blaackbird Reviews

Sparrows (1926)

I couldn't tear myself away... I just had to know what happened to those kids!

[10/10 · 6 January 2005]

I usually ask myself why people want to watch movies filled with suffering. Challenges, yes, agony, no. But where kids are involved I guess I'm a sucker. I have to see it come out all right.

Mary Pickford looks almost as young as her character in this gripping film about a group of orphans held as slave labor by a cruel farmer. The story itself is a natural hook. Like many of the works of Charles Dickens, it paints the picture of the innocent suffering at the hands of people who embody every possible vice and who are capable of every imaginable cruelty.

One most touching quality of the film is the portrayed ability of Molly, in the face of all she endures, to draw together the group as a family and love each one as a mother should. Self-pity is alien to her. Life is what it is but there's always hope for better and the cruel blows don't change that or make it untrue.

I saw that the ending did drag on in the sense that it isn't quite as snappy a resolution as a viewer would want. But I found that after seeing them endure so much, I wanted to see something of their happy ending. I shared in the pain, and wanted to share in the joy as well. And so I feel that it ended rather more like the books it resembles and not like a modern thriller. The boat scenes did go a bit astray, but were mercifully short compared to other parts.

A horrifying tale with a surprising note of humor and sweetness that somehow worked, this film is well worth watching.

Once Upon a Honeymoon (1942)

Not a brilliant script, but not to be missed

[23 August 2004]

SPOILER... if that's possible with this one.

I have to agree with other comments here... This is not the most smoothly composed script. It wouldn't pass as a great and memorable movie, maybe not even good when you take the script into account. And the stars indeed have no romantic chemistry. The comedy scenes could be just plain grotesque placed as they were in the storyline.

But I wouldn't have missed the chance to see it. It was a fascinating film from so many angles. The historical portions, such as they understood them at the time, were interesting alone. In fact, the film may have been more successful if the attempts at comedy were played down more to flow with the tragic theme of the film.

But I've never been known for my sense of propriety... I enjoyed the comedy on a strange level. I found the strange screwball quality of it to be pleasantly surreal in the middle of it all. Done-to-death vaudeville situations cropping up between scenes of escaping spies and sabotaged propaganda broadcasts. In those days it was how it had to be done. These days that would be gutsy. I found the ending, weird as it was, oddly satisfying. There's no cure for the serial bad guy like tossing him into the ocean at 30 knots.

Finally, even with all this, I noted that the situation of the Jews was not played down, considering they didn't know just how bad it really was. They seemed to regard the capture of a Jewish family with the same dread that we have watching it, knowing as we do what would likely become of them. Even though they did at one point seem to think that sterilization was the most shocking act to that date that had been done, it wasn't limited to being an "us vs them" storyline. It was more of an "all of us vs them" kind of story. It was a tone that I had to appreciate.

The Butcher's Wife (1991)

Revolting!

[19 August 2002]

I wouldn't elaborate if I didn't have to. Demi Moore is a joke from the moment you clap eyes on her, especially in this film, and then of all things, she opens her mouth! That puts the last nail in the coffin, you might say. Blech.

And then she further appears in one big glob of wasted talent (herself excepted) that is as offensive as it is bewildering. I like my romantic comedic entanglement just a wee dram more innocent, I guess.

Downright vulgar, which is sad if only because that vulgarity is the only stand-out feature in the story. It's rather like a comedian who uses a lot of profanity and offensive jokes to cover a lack of talent. That's just what it is, in fact.

Square Pegs (1982–1983)

Oh, the horror of it all...

[19 August 2002]

I recently saw this show for the first time. What a museum piece. Unfortunately, I suppose, it belongs in a museum NOBODY WANTS TO VISIT! A horrifying reminder of some very typical traits of the time and the rabid desire to look and act like a d*** fool in order to be popular, this show sent ugly shivers down my spine. I'll be turning 30 this year, and I never felt so glad to be so far from adolescence as when I saw this show.

As if that weren't enough, the acting reeked. I do acknowledge that since the show was satirical, the poor acting likely was all part of the clownish send-up of the dim-bulb behavior it depicts. It almost makes it praiseworthy.

Almost.

I'm just as glad that I don't like Sarah Jessica Parker anyway (that smarmy HBO show of hers and her clear impression that she's attractive... insert vomit here).

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)

What a digital muddle...

[26 May 2002]

I enjoyed a lot about this movie, mind you... That was the problem, in fact... there was a lot crammed into this movie. A lot of scenes, a lot of effects, a lot of dialog, and help us all, they had to put in wacky courtship scenes as well. For two people who knew they should not be flirting with each other, they certainly did a lot of picnicking and wrestling. I wouldn't have a problem with the story of their relationship being told, but surely they could have made it a little more subtle and well... LIKELY.

I have no problem with any individual action scene, but somewhere toward the end in the middle of the biggest hand-to-hand battle of the film I suddenly tuned out and began puzzling over what I had seen so far. I felt a little queasy and thought I would rather like the fighting to end. Also, knowing that certain characters couldn't possibly snuff it, I felt no suspense of wondering whether they would escape. Let's face it, we all have the misfortune to have read the last page of the mystery first.

I enjoyed seeing the hot-headed Anakin illustrating the sort of person who could desire power so much that he'd systematically become a cyborg to get it. The idea that he could massacre a village of any creature and confess it to his woman and not have her run screaming from the room is a reach, though. Wouldn't that stand out a little? If he'd deliberately light-sabered a poodle, it would cause worry! But not little alien children?

Quest for Camelot (1998)

Just plain rank.

[26 May 2002]

First of all, I realize this wasn't exactly a word for word re-telling of the Arthurian legend, but for what it's worth, Excalibur was NOT the sword supposed to have been pulled out of the stone AND anvil.

That said, this still stunk. I can count the good parts more easily than the bad, possibly on only one hand. I liked the dragons. Their loathing of each other matched how I was feeling about the movie by the time they showed up. The music was manipulative, emotional, typical of its kind... common. The hero's speaking voice indeed did not match his singing voice, but all I really wanted was to smack the hair out of his eyes. The girl was annoying too, what with being the typical "man wanna-be" and lucky her, she gets to be a knight. Good ol' medieval King Arthur breaks out of his archaic mold and says girls can fight as well as men. In other words, it's all just so perfect in the end, isn't it? Yes, it's for kids, and it should be happy and dreams should come true... but I've seen all this accomplished much more successfully, and in movies whose makers had the sense to not try for so many kinds of happy endings all in one flick. In short, it seemed like it was written by a 12 year old.

Of course, since I have a 4 year old daughter, it's clear that there's a place for movies written by 'tweeners.

It's Alive (1974)

Do I hate it because it's cheap, stupid, or revolting?

[10 March 2002]

I can't decide. Other reviewers here have given this film more credit than I think it deserves in treating it as a legitimate film offering. I found it horrible. The effects were cheap, yes. The script was plenty corny. And in spite of this, I found it horrifying because it offered a suggestion as terrifying as it was, well, just plain wrong. Plenty of horrors occur in life without our inventing them. And some things shouldn't be joked about. Note that I did watch this alone in the middle of the night, within the first year after my first child was born... and take my review as a whole and I suppose there's a compliment in it, since I found it so deeply troubling. But it's still stupid.

The Great Dictator (1940)

Okay, so it ain't perfect.

[10 March 2002]

It's not the most perfect film ever, it in fact has plenty of rough spots... but it's one of my favorites. There are parts that make you cringe and parts that are hysterically funny. Mel Brooks has said that one of his goals is to make people laugh at Adolf Hitler, believing that would show him up for what he really was. While it would be wrong to laugh at what happened then, it is true that many laughs were got at the expense of Hitler himself.

Probe (1988)

Again they cancel my favorite show?

[7 January 2002]

This was one of an annoying number of shows I liked as a kid that were each run for a season and then promptly cancelled. I liked shows that varied from the norm, especially ones about eccentric geniuses. But I guess it was just too smart (or weird) to be popular. People prefer shows about inept housewives, bigots, idiots stranded on islands, barrooms, rotten families, and just about anybody who makes everyone else look smarter by comparison.

Eversmile New Jersey (1989)

Smart comedy or stupid drama?

[30 December 2001]

Well, it is indeed about a traveling dentist, and it is played totally straight in spite of its amazing plot. So I found myself at the end of the film asking whether the film-makers and cast could possibly be serious or if it was a clever dry comedy. Was it a spoof of other too serious films about a man with a mission who falls into depression when others fail to see his vision, or was it honestly trying to be one of those serious films? Well, I have no answer to these questions, so my review divides here. Comedy - cute spoof of some the sort of movies Day-Lewis might well be in from time to time. Drama - stupid movie about a traveling dentist in Patagonia.