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MikeFab1
Reviews
The X Show (1999)
What the HECK happened to this show??!!
Like most men I love women. I mean LOOOOOOOVE women. Especially looking at women. And the producers and hosts of this show knew it. So its safe to say that they exploited that fact. Not as "sexist" as most people would have you believe. It was actually very funny and entertaining.
Maybe even a little informative. Sort of like Comedy Central's "The MAN Show", but with more women and info about them. I loved the "Perfect 10" magazine models and those "Mini Pageants" they had once a week. The spokes model thing they did every show was a bit annoying. I can't believe those chicks ACTUALLY thought this show was their big break! What air-heads!! (NOTE: If you are a feminist and you just read what I wrote, you'd agree with me if you've seen just one episode. Those bimbos were air-headed and desparate.) The thing that brought the show down was the fact that they kept changing the hosts. Specifically every few months they'd get rid of one guy and hire a new guy (or in one case a WOMAN).
Some blonde that laughed at everything. Jillian Barbarie had frequant guest appearances (she'd literally do ANYTHING for FOX). Seriously. If Fox asked her to appear in this or host that she'd do it. She admitted this. She was hot, but had a VERY annoying laugh. Another downside was the NEVERENDING Product Placements and advertisements. Every other minute they'd tell you to buy something. At first I thought it was their opinions then it became obvious. They'd tell you to buy ALL these electronic gifts for your girlfriend, wife, some chick that lived in th same dorm as you in college. (LITERALLY). They'd say buy her a boombox and that will get you noticed!! I did however learn from this show. Like the back of a woman's knee is an erogenous zone! I have so much more to say, but will save it for another time.
In Living Color (1990)
Best skit-comedy since SNL
What can you say about a hilariously funny show that spawned careers for
Jim Carrey, Jennifer Lopez, and countless Wayan's brothers and a sister.
I loved it. I remember watching this show when it first appeared on TV
in April of 1990 and then cancelled in 1994. Occasionally they'll play
re-runs on The FX Network. Thank God for Fox's attempt at Monopoly. Some
skits that were great Dirty Dozens (especially the one with Biz Markie);
Homey D Clown; Men on Film; Firemarshal Bill; Homeboy Shopping Network;
Snuff and Bone (my brother and I still quote those, "I gonna go Milli
Vanilli on your butt! That's when I say I'm ganna kick your butt, but I
get someone more talented to do it for me!") Never gets tired. Then...
ALAS... came the dreaded final season! Where for some reason the Wayan's
family left and the new members of the cast couldn't carry the show.
Afterall how many times could you see that terrible impression of:
"Sandra Burnheart, Baby! And I'm fabulous, Sister!" When exactly did she
EVER say that?? Umm... NEVER! And poor Chris Rock! One of the greatest
stand-ups and SNL alums had a 2-bit part on that show. "Good LORD!
That's a terrible thing to do to a guy! How about we cancel this show
and Chris Rock can move on to better things like an HBO gig!?" That
would have been a great line. By the way. This was the show where I
first got the term: BLACK PERSON SHOW. It came from a David Alan Grier
sketch called, "Black Person Show." It was a running gag the last year
or 2 of the show. East Hollywood Squares; Circus f the BLACK stars;
BLACK person awards (was that supposed to be Gary Coleman??), Miss BLACK
America Pageant. As you can see the writers were sometimes OVER-paid.
But it will always remain a hi
The Wayans Bros. (1995)
Very funny show!
This was one of the first of what I call Average African-American Shows.
(See my review of One On One for more details) It's basically a show not
on the Top 4 networks that is mostly made up of African American actors.
The thing that makes these shows different from shows like The Cosby
Show, Jeffersons, Good Times, etc... is that they aren't exactly
supposed to appeal to White America. In fact they appeal to a more Urban
audience. I guess that's why I liked this show so much. There's
something about a show that doesn't try to appeal to the majority that
helps make it funnier and cutting-edge. Much like their previous show,
In Living Colour, Marlon and Shawn show they have what it takes to make
young audiences laugh. My brother and I especially love the beginning
theme song: "We're brothers. We're happy and we're singing and we're
colored. Give me a HIGH-FIVE!" Then they help an old lady get run over
by a bus which they somehow got on. HILARIOUS!! Another incident my
brother and I love is the episode where their father says he's going to
stand up to their mother. The next day he shows up with his suitcases at
their apartment and he says he told their mother everything he wanted to
tell her. They Wayans brothers then ask what happened next. The father
replies, "I don't know. When I came to some stranger was helping me on
the bus." I LOVED IT! Too bad it was cancelled so darn ear
One on One (2001)
Great to see high-quality Afro-American TV
First off, let me point out that I am a white male who grew up in East-Cambridge, MA. It was a very multicultural neighborhood. SO as you can imagine I had plenty of multcultural friends. As a child I loved to watch shows like The Jeffersons, Good Times, Cosby Show, In Living Colour, etc. These were all good shows. But some were criticized becuase they were too stereotypical and oddly some were criticized for not being "accurate" enough. Such as the Cosby Show. I used to ask my friends why can't people make up their minds? Do they want Black people portrayed as ghetto gang bangers in movies like South Central or like high society annunciaters (white people in black people's bodies) like the Cosby Show? They usually looked at me and laughed. After all how do you answer such a Sociological-Philosophical question. Well, anyways, then in the mid-90's came the WB and UPN networks. At first their shows stunk like FOX did in the late 80's and most of the 90's. And then they found their audience! Young people in Urban areas. My kind of neighborhood. At first I jokingly called them "Average Black People Shows". But that sounded ambiguously racist so now I say A.B.P.S. LOL!! They're basically Shows Like Moesha, Parkers, Sisters, which starred Brandy and Diana Ross's daughter (name escapes me). And several others which names I forgot, but they starred Robin Givens, Alfonsa Rivera, Malcolm Jamal Warner, and other African Americans from TOP NBC, CBS, and ABC shows from the 80's and 90's. At first it was GREAT to see them working again, but then it got weird. After all some of the shows still stunk. Mostly the writing and obvious cheap budgets. I mean just look at Homeboys in Outer Space!! Although, I liked others such as the Parent Hood which should STILL be on the air today!! I guess what I am trying to say is I like One on One. It is a good show. It is one of many of those A.B.P.S.'s that are on the air today on the WB and UPN early in the week. Both networks have improved ALOT these past 2 or 3 years and so have their programming, writing, budget and actors are great. Keep up the good work Flex and never do anything like Homeboys in outer space again!! It wasn't
Totem (1999)
True. This movie is aweful!!
I must agree with everyone else. I too was at a local Blockbuster in
Allston/Brighton (for those of you from the Boston area; it's the one
that's now falling apart on Western Ave not the nice one in Cleveland
Circle) and I came across one of the many straight-to-video movies they
had. This one caught my eye because of the intruiging title. Totem. Must
be about Native Americans getting back what's theirs! Plus the cute
chick on the cover is a nice touch. I watched it and it almost made me
puke. How very, very sad that this was made! "Those poor actors will
never make a decent movie ever in their young careers," I thought. How
did those teens even get to that cabin? The last girl that got there
said she was in class about to take a test or something. Why didn't
anyone stop her as she left class... or ran down the street... and
across the highway??? You'd think somebody would have grabbed them and
said, "I'm not letting you go until you tell me why you are running to
some cabin in the woods in your underwear, Mister!" Why THESE teens?
ALAS, that will never get answered. Go see a nice non-straight-to-
Crossroads (2002)
It was almost as bad as I thought it would be
**SPOILERS*** ***SPOILERS*** I finally got around to seeing my brother's copy of Crossroads. I wanted
to see if it was as bad as all the reviews indicated. And to see those
underwear scenes. (Why do you think so many teenagers saw the movie
anyways?) Well, sure enough there were those 2 scenes in the first 10
minutes of the film. It seemed to be rushed early on. Then it got kind
of slow in the middle. I couldn't believe Dan Aykroyd was in this film;
and in such an un-funny role!! $$$SPOILERS$$$ That fight scene with the
pregnant chick and the conceeded chick was odd. Even more odd was the
karaoke/bar scene. I thought the pregnant girl wanted to be a singer.
She totally wimped out. What a SURPRISE that Britney took over. She
should have tried harder to sing like her character than... well...
Britney! The only good (realistic) scene was when they were at the hotel
and eating cakes and junk while talking about worsed experiences. Just
like a slumber party. Then it went down hill. Britney met her mom and
didn't get what she expected. The conceeded girl didn't get what she
expected in what had to have been a somewhat predictable and corny
scene. The only time I actually felt SOMETHING for the characters was
when Mimi (pregnant chick) was in the hospital. I ACTUALLY felt bad!
Then it got bad again. The scene where Britney's dad tries to take her
home was corny and ridiculous. Oh and don't even ask about the
lossing-virginity scene so many have talked about. Somewhere there's a
nerd (beginning of film) that should have persisted more. Poor guy. And
why did she pick the second guy you ask? Who knows?! WHO CARES??!! This
movie was made to promote Britney Spears. The ending was aweful. Once
again the pregnant chick wimps out! And guess who takes over. The ended
sort of implied the movie was about Britney ONLY. The other 2 girls were
mere pawns/deekoys/enomolies/ things that took up space while the chick
with the torso sings crappier songs
Crossroads (2002)
It was almost as bad as I thought it would be
**SPOILERS*** ***SPOILERS*** I finally got around to seeing my brother's copy of Crossroads. I wanted
to see if it was as bad as all the reviews indicated. And to see those
underwear scenes. (Why do you think so many teenagers saw the movie
anyways?) Well, sure enough there were those 2 scenes in the first 10
minutes of the film. It seemed to be rushed early on. Then it got kind
of slow in the middle. I couldn't believe Dan Aykroyd was in this film;
and in such an un-funny role!! $$$SPOILERS$$$ That fight scene with the
pregnant chick and the conceeded chick was odd. Even more odd was the
karaoke/bar scene. I thought the pregnant girl wanted to be a singer.
She totally wimped out. What a SURPRISE that Britney took over. She
should have tried harder to sing like her character than... well...
Britney! The only good (realistic) scene was when they were at the hotel
and eating cakes and junk while talking about worsed experiences. Just
like a slumber party. Then it went down hill. Britney met her mom and
didn't get what she expected. The conceeded girl didn't get what she
expected in what had to have been a somewhat predictable and corny
scene. The only time I actually felt SOMETHING for the characters was
when Mimi (pregnant chick) was in the hospital. I ACTUALLY felt bad!
Then it got bad again. The scene where Britney's dad tries to take her
home was corny and ridiculous. Oh and don't even ask about the
lossing-virginity scene so many have talked about. Somewhere there's a
nerd (beginning of film) that should have persisted more. Poor guy. And
why did she pick the second guy you ask? Who knows?! WHO CARES??!! This
movie was made to promote Britney Spears. The ending was aweful. Once
again the pregnant chick wimps out! And guess who takes over. The ended
sort of implied the movie was about Britney ONLY. The other 2 girls were
mere pawns/deekoys/enomolies/ things that took up space while the chick
with the torso sings crappier songs
Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood (1996)
Waynes Brothers are funny, but disappointing
Waynes Brothers are usually very HILARIOUS!! I loved In Living Color
growing up. It was sad to see it cancelled after just 4 1/2 years. But
now the Waynes Brothers could branch out and make movies.
This movie had SO much potential, but fell short. Let me explain. In the
early 90's Gangsta Rap was on the rise and becoming more and more
popular. With Gangsta rap came movies about growing up in the hood
starring some of those rappers. Movies like BoyZ In Da Hood, Juice,
Higher Learning, Menace II Society and other graced the silver screan
prompting gang violence all over the country. It was time to parady
these films.
The problem with this movie was NOT the fact that it wasn't funny. It
had it's moments like Marlen's hair throughout the film (Flava Flav's
younger brother look); the guy shooting people in the Korean Store
trying to frame black people; chick with all those kids. The problem was
that it was clear the film would appeal to younger audiences. Although
it had a NC17 feel to it at times. Like that party in the back yard
scene where a guy and girl are naked and getting it on. The moment I saw
that I knew that little kids (the target audience) wouldn't be allowed
to see this movie in theaters. Thus making it a bomb at the box office.
This movie should have known better. It wasn't meant for gang members to
see and laugh at there mishaps, but for those teenage and preteen
gangsta-wannabees that live
Robot Monster (1953)
A PIECE OF TRASH!!
What a complete stinker! I have no idea how this movie got knocked off
the Top 100 worse movies list here on IMDB.com. (The Bottom 100).
Because it's the epidemie of bad cinema. I actually purchased this on
Ebay, along with a few other movies, hoping to laugh my butt off.
Well... I never laughed once. I was bored stupid. NOTHING made sense!!
What's the deal with the lizards/dinosaurs fighting? How did the family
know about that gorilla-suit guy? Why was the acting that bad?? I
checked the "GOOFS" section of this movie and couldn't figure out why
there were only 4 errors. What about that scene where RO-dude briefly
looks towards the camera and says to himself, "Wait! Maybe I can get the
girl." His voice changed and didn't sound robot-like. There had to be
other mistakes. After all look at how many Casablanca and Gone With the
Wind have. Even Citizen Kane had a few. And I'm to believe that this
movie had minimal "goofs". COME ON! Please keep voting "1's" so this
movie may pass M
The Seductress (2000)
Even by Erotic B-movie standards this stinks!!
First of all let me tell you that I'm not a pervert. Merely a regular guy that sees a movie cover and says, "WOW! I gotta see this." I was working (more like "helping" out) at a video store when I decided to rent this. The 2 ladies on the cover were HOT and in one picture on the back they were wearing bikinis and in a pool. WELL... NOT ONLY did that scene NOT appear in the movie, but the plot was STUPID!! Keep in mind, EVEN BY EROTIC STRAIGHT-TO-VIDEO standards. It's about a female serial killer that marries guys and kills them. For some reason this other woman is obsessed with newspaper articles about the serial chick. Well one day they happened to meet and... let me just get to the end. It turns out the 2 women were sisters!! No, not long lost sisters. Rather sisters both on the run for killing people when they were teens. Now for some reason they acted like they NEVER, EVER, EVER MET BEFORE IN THEIR LIVES!! What the FUDGE??!! Even as a porno this would make you say, "HUH!" There are other odd moments like the ending (which was totally rushed). YOU CALL THAT A POLICE STATION!! The serial chick, which also appears in Zorrita (where she looks somewhat hot), looks like a MAN who had a sex change in this one. The other woman is hot atleast. Oh and about that back cover. When I finally read it, it actually GAVE AWAY THE ENDING!! How odd?! The actual "shocking" ending these types of movies claim to have. Wonder why I didn't read it before. No wonder that pool picture was there. After I returned the movie someone told me I should have just rented porn. How true.
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
Not the worced, but close.
So many things wrong with this film. Acting, editing, plot, beginning, middle, ending. Even Joel appeared completely disgusted (more-so than usual) when during this one scene in the beginning the family gets stopped by a cop for some reason and the SAME GUY dubs ALL the voices!! "Unbelievable," he says. That was a sign of things to come like the couple making out for 2 or 3 days; cops that always appear to be on duty; dude with the big knees; chicks wrestling (not as good of a scene as it sounds); and what's with that weird music?! Joel and the bots do a great job making this movie entertaining to watch. One of the best episodes of MST3K. Be on the lookout for a cameo from Mike Nelson doing an impression of that dude with the knees. Why would you wanna watch the uncut original??
The Creeping Terror (1964)
Why did they add a narrator??!!
My God did this movie SUCK!!! Besides everything that could possibly go wrong in a movie, the one thing that REALLY went wrong was the editing. Specifically the adding of that narrator. It was obvious that after the filming of this garbage of a movie the director (or some other idiot) decided to add a narrator throughout most of the movie to TALK OVER key dialogue and explain little inane things in the plot that never came up again. Like how he explain that the couple in the car in the beginning of the movie just got married. SO?? And how later on when they were at home and one of the guy's best buds came over to hang out the narrator spoke over the entire scene to tell us the friend was jealous or something about not understanding why his bud got married. WHY?? I ask you WHY??? It's not like it mattered. Didn't help the plot at all. And worced of all at the end the narrator had to carefully explain what a scientist found out about the aliens (which looked poorly made and were very slow and awkword). Not to say that even without the excessive narrating this movie would have been great. It still would've sucked!! But atleast you could listed to it and not have some guy talking over your shoulder like a now-it-all. This was one of the few Mystery Science Theater movies that even with the bots and company it was STILL a BAD movie!!!