Glyde Stick Reviews

Haunted House (2004 Video)

This is a bad bad movie

[2/10 · 23 December 2004]

This is a terribly lame (and very late) attempt to cash in on The Blair Witch Project. Two wanna-be film makers want to send four "actors" into a supposedly haunted house armed with flashlights and camcorders so they can put together a Blair Witch-like movie.

Unbeknownst to the actors (but suspected), the film makers have the house rigged with bad special effects and hidden cameras to capture the mortal terror they are sure to suffer. Unbeknownst to the film makers and the actors, the house is really haunted by the ghost some unknown man who was apparently murdered in the house in 1888. Painfully known to anyone who has watched this film is that there are no scares, no chills, and laughable special effects.

There is absolutely nothing in this film that hasn't been done before (and done better) which leaves the gratuitous two seconds of nudity as the best part of the film. And those two seconds are certainly not worth the rental fee or the waste of 88 minutes of your life!

Bottom line: bad plot + bad acting + no scares = BAD MOVIE

Donnie Darko (2001)

The Darker Version of "It's a Wonderful Life"

[9/10 · 29 April 2002]

Warning! Spoilers ahead!

I couldn't help but think of "It's a Wonderful Life" once the movie ended. With the help of a giant talking rabbit, Donnie survives the crash of a mysterious jet engine into his bedroom. The rabbit tells Donnie the world will come to an end in 28 days.

Over the next 28 days, Donnie sees how his surviving the accident directly affect people around him such as his girlfriend, a motivational speaker, a teenager named Frank, and teachers at his school.

Unlike the happy ending of "It's a Wonderful Life, Donnie realizes, as the tragic events unfold, it would have been better had he not survived the accident after all. Using a time travel technique taught by a mysterious local woman, he goes back to the time of the accident and makes sure he doesn't survive.

The film is well-written and cast perfectly. Jake Gyllenhaal's performance of the doomed Donnie was nothing less than brilliant.

Highly recommended!

Black Christmas (1974)

Why can't they make films like this anymore?

[9/10 · 13 March 2001]

Having read several of the comments regarding this film and how it was so influential on many slasher films made since, I was expecting an outstanding thriller. I must say I was not disappointed. This was an actual scary movie! The refreshing thing about this movie was it did not use extremely gory special effects or cheap sex scenes (although sexual innuendos are littered throughout the film).

Aside from being a little dated (the 70's fashion was rampant) this film has really held up over time. Having seen most (if not all) of the films referred to in the previous comments as having "ripped off" Black Christmas, it is obvious this film was indeed used as a blueprint for several of the "slasher" movies that followed.

*** The following commentary contains SPOILERS ***

Having said that I do disagree, however, with several comments made that John Carpenter's "Halloween" was a blatant ripoff of this movie. Aside from a homicidal killer who murders girls during a holiday, I did not see a lot of similarities. Granted the victims were killed in similar methods (stabbing or strangulation) but let's be honest - except in the numerous Friday the 13th movies where each sequel featured new and exciting ways to kill people (everything from hedge clippers to spear guns), there aren't that many ways a psychopath uses to kill someone in a slasher film (and stabbing and strangulation are pretty common).

But I didn't see Michael Myers playing with any of the victims long after they were dead (as the killer in this film did with Claire, the first victim, who he rocked in a chair from time to time). I don't recall Michael Myers making repeated and lengthy obscene phone calls to his victims before he killed them. In Halloween, there was no question of who the killer was at the end. I didn't see the killer in Black Christmas wear a mask, steal his dead sister's headstone, or escape from an insane asylum. So where, exactly, does the "blatant ripoff" occur?

Slasher films all have a basic premise (psycho killer for various reasons stalk and kill helpless victims who may or may not have been a part of the killer's past) so you can pick any two films out of the slasher genre and draw similarities. Granted "Black Christmas" was one of the first films in this genre and, as I mentioned earlier, there are remarkable resemblances between this film and others (most notably the opening scene of "When a Stranger Calls"). But I would hesitate to say any one slasher film was a "blatant ripoff" of another. Even the original "Friday the 13th" had enough differences from "Halloween" to avoid the "blatant ripoff" stigma.

The Bottom Line: Black Christmas is a very good and effective thriller with an undeniable influence on the entire slasher genre that followed it. I would highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys a good tingle of the spine.

Class Reunion (1982)

Under-rated? More like under-achieved!

[2/10 · 19 February 2001]

Anyone who thinks this film has not been appreciated for its comic genius must have been smoking with the two stoners in the film. This film is NOT under-rated...it is a bad movie.

There should be no comparisons between this film and The Naked Gun or Airplane since the latter two films are well written and funny. Class Reunion is neither of those things. The sad thing is it had such potential (good cast, good story lines) but the good jokes are few and far between. The scenes that were supposed to be funny came off more annoying than amusing. The stoner guys, the vampire, the blind girl...NOT FUNNY. The only funny character were Delores (the one who sold her soul to the devil).

National Lampoon has made some really good films (Animal House, Vacation) but this isn't one of them. I certainly expected more from John Hughes.

Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders (2000 Video)

Good Scooby fun with some new features...

[8/10 · 19 October 2000]

Scooby and the gang stumble into another mystery involving aliens, government scientists, a suspicious coffee shop cook, a waitress with a crush on Freddy, a cranky garage mechanic, a crazy old man convinced he was abducted by aliens, a nature photographer and her dog.

While this episode follows the same basic formula as the last two Scooby films ("SD on Zombie Island" and "SD & The Witch's Ghost"), there is a new element added: Shaggy and Scooby fall in love. They meet a nature photographer (Crystal) and her dog (Amber) in the desert fall head-over-heels. There is a really fun song Shaggy sings while fantasizing about his and Scooby's lives with Crystal and Amber which is a whole side of Shaggy never seen before.

This film is much more light-hearted that its two predecessors and the villains aren't nearly as wicked as Simone & Lena (Zombie Island) or Ben Ravencroft (Witch's Ghost). Freddy pops off some genuinely funny sarcastic remarks throughout the movie and there are a couple of good pokes at the original TV series ("meddling kids", paint-job on the van, etc.)

Sadly, this will be the last film that features Mary Kay Bergman as the voice of Daphne. She died last November and the ending credit of the film dedicates the film "In Loving Memory of Mary Kay Bergman". She did an admirable job as Daphne and the makers of these films will be hard-pressed to find a worthy replacement.

A must-see for any respectable Scooby fan!

Bloody Murder (2000 Video)

Not horrible...

[7/10 · 3 October 2000]

Yes, it is no secret that "Bloody Murder" is a blatant rip-off of "Friday the 13th" (one look at the video cover will tell you that). In fact, it so closely resembles Friday the 13th in parts, you could even think it must be a remake (camp counselors fixing up a campground that was the site of a tragedy years before, the killer wears a hockey mask, the shots of the killer's boots as he is walking around the campground stalking the counselors, a crazy old man warning the counselors of the impending doom they face, the heroine finding all the dead bodies at the climax of the film, etc. etc.)

There aren't any original ideas displayed in this film. Even the game Bloody Murder itself could arguably have been borrowed from the opening sequence of Prom Night.

Noticeably absent from this film, however, is the amount of gore. For a film that patterns itself after slasher films, it does not show much carnage as the counselors are picked off one by one.

One thing the film attempted to do (which it's slasher counterpart films didn't) was put a mystery spin on the events. Could one of the counselors themselves be the killer? The only problem is the whodunnit theme isn't carried throughout the film and only shows up sporadically.

I will say the acting was surprisingly good overall considering the material they had to work with and the fact they are all unknowns. There is one actor (who played Dean...I think) that was a Bruce Campbell (Evil Dead's Ash) lookalike. The film makers should have included some Evil Dead plot lines in there to take advantage of that.

Bottom Line: It isn't quite as bad as other reviews of this film would have you believe. Just don't expect anything you haven't seen before.

Sleepaway Camp (1983)

This film could be a violation of the Geneva Convention

[5/10 · 15 September 2000]

Wow! Forcing someone to watch this film could be viewed as a crime against humanity. This is pain at its worst.

Let us set aside, for the moment, the really bad acting (complete with New Yawk accents) and focus more on the lack of believability of many scenes.

*** NOTICE OF SPOILERS AHEAD ***

The killer (who during the film we know is one of the campers - so obviously a kid) could not have pulled the head chef off the stool since he weighed close to 300 pounds and was standing squarely on the stool when the killer was pulling on it.

If Angela (later revealed as the killer) is so deathly afraid of the water (we learn this when Meg throws her in), how did she get in the water and kill the kid under the canoe?

When the beehive is thrown into the bathroom stall, the kid cannot get the door open because of the broom handle. I have two problems with this scene. First, we only see his legs under the bathroom stall while he tries to open the door. Am I the only one who thought "why not just crawl under the door since it at least a foot and a half off the ground??". Second, when he first goes in the stall, it is very obvious the door in extremely flimsy and could have easily been broken down (broom handle or not) by anyone in an agitated state.

You cannot EVER make me believe that a cute young girl like Meg would EVER want to go out with Mel, the camp's owner, who wears black socks with shorts, or horrid plaid polyester pants with white shoes. I would sooner believe this film would be nominated for a "Best Picture" Academy Award before I believe that.

Now, on to the really really bad acting. This becomes apparent very early on in the film when Aunt Martha is sending Ricky and Angela off to camp and gets even worse as the film progresses. The worst of them all has to be Karen Fields as Judy. She is bad bad real bad. She is closely followed up by all the boys in the baseball, skinny dipping, and water balloon fight scenes.

The only small ray of acting sunshine in this downpour is Christopher Collet who played Paul. Not great, but much better than the rest.

I love good cheesy 80's horror films. But there is good cheese and bad cheese. Sleepaway Camp is one big ole piece of stinky green cheese!

Believe (I) (2000)

Good spooky fun for the whole family

[8/10 · 2 September 2000]

When I rented "Believe", I was expecting some cheesy ghost film. I was pleasantly surprised to find a good story, decent acting, and some actual chills. Even more surprising was the fact that the film makers pulled it off without graphic violence, nudity, or vulgar language which makes "Believe" a good film for the whole family to watch.

A mysterious woman in a red coat keeps making appearances at an old spooky house. Benjamin, a young man recently expelled from school for practical jokes and sent to live with his grandfather, attempts to find out who she is and how he can help her.

The house staff all know about her, but won't talk. The cranky old grandfather vehemently denies she exists. With the help of a girl who lives next door, Ben uncovers old skeletons in the family closet and a tragedy that occurred many years before.

The film is very well done highly recommended for "family movie night". Think of it as "Goosebumps" meets "Are You Afraid Of The Dark" with just a touch more maturity.

Hollow Man (2000)

Shape without form....shade without color...

[7/10 · 7 August 2000]

Hollow indeed! This film reminded me of Twister in that if you take the special effects away, you've got next to nothing.

The idea of an invisible man grappling with the power he now possesses was good...and the fact that Kevin Bacon's character already had a "God complex" to begin with made the results inevitable. But the execution of this idea didn't come off well in this film.

The biggest problem I had with this film is it relied too heavily on its special effects. Yes they were very interesting to watch (the ape being reconstructed before my very eyes bordered on creepy) and made the concept of invisibility almost believable, but take those effects away and all you've got left is a bad and illogical subplot about Pentagon involvement, an over-played love affair between Linda (Elisabeth Shue) and Matt (Josh Brolin), a bunch of brilliant lab assistants (obviously they must be pretty sharp or they wouldn't have been involved in the project to begin with) acting less than brilliant, and a mad scientist turn homicidal.

The Bottom Line: If you're looking for a little mind candy, sci-fi fun, and some cool effects, this film rocks.

And Then There Were None (1945)

One of the best adaptions of an Agatha Christie novel

[10/10 · 14 July 2000]

Rene Clair's "And Then There Were None" is far superior to any other film adaption of an Agatha Christie novel.

While the Hercule Poirot and Jane Marple films are entertaining, sometimes the detective character gets in the way of the story. Not so with "And Then There Were None". Each and every quirky character gets the spotlight at least once and the whole story is better for it (this is NOT true of the 1974 remake however).

Anyone who loves a really good whodunnit mystery cannot go wrong with this film. It has everything that makes a good mystery: good honest characters, clever dialogue with witty remarks, intrigue and - above all - suspense.

If you have never read the novel, then the ending really comes as quite a shocker. Unlike some other mysteries where you can pretty much figure out the guilty before it is revealed, this is not the case here.

***POSSIBLE SPOILER*** There is one minor flaw with the plot however. Without going into great detail - a plan made by a few of the characters regarding a key actually exonerates two other characters - both of whom are later suspected. See if you can figure out why! ***END OF POSSIBLE SPOILER***

Overall, this is in the top ten of all-time mysteries!

House of the Long Shadows (1983)

A well-done obscure film!

[9/10 · 7 July 2000]

"House of the Long Shadows" is not a very well known film. In fact, most people I've talked to have never heard of it. It's one of those rare gems you come across every once in awhile.

If you are a fan of classic horror films, this will certainly be a treat! It has Vincent Price (my personal all-time favorite), Christopher Lee, John Carradine, and Peter Cushing. Plus there several twists and turns throughout the film that keep you guessing until the end.

The supporting cast does a decent job of completing the ensemble and the old mansion where the story takes place makes a delightful setting.

One small complaint is the acting ability of Desi Arnaz, Jr. It's hard to say if his acting was truly bad or if it just didn't measure up to the talents of Price, Lee, and Cushing. Either way, it didn't detract much from the overall enjoyment of the film.

If you want a good old-fashioned thriller with plot twists and a little bit of slasher thrown in, you won't be disappointed in "House of the Long Shadows".

Prom Night (1980)

Disco isn't the only thing that sucks in this film

[4/10 · 11 May 2000]

From the opening scenes that set the plot of the film to the first "revenge murder", there is almost 40 minutes of slow character development, minimal suspense, and tons of pain (bad dialogue, bad acting, bad music, etc. etc.)

As if the slow wait isn't bad enough, once the killer does strike, you see next to nothing. Someone gets their throat slit open and all you see is their eyes bulge out. Another girl gets killed with an ax and it's so dark, you see shadows and that's about it.

If the gore was left out to make the film seem more like a respectable suspense thriller, it failed. There was no suspense and no thrills. The only thing that makes a cheesy slasher horror film worth watching is the gore (and maybe a little suspense here and there).

Horrid soundtrack (all disco) + no suspense + no gore = BAD FILM.

If you want to watch a good people-get-killed-at-a-prom movie, go rent "Carrie".

The Omega Code (1999)

Good Idea for a Story....Bad Script and Acting

[5/10 · 21 April 2000]

I think the most glaring problem with "The Omega Code" was the horrible miscasting of Casper Van Dien in the role of Gillen Lane. His performance was uninspired, unemotional, wooden, and mostly not believable.

Plus it is hard to believe that a kid that looks 26 years old would have PhDs in World Religion and Mythology, a successful self-help book with a loyal following, and have easy access to someone as powerful as the head of the European Union.

Not that it's all Van Dien's fault. The script for his character was very weak. The comments about the Bible and religion that Van Dien's character "Dr. Lane" makes to the studio audience during the talk show are lame. I find it VERY hard to believe that an audience would react with cheers and support when told (by Dr. Lane) that there is no God and they should find a higher power within themselves.

The only salvation (pun intended) this film has is the nice performance by Michael Ironside. Why he agreed to do this movie is a mystery. Maybe the reason could be found in the Bible Code? (tic)

Bottom line: If you want a biblical end of the world type film, rent "The Omen" or even "The Seventh Sign". You'll think the world has come to an end if you watch this one!

Slaughter High (1986)

You'd have to search hard to find a horror film worse than this

[5/10 · 23 February 2000]

This film is the epitome of bad 80's slasher films: a decent idea that comes out really bad and rips off good slasher films in the process.

Marty, the stereotypical high-school nerd, is horribly disfigured in an accident caused by a prank gone too far. Years later, Marty invites the pranksters back to their old high school for a reunion. One by one, Marty stalks and murders them.

Sounds pretty good but given the bad script, bad acting, bad special effects and no trace of suspense, the film is nothing but a cheesy gore-fest littered with numerous plot holes. The illogical behavior of the characters is bad enough, but the dialogue is just plain painful to witness. Even if you like bad B-movies, this one is still awful.

I paid $1 for this movie in one of those dollar stores and would really like my money back.

Scream 3 (2000)

A disappointing ending for an otherwise solid horror series

[21 February 2000]

Everything that made the original Scream movie stand out from the countless cheesy slasher films of the 90's was certainly missing from this third and final chapter of the series. The main characters who made Scream and Scream 2 entertaining (Dewey, Sidney and Gale) seem like they're just going through the motions. The same can be said for the plot. Take the script from Scream 2, plug in new characters and a different setting and you have Scream 3. Nothing new here.

If you want suspense, chills, and a real scary movie, go rent the original Scream again because you won't find any of that in this one!

Lovers Lane (2000)

A typical 90's style horror film

[3/10 · 16 February 2000]

Lover's Lane was your typical by-the-book 90's horror film....predictable from start to finish. Based on an old urban legend, the only redeeming quality of this film was the decent acting. But the acting couldn't save the 10th grade-level script or the "surprise twist" ending that made no sense. Look for Richard Sanders who played Les Nessman in "WKRP in Cincinnati".