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leonardhalliwell
Reviews
Found (2005)
5 Minute Workout
If you cant work out the plot in 5 minutes you're very gullible. A senile old granny could see through this flimsy plot.
Acting didn't help, it was awful Complete dross.
Cymbeline (2014)
William is Spinning in his Grave
Mixing Shakespear with Sons of Anarchy was surely an act of folly my dearest one. What was the idea with making this film. Was it to give the actors a brief shot of Shakespearean culture or was the producers on meth and crack my dear one.
I would be endeared to know what was Shakespearean for mother fu***rs but sadly I think that I shall never know. How can these film makers leave me perched on a ledge with no hope and nowhere to fall.
Why me! I cry to myself as I walk in a languid manner toward the television to put an end to this cruel twist of fate that has left me bereft of a modern day thriller.
There is only one thing left to do as I slowly reach the end of my tether and put an end to this misery that has been thrown into my face in a most secretive fasion.
Still unknown about the Roman numerals thy has to place on the score sheet I cry, "This dastardly screen movie shalt feel my wrath and take the 7 out of 876 billion I have decided to bestow upon it".
Crazy Six (1997)
Tiresome and Boring
No way could I get through this load of crap. I gave it one star because that's the lowest I could go. In reality I'd give it 3 out of 965 billion. Worse than "Alien Warfare".
Code Red (2013)
Hilariously Awful
A Bulgarian zombie flick with no storyline. Paul Logan was more wooden than Sherwood Forest and the rest of the archetypal cast were terrible as well.
Don't know what happened at the end. They must have ran out of film.
A Closed Book (2009)
Pityful Waste of Time
Pityful. Worse irritating film I've ever watched in my life. Conte has always been boring to watch but this pile of crap must be his worse.
There was one laughable moment in the film when he asks Daryl Hannah how old she is and she replies 38. Try 60.
As I said, I've never liked (Made for TV) Tom Conte. This film was so irritating to watch. His character's blind of course but the film can't seem to continue without him bringing that fact up every 5 minutes.
There's no intrigue in the film and the storyline leads nowhere. There are no spoilers because there's nothing to spoil. I think I'll give this flick 9 out of 975 billion.
The Legend of Jack and Jill (2021)
Manchester Hansel and Gretel
Only watched 30 minutes of it and I'm going to watch the rest without a daubt.
Being from Manchester I'm assuming this flick was made in the north west, not just by their accents but by the area.
I just love bad films and this one is well on track. I thought Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. It's like it's supposed to be set in Arkansas or Louisiana with hillbilly murderers on the loose.
It's crap and I love crap movies.
❤❤❤❤❤
Alien Warfare (2019)
Hilariously Awful
Seen some putrid films in my time but this takes the biscuit. Apart from the cinematography, the special effects, the editing, the narrative, the directing and specifically the acting, this film was ok. 🤣😂
The aliens were a scream. They looked more like futuristic bikers. "Alien Sons of Anarchy".
I'm giving it my real score of 7 out of 967.
Hansel vs. Gretel (2015)
More Asylum Crappos
Boresville Arizona. Ludicrous at best and downright garbage that's full of dog crap at worse. I'd give it 7 out of 987 million.
Aftermath (2021)
Predictable Drivel
I can't put any spoilers in this one because there's nothing to spoil. Painfully bad narrative, no scares and no decent acting either.
I'd give it 7 out of 368 billion. ☹
Nightflyers (2018)
Tedious
Got as far as episode four and that was well enough for me. The plot never seemed to kick in, whatever the plot was.
I would have rather watched "Manos Hands of Fate" or "Star Crash" than watch this miss mash of a story aboard the SS Crappos.
It's a bit strange how the actors pretended to know what was going on even though you knew that they were just reciting the script. It's also a bit strange that the most intelligent guy on the ship sounded like a barrow boy come West Ham fan moonlighting from "Eastenders".
It Lives Inside (2018)
Storyless Movie
Apart from (The Man) Rett Terrell, the only other actor of worth was the black (demonic) smoke that he endlessly chases around the house. Someone was on crack and meth when they wrote the narrative for this oddball flick.
Mummy Dearest (2021)
Garbage
Apart from the ridiculous narrative, the bad audio and bad acting, this was great.
8 out of 975 million.