doesn't get much better after that, either.
Soon, they stumble over evidence of corruption in the ZTU, after their hard-nosed boss (Bill Hunter) and the nasty Detective Wicks (Nicholas Bell) seem strangely unconcerned about a CD said to be in the dead magistrate's car.With help from a nerdy engineer (Alan Brough) and Ben's journalist ex-girlfriend (Judith Lucy) Ben and Mike attempt to get to the bottom of things, but all they get is one disaster after another, until they have no-one to turn to but the Premier himself.(Shaun Micallef)
It's a strong plot, but it is constantly riddled with hilarious scenes, such as Ben's bizarre flashbacks to his training with his girlfriend at the Police Academy in the `80s and Mike's high speed chase with the steering wheel lock still attached.
I hope that Bad Eggs goes overseas, because it is the best Aussie comedy I have yet seen, and is not a movie to be missed for anyone who loves a good comedy.
Missing Pieces (1991)
An Idiotic Masterpiece
This is one of my favourite films.Eric Idle (Of Monty Python fame) and Robert Wurhl (Probably best known as TV's Arliss) star as a mismatched couple,Wendel and Lou in this mystery-comedy caper.Don't take this seriously!DON'T EVEN TRY!To give you how rididculous the plot is here are some of the characters:a one-handed kingpin,a lawyer who suffers from dwarfism,and twin brothers,one a crazed photographer and the other a mild-mannered antique dealer. One of Wendel's many former foster parents,Mr Hu,dies,and his lawyer (The dwarf) gives Wendel his inheritance.A riddle.Wendel and Lou (His cello-playing best friend) soon realise the riddle isn't Hu's heirloom,just the key to FINDING Wendel's inheritance.But they are pursued by several infavourable characters, almost all of whom want them dead. This film I find side-splitting, but if you don't like slap stick humour there won't be too much value in this for you.
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)
Four Silly Prats,One Silly Plot
Okay,Lock,Stock is a worshipped film world-wide,but why?I'll tell you why,it was the first to mix violence with outrageous humour and took the public by suprise.
Guy Ritchie made this vastly controversial film just four years ago,and it looks fit to stand the test of time.Although Ritchie's next film,Snatch,was much better in my opinion,Lock,Stock is still sheer brilliance.
Now for the story:(A bit of a SPOILER here,skip the paragraph if you don't want to know too much plot)The movie revolves around budding criminal and sly card player,Eddie(Nick Moran),and his mates:Tom(Jason Flemyng)the wheeler and dealer,the nervous cook Soap(Dexter Fletcher),and the light-hearted illegal-merchandise expert Bacon(Jason Statham,who also stars in Snatch and The One)Eddie loses all his money on a rigged card game against porn king Hatchet Harry(H.P Moriaty)who happens to have two of the deadliest hitmen in film history working for him,Barry the Baptist and Big Chris(Lenny McLean and Vinnie Jones)Eddie won't go down without a fight and plans to rob his cheery next door neighbours Dog and Plank(Frank Harper and Steve Sweeney)of their "weed" that they steal off stoned drug baron Winston(Steve McKintosh)However,the bumbling salesman Nick(Stephen Marcus)tries to sell it to the bloke who planned to buy it off Winston,insane black man Rory Breaker(Vas Blackwood),and starts a violent gang war.The story is far more complex,but you get the idea.
The atmosphere is great,as is the acting.Dexter Fletcher's character Soap grows steadily more nervous as the film goes on and is very comical to watch,Jason Statham is the fool of the group,a role that suits him well,H.P Moriaty is superb as the menacing Hatchet Harry,Vinnie Jones plays a simple gangster part to the fullest,and rock-star Sting puts in a good,if not too memorable,performance,as Eddie's dad.
All in all a great movie that will be a cinema classic,and guarantees Guy Ritchie's name in the film hall of fame.
Snatch (2000)
Best Pommy Gangsters EVER!
***SPOILERS*** ***SPOILERS*** In my opinion,Snatch is a masterpiece.Guy Ritchie's direction is all about working outside traditions,and he does it great.For just his second film I can see he's got his work cut out for him,this is WAY better than Lock,Stock! I'll only mention a little of the story: A Jewish gangster from America,Franky Four Fingers(Benicio del Toro)steals an 84 karat diamond from Antwerp,but he runs into trouble with his Russian partner's brother,Boris the Blade(Rade Sherbedgia).Boris asks him to make a bet for him at a bookies that is to be robbed by the three stupidest prats ever to wear balaclavas:Sol,Vinny,and Tyrone(Lennie James,Robbie Gee,and Ade)Soon Franky's boss,Cousin Avi(Dennis Farina),comes to London searching for him with the help of diamond expert Doug the Head(Mike Reid)and invincible hitman Bullet-Tooth Tony(Vinnie Jones). While this is going on two boxing promoters,Turkish and Tommy,(Jason Statham and Stephen Graham)are trying to hire a gypsie bare-knuckle boxing champion Mickey O'Neill(Brad Pitt)who knocked out their previous champ in one hit after an argument involving a dodgy caravan.Their boss,Bricktop(Alan Ford),is very unhappy,not only at Turkish and Tommy,but also at the three silly prats who robbed his bookies. I know it seems like I've told you the whole story,but trust me,this is just the tip of the iceberg! Anyway the acting is brilliant.Jason Statham and Stephen Graham are a very dynamic duo and play it all convincingly,Vinnie Jones is an incredibly admirable bad arse,Rade Sherbedgia's role,though short,is well played and very memorable,and Alan Ford is one of the best bad guys I've seen in a long time.However,Brad Pitt steals the scene,even though his Irish-Gypsie accent is so strong it takes several viewings to understand everything he says.('Fock mi,'es a bik block,bakser?Ya lak loike a bakser.) Some people say it's exactly the same film as Lock,Stock and,I know,they have their similarities,but Snatch's story,humour,and acting sets it head and shoulders over Lock,Stock in my opinion.