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Reviews
The Legend of 5 Mile Cave (2019)
American Gun Culture + Childcare
Guns are cool. Guns. Guns. Guns. I especially like it when the kid takes the rifles and fires three shots at the retreating car where his hero is in the backseat and could have as easily been killed. Indeed , a far more likely outcome than him shooting the tire - who writes this sludge? Anyway it's just great the way the kid uses the gun. Gun gun gun We need more movies about kids picking up guns and using them recklessly and being celebrated afterwards for their heroism. That's a good movie.
River Runs Red (2018)
movie is unwatchable
The movie feels like it was written in an afternoon, using a Dictaphone. The writer has NO IDEA what its like to be a judge, or even a policeman, and I say this because there is absolutely no insights given into the lives of these professionals. Its one cliche followed by another. Keeping it consistent, the camera work is also rank amateur - consistently dark and shaky, and so is the acting. I kept checking to see if it was voice-dubbed. Nope. That really is their acting and nobody is believable.
But the worst part of the is movie is.. wait for it.. the soundtrack. 'Woulda Coulda Shoulda' and 'I wonder' OMG where can i download this? It feels like what a no talent musician would write just to fill in the sheets.
Jon Cussack's role in this is a little strange - pretty sure he was offered a sweet three-day deal to shoot his scenes and be on the box cover. He's weak in this and his performance is stale at best. Nobody else can act at all - the police are the WORST. The scenes with the 'judge' main character and his Chinese wife are absolute misery on every level for the viewer. But it only gets worse when he spends more time with her later. I know this was written by a man because of how powerless the women are, which is another super annoying thing. In a way this movie is inspirational. Its inspiring to think that maybe a high school drama class could do this, better.