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Reviews
Mimic (1997)
Oh man..
I saw this movie on late-night USA Network. Good lord it's bad. I gave it a 3 only because Charles Dutton and Mira Sorvino give pretty decent performances in it. The plot is lame and full of holes. The scripting is bad and shallow. (Ok.. Giant smart bugs that can hunt people and mimic us just fine... But somehow they can't open a sewer grate or a sliding door?) It's worth watching for a couple of chuckles, but _only_ if you can see it for free. For the love of all that's right in movie-land, don't pay to see this movie. Rent "Them!" (1954) instead if you want a legitimately cool movie about giant bugs.
Them! (1954)
Why is this not Top 250?
This is, without a doubt, the best creature horror movie ever made. The bugs may not be all that great by our modern "Phantom Menace" internet-age standards, but if you're willing to suspend that, everything else is great. The writing introduces plenty of mystery and suspense, the acting is plenty good (although, admitted, it could be better), and the sound effects are great.
If you haven't seen this movie, you must. An all time classic.
Scary Movie 2 (2001)
Awful
Bah humbug. Not worth the money to go see it. Maybe if it's on someplace for free, then it would be worth it to watch.
I didn't see Scary Movie, the first one in this series. But, I did see this one and I didn't much care for it. Most of the chuckles were from bodily humor, which I don't much go for.
Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001)
Worth the price
This movie was actually better than I expected. I figured it would simply be a piece to show off the cool graphics technology Square has developed. I was expecting 0 plot. I got a plot that was weak and thin, but better than I expected. Won't win an Oscar for best picture, but it will win one for 'Best Special Effects'.
Worth the money to go see it.
Head Office (1985)
Communist Drivel
This movie is chocked full of marxist propaganda. I found all the leaders of I.N.C. to be completely unbelievable as businessmen. Why wouldn't they sell the factory to the people of Allanville? Hell, if they can front the money, that's the profit motive-based decision. If this guy is as incompetent and contrary to the interests of his company, AND gets promoted, how the hell did I.N.C. ever get to where it is, rather than being destroyed by companies that hire and promote on talent? Drivel, any way you look at it.
Shaolin xiao zi (1984)
Perhaps the worst thing Jet Li has ever done.
Sweet mother of pearl. This movie was quite awful. Slow early, slow in the middle, Great at the end. A bit of humor here and there, mostly related to buttocks and testicles. The final fight scene was sufficently over-the-top for my tastes, but I'd say it's not even worth renting. If you do rent, fast forward to 11 minutes before the end of the tape, and you get pretty much all the action right then and there. Of particular intrest is the guy with a spear being pushed into his neck until a slingshot comes in....
Aurora: Operation Intercept (1995)
I belive the word is 'Lame'
Good lord, this is atrocious. I went in expecting very little, but this didn't deliver what I was expecting. I was thinking some decent explosions and some dogfighting and whatnot, mixed with bad acting and lame lines with cool special effects.
First, we have the explosions/dogfighting/special effects. The movie, as the title indicates, is about a top-secret (and, according to conspiracy theorists, real) plane code-named 'Aurora' which is far faster than anything we currently have, carries more bombs, Nevada to Baghdad in 2 hours, that sort of thing. The planes are computer generated, by and large, and not very well at that.
Perhaps I'm a bad judge, since I play with computer animations quite a bit myself. But, at the same time, -I- (as an amateur!) could have done better graphics for planes, explosions, missles, and the like on my home computer. Really, not good.
Next we have plot/scripting/acting. I came in not expecting much, and I got what I expected. Most of the plot is minor setups for more shots of planes chasing planes being chased by missles. (No machine guns anywhere in the movie. Not one.) The acting is primarily 'This is aurora one, targetting aurora two, preparing to fire, missles away' type of stuff. The actual acting to be done was weak at best.
Worth a good laugh or if you wanna know what really bad movies look like. Never ever ever pay for it. (I saw it on cinemax, so I didn't really pay for it, thankfully) Don't rent it, only watch it on the premium channels when there's _nothing_ else on.
8MM (1999)
Bleh
I didn't like this movie. Not one bit. The entire premise of it was... well... silly. I really doubt that the kind of films the antagonists were making exist. Further, I doubt that a private detective would get 'wrapped up' in a case this much. Also, the fact that there were *no* police in the film (despite 5 shootings, 3-4 people getting stabbed/sliced) made it almost comical. The whole thing was dark and looked like it was trying to be 'artsy'. Bah humbug. Where's the Nicolas Cage we saw in the Rock or Face/Off?
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Still Shaking...
I've read some of the negative reviews for this film, and I can't believe they even exist. This is an incredible movie, perhaps the only movie to ever really /scare/ me. I'm a programmer by trade, and it is thus quite easy for me to dissociate myself from characters in a movie. I can look up there and see the characters of your average movie as fake. They appear to me as mere collections of pixels, slapped together on a piece of celluloid and displayed for my amusement. It was not this way with the Blair Witch Project. I saw this movie about 3 hours ago and I'm still scared senseless. I'm still shaking just a bit. I drank a couple shots of bourbon just to try to calm down. Nothing works. This movie is *that* scary. I don't know if it was faked or not, but if it was then I must say that it is a masterpiece. The characters are so afraid and their emotions are so real that even the most jaded among us can't help but empathize with them. And that, really, is the true power of this movie. It's not scary in the way that someone jumping from behind a door and saying 'BOO!' is scary. It's more the kind of scary you feel when you walk down a dark hallway and feel like someone is following you. Or the fear you feel while walking through an unfamiliar alley on a dark, cold night. It is primal fear, a fear which can't be shaken. A fear which is bred into you for your survival. That is the fear that this movie brings out in you. And that, good people, is one of the hardest fears to shake.