Change Your Image
proto57
Reviews
Turn: Providence (2015)
S02E08: The Turtle Submarine
The model of David Bushnell's submarine was one of the better ones I've seen, and it avoided many of the errors which they commonly have*. The propellers were correct, the crank/pedal operation, and so on. And it was great that they had it in the show. I've been waiting and hoping for it ever since I first saw the animation of it in the titles. But then I was very disappointed in the really wasteful use of a great model, and opportunity, in the show.
(Spoilers Below):
Of course the Turtle was never used, nor would it ever be wasted, to bring one person into Manhattan. There were a million other ways to sneak into New York, hard as it must have been. To use the Turtle, which was built with great cost, risk and difficulty, and specifically meant to attack an enemy ship, and which was difficult to use... and far slower than shown, would make no sense.
And I worry that the producers were going for a laugh, and that is even worse. The Caleb character is often used that way, and the show often mocks the cutting edge inventions and technologies of the time. And in my experience as a Turtle researcher, the very idea of a Revolutionary War Submarine (and the name, and look, maybe) have cause people to laugh. Just stand by the model in the Nautilus or Essex museum and listen to the tourists... they often laugh at the thing. This might be somewhat understandable to the initiated, but it is an effect that should have been addressed, and not encouraged, on the small screen.
It should not have been treated that way. The genius used to build this blended together many unique inventions and theories: The understanding of the effectiveness of underwater charges; the depth meter; the snorkel; the modern propeller; adjustable water ballast with associated valves and pumps; clockwork timed explosive detonation; sealed shafts; and more...
... and then the show throws this away for a chuckle at the dock scene? With a really ludicrous "4... 3... 2... 1..."? Not only totally historically incorrect event, but a physically and technically ridiculous one. And so then, millions people, who could have been introduced to this fantastic instrument, were left with the impression it was a silly exercise at best, and a nutty joke at worst. In fact, nice model or not, it would have been far better if they left it alone entirely. The submarine... and the memories of the amazing men who built it, and used it... and even, believed in it (Washington, Gates, Franklin, etc...), were done a great disservice here.
* Wrong:
- The clockwork was NOT started by a cord, but by the unscrewing of the attachment screw - The bomb was a hollowed out log, not a barrel as shown - The ports were not that big... they were very tiny, only about 1 1/2" across - And more...
Alaska Off-Road Warriors (2014)
Great Show, Great Race: Real people...
This show follows five two-person teams of amateur off road racers, competing in a race across the state of Alaska.
The teams are regular people, with vehicles and gear that most of us could afford... not multi-million dollar trucks with huge sponsors. At one point, a crew laments the loss of a $3,000 tire... yes, an expensive tire, but it mattered to the guy. In a Baja or Dakar race, backed by Michelin or whoever, this would not be an issue.
An old Land Rover Defender (Diesel), two Toyota trucks (one I think you could get on Craigslist for about $3,000!), a 1942 Jeep with a Chevy V-8, and a 1977 Toyota Land Cruiser... all vehicles pretty much any amateur off roader could manage to assemble... bring this adventure so much closer to home. I really could relate to it. And the drivers and crew... a cross section of varied personalities and backgrounds, all reacting differently to the challenges they face.
And then, they are competing across some of the most beautiful terrain imaginable, deep in Alaska. All in HD. I find this a very exciting and entertaining show, and seemingly very different from the scripted, and partially scripted, fare that seems to pass as "reality" these days.
I highly recommend it.
The Following (2013)
Keystone Kops
Like many here, I was intrigued by episode 1... and thought that a great new show was here. By about show 3, I had filled my quota of suspended disbelief, and could not longer enjoy it... I was just slogging through a painful experience, long enough to see what would happen next.
Trouble is, each time what "happens next" is even more ridiculous than what happened before. The total bumbling ineptitude of law enforcement is laughable. We ought to all go hide in bunkers if the FBI, CIA, local police and prison staff are all really this stupid.
The list of ridiculous events and actions are endless... the woman sneaking from police custody to meet a cultist, on the promise of seeing her son, so she can be captured. The Bacon character entering a house with his back to the front door, looking up a staircase, when he knows there are killers everywhere. A few short words from Bacon, talking a woman out of killing that person with a nail gun, even though she is supposedly totally cult-washed into doing it. No, one minute with Bacon, and she changed her mind.
And having new cultists pop up any time the lazy writers need another one, to kill someone new, or provide some small function. People get captured, then escape, then new ones get captured, and others escape... who will care any more about anyone being captured, or escaping, since it looks so easy, and might happen at any moment, to any character? Meanwhile, I'm no psychologist, but more the reason to make a case WHY these people would be so compelled to follow this douche-bag anyway. I suppose his schwarmy, s*** eating grin permanently tattooed to his face is supposed to be hypnotic, and make people want to torture and kill for him, but to me he just looks spacey and clueless all the time. They don't make the case for him as a cult leader, at all, for me.
And I like Kevin Bacon. I'm even 2 degrees from Kevin Bacon! For his sake, I do hope they cancel this... so this dog can be forgotten, and he can go on to repair his career.
And here I'll add the funniest line from the show. The Bacon character, after being taken off the case, again, for absolutely screwing things up, again, says to his sidekick, "Well... they have to blame SOMEBODY." Really? Do you think? I wonder why they picked YOU, of all people? Its not like you let the guy go like thirty-five times, and got 12 people killed, and 40 captured, is it? No, they just picked YOU out of a hat...
Flags of Our Fathers (2006)
No Heros? Really, Clint?
It was not until I saw that Spielberg was a co-producer, at the end, in the credits, that it all made sense to me. What I mean is, why the movie was slowly degenerating into another deconstructionist hit piece, bent on eroding any notion that the Western way has value.
So we find out that the soldiers did not consider themselves heroes... and that is not so much a surprise. I've heard that before, that real heroes do not see their accomplishments and sacrifice, and I applaud that about them. But in the film we learn that no one else at the time appreciates their sacrifice, that all they want is a photograph to illustrate how they do feel... and finding out their son is in the picture, or not in the picture, defines their opinion on the value of their sacrifice. And we learn that without the photograph, the average American didn't give a rat's butt about this war, and was ready to abandon the common soldier far from home, and let Japan have it's way. And we find out what racist pigs we are, and how we abused the Native American flag raiser, and destroyed him. And how we forgot the others, and how the (stereotypical) tortoise shell eyeglass wearing corporate type broke his promise to one, because "his time had passed". So now a new generation can have WWII redefined, again, as a slaughter of innocents, who went off to die for nothing, and never be appreciated, and never know why they did it, or for what or whom. And all the people back home, we now learn from Steven and Clint (well, from Steven before, in Band of Brothers, and Last Emperor, etc.), all the people back home were basically naive sheep to have their wallets reluctantly shaken out to pay for the war they hated.
Well I reject all this. I'm almost 50, so while I was born a decade after the war ended, I met many veterans over the years who fought in it. And I think they damned well knew what they fought for, and what it was about. And they knew America was behind them. And they knew there was such a thing as a hero. And Americans, almost to a person, who describes what it was like back then, exactly counter the message in this film... they knew very well what the stakes were, and what needed to be done, and what was being done by the soldiers dying for them overseas. And while the flag raising picture was an important illustration of that, it was just that... a reflection of what they already felt and knew, not (Clint, Steven...) a necessary inducement used to misel them with trickery.
But now we have this film. One more nail in the coffin of the Western way. Nothing worth fighting for, kids. Go to war, and you will not have the Country behind you, kids. Look at the sacrifice, and don't believe the reasons they give you for doing so... it's all smoke and mirrors... a second flag raising picture, a paper-mache rock hill and fireworks, that is all it really is. And there are no heroes, right, Clint? The idea of a "Hero" is all a naive construct, invented by rubes to fool the masses, right? I disagree, Clint. There are things worth fighting for, and these young men and woman definitely knew this. They knew why they were there, the country knew why they were there, and until I die I will know what they did for us. I did not need the Iwo Jima photo to tell me that, contrary to your message. But I suppose when the Greatest Generation is gone, and you and Steven are gone, and I am gone... well, we will have your films to redefine it all for us. But that is the point, isn't it?
War of the Worlds (2005)
The worst movie, of any kind, I have ever seen...
I have to believe that any positive comments on this movie are friends or family of the producers, writers and/or director of this film. That is the only way they could have seen the almost universally deplorable writing, acting, timing, continuity, effects and sets on this unfortunate waste of time and money, and still had a positive thought about it.
I do not believe I have seen a worse movie... at least in some cases poor movies can be saved by the chuckle factor. You can sit and laugh at them. Not this one.
Acting: Stilted. Poor timing. Actors will huddle pant when they should be sleepy. Calm when they should be afraid. They will react to threats too late, or inconsistently. Strange and inappropriate facial expressions. Long, inexplicably pauses between delivery.
Writing: Where to begin? The lead character sees aliens devouring and incinerating humans... goes home, where his neighbor is packing a car. Does he mention the alien attack? No. He asks his neighbor if his car works, neighbor says he does not know. Does the lead character stick around to find out, and beg a much needed ride? No. He runs off. Later, he arrives in a town with a soldier... mills about for a time, musing. An alien crashes nearby... he suddenly decides, "I must go to my brother!". Didn't occur to him while eating chips on the steps of a municipal building, to find and warn his brother? No. The soldier asks him if he is a doctor, when he does not need a doctor... presumably a clumsy attempt to allow the doctor to explain what he does. These are just some examples of the sort of infuriating inconsistencies in writing and dialog which pepper every minute of this film.
Continuity: Twilight turns to night, depending on the angle of the shot. Piles of snack food and cereal is bought in a store, but the buyers walk away from the store without it! Characters are scared and not scared, angry and not angry, on and off, with little co-ordination with their dialog or environment. Objects appear and disappear. A gunshot wound appears before the gun is fired. A backpack appears and disappears.
Effects: The machines look really fake, and like bugs! This is all the more astounding when you hear an effects tech in the extras section explicitly state they did not want the machine to look too organic, or they would be mistaken for bugs! So why did they do this? Anyone who might not know the H.G. Wells novel would think this was a movie about a giant bug attack. Which makes me wonder... since the out-takes show the name "Invasion" all over, perhaps this was a giant-bug-invasion movie, which was re-written and adapted while in production, into a pathetic War of the Worlds. The alien which is standing at the end, but dead, is laughable! Busey, in the extras, calls it a "floating pool table". Any talented high schooler could make a far better alien. I'm not joking. And the wrecked cruise ship in the background... far, far too large for it's distance from the actors. Look at the scale of the ports and doors, and compare it to their height.
Why did this disaster of a movie happen? A few guesses: One of the producers states that they were in production when they heard about the Spielberg WOTW, and "rushed" their version! They were trying to beat out Spielberg! This cannot have helped the movie. I have to believe this statement lends credence to my theory this may have not been a WOTW version to start with, and someone shifted gears mid production... Two: These people are normally producing grade F horror movies... the trailers of their other films, on the DVD, are a laugh riot. I understand there is an appeal to these "Troma-Like" little movies... but these people should not make the mistake of going for the higher grade sci-fi classics. These demand a better level of talent and effects, or they will just fail miserably.
Busey makes another telling comment in the extras, something about how doing a movie such as this is fun because they are so "hysterical". How did that ever stay in the commentary, right on the DVD? It was more refreshing to hear his honesty than Howell's uneasy attempt to cast the work as something redeeming or worthwhile. I am a great believer in the theory that it is better to create something bad than to never create at all. This movie makes a liar out of me. Rich.
American Beauty (1999)
Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber?
The general theme and concept of the screenplay closely parallel Hemingway's story, "The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber". Inner peace and strength, respect of one's self, and becoming a whole person independent of the actions and influences of others... might come late in life, but never too late. Burnham, like Macomber, "finds himself"... although he does not live long to enjoy it. Nonetheless, this change means he still wins in the end.
There are other similarities between the movie and the story. It is worth reading... one of Hemingway's best.
Not casting aspersions on the screenwriter here, but in general, it's obvious some of the best literature gets "farmed" for new work. Rear Window was just about plagiarized from H.G. Wells' short story "Through a Window". There are countless examples.