waez Reviews

Prometheus (I) (2012)

Unforgivably stupid

[3/10 · 26 February 2024]

I left the cinema feeling a little confused and disappointed first time I saw this. It was a stunningly beautiful film, and contained things I had hoped for in an Alien "prequel" (mainly the space jockey and their doughnut spaceships). But, it also pissed me off that every single character behaved like a complete moron and made the worst possible decisions in every situation.

Quite possibly I am even more stupid than the film's script, because I did pay to see it one more time in the cinema, to get a better idea of what it was I didn't like, and after that second time I walked out so angry I wanted to break stuff.

This movie is unforgivably stupid and as such an insult to Ridley's own original and Jimmy Cameron's fantastic sequel. Let's just ignore the other sequels and spin-offs, they are all bad but not nearly as bad as the pile of stinking manure that is Prometheus (and its own sequel).

It starts off by showing us some lumpy albino apparently having to sacrifice itself to plant life-seeds on a fledgling Earth. Now, if they can bio-engineer new life they could surely come up with a better way of spreading it, than drinking a cup of their own black goo and melting? No? Then there's inexplicable logical leap of scientists taking a couple of cave paintings and coming up with the idea that 1 - it's a star map and 2 - it's an invitation. How??? Why??? Come on!

Then it all goes downhill from there, the movie bombards you with stupidity and incoherence for its entire duration. It is beautiful and well made, and Noomi Rapace has nice screen presence, but that cannot mask that the script is an atrocious mess that should never have been filmed. To add injury to insult they actually went ahead and made a sequel to this that is even MORE stupid. I didn't think it possible, but yeah if Prometheus is stupid then Covenant is...impressive.. in all the wrong ways.

The only thing that could possibly save the Alien franchise after this train wreck is keeping Ridley Scott far, far away from a reboot that discards everything that followed after "Aliens" and continues from there.

Resident Evil: Extinction (2007)

Better than the first two

[7/10 · 19 November 2021]

This installment in the franchise is a major step up in most ways. Direction, effects, supporting cast and editing is actually not bad at all. Where it lacks is plot and writing. It shows a lot of initial promise with the marriage of Mad Max and zombie apocalypse, it could have been a delightful and unusual survival story if that had been explored further. Sadly, it derails into the standard Alice vs Umbrella confrontation. It is well executed and a much better film than its predecessors, it just could have been even better (i.e. Actually good) if they had dared step out of the box with the story.

No One Gets Out Alive (2021)

Better than its rating

[7/10 · 23 October 2021]

I hopped on here after seeing the film because it was (obviously) interesting enough for me to want to know more about it. I learned it is based on a book, and I want to read it. So basically a success... The slow buildup certainly doesn't suit all, but I thought the film was well crafted with suitably creepy environments, good acting and a very believable main character.

Many (much) worse films out there with higher ratings on IMDb, Give it a chance. Extra plus for the Meso-American mythology connection.

5th Passenger (2017)

Bad but enjoyable

[5/10 · 20 July 2019]

I see a lot of polarised reviews of this film, which made it hard to make sense of them. I wish less IMDB-readers would pull out a knee-jerk 1/10 or 10/10 for every film they rate. 5th Passenger is a poorly written, below average sci-fi & psychological thriller. It is not a good film, not even close, but nor is it the worst film in history. It deserves around 5/10, no more but no less.

I enjoyed watching it, allowing myself to laugh about stupid dialogue or leaps in the plot without losing interest in the story. I won't watch it again, but the time wasn't wasted.

How It Ends (2018)

Ummm... Okay? When is the break over?

[6/10 · 14 July 2018]

This was actually an enjoyable, exciting and well made film, which makes the rushed ending so frustrating. It succeeded in making me want to know A) what happens next and B) what is happening with the world.

It really gives the impression the production ran out of money or someone's dog ate the final third of the script. Huge letdown after a good buildup. With a proper ending (and an ending doesn't have to tell us everything, but it does have to give us enough to speculate at least) it would have been an 8/10.

It (I) (2017)

Not as good as it should have been, but not THAT bad

[7/10 · 4 January 2018]

Finally got to see this last night, and while the film is not a perfect adaptation of IT, far from it, it is certainly not a 1/10 train wreck like some of the reviewers here claim. Having read some reviews my expectations were extremely low, but the film had an impact on me in a way I did not expect. While it was good and scary as it should be, it got me thinking a lot about the book and how it affected me.

I read IT in the spring of 1989 when I was fifteen years old, which means I don't remember much more of what happened in it than what they brought into the movie. However, I do remember how it made me feel. It made me feel longing, dread, love, loss and sorrow. When I finished the book I cried the rest of the night, not because of what happened to the characters in it, but because I wanted to be with them. They were my friends and I would never be able to be with them again, and that hurt more than anything I had ever experienced before. IT was the first and still is one of very few books that has ever had that effect on me. Watching the film last night did not in itself have that effect on me, but it did bring back some memories of those feelings.

I believe for an on screen adaptation of IT to really capture the essence of the novel A LOT more time needs to be invested into character development. Therefore a well produced and written TV series over two seasons would have been much more fitting, IT is just not a story that allows itself to be crammed into a couple of two-hour films.

Because of that the film leaves much to be desired as an adaptation of IT, but as a scary film on its own I liked it. Of course it helps that I don't remember enough detail from the novel to be offended at all the omissions. It has been 29 years since I read IT, and watching the film made me realize just how little I actually remember of it. I just bought myself a paperback edition, tonight I'm about to start out on a journey meet my friends again, and I couldn't be happier.

Not a bad result for the film after all.

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017)

As expected

[5/10 · 21 August 2017]

Decided to step in and write my own review since most of the others I sifted through are so polarised. It's either "Ritchie at his best!" or "Absolutely horrible!". To be fair I think this film lands somewhere in between.

First off the kind of editing and dialogue Ritchie favours doesn't really fit heroic fantasy, it makes the film come off as an overly long episode of Xena Warrior Princess mixed up with too many flashback moments. However, knowing Ritchie was behind the film I was prepared for this and was able to let it go.

Next thing, I don't even understand why this film is called King Arthur. The story is a High Fantasy epic that borrows a few names and crumbs of plot from the Arthurian myths, and adds warlike wizards riding elephants the size of buildings to the mix. It would have been a better film if it had rid itself entirely from Arthurian names and set the story in a completely fictional universe. That would have saved us from the cringe-factor of having some sort of Kung-Fu master training street urchins in a London dojo, for example. I'm all for being creative and new takes on old source material, but that was a bit too much.

All in all, the film IS entertaining, which is what it sets out to be. It really shouldn't be taken seriously, just get some popcorn and leave your brain at home. And if you're really into the Arthurian myths you should be prepared for, uh, a lot of creativity.

Yellowbeard (1983)

Vastly underrated

[10/10 · 4 August 2012]

I honestly can't understand why anyone would not recommend this gem of a film. One weird thing about it is that despite being a pythonesque comedy it is still the best pirate film of its time. It is well produced, has an incredibly strong cast and features an absurd but strangely compelling story. If I remember correctly it is also the last on-screen appearance of Graham Chapman before his death.

Don't watch this film and expect it to be a blend of Pirates of the Caribbean and modern comedy. Remember when it was made and appreciate the marriage between the comedy of the time and the intelligent humour and historic accuracy of Python's historical comedies.

Doom (2005)

Not too bad, but it could have been way better

[5/10 · 16 March 2006]

After seeing this movie I was mildly disappointed, mostly at the major plot changes done by the scriptwriters. What bugs me is that I can't figure out WHY they did these changes. A big part of the DOOM experience is the "Hell-is-loose" storyline along with the isolation of being alone on an alien planet, hunted by demons. The game Doom 3 is by far the scariest game I've ever played. In fact it's scarier than any movie I can think of too...

All of that is lost in the movie due to the plot changes. What is left is an OK action flick with some "Doomish" elements to it. As an action movie it is OK, but it is NOT Doom!

Another thing that is quite annoying is that this unknown threat is supposed to be dealt with by a single squad of so-called elite soldiers. Now this squad of soldiers aren't very convincing as elite troops. Mostly they act as whining morons, and when the dirt hits the fan they split up so the demons can get to them easier - plus their CO suddenly and inexplicably turns psycho and becomes the main villain. Again - that is NOT Doom! Compare this group of undisciplined soldiers to the squad of space marines in "Aliens" and you really want to throw the writers in a pit along with some demons... In "Aliens" the marines are very well portrayed as an experienced fighting force full of bravado, who gets whipped anyway since they have no idea what they are up against. Maybe it's unfair to compare Doom with that masterpiece, I don't know, but Doom would have been more convincing if the soldiers had actually acted like soldiers.

So - imagine this movie done by James Cameron instead! Now that would have been something...

Also, I would have liked to see the BFG get to better use! Still, Doom is an OK sci-fi action flick - see it and then play Doom 3 to get the REAL feeling!

First Knight (1995)

Atrocious!

[2/10 · 16 October 2005]

I absolutely loathe this movie - it is one of the most awful screen adaptations of the Arthur story to date.

First of all the casting is all wrong - Julia Ormond as Guienevere and Richard Gere as any kind of historical person is simply laughable. Sean Connery could have been OK as Arthur but he delivers a very weak performance, mostly due to the horrid script I believe. Perhaps he realised what kind of sheep dung they were creating and lost interest.

The story in itself is does unforgivable changes to the Arthur mythology, the idea to take a minor villain from an obscure medieval romance and turn him into the one that overthrows Arthur's reign is simply atrocious. Arthur's realm is portrayed as a weak little kingdom that topples over at first sight of trouble, and Arthur himself comes across as a jealous despot. The Arthur story, especially the love triangle between Arthur, Guinevere and Lancelot, contains a lot more depth than this movie shows you.

Also, the fight scenes are meek and the armour worn by the knights seems more like something from Star Trek than any kind of actual medieval protective gear.

If you want to see a good Arthur movie, I'd recommend Excalibur, Merlin or even the latest installment; King Arthur. Avoid this heinous atrocity of a movie at all costs!

The Postman (1997)

Awful

[3/10 · 15 October 2005]

I saw this movie with my girlfriend a few years ago, and it is still one of the worst movies any one of us has ever seen. Thing is, I'm fairly masochistic when it comes to watching bad movies, I love cheesy post-apocalyptic flicks like Mad Max, Hardware, Tank-girl, Steel Dawn, Waterworld (yes! I like it!) and suchlike.

Postman, however, bored me to death. It is too Kevin Costner, too long by far and way too sentimental. The scene when the Postman rides to deliver mail to a bunch of cheering kids (in slow motion!) had us laughing so hard we had to pause the movie.

In the end, we fast-forwarded to the end and promised ourselves never to rent a Costner movie again. To this day I usually keep clear of any film with Costner in it. That really is unfair because I actually think he is a good actor and director. Postman, however, scarred me deeply.

I am thinking of giving it another chance though, since I found surprisingly many positive comments here. It seems this is a movie you either love or hate, so my recommendation would be to watch it and make up your own mind.

Still, it really is a tedious and utterly boring yawn of a film.