phoneticnachos Reviews

Wicked Little Letters (2023)

Timothy Spall is a treasure , more movies like this, hysterical!

[8/10 · 18 April 2024]

Timothy Spall is a treasure , more movies like this, hysterical!

Subtle humor, in your face profanity, weird kooky characters and funny British-isms abound in this film.

If you like Hot Fuzz, this is like a woman style artsy version period drama pastiche version of that. A "Pinot Noir comedy" instead of a beer comedy.

This is why I love Hollywood embracing women and minorities and ethnicities and LGBT stuff more in all roles of cinema production, we get a more nuanced product.

The human connection we all share on this tiny blue marble of a planet we call Earth is so fragile. We need to help keep it glued together.

Damsel (2024)

Terrible acting, poor script, bad director, and low budget SFX

[1/10 · 1 April 2024]

One of the worst movies of the Millennium. This is what we are forced to watch by the greedy spoiled millionaire stars churning out film after film to "star" in?

With a cast of so many supposed "actors and actresses", I cannot fathom how this is so abysmal. Cardboard cutouts would give better performances.

The script is like something from a sixth grader.

The lighting looks like it was made by a blind person. Cringe level SFX, plain to see AI copy and paste fill and color scenery. Nothing but green screens.

These kids got swept up into a lowest common denominator cult tv show that all the MAGA sub 100 IQ people eat up with a spoon. And play with a 90s has-been actress Wanona Ridar, who is most famous for shoplifting, and being a criminal drug using adulteress. One of the kids even has a weird mouth deformity, and you can't even understand him half the time. Couldn't make it through more than a few episodes.

Madame Web (2024)

Bad script, worse actors, terrible SFX, we want more R movies like Deadpool

[1/10 · 20 March 2024]

Nothing of value can be said about this movie, they ruined a beloved character from the old spiderman cartoon, that old lady was cool.

Why are you unable to stick to the facts of the cartoons we Millennials grew up on when you make these remakes?

So many poor casting choices, why all these no-name untalented people? Pick people with real acting training and experience, they all acted like they were filming cringe social media posts and just posing for the camera.

Full of plot holes, Marvel has gone so far down hill since the Avenger movies, even the other releases the last few years have been bad.

They keep making these cheesy cringe kid type shows, when we keep telling them to make more R rated films like Deadpool.

Adults built this industry, stop making little kid stuff.

Down Low (2023)

Not perfect, but perfectly alright

[7/10 · 11 October 2023]

This is more of the type of newish humor that needs to be written. Like "Bros" it is a refreshing and more normal way to portray gay people in cinema.

Very clever writing good jokes, funny scenarios and quippy scenes without being too kitschy.

Hopefully this does well and they keep making more dark/black comedies like this.

Next I want to see a gay version of a satire Christopher Guest type movie, that would be cool.

Then they could do a murder mystery type, then a gay themed sci-fi one.

Not perfect, and that's ok, nothing in life, let alone cinema is a 10/10, just like no person is a 10.

The Flash (I) (2023)

One of the worst movies of the Millennium

[1/10 · 17 July 2023]

One of the worst movies of the Millennium. This is what we are forced to watch by the greedy spoiled millionaire stars churning out film after film to "star" in?

With a cast of so many supposed "A/B/C-list actors", more than any of the Marvel movies even ever had, I cannot fathom how this is so abysmal.

The script is like something from a sixth grader.

The lighting looks like it was made by a blind person.

The cinematography is a placement nightmare.

The pacing is slow when it should be fast and fast when it should be slow.

The special effects look cheesy and rushed, why did they not use more practical/real special effects? The computer generated visuals are like something from the 90's.

My Dinner with Andre (1981)

one of the best films ever made, superb dialogue

[10/10 · 2 April 2023]

One of the best films ever made, superb dialogue. Only RepubliQan low IQ Trumpers will not like this film.

My Dinner With Andre" is every bit as relevant now as when it first premiered, perhaps even more so. A conversation about the meaning of life and how people choose to live it, along with all of the outside forces that exist to complicate it, will never go out of style. This is a beautiful masterpiece of a film, that can be watched many times, to produce different points of view which provoke interesting, engaging and enlightening discussions by those who experience it. This is very apparent as Shawn's character, who on the surface seems to disagree with a lot of what Andre says. Yet by the end of the film, on his way home, his eyes observe things in his environment as though a new light was been cast upon them.

Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023)

Contender for worst movie of the decade

[1/10 · 22 March 2023]

Some horror films are so bad that they're good. This one is just bad.

Nothing is good. The acting, the writing, the plot, the complete and utter lack of even so much as an ATTEMPT at character development, was a complete mess. It's not one of those horrors that are "so bad it's good", it's just painful to sit through from beginning to end. Full of plot holes, completely lacking a protagonist, full of characters who are uninteresting and un-likeable, I can't imagine how anybody could enjoy this movie.

Everyone involved should just quit the movie industry. Their lack of talent, judgement or consideration for their audience shows no compassion or remorse.

Nightmare Alley (2021)

Best film of the year

[10/10 · 29 January 2023]

Hands down the best film of the year. Nothing even comes close to it.

SEE THIS MOVIE NOW!

Amazing script, dialogue, setting, style filming, cinematography. Nothing Hands down the best film of the year. Nothing even comes close to it.

SEE THIS MOVIE NOW!

Amazing script, dialogue, setting, style filming, cinematography. Nothing else to say repeatHands down the best film of the year. Nothing even comes close to it.

SEE THIS MOVIE NOW!

Amazing script, dialogue, setting, style filming, cinematography. Nothing else to say repeatHands down the best film of the year. Nothing even comes close to it.

SEE THIS MOVIE NOW!

Amazing script, dialogue, setting, style filming, cinematography. Nothing else to say repeatHands down the best film of the year. Nothing even comes close to it.

SEE THIS MOVIE NOW!

Amazing script, dialogue, setting, style filming, cinematography. Nothing else to say repeatelse to say repeat.

You People (2023)

How the greats have fallen

[1/10 · 27 January 2023]

Years ago these actors and actresses would be headlining stars, but now? They are slumming for D tier movie scripts for over the hill boomer Netflix.

The movie is easily one of the worst ever made. Bad everything, writing, directing, "comedy", lighting , set design, casting, and on and on.

Millennial's like myself and Gen Z and soon to be Gen Alphas viewing habits are very different than Silent generation/"greatest gen"/boomer/gen Xers.

They must be hard up for cash, only reason they would do this stuff, it is tarnishing their brand/name/image to be associated with this dreck.

Like how Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Sawrzenegger. And the rest of the steroid fueled 80's-90s has beens churn out bad movies, similar to Nickolas Cage too etc, and the guy from Gross Point Blank etc, and Samual L Jackson for that matter.

Keanu (2016)

Rip off of John Wick by hacks/ghetto scary movie style

[1/10 · 3 October 2022]

Where to begin. Another example of poor directing and acting by KMK AND JORDaN PEEL, THEY JUST RECYCLE TROUPES AND BITS, DONE BETTER OVER DECADES AGO. He makes cheesy sci-fi and cliche horror movies, and now unfunny comedy.

They can't even find new jokes, keep using the same ones over and over again. Very poor cinematography and lighting, bad dialogue, set design, wardrobe,

The show they had was just a remake of Chapelle show but had non of the bite or social commentary, watered down urban/black/ghetto culture/jokes.

If black people want to stand alone and make their own stuff, they need to stop playing up the stereotypes, and pandering to what you expect them to act like.

Bullet Train (2022)

Lazy writing, dialogue, massive plot holes

[6/10 · 2 October 2022]

How dumb to they think the person watching this movie is?

First of all, live animals would be kept in a separate storage berth. There is protocol and procedure in Japan, when you board, and baggage checks.

Impossible to have a cage that open get through.

Secondly, the noise that is happening, all the crashes and broken things, the personnel working on the train would have to respond. After the Sarin gas subway attack in Japan in the 90's they have very strict anti-terrorism training,

When the guy breaks the back window, that would immediately trigger a pressure/derailment sensor, and the conductor would stop the train at the next station.

All of the other passengers just disappear when they are not in a scene. Count the people in the cars at the start of the movie, easily 55+. Yet non of them ever are shown to exit.

They couldn't even get one of the most obvious facts right about the snake venom, "The venom of the boomslang snake was analyzed and it was revealed that boomslang venom is highly potent and primarily is a hemotoxin.

Hemotoxins are toxins that destroy red blood cells, disrupt blood clotting and can also cause organ and tissue damage. Because boomslang venom is a hemotoxin it's not surprising that it can lead to major brain and muscle hemorrhage. But the venom also causes other symptoms like nausea, headaches and sleepiness. Perhaps what is most surprising is that this venom has the ability to make the victim bleed from every possible orifice. It is not uncommon for blood to seep out of the victim from the gums, nostrils, urine, saliva, stools, vomit and even through the tiniest of cuts. This is extremely unfortunate because the victim will continue to bleed until death and death from internal bleeding is a slow and lingering process that can take anywhere from three to five days.

One of the issues with boomslang venom is that symptoms emerge only several hours after being bitten. Because the venom is not fast acting, victims may not realize that they are at serious risk and require immediate medical assistance. Although records show that less than ten people have died from boomslang bites worldwide, this ought to not be taken lightly. Death came swiftly for Karl Schmidt, as he was found dead 24 hours later in his home from respiratory arrest and severe brain hemorrhaging. If Schmidt had known about the anti-venom his life might have been spared. It is imperative to act quickly otherwise Africa's most venomous snake might have the last laugh."

The snake isn't even the right color.

Andor (2022– )

Yet more Hollywoke RepubliQan nonsense

[1/10 · 22 September 2022]

Seriously cannot imagine how they can go so down hill so fast. Just what the Hell? I watched 3 episodes of this dreadful programme. Too much dislogue, not enough storyline, and it was all too flat. The Andor guy needs to go back to acting school, as he can't act for toffee. And yet another programme with a bloody Skarksgard shoved into it.

The Stsr Wars Galaxy feel is there only in costume. The sets and imagery is all too Faux-Bladerunner (Harrison Ford version, natch). In my view its a complete failure as a spin-off or even as a standalone drama. Its also way too sexualised and nudge-nudge for under 16s. Neither did I realise so many Brits lived in Outer Space. Did we get so peed off with things we left Earth en-masse?

This programme is a poor entry into the Star Wars legacy. Its so bad, I'm literally watching just to see the Cafe building which is on Cleveleys Prom, opposite the Vue and JD Gym. Otherwise, I'd rather suck my eyeballs out with the vaccuum hose and replace them with hot, sticky toffee-apples, than be subjected to any more awful, dreary Andor. Utter garbage. Disney corporation keeps putting out series and movies under the premise that more is better but it is tiresome and quality pays dearly. This show is less childish than the rest but it is still a "family" thing like all things streaming these days.

It also feels a disservice to all fans of Star Wars out there, when they think they can produce great stories and products with so little attention and promptness. Movies and series take dedication, creativity and artistic inspiration, but for Disney it's all about getting the next thing out there as soon as possible. Put some diverse characters all over the place, buy positive reviews and call it a day. Andor is literally the most boring Start Wars i have ever watched, and its such a shame as i was looking forward to it. Ive just sat here and watch 3 episodes, and i honestly can't see me bothering with any more. To say the pacing is slow, is understatement. The main character goes to a place, has a conversation, then goes to another place and does the same. Very little else happens of any significance until the last 10 minuets of episode 3. With some decent editing, you could easily combine 120 minuets (3 episodes) into 30 minuets of story. In edition to the slow pace, the acting and casting choices seem questionable at best. Some actors are wooden, where as others are hamming it up to the max. The only real positive i can add us that the CGI and sets look good, but thats about it. Such a shame to start on such a low for what could have been a promising series,So one episode in and not much has happened. I'm certainly not hooked or even engaged. Frankly only the hot chick and Cas are keeping me remotely engaged and the later only because Ioved Rogue One

Second episode. More long drawn out nonsense. Flash backs I don't care about because nothing is happening. The keystone cops that are laughable. Side characters that are way under explained. Barely any plot.

Oh and who decide Del Boy needed to be in it?

Again only the hot chick is keeping my interest .

I guess I'll force myself to watch episode 3 but god I really don't want to.

Ahh I see I need to ramble some more just to leave a review. Blah blah. Aren't we getting a little tired of these "slow burn" titles which is just a codename for boring.

Not only is the show unnteresting and slow bit it is telling a story that I really don't care about with the same plodding formulaic drivel that they always use. I really don't wanna watch 50% flashbacks to some little kid. Who cares. Childhood trauma origin story, check. Jealous simp boyfriend turning the guy in, Check. Strong woman better than any man around, check.

They even made the fight scene somehow uninteresting. Too bad the boyfriend didn't get gutted by a light saber rather than wind by a blaster shot. Then he would've been fine.

But the entire show hinges on premise based on stupidity. All he had to do was put the blaster in the little guys hand, sprinkle some booze and money on the two, and we have an altercation gone wrong. No one looking for Andor.

Not to mention why were the guards outside harassing him when they just came into the bar to get laid. He left right away so he should?ve been an hour ahead of those guys at least. OK three minutes at least. And don?t tell me that they gave up getting laid in order to go harass some loser.

The entire set up that leads the groundwork for the stories seems so unrealistic and contrived within the context of its own universe. That leaves me at every point wondering why the story is even here. If you can really call it a story. It?s the same boring bland hackneyed lazy writing that we get in the rest of the modern Disney offerings.

The one thing that stands out is Stellan Skarsgrd's unbelievably good performance. But what else would you expect from him? Even indoor is good but I don't have any interest in watching a good performance inside of a hollow story.

Vengeance (II) (2022)

Ryan can't cook a hot pocket, or direct a movie.

[1/10 · 16 August 2022]

Ryan can't cook a hot pocket, or direct a movie. This is really bad writing and acting, predictable plot, poor pacing. No Guiffeau's oh, huh, aha moment, shows he doesn't even know basic screen writing.

The Game Changers (2018)

Hypocrisy when they all take PEDs, Steroids, HGH, TEST etc

[1/10 · 31 July 2022]

Hypocrisy when they all take PEDs, Steroids, HGH, TEST etc

All of these people are drug using cheaters. Steroids etc are cheating, they have earned nothing. Bunch of losers. Everything I achieve in gym is all me.

Fear and Loathing in Aspen (2021)

Drug using loser

[1/10 · 20 July 2022]

This cringe filled ode of a crazy drug using loser. He is why we have these RepubliQan Trumpers now. Generations on Marijuana, having too many kids, not saving for retirement or investing. Disgusting, pre-marital sex, conceiving out of wedlock.

How Did We Get Here? (2022)

Cringe filled ego trip of a noob

[1/10 · 20 July 2022]

This guy is a terrible person at games. Not a true gamer like I am. I would destroy him in any game. He obviously paid people to rate his videos, nothing but bots , kids and other noobs watch this trash.

Persuasion (I) (2022)

Vapid trash for KOWTK losers

[1/10 · 15 July 2022]

Only people who would like this are the sub 65 IQ people who watch KOWTK and other trailer trash 'reality' tv shows.

Of course I didn't see this, and even the fleeting glimpse from Netflix menu is enough to make me vomit.

The Old Man (2022– )

The High Commander and The Dude, finally team up!

[10/10 · 1 July 2022]

Been saying for years that they should work together across media, to my thousands of followers and guild and clan mates. Glad they finally listened to me.

The Lazarus Project (2022–2023)

A good scifi show? Cursed and doomed for 1 season now.

[10/10 · 1 July 2022]

As is typical in Hollywood, the Nazi insurrectionist covid-denier Christian fascist Trumper RepubliQans are going to hate this show, and it will be canceled after one season.

White Elephant (2022)

Bruce has ruined his reputation

[1/10 · 3 June 2022]

This guy used to be one of the best action stars, decent drama and comedy actor. Not an Oscar caliber actor or Shakespearean guy like the great Kevin Spacey, who is still the best living actor.

Bruce has turned in almost as many bad films as Nickolas Cage and John Travolta combined. How is Bruce Willis this bad?

Was he never good? I cannot understand how such a well regarded actor continuously agrees to act in such poor films?

This has tarnished his name and brand forever. I WILL NEVER BUY OR RECOMMEND A FILM WITH HIM. As the manager of a multi-gaming guild and blogger and social media influencer, I hold sway over tens of thousands of people each day, with millions of tier two and three connections. How could someone who made Hudson Hawk, Death Becomes Her, The Last Boy scout, fall this far?

No idea who ever thought he could act, he is clearly phoning it in, an utter disgrace, spitting in the face of his loyal fans. I paid good money to see his films, and this is how he treats us?

Spoiled millionaire 1%er.

Good Mourning (I) (2022)

Super cringe and terrible

[1/10 · 21 May 2022]

No idea who these people are, they are nobody well known, not important or famous at all.

Anyone who likes this movie has no taste at all.

Whoever greenlight this is a fool.

A Day to Die (2022)

Bruce is a con man

[1/10 · 17 May 2022]

How is Bruce Willis this bad?

Was he never good? I cannot understand how such a well regarded actor continuously agrees to act in such poor films?

This has tarnished his name and brand forever. I WILL NEVER BUY OR RECOMMEND A FILM WITH HIM. As the manager of a multi-gaming guild and blogger and social media influencer, I hold sway over tens of thousands of people each day, with millions of tier two and three connections. How could someone who made Hudson Hawk, Death Becomes Her, The Last Boy scout, fall this far?

No idea who ever thought he could act, he is clearly phoning it in, an utter disgrace, spitting in the face of his loyal fans. I paid good money to see his films, and this is how he treats us?

Spoiled millionaire 1%er.

Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)

Overrated trite nonsense.

[1/10 · 9 May 2022]

Silly plot, bad writing and acting. It insists upon itself. Very fake pretentious style film. Trying to be a oscar bait movie, trying to steal the zeal of Robin Williams, and Barry Levinson and Aaron Sorkin.