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Reviews
Rebel Moon - Part Two: The Scargiver (2024)
Comically bad
It's a blatant rip of Seven Samurai and "borrows" ideas from Star Wars, Warhammer 40K, and other movies. All of that can be forgiven but the plot can not. It's missing.
A multi-planet empire with huge starships that can decimate from orbit and field vast armies needs a few bags of flour? C'mon. One of the baddies actually says "they piled the sacks around the building so we won't shoot them. That doesn't sound like something a simple farmer would do." No kidding. Nobody would do that because it's stupid
There is one scene where the main characters sit around a table and tell their cliche'd stories of why they will fight etc. It's so played out and cringe. Their plan to fight is to group up in a barn and then run out straight at the enemy who are armored and have tanks. Great plan! I've got these two hatchets vs. Those tanks and laser rifles !
The main character somehow forms this romantic bond with the scummy guy from the village? Where did that come from? A kid forms some weird bond with laser sword ninja? Better throw that in for character depth. Horrible.
The cliché's don't stop. Anytime anyone jumps down, they must land in this crouch position looking down and then slowly stand up. Even the robot does it.
Please. No more.
Lift (2024)
I can think of another 4 letter title that has an I and T
I think the real crime here is the money that was spent on this to make it.
Plot holes, unbelievable scenarios, unnecessary or underdeveloped characters. Like what is with Vincent D'Onofrio's character? Just strolls through a couple of scenes in disguise but if nobody knows who he is, who cares? Other members of the team are literally sitting a few feet away with no disguise.
"Remember Madrid?" or some other exotic locale where we are supposed to believe the characters had some wild adventure and the comment will prompt some zany action ......no, no we do not and I think I want to forget about this "film" as well.
Go watch Oceans 11 or the Italian Job.
Squid Game: The Challenge (2023)
Brutally cringe
I got through the first challenge ....barely.
Right from the start, it is non-stop annoying commentary from the contestants spouting off every cliche that has ever existed. It's like they gathered up all of the dumbest people from Family Feud and dumped them here.
"Now that's what I'm talking about" and "this just got real" type comments non-stop. As soon as they thin the field down a bit more, you know that the next thing coming would be sob stories about growing up poor or grandma wanting them to go on the show just before she dropped off the perch etc.
It's so bad that I waited a day to post this review and I still was thinking about how bad it was.
They should have called it Squirm Game as it's so cringe.
Ghosted (2023)
Re-Toasted
This movie was written with the assumption and hope that the viewer had not seen any of the Mission Impossible movies nor True Lies as it pulls (steals) elements of the story from these much much better movies.
It starts out excruciatingly slow with poor attempts at "humour" and a whirlwind, get it done in one sitting, first date that is supposed to establish chemistry between the two lead characters. After watching the first 30 minutes or so, you know exactly how it will end and due to the slow start, the viewer hopes the end is not 2 hours away.
The bad guys are generically bad and are forgettable. Their goal is to open a suitcase that they already have but oh-no, they don't know the secret code to unlock it so they can't sell the contents to another bad guy from an unknown country. You can tell someone is clearly lying by the complexity of their explanation and story. That is how the viewer feels here trying to fathom why a simple locked case has got them stumped. Oh...there is a bomb in the case which they know about? Game over guys. This nut is too tough to crack.
The only bright spots are a few cameos but these are brief.
Go watch True Lies and be entertained. Ghosted is a turd.
Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)
Ghostbusters: No Life
Disappointing. If you are expecting the nostalgia of the first film, you won't find it here.
I get the impression that a lot of this movie ended up on the editing room floor as it feels rushed and ...... transparent. Things happen in the movie that would terrify any reasonable person but the characters have the same reaction as seeing it rain.
Yes, the original team does make a brief appearance but it feels forced and contractually obligated or lubricated into happening by a lot of money.
A better story would have the original team being convinced to come back one more time by the daughter of Egon and that's it.
Stick with Stranger Things if you want the feeling of the original film.
The Matrix Resurrections (2021)
The Matrix Regurgitated
If you feel like watching a movie with an empty attempt at a story, this is the movie for you.
Mr Anderson/NEO just stumbles through the movie being dragged along by poor copies of the characters from the first three films. Each character from Mouse to Switch to Dozer had character in the first three movies but I could not tell you who the new "crew" is.
Any real details that are somewhat interesting are simply mentioned and never fleshed out. For example, who runs the opposing factions for the machines? If machines and humans are working together, does that mean that there are humans on both sides? If there is peace, why are they still hiding underground?
Naobi's character is pointless and annoying and the lack of Fishburne as Morpheus other than a few cut scenes takes away from the story.
Please end it here. No more reboots, spin-offs, or sequels.