Steyr808 Reviews

Magnum, P.I.: The Arrow That Is Not Aimed (1983) Season 3, Episode 13

Samurai PI

[8/10 · 2 September 2017]

This series has always incorporated elements of the martial arts, and probably did it with as much accuracy as any prime time TV show did. In this episode we get to meet Tozan (Mako) who is a modern day samurai tasked with defending a priceless object of art with his very life.

Unfortunately, ninja were also part of the 80s and they attack Tozan and abscond with the priceless antique plate. Magnum is forced to blend eastern ways to track down the missing treasure and learns the mindset of the samurai to keep Tozan, who is now a friend, from pointlessly sacrificing his life without meaning.

A few plot twists and turns, but this show was always somewhat clever and had decent writing. The presentation of samurai values was much more authentic than the presentation of ninja, but that's probably another discussion. Definitely as must see for any fan of Mako.

Caprica (2009–2010)

Craprica...

[3 August 2011]

Upon seeing the remake of Battlestar Galactica I was so impressed (despite the questionable ending and some glaring plot holes) that I was immediately interested in this series.

Sadly Caprica seems to be "Battlestar for teens." It is to BG what the second Matrix film is to the original...horrible. Where to start with this nonsense. An interesting "concept" of can we create our own afterlife and download our consciousness into it and attain a digital immortality has been reduced to a teen fantasy of virtual "cool clubs" and "first person games." Add to that the "shoe is now on the other foot" depiction of western looking white kids who believe in the "one true God" and are out committing acts of terrorism to prove it, the stupid pseudo mafia subplot, the requiem "lets make these guys homosexual" gay agenda and top it all off with Zoe the dancing Cylon robot and you have the worst butchering of a decent franchise that I have seen in a long time.

The absolute travesty of course is what it "might" have been. The budget to do something as impressive as Battlestar is clearly there. The idea for a show depicting the genesis, if you will, of artificial sentience, it's evolution and our first war could have resulted in an excellent series.

But if you are really into V clubs, gay Tauron hit men and dancing Cylons this is definitely the show for you.

Finishing the Game (2007)

What The Hell Did I Just Watch...?

[1/10 · 24 August 2010]

There are very few movies I consider truly bad. I love B grades, I love cult films. I love chop sockies and Japanese sci fi from the 50s and 60s.

I can watch almost anything and enjoy it.

But there is one thing that is worse than a truly bad film. And that is a truly bad film that actually thinks it is a good film. And that is exactly what we have here. Unfunny, pointless crap that thinks it is clever.

And apparently so do a few other people. If you are the vapid sort who finds art in a ordinary object simply because it is contained in a plexiglas cube you too may find this exercise in mundane satire brilliant.

But if you are looking for comedy, an irreverent examination of the Brucesploitation phenomena or a martial arts spoof you will want to keep looking and not waste your time with this thief of life.

Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman (1976–1977)

Worst Show Ever

[1/10 · 11 September 2009]

Well perhaps not the worst show ever, the Star Wars Christmas special was pretty bad. But at least most people agree that the SW special was god awful. And I'm not 100% certain it was actually worse.

I never understood what people saw in it when it aired, I don't get it now.

Louise is not funny, she seems to actually have serious problems. This is a notion that would be vindicated when she hosted Saturday Night Live where she was also, not surprisingly,...not funny.

Supposedly this is a powerful feminist show. I'm not sure how portraying a person who is this messed up as some kind of icon to be aspired to advances the cause of feminism. I think the Mary Tyler Moore Show and it's spin off Rhoda are certainly more effective in that role.

But the show did seem to appeal to people who also had serious personal problems. Maybe that explains it.

Cloverfield (2008)

Blair Witch Meets Godzilla...

[1/10 · 5 May 2008]

If you love dark scened, hopping camera "reality themed" films you will love this piece of crap film.

If I wanted an hour of poorly lit, jumpy camera footage I could give a video camera to a 6 year old and let him walk around at night.

Complete waste of my time, and more importantly I'm sick of this kind of nonsense. Be nice if the studios put out a REAL movie. What's worse is this film had potential. They "could" have given us a decent "monster attacks Manhattan" flick but instead decided to show us how creative they are.

Skip this one and rent the original Godzilla (1954, it's a much better film.

Secrets of a Chambermaid (2000)

Greatest Softcore Film Ever...

[10/10 · 7 September 2007]

Kira Reeds best film by far.

In addition to being a sexual predator, she is just smoking hot in this whole movie. Anyone who likes Kira's butt in black stockings and garter belts is going to be very happy.

Normally these are the kinds of film one has to suffer through on cable for some decent nudity. This film is not only watchable, it's actually good. Amy Lindsay is also exceptionally hot in a mild S&M fetish scene. But nothing compares to Kira Reed running around in her French maid outfit.

Production values are incredibly high for this sort of film, even has a decent soundtrack. And a storyline that is probably as good as it gets for this genre.

Salute to the Marines (1943)

Classic Wartime Film

[9/10 · 27 August 2007]

First one needs to remember this film was made DURING the war. Anti Japanese resentment following Pearl Harbor and things like the Bataan Death March were running high. And make no mistake, this film is pretty heavy on the anti Japanese message.

But that is also one of the things that makes it interesting. It is a glimpse into how people at the time were actually thinking. And while the "dirty japs" were portrayed as squinty, murdering savages we must remember that at the time it wasn't a completely unfair criticism.

The film is also unique in that it has a light "comedy" aspect to it. Wallace Beery manages something like an Archie Bunker quality. Probably much needed comic relief given that the news from the war was not always uplifting.

But the final thing one needs to keep in mind is the purpose of this film and ones like it. It was designed to unify the nation against a common enemy. And that is how wars are won. And if the worst thing that happens is our enemies are portrayed in a negative light, well that is hardly the worst thing that happens during wars.

Invasion of the Star Creatures (1962)

Only Two Reason To Watch This Film...

[3/10 · 13 July 2007]

Gloria Victor and Dolores Reed in space girl costumes.

I love 50 sci fi, I even love cheesy 50s sci fi, but this film is really, really bad. And not in a MST3K kinda way.

Virtually unwatchable as a couple of bozos do their best "hip cat" impression of Abott & Costello.

Chessecake can usually save cheesy sci fi, such as in "Cat Women On The Moon" but it can't in this case. This film requires a mute button and fast forward feature.

That said, I could watch Gloria and Dolores walk around the space ship for about an hour or so.