Change Your Image
John-423
Reviews
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)
A Unworthy and less than stellar "comedy"... Not The REAL Terminator.
You know in the last 10 years American film making has suffered horribly in the way that it plays up movie clichés, and things that are perceived as comic relief, this film serves as a prime example of how to take a no brainer and mock what you are actually trying to accomplish. The first problem comes in that Arnold is no longer just a caricature of himself in the publics minds, but now he's a caricature of that caricature in the movie itself if that makes any sense. Having him spout off one liners just for the sake of one liners is really sad, and unlike the typical "comic relief" that pollutes films now days its was way overdone in the first hour or so almost to the point I was feeling embarrassed as a fan of the series. It was almost like they were trying to make you forget they actually had a real struggle in the movie and that the t-850 was there to be a joke, hell if that was the case why didn't they just hire Rob Schneider as the threat? LISTEN UP HOLLYWOOD some of us LOVE these kinds of films, why "fix" what's not broken??? Comic relief is fine if used right, but as this film goes it was poorly wrote and badly placed. The TX or Terminatrix was pretty lame as well, but much of that had to do with the way she was shot, and not just how bad her acting was... simply put she did not come across as a cold blooded killer like Arnie or Robert Patrick did. The idea of exploiting her femininity to murder is one thing, but they way it was handled is another as the "Victoria's secret" scene was made for 10 year olds it would seem. Why the hell would a damn near invincible "pull over" for a cop anyway? That really made sense... To have a unproven like Jonathan Mostow direct in Cameron's leave is just ridiculous, the guys a damned hack pure and simple if he can ruin something so good, especially trimming the film down under 2 hours like a good "commercial" director. For all the negativity though I will say it had SOME redeeming things going for it, the first of which is Nick Stahl. Stahl was TREMENDOUS in the movie and in many ways the glue that held it together for the first hour, unlike the terrible actor (Edward Furlong) that portrayed him in T2, he had depth and appeal. The last 30 mins are pretty good (even if the Terminator battle was eh...) and the ending gave me chills... Too bad this film was so badly soiled by its directors hand and the poor script, it could have been great 5/10 (Mainly due to Stahl's outstanding performance)
House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
a MASSIVE letdown in almost ever sense of the word...
I guess you could say I have had a rather unhealthy obsession with horror films for a good 20 years now. In that period I have seen the good, bad, horrible and pretty much everything in between, and given the stagnate and pathetic state of the horror genre since the early 90's I was literally salivating upon hearing the news of Mr. Zombies little opus given his apparent love of horror and exploitation films. Sadly though the comparisons to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Last House on the Left and classics like Bloodsucking freaks (among others) are pretty much a sacrilege given how utterly insipid and underdone the film came out. COME ON PEOPLE, How can you even mention this failure in the same breath as those films? I can see how Rob Zombies fans will love it no matter what, but as for a fan who has seen the kind of films this is supposed to emulate I have to say it does very little to put it self in their league. First off it has one of the single most underdeveloped casts ever, and by that once you reach the films final climax its actually hard to differentiate which of the young ladies it actually was (trust me, She is no Sally Hardesty), and as for the rest you could really give two s**ts about them given that there is pretty much nothing interesting or even slightly redeeming about them. I mean hey, its ok to have non heroic characters and average Joe Normal types, but if you do nothing to make them matter in contrast to the bad guys who are out to do them in, what the hell good is it? Then on the other side of the coin if you have a `family' that never really gels like this one why would you even want to even cheer the protagonists demise at their hands? Oh and did I mention Dr. Satan? Well no reason to, because much like the rest of the film he matters very little as well since there is really no rhyme or reason to his existence and place in the movie. Genre faves like Bill Mosely and Sid Haig were pretty much wasted here in how they were used as well, Mosely in fact was downright annoying, despite being in one of the only stand out parts in the film like Haig.very sad given how that as `Chop Top' he totally stole the show in Texas Chainsaw Massacre part 2. Zombies wife was only there because, well.. you guessed it. she's his wife. Jesus, she was beyond annoying and among the worst actresses I have ever seen in Psychotronic celluloid, she made Heather Langenkamp look like Meryl Streep . Once you look past the cast you get to the actual filmmaker though and it's a damned shame that instead of trying to deliver a REAL exploitation film he seemed more into using his script (which I must add was on par with what a 6th grader might write, the dialogue was ATROCIOUS and not even funny) and camera as a self indulgent showcase for his garbage artwork, And MTV workings as opposed to making a real fright film. I swear to sweet Satan below that the break away vignette's that took place every 2 or 3 minutes killed the flow of the film dead until the burial scene (which I did love by the way). Perhaps lost in all of this though is the potential that was clearly wasted due to his lack of execution, in fact I will say that once you get to the burial scene the film actually starts to warm up a bit and since the MTVesque crap stops you actually get a 10 to 15 min period in which you can see if Rob had left the psychobilly egotrip behind the entire film would have been quite good. The chase scene was pretty neat, and the best part in this abysmal flick. Oh and the selling point was shock, but I cant say it was that. in comparison to recent films like Wild Zero (horribly bad but well done in a perverse sense) and Takashi Miikes Koroshiya 1 it falls incredibly flat. My advice to Rob Zombie is to stick to the pop garbage you have done since leaving Caroline records and selling your soul to MTV over 10 years ago, because as this film proves just because you like good horror it sure as hell does not mean you are capable of making it. A massive letdown. 3/10.
Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000)
Umm... the stupidity of american filmaking strikes again.
You know, its almost a waste of time to say this considering studios dont care anyway (I mean, they ARE remaking Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Dawn of the Dead, and neither remake seems to give a damn about the orginal), but... Sheesh, did they learn nothing from the first film? The original Blair Witch Project is quite a film, it usually brings a positive or negative reaction and little in between, but this "sequel", well lets just say it has little or no redeeming merits to even debate. Typical of an American sequel it features the molded Wes Cravenish sterotypes that have killed real horror dead and is polluted with mainstream pop music like Marilyn Manson from the get go. The acting and dialogue is incredibly sappy and unbelievable, and thats saying ALOT... the goth is about the only redeeming thing in the entire film (at least she is nice to look at if nothing else, but thats about the extent of it.). The real question is WHY they make a sequel of a FEROCIOUSLY original film so unoriginal and predictable. The precedent the original set was almost immediatly erased and BURIED despite the films success and financial gain. Why go for scares when you can go for safe, wholesome and PLAIN teen style garbage? Why set an example by breaking a trend when you can simply ADHERE to the same crap that killed the industry in the late eighties? Why... WHY? I seriously wonder why folks, why is it so HARD for US based films to GIVE us some thing original (and please, do not cite The Ring, it was a total rip of Hideo Nakatas japanese original), and not make such horrid follow ups? By all accounts after watching the trailer to Battle Royale part 2 tonight (and oh my god, it looks UNREAL... no lame PC restrictions or Rob Schneider complex there) maybe Japan is the last frontier when it comes to intelligent and thought provoking horror genre films. Maybe one day we will recieve some REAL horror again in the USA, I just hope that day is soon.
Judge Dredd (1995)
Another film wrecked by Rob Schneider...
Schneider is like Jar Jar Binks but without the charisma... Sheesh, does he suck or what? Every 5 seconds we get to hear him utter some annoying joke or phrase, too bad Dredd didnt put a bullet in his characters skull, it woulda made the movie much more palatable. Assante was pretty good as usual, however this film coulda been great if it had centered on Judge Death. Too bad comic book fims are almost always garbage.
Shallow Hal (2001)
Not funny. Not Funny. Not Funny...
Not funny. Not Funny. Not Funny...Not funny. Not Funny. Not Funny...Not funny. Not Funny. Not Funny...Not funny. Not Funny. Not Funny...Not funny. Not Funny. Not Funny...Not funny. Not Funny. Not Funny...
Get the point yet? This movie is not funny, jack Black should stick to minor roles and playing Mr. Show backup boy because he really sucks here. Hey maybe if you watch 78 straight hours of PBS this might elicit a laugh, but otherwise avoid... It sucks ass.
Jisatsu sâkuru (2001)
Unconventional by typical Hollywood standards, but damn... a fresh film.
First of all despite the content, the story idea and the GORE (yes, there is some really over the top bloodletting in this film) it is NOT a horror film... its a work of human existence and a need to sustain ones life in light of the things that many take for granted. The casting is superb, everyone (even the off the wall characters) fit perfect and in the scheme of things they all work well no matter how minor they may seem because they seem to be taking themselves pretty serious. I can see how it may confuse and bewilder alot of people used to typical Hollywood film structure, and when more westerners here in the states finally see it they will most likely not "get it". I'm guessing the comparisons to Battle Royale (still a far superior work of art, though its unfair to compare them... totally different films despite being social commentarys) will also draw in and then ultimatley turn off many fans too since it leaves you with a empty, pondering feeling at the end. Great film, not for everyone but if you want to take a risk on something a bit different give it a spin in your dvd player, its at the very least a nice departure from the typical western film and the forced art house flicks like Pi. oh, and Ryo Ishibashi is excellent as usual too...9/10
The Smashing Machine (2002)
A facinating look into the life of a gladiator....
As a big fan of Pro Wrestling, Mixed Martial Arts and No holds Barred fighting I must say that out of all of the truly great behind the scenes documentaries this may very well be the single most well paced and perfectly executed one of them all. Centering around the road to the Pride fighting championship tournament in 2000 it leaves few stones unturned in its portrayal and career demise of a very promising fighter in Mark Kerr. The soft spoken and polite Kerr was quite a magnificent grappler in his day, but once the reality set in that as an amateur he would make little money to sustain his life he turned to MMA after his good friend Mark Coleman (who is also prominently featured in the film, though to a lesser extent) recommended it. The Trials and tribulations he endured that led to him ultimately quitting MMA is well documented, drawing you into a world of addiction, withdrawal and diluted desire. Its sad to see what Kerr gave up for his future wife, but perhaps it was never meant to be as his heart never truly seemed to be into it anyway. Along the way you meet several different MMA stars he would share his fame with, such as his trainer the damn near unstoppable MMA LEGEND Bas Rutten. On the flip side you see the redemption of Mark "the Hammer" Coleman as he fights to rebound from the humiliating UFC loss to Maurice Smith he endured 2 years earlier. Seeing these men in such a different light is a sparkling reminder of just how human they really are (such as Coleman obvious love for his children), and subsequently how prone to human error they are as well. Watching Kerr hit rock bottom due to his Pain Killer addiction is a sad sight, but after all the pro wrestling and combat sports health issues and deaths it has to be seen. Perhaps someone will finally wake up and clean up an industry that has long needed cleaning... perhaps not. No harm in hoping though. In closing I have to say this film is must see viewing for MMA/Wrestling fans and a perfect example of how to document an individual without compromising their dignity. Highly recommended.
Sono otoko, kyôbô ni tsuki (1989)
If you enjoy Beat, and Japanese films this may be for you...
...if not? Dont bother. This film is not a toy selling, merchandise hog like Steven Spielberg would churn out, and it lacks the typical structure that usually raises american films to such high levels of mediocrity. The debut of Takeshi Kitano as a director(seemingly by accident after the project was dropped in his lap by Kinji Fukasaku) shows alot of style rarely seen in Japanese films of its time. Kitanos straight forward and gritty portrayal of a cop with no real goal other than to supress his own personal life and mess with criminals is astounding to say the least, and very graphic in how he dispatches many of his arrests. Much of the attitude will leave some viewers scratching their heads, but no doubt if you "get" Beats on screen persona and enjoy vendetta type films you will love this picture for its flair. The squib work is also top notch...
Hana-bi (1997)
Sheer beauty and simplicity...
Like many of Kitanos films he plays the hardass, take no prisoner type who takes no s***, but beneath that lies quite a different fellow. Riddled with the melodrama that inhibits his films I could see how many people (especially those with no appreciation for art, pacing and Human element) may very well be turned off, but to me this film was one of the single most beautiful things I have ever had the privilege to view. The simple underlying message here is humanity, and just how fragile life really is... and just how love is a many splendored thing. What Kitano does all for the love of his dying wife, while being haunted by the guilt of his partners becoming an invalid is to me what true love is all about. Sure, it may be hard at times and even when your back is up against the wall and it seems there is no way out, so you may feel the need to throw in the towel... but perhaps there is always a better way, right or wrong. That's what this film is all about. Aside from that the cast is comprised of the usual suspects from Office Kitano so you can be sure that they click on screen. The film showcases much of Beats own simplistic and childlike artwork as well, and while he may never be heralded and taught in a art college he sure as hell has more soul in his pastel heavy mangaesque artwork than most of the artists they teach in school systems. Overall I give it a definite 10, the ending alone was worth that... painful as it was, it was love, and as many of us know love can really hurt sometimes. Highly recommended.
Unbreakable (2000)
Amazing that so few can see the brilliance in this film...
This film is a slow burning candle, yet it burns out of control once it reaches climax and if you actually take in what it offers leaves a refreshing and provoking image in your mind after it finishes. Amazingly well paced, intelligently written and an original take on a genre that rarely is given much thought... superheroes! A much better film than the above average yet overated Sixth Sense, M. Night Shyamalan outdid himself by making Bruce Willis a serious element as opposed to the stereotypical wise cracking oaf he usually plays in every film. Willis was actually ACTING! Sam Jackson was also excellent here, proving once again he is more than up for the task if the right movie comes along and was extremely effective in his side of the yin yang equation. Of course the film takes itself very serious, but why shouldnt it? Far too many films now rely on jokes, cliche archetypes and overdone commercialization so its refreshing to see a film that was based on solid storytelling for those who actually had the aptitude to follow it. It does go a bit too artsy in some scenes (though not as overdone as in the american adaptation of "Ring"), but even so Shy pulls it off without making a mockery of its dignity. Overall a magnificent film, too bad many of the people who see it just either dont understand it or lack the ability to...
We Were Soldiers (2002)
I cant believe so many people can bash this movie...
If Spielberg had made it, its more than guaranteed to have been praised and heaped with adoration... but I digress. Its not Pretty. Its a nasty, painful and grotesque look at war and it DOES has an underlying moral lesson no matter how blind some may be to it. But isnt that what films like this are all about? Why cant people accept it for what it is, and not a overglorified Tom hanks vehicle or overhyped garbage like Platoon? Gibson has starred in quite a few incredible films, and despite it not being on the same level as Braveheart I cant see how it can be compared to it. I do know however that it left a lasting impact on me, even more so since I viewed it with two Vets who could hardly speak after it was over... a Very moving film indeed.
Schindler's List (1993)
Overated and weak retelling of a tired theme...
I admit, I have never been a big fan of Steven Spielberg. I must also admit however that I have a great deal of respect for his charming and subsequent brainwashing of Hollywood, and how easily he has made himself a brand name that always commands respect despite having made some of Hollywood's most overrated and tired films. With Schindler's List he truly created some powerful images, thought provoking and inciting in how they make you react...BUT... That's about where it ends. The talent of Steven lies in his ability to pull the strings of an audience, and in placing his propaganda so effectively, yet in this film with such a weak cast (other than Ralph Fiennes who was very effective as opposed to the generally weak and painful to watch Liam Neeson) and tired subject he breaks no new ground. Not to say it did not have its beautiful scenes, the executions and murders were poignant and well done, but lost much of their effect being coupled with so much overdone melodrama and sap. Its about time Hollywood wakes up, we need new directors who are bold yet sensible enough to know that there is no such thing as too far, but are intelligent enough to make a film that can rely on something other than pure shock, and that sometimes just a little is not enough and this is perfect evidence of that point. This film would have been excellent had a master such as Stanley Kubrick made it, but as it stands Schindlers List garners a 2 out of 10 in my eyes and is one of Spielberg's better films, but if nothing else its far superior to ET and the wretched Saving Private Ryan.
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
An amazing film, proof that even Spielberg can make a good one...
Perhaps due to its overdone comic book feel, and Harrison Fords superb depiction of Dr. Jones I have to say Steven Spielberg actually SUCCEEDED on this one. Known for his overdone sentimental drivel, Spielberg actually harnesses his weaknesses as a film maker and limitations and made a damn near perfect film for its kind. Sure it has alot of the typical trappings of his movies (gosh darned evil Nazis in Spielberg flick, who would have guessed???)but you cant deny its a fun romp, and the subject matter is far more fun than the propaganda laced agenda he usually provides. Costuming and scenery is superb as well...
Jackass: The Movie (2002)
Wonderful film for Children
Even with its R rating and bad reputation I recommend this film to all parents looking for something to keep junior busy, as anyone over 12 years old may find it to infantile to watch. Lets see... plot? None. Its an MTV film afterall, and since the people who watch that channel have for years been told to find new and refreshing things in life, they have also been programmed how to live and what to watch so this film will no doubt be a priority. I swear its the last time I ever let my mutant friends drag me to a film...
The Ring (2002)
Not terrible, but the original was much scarier...
WARNING: POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD
Well, after putting it off all week I finally got around to seeing the RING and I must say, they did far better than I thought, but still managed to make the film laughably mediocre compared to the original. First off, the lineage and many of the characters most interesting quirks were dropped in the American version in favor of dumbing down for the typically less attentive american audiences, but they sure never had a problem dropping all the artsy bulls**t which was totally and unbelievably unnecessary instead of building pain, dread and suffering. I swear to god, the continual showing of the tree was about to drive me mad! The film had no issues with showing alot of Arthouse CGI crap, nor did it have problems using loud noises to illicit a response from the crowd... things that in many ways hurt it in my eyes. You see, the original Hideo Nakata Ring had so much dread and a foreboding sense of doom by the end you almost felt like crawling in a well yourself, but this version seems to come and go in how it approaches the subject. Naomi Watts sense of death crawling to her seems almost lost in many scenes, much as if she turns it off and on by command, or quite frankly didn't care. Brian Cox's character also suffers much in the American version because unlike his counterpart in the Nippon version you never really get an idea of just why Samara/Sadako is such a monster and why she had to be dealt with... he was truly disturbed and hiding demons, the DreamWorks version makes him too vague to matter and its a shame. Noah is by far the most ruined character of all, and is totally stripped of all his psychic ability and made a non factor and totally uninteresting, whereas Ryuji was mysterious and played an important part. Thankfully Daveigh Chase does a wonderful job recreating Sadako for the American audience, she is far and away one of the films true saving graces. Onto the production. Not too bad, but more emphsis was placed on how the people and film looked than the content. The cursed videotape itself was a joke as well compared to the original, as it looked like a second rate MTV video some Mallcore band would produce. The original had almost a `snuff' quality and captured all the rage and mysterious hatred Sadako had for humanity and due to its low production and dark feel was very, very creepy unlike the glossy, overproduced and sorely overdone DreamWorks one. Perhaps DreamWorks felt the audience was too dumb to understand it, afterall it was laid out like connect the dots and was so pronounced that it lost all the effectiveness of its Asian counterpart. I did however like the ending better than the `Sarah Conner' ending of the original, but even so it did little to make up for the mishmash that occurred to get you to that point. Samaras inevitable (and greatly looked forward to by me) emergence was also very nice, as was the added addition of her room and the horse going mad. The film also seemed to borrow lightly from another Nakata film, the magnificent Dark Water which is not a bad thing, but just another shot at the lack of originality in American filmmaking and how instead of real minds like Nakata giving us real horror we get stuck with second rate trash like Scream and pretty much anything Wes Craven produces. All in all I give it a 5.5 out of 10, if you can seek out the original as it is far superior in almost every way. Hopefully though, the outright theft of great ideas from Japan like this will light a fire under what is a pathetic and dead genre in the US, and maybe move us towards films that care more about fright than selling merchandise or hocking the latest Compilation album of Eminem and Slipnot...
The Ring (2002)
Not terrible, but the original was much scarier...
WARNING: POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD
Well, after putting it off all week I finally got around to seeing the RING and I must say, they did far better than I thought, but still managed to make the film laughably mediocre compared to the original. First off, the lineage and many of the characters most interesting quirks were dropped in the American version in favor of dumbing down for the typically less attentive american audiences, but they sure never had a problem dropping all the artsy bulls**t which was totally and unbelievably unnecessary instead of building pain, dread and suffering. I swear to god, the continual showing of the tree was about to drive me mad! The film had no issues with showing alot of Arthouse CGI crap, nor did it have problems using loud noises to illicit a response from the crowd... things that in many ways hurt it in my eyes. You see, the original Hideo Nakata Ring had so much dread and a foreboding sense of doom by the end you almost felt like crawling in a well yourself, but this version seems to come and go in how it approaches the subject. Naomi Watts sense of death crawling to her seems almost lost in many scenes, much as if she turns it off and on by command, or quite frankly didn't care. Brian Cox's character also suffers much in the American version because unlike his counterpart in the Nippon version you never really get an idea of just why Samara/Sadako is such a monster and why she had to be dealt with... he was truly disturbed and hiding demons, the DreamWorks version makes him too vague to matter and its a shame. Noah is by far the most ruined character of all, and is totally stripped of all his psychic ability and made a non factor and totally uninteresting, whereas Ryuji was mysterious and played an important part. Thankfully Daveigh Chase does a wonderful job recreating Sadako for the American audience, she is far and away one of the films true saving graces. Onto the production. Not too bad, but more emphsis was placed on how the people and film looked than the content. The cursed videotape itself was a joke as well compared to the original, as it looked like a second rate MTV video some Mallcore band would produce. The original had almost a `snuff' quality and captured all the rage and mysterious hatred Sadako had for humanity and due to its low production and dark feel was very, very creepy unlike the glossy, overproduced and sorely overdone DreamWorks one. Perhaps DreamWorks felt the audience was too dumb to understand it, afterall it was laid out like connect the dots and was so pronounced that it lost all the effectiveness of its Asian counterpart. I did however like the ending better than the `Sarah Conner' ending of the original, but even so it did little to make up for the mishmash that occurred to get you to that point. Samaras inevitable (and greatly looked forward to by me) emergence was also very nice, as was the added addition of her room and the horse going mad. The film also seemed to borrow lightly from another Nakata film, the magnificent Dark Water which is not a bad thing, but just another shot at the lack of originality in American filmmaking and how instead of real minds like Nakata giving us real horror we get stuck with second rate trash like Scream and pretty much anything Wes Craven produces. All in all I give it a 5.5 out of 10, if you can seek out the original as it is far superior in almost every way. Hopefully though, the outright theft of great ideas from Japan like this will light a fire under what is a pathetic and dead genre in the US, and maybe move us towards films that care more about fright than selling merchandise or hocking the latest Compilation album of Eminem and Slipnot...
Red Dragon (2002)
A great film, but not nearly as well crafted as SOTL or Hannibal
Not gonna waste too much time here, but suffice to say I enjoyed the film greatly with the exception of Edward Norton, who despite being a great actor in his own right, seemed out of place. Ralph Fiennes was fabulous as Dollarhyde, he just oozed an abused and tortured innerself and was incredibly entertaining. Hopkins was, well... Hannibal! He seemed less inspired than his incredible performance in SOTL and Hannibal, but no where near as lazy and phoned in as he was in Dracula. Ratner seemingly tried to go the route using the least amount of gore possible, but in many ways failed to achieve much by hitting dolby scares, and by going overtly art house in some scenes. He should stick with Madonna and Chris Tucker because as a horror suspense director he seems too timid to make his mark. Thankfully a strong cast saved the film from obliveon...
Riding in Cars with Boys (2001)
Should have been called `Pretending to Act on film without Direction'
I cannot believe how ANYONE in their right state of mind would view this film as anything other than poorly made trash. The story is the kind of stuff that warrants a good cast and with the right direction could have made a wonderful film, but the ensemble here couldn't even earn a degree out of a acting lessons by mail program! First of all you have the sadly overrated Drew Barrymore, why she seems to never age in the film is beyond me but hey... the father looks to have been in the 2nd grade at the same time his son was in kindergarten so go figure. The scene where Drew goes erratic after her ex's wife refuses to let him sign a release for her book is priceless because it leads to her `son' giving what may be the worst emotional outcry I have EVER seen, and I mean damn
this kid CANNOT act. It was like watching a small Chihuahua squat and take a warm, festering dump but without the grace and character. The anomaly of course here is the ever so talented James Woods and Lorraine Bracco. Why Woods would waste his time here is a mystery, and its easily the worst film he has done since `The Hard Way' (well actually, Virgin Suicides was pretty abysmal and awful too). Bracco was her usual annoying self, but she was heads above Drew and co. Stick to Shirley, Laverne
you SUCK as a director.
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)
KEVIN SMITH IS GENIUS! REALLY! Well... thats what I hear anyway. :)
To be honest, I've never thought much of Smith and his trite, boring movies, and not much has changed with this film other than to say he keeps his suckitude on an even keel, and is damned consistent at it. The "acting" is subpar, the cinematography is lacking and the story? Well, it is aimed towards 12 year olds and stoners so what do you expect? What with the way Mr. Smith is held in such high esteem by the hollywood community, you would think he was the next Orson Wells... but this is no Citizen Kane, it would be generous to say that this film is far more entertaining than Sizzle Beach USA, but without Kevin Costner's *ahem* "credibility". Well, at least he gets to live out his Ben Affleck fetish and cast the worthless hack in yet another of his films...
Batoru rowaiaru (2000)
If only american directors were as bold as Kinji Fukasaku...
Wanna see a good movie? Actually, do you want to see an INCREDIBLE movie that tackles issues no American studio has the stones to touch? An even better question is what would you do if you were faced with the issue of killing a friend to survive? This film asks that question and many more, exploring various clique personas, backstabbing, psychotic behavior, and killing in a raw, fun way that few movies other than clockwork Orange have ever even tried to approach. Battle Royale is a bleeding heart critics worst nightmare, and a political leeches greatest lust since it would be nothing more than fodder for some jackass cause who cant get enough of bellyaching about current tragedies or issues. Takeshi Kitano turns in yet another brilliant performance as the vindictive former 7th grade teacher from hell, and unlike movies we have to endure here in the USA the Kids are all very good, and very believable (albeit in a semi tongue in cheek anime/manga/comic book way.) giving you the impression that they are scared s***less over the impending challenge. This is an absolute must for anyone who like films that are uncompromising, provoking & VIOLENT! Yes, this film has it all in spades, and it is done masterfully in a very comicbook way which some folks just don't quite get... but hey, most peoples idea of great films are usually marred by the current super PC, bland ideas that major studios are churning out left and right. The score is AMAZING, every composition is perfect for the scene it accompanies and is a definite must buy if you like mood music... All in all a magnificent experience... 10.
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
I think I now do "Get it"... it really is garbage.
You know, as a kid my fondest memories revolve around films I had the pleasure (or displeasure) of seeing on home video. My dad would never take us to see films in the theatre so of course I had to wait for home video of E.T., but in all that time considering the way he was merchandised I wondered at even a young age: is this actually a good movie or a ploy to sell Reeces pieces? Well, I can honestly say that the first time I finally saw the film I was more than a bit confused... just what was so special about it? Consider, E.T. is probably the single most ignorant looking creature ever seen in a film. The film went overboard in the way it portrayed The relationship with the alien, almost in a homoerotic way... it seemed that they were just TOO close, but hey I guess I'm being a cynic. Now this masterpiece of fluff has been released, and what's different? Not much, unfortunately... Spielberg showed just what kind of a director he is by butchering his own original work, but after some of the pathetic films he has helmed I suppose he could care less just as long as the money comes rolling in. And roll in it will, this film really is nothing more than a vehicle to sell endorsements and toys, it has little redeeming value other than the fact that it might keep your 2 year old at bay for at least the duration, and that it makes ol' Steven more cash to throw around. I really hope he leaves the Indiana Jones films alone once they hit DVD, but digress... he will probably squeeze them dry of life as well. In closing I would just like to say that this film is terrible, it lacks in story, goes overboard in its melodrama to the point of nausea, and most importantly it actually CHEATS the viewer by just bringing the alien back to life out NOWHERE thus defeating the only really good thing in film: his death. If you want to see masterful directing go find some Akira Kurosawa, Hiyao Miyazaki or George Romero because unlike Spielberg they know how to tell a beautiful story without killing the human element or ruining the premise via over commercialization. Truly overrated...
Junk: Shiryô-gari (2000)
Cheesy at times, but damned fun for the most part!
this film carries several horror cliches, but even so its a really fun film, and much better than most later day American horror films. You cant really compare it to Versus or say Wild Zero, but at the same time it has its own quirks and some really neat gore. ITS DEFINITIVELY JAPANESE so if you are expecting it to lack that usual cheese factor that somewhere pops up look elsewhere, but for those not too hung up on George Romero/Dan O'Bannon & tired of kiddie flicks by Wes Craven you might just have fun...
Johnny Mnemonic (1995)
Pure crap, but hey... Its a Keanu film!
Sorry kids, this one is pure garbage. Takeshi Kitano is probably the only thing worth mentioning about this film, but if seeing a steroided version of Jesus is your bag go for it. The whole plot revolves around Johnny, a mnemonic data courier who has 24 hours to deliver a cluster of data (over 300 gigs) or die due to lack of space in his skull...but sad as it is since johnny comes across as an empty headed lout you would be led to believe that he could contain it and more. The action effects are crappy, in fact TV shows like Reboot look more realistic. Avoid...
Natural Born Killers (1994)
Does not hold up well...
You know, when I first saw this film it was quite an experience. Afterall, at that point in time it was "cool" to ride the Tarentino bandwagon, however one can only wonder just how good the film actually could have been had it been directed by Quentin. The version in question of course was directed (sadly) by Oliver Stone and love him or hate him, he always TRIES to be provocative... even if he comes across as juvenile and foolish. Like I said though the film was quite an experience, problem was though that was the FIRST time. I remember running around and raving for days about it, so naturally I had to go and see it again. What I got the second time was far from the film I got off on, it was instead like a massive MTV commercial. Dont get me wrong, the movie was fine in some senses, but once you stripped away all the glam and glitz it fell incredibly flat (even moreso if you see the extended version, it really tries ones patience visually since it seems that the whole film is static shock images for 12 year olds). The violence in the film was really its only saving grace, but you know even with it having so much excess violence (always a plus in my book) it STILL fails miserably as a film due to the weak cast and in some cases (Woody) horrid performances. The film brings to mind another Tarentino written vehicle, TRUE ROMANCE, but unlike that film (which FELT like a Tarentino movie)it has no staying power. Romance was masterfully directed by Tony Scott and had a tour de force cast, and even after 9 years it grows on me even more every time I see it, but thats not the case here, as the film actually made me ill the last time I watched it due to the stale and typical performances. Oh well, theres plenty more violent cinema, its just too bad that Mr. Tarentino didnt grace us with the true version of this fiasco...
Queen of the Damned (2002)
A disgrace to Anne Rice and her entire series...
Upon watching this atrocity just moments ago, I can only say that in the grand scope of things nothing really matters to hollywood anymore, just pimping out something with a name. The characterizations were utter garbage, Aaliya was AWFUL as the queen of the damned and Stewart Townsend? Well, he at least tried... The music was a joke, but what would you expect from a film that Korn's lead singer put the music together for? Sadly the feel of the two books this movie has bastardized is almost completely washed away, keeping very little of the feel Anne Rice portrayed in print. The only redeeming thing about it would be the appearance of Bruce Spence, but even this reclusive genre actor cant save this pile of crap... avoid.