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Reviews
Transmorphers: Mech Beasts (2023)
I love the asylum. I made an imdb account to tell people not to watch this movie
This movie is a masterclass in tell not show. This movies dedication to telling everything that is happening instead of showing a single shot of it is admirable. None of the stuff they say makes any sense at all, so they keep reiterating it to try and get the point across. There are entire scenes that are just alternating shots of characters faces while THEY watch the action and narrate it with gunshots in the background without showing us anything except one or two shots unrelated to the setting the actors are in. We have watched close to if not over 100 bad movies, many of them Asylum. This is the second lowest rated one on our list. Don't watch this movie. I guess you could put it on in the background if you want to just listen to the same 15 words said over and over and over for an hour and a half.
Swamp Shark (2011)
Today We Learned That The Fish and Wildlife Service Has Secret Agents and a SWAT Team
This is a very excellent B-shark-movie. Best we've seen in a hot minute for sure. Excellent selection of character deaths. Very nice for bingo. Everyone you want to die (aka basically the entire male cast) dies, and it's very satisfying.
The shark is a lot of practical effects, not CGI, actually! The CGI is mostly the blood and stuff, which is also not terrible except for the Definitely Real Torsos.
Has a small amount of hetero nonsense, but it was actually decently well done so we'll forgive it this one time!
And also Martin is there, and he was very good the whole time :D.