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Reviews
The Marvels (2023)
Probably the worst Marvel movie ever made
I have no idea what happened to this franchise. To think this is the same studio that brought us Iron Man, Avengers and Infinity War.
The story of the Marvels is an absolute mess. Its all based around a body swapping mechanic triggered by using their powers, which seemed more like an idea included just for the action scenes. They then proceed to forget about it whenever they need them to use their powers but its inconvenient for them to swap. They also never explain why they started swapping places in the first place. Even when the effect wears off they have no idea why or how it happened, and they dont try to explain anything more about it then either. Its just dropped for the rest of the film as if it never happened.
The villain could have also been the worst Marvel villain we've ever had. Her acting was absolutely terrible. I genuinely laughed out loud on multiple occasions. She had paper thin motivation, no character traits whatsoever and looked ridiculous doing anything in her costume. She also has Ronins hammer for some reason and its left completely unexplained and ignored. Seems like that happened with a lot of things though, no doubt a side effect from the ridiculous amount of reshoots they've done.
The 3 lead actors do a fairly decent job with the material theyre given. However there is only so much you can do. Carol is slightly more likeable than she was in the first film (which wasnt very much) but she still isnt given much in the way of character development. Monica is also there, but also doesnt get much to do. Oh ye and she learns to fly because Nick Fury shouts "black girl magic" at her (im not even kidding). She can also pass through solid objects, shoot laser beams from her hands and can close tears in space time apparently.
The best part of the film by far is Ms. Marvel. The actress is likeable, she tells the only jokes that land in the film and she has some nice moments with family members. But they are way too few and far between, scattered between random action, painfully boring villain dialogue, nonsense filler in the form of a musical planet (dont even ask), and a side story near the end about a bunch of cats that can teleport people to other dimensions. Because what everyone wanted more of after seeing captain marvel was cats.
This is a terrible mess, which is not surprising after all the studio meddling. If you care about good storytelling, good characters or even the MCU in general, I'd stay away from this one. Though I find myself saying that more and more these days.
Secret Invasion (2023)
What happened?
The MCU used to be something great. But then Disney decided to hire the worst writers to ever exist just to save a bit of money. Now look what you get. This show is utter nonsense and throwing away the opportunity to shapeshifter show is beyond pathetic. When will Marvel stop making pure drivel, and hire people who actually want to be creative again? Stop hiring political pundits who only ever wanna transfer their political issues and social politics to the screen. Because not even children like this nonsense anymore.
Stop hiring writers (terrible ones at that) who go into these projects knowing what theyll make before theyre even hired. Clearly they have no interest writing about these characters since they change them into completely unrecognisable characters in their own tv shows. This is not Nick Fury. Make up your own show if youre so desperate to write about a different person. And maybe let someone who cares give it a go.... You clearly don't!
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)
Why was this made?
Who was this film made for? Who wanted to see a depressed Indy hobbling around while a self righteous know it all spends the entire runtime reminding him how old he is? Was this film made for an audience of exclusively Kathleen Kennedy?
And who decided to put Pheobe Waller Bridge in this movie? I genuinely feel like Disney is desperate for this girl to become a thing, but she is just unlikeable. And it doesn't help when you have her play an insufferable character who constantly makes 2023 comments in a movie set in the 60s, you may as well have told her to wink at the camera. I wanna say anyone else in the role couldve done a better job, but I'm not even sure about that. The character is just awful.
Also how many times do I need to get excited for a villain played by Mads Mikkelson for him to be yet again wasted? I'm amazed he doesnt get sick of it himself. Dont bother with this one. Its not worth your time.
God of War Ragnarök (2022)
A decent game, but a terrible God of War game
Where do I even start. I dont think I've ever felt this way with a game before, and I can only assume its due to the hype from 2018, but I genuinely hated nearly every moment I spent playing this game. This game was an incredible disappointment after all the hype. Some could argue nothing would ever live up, but somehow I think if Corey Barlog was still in charge we would've gotten a very different experience.
The ending was rushed, Atreus sections were shoved in endlessly, the puzzle feature is made for a toddler to play, the combat and UI is so similar it seems like its the same as the last game and the only changes they made makes it worse to play. The new weapon is only given over 2/3rds of the way through the game so you basically spend the entire game playing with the tools you had last time. But the biggest issue by far is the story.
The story is a confused, rushed, and bloated mess that meanders all over the place rather than being genuinely interesting and compelling. Its an incredible step down from the quality of the 2018 game and I am genuinely amazed so many people consider it to be so good. If 2018 was a breath of fresh air, Ragnarok feels like a punishment.
Kratos is basically the same character he in 2018, and Atreus is still an annoying kid, only this time you're forced to keep playing the game as him instead of Kratos. THIS will go down in my opinion as one of the worst decisions in gaming sequel history, you put time into developing a playable Atreus rather than a usable Mjolnir.... I just dont know what to say anymore, the phrase common sense feels like its lost all meaning when talking about this game.
I had a list of some smaller things I was most excited for after getting into Norse mythology in 2018, and I have now updated the list with what my reaction was when it was showed/not showed here.
1: Getting to use Thors Hammer - didnt get to use it. This is God of War and you dont let us use Thors hammer in the Norse saga?.... I will never understand this. Feels like a decision made by people who have never played a God of War game in their lives and it baffles me that this wasnt added to this game.
2: Fighting Thor - kind of early so a bit of a letdown how easy it was (didnt feel that way about Balder at all), then half assed at the end before unceremoniously killed by Odin. Just the end to a disappointing portrayal that seems very disconnected from what we heard about him previously. They wanted to make him sympathetic so they sacrificed the cool aspect of him to make him 'deep'. And it really doesnt work for me.
3: Seeing Asgard - just looks like a farming town despite the previous game teasing Asgard with rooms lined with Gold. In GoW 2018 Mimir literally says in a golden walled room "I'd recognise Odins lavish tastes anywhere". So now that we know he lives in a crappy wooden hut that seems just a little bit silly.
4: Meeting Odin - How is this the Odin we've teased up until now? He genuinely feels like he was written by someone who didnt play the first game. We were told in the last game that Odin lost his eye when Mimir tricked him with the Well of Knowledge, and yet now its just that he looked into a crack. Why? Because he had to be a nice guy? He just comes across like a New York mob boss, im surprised you didnt make him say "Capisce", it was so out of place.
5: Fighting Surtr - didnt happen, Surtr turned into the Dude from The Big Lebowski because haha.
6: Meeting Fenrir - became pointless, just used as a teleport plot device. Felt like a Marvel or Star Wars movie at this point adding in things you recognise despite them making no sense. As a Norse mythology fan (partly due to the previous game) I can safely say you did a terrible job adapting it.
7: Meeting Skoll and Hati - showed the trailer scene and then did nothing with them... Seemed like trailer hype for nothing. Yet another 'hey guys, you recognise this?' moment.
8: Getting some OG God of War epic scale action set pieces/moments - none. Was this even a God of War game? 2018 did it with Jormungandr and undead Thamur, or even moments like Kratos flipping the realm travel room. But here? It feels so uninspired it's painful to watch.
9: Seeing where the story goes - apparently nowhere so I guess thats awesome.
All in all it was probably the most disappointed gaming experience I've ever had. I cant pretend the game is terrible by any means, because it isnt. But to act like its some masterpiece or in any way close to the incredible game they made in 2018 is just insanity. I have no idea how so many came away from this game with a positive perception of it. This game couldve been so much more and after the years of excitement I feel so deflated its insane. I wish I never got excited for it in the first place and I definitely wont get another one.
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)
An ok MCU movie, a bad Guardians movie
To be perfectly honest, Im super burned out on the MCU by now. I had very little interest left except for this film. Having seen it, I'm still not quite sure how I feel.
The film is better than evrything else, film or TV, released ovwr phase 4 and 5. But still I found myself disappointed. The jokes, the constant arguing, the weird flesh planet... It all just tired me out this time.
Rockets storyline does its best to save this movie, but with a very messy ending and too many random moments, it wasnt enough for me to enjoy it. He is the only character they seemingly cared to write a decent storyline for, everyone else feels like theyre just there by obligation.
And Adam Warlock..... Dear lord. I dont see a point in saying it at this point but why adapt a character if thats what youre going to do? Literally unrecognisable and kind of insulting after all this time.
She-Hulk: Attorney at Law: Whose Show Is This? (2022)
She Hulk writers need to be fired
Ye....this may be the worst finale I've seen for a series since Game of Thrones. It may also be the worst show released by Marvel. I genuinely didn't think it had the potential to get any worse, but it did. After an entire season of painful reminders that the writers do not have the ability to create a tv show, let alone an MCU series, we're finally done....and what happened?
Instead of resolving any story they had been setting up She Hulk decided to break the fourth wall. She broke through the Disney+ menu screen (very cringe self advertising there), broke into Marvel headquarters, met the actual writers (cant miss the self insert chance!), beat up some underpaid Disney employees, met a robot named KEVIN in charge of the entire MCU, forced him to magically fix all her problems instead of doing anything herself, made awkward jokes about their lack of budget and "smashing" Daredevil, and then skips any remaining interesting resolution to anything to watch her have dinner with her family and magic in Daredevil for another hook up .... All I can say is I am so glad this mess is finally over.
I find it nearly impossible to tell you anything about She Hulk as a character, because in reality they never bothered to give her one. She is constantly talking about hooking up with men, drinking or evil men to the point where I dont feel like she has a personality to show. It almost feels like the writers wanted a way to be able to make a Marvel character say things they believed, which is fine in itself but not when you forget to give them any other character traits. She just become the writers collectively in a She Hulk skin suit. I dont know any of her hobbies or past times or how she ever spends time outside of work besides drinking and trying to hook up with guys, and in all honesty it makes the show and the character quite shallow and depressing. Which is a sentence I never thought I'd say about a Marvel superhero, but then again, I never thought I'd see a Marvel show like this before.
At the end of the day I dont particularly care about this character now and I think thats a genuine shame. This show reached a new low with their distaste of men, and the lack of understanding of how to use a fourth wall break impaired the show far more than it added. It has all the hallmarks of a writing team that either lacked the experience or needed a lot more supervision to produce a decent result. Unfortunately thats not what happened. If you haven't watched any of the show yet, Id recommend to give this one a miss. Its really not worth your time.
She-Hulk: Attorney at Law: Mean, Green, and Straight Poured into These Jeans (2022)
Don't waste your time
This show is not worth your time watching. And since its a cameo of the week kind of show ill do you the favour of telling you there is none this week, so you wont be missing out. The comedy is absolutely ridiculous, I genuinely struggle to know if the target audience is middle-aged women or pre-school children.
I dont think the writing in the MCU has never been as bad as here. She Hulk is giving Thor 4 a run for its money in that department. This episode is absolute filler and it just shows Marvel have no idea how to write these shows. Hopefully this release acts as a wake up call for Disney before its too late. It may be already though.
Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)
A forgettable experience that somehow does unforgettable damage
Every time I see a new Marvel project I am forced to think of a few things. I hope the writers know how to treat this character properly. I hope they dont try completely change them from what people loved for arbitrary reasons. I hope the story being told is a good one, and one that respects the characters and what they've been through to get here. These kinds of questions didnt need to be asked before this phase, because the MCU did all these things without fail. That's what made it good. But unfortunately they do need to be asked now, as almost everything they do goes against what made them great.
I wish I could say I enjoyed my time with this movie, but I genuinely didnt. I wanted to find a story somewhere in here, but all it ever felt like was a constant torturing by Waititi. Maybe it was the incessant goat screams, the grinding level of in your face bad comedy, the complete disregard for the importance and weight of the history of these characters, or maybe it was their sheer petty refusal to make Mighty Thor a character worthy of bringing to the screen.
Natalie Portman has never acted worse, I swear she is only here for the money. Every now and then you get a hint of what this movie couldve been, but its almost always bookended by another joke, and in most cases a bad one.
After all these years excited about the possible adventures of Thor and the Guardians, I cant help but wish, like Cap and Tony, Thor couldve died a heroic death in Endgame. It would be a lot more respectful than whatever they've broken him into here.
Either way it's been a typical modern Marvel experience. And I'd recommend you do yourself a favour and skip it like all the rest theyre pumping out. Until this quality improves I cant possibly recommend anything else. Please do better Marvel, before you destroy everything people enjoyed.
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)
Not worth the time
Oh what can you even say here. Its a collection of semi interesting ideas with ridiculous over the top fight scenes every couple of minutes that make little to no sense and a complete nonsense plot tying it all together. Its disappointing to see just how far Marvel have fallen, and its never been more obvious than it is here.
Dr Strange as a character should be treated better than this. He's been around longer than most in the MCU now and his presence in many of their most popular films shows just how much potential he has. But for some reason they decide to make him a supporting character in his own film. He barely even has an arc, just a loose through line tied together by a throwaway line in the end. Benedict Cumberbatch plays the role well again but I cant help feeling like he's let down at every turn by an awful script and an out of touch director.
The experience is more of a sequel to Wandavision, and for someone who was never particularly a fan of that show or her character, I didnt enjoy the main plot here. Theres also a storyline about a girl who gets superpowers letting her travel to different universes that was just awkwardly done. Her backstory is explained by stepping on a pad walking by 'the memory store' (no I'm not kidding) and it turns out a bee landed on her hand as a kid so she got scared and portalled her moms into the multiverse... I don't understand if this was meant to be funny, because the scene had serious music playing the whole time. Unfortunately, as with all MCU films and shows these days, the writing here is nothing short of abismal so its pretty hard to tell how you're supposed to feel about it. Especially since, by all logical reasoning, she should immediately find her parents once she learns how to use her powers at the end of the film, but doesn't.
Please hire better writers that care about what they're being hired to write. I cant stress enough how much damage you are doing to this franchise right now. All in all, I would easily recommend skipping this one. Maybe Black Panther can turn it around later on this year...but to be honest, after Thor and She Hulk, I'm not expecting a lot.
The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power: Adar (2022)
Worst so far unfortunately
Im really not sure where this is going now. It feels as though they dont know what story they want to tell. I was interested in the first episode, and then I enjoyed my time with the second. The interactions between Durin and Elrond were a lot of fun. But there is nothing to that extent in this episode. I just found myself losing interest or just nodding off altogether. I watched the episode earlier today and wanted to give it some time before I reviewed but now I can barely remember what happened. It just seems like its biggest issue is being boring, and I never thought Id sat that for a story based in this world. Hopefully the next episode starts doing something, theres only so much of these ridiculous Irish accents I can take before I've got to call it.
She-Hulk: Attorney at Law (2022)
Please stop Marvel
This show is painful to watch. If you have been lucky enough not to watch any of it do yourself a favour and keep it up. 3 episodes in and I have no clue why this show was even made. A fantastic and well loved female character has been ruined due to a writer being given responsibility they clearly shouldn't have. My best one line summary of this show so far is its a lesson in how not to write a tv show.
One of the writers said in an interview that they nobody knew how to write compelling courtroom scenes. Despite the fact that this show is called 'She Hulk Attorney at Law' . I am honestly baffled as to why they didnt just hire another writer with Law show experience who could fix this problem. I was genuinely waiting until the show got going and started dealing with cases and now I really wish I hadnt. Nothing makes any sense, people shout out random nonsense as if nobody on the writing team has even seen a court case before and it plays out like children arguing in a playground.
Given all that its pretty clear the writers had very little confidence in their ideas, but decided to just run with it anyway, which once again makes me question why these people were even chosen. At one point they use Jen's fourth wall break to literally compliment themselves for bringing the subplot into the main plot, im not kidding. I mean its actually embarrassing at times how on the nose it is.
I am really trying to keep invested in this universe but its falling apart with every release. If Marvel dont sort themselves out soon theyll be propping up a dead franchise. DO NOT WATCH THIS SHOW!
Love, Death & Robots: Jibaro (2022)
Good vision, Awful execution
The animation is some of the most realistic Ive ever seen. But man does it hurt to watch. Was the shaking just meant to hide flaws in the animation or what? Because that was just too much. You can't tell whats going on without getting a headache every couple of seconds. Maybe I have an underlying illness I didnt know about thats being triggered, but holy cow was this the most uncomfortable 15 minutes of animation Ive seen for a long time. I think a story was happening too.