Falkyn Reviews

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002)

Explosions don't make a movie

[3/10 · 6 February 2003]

I like secret agent movies, but this script must have been partly written by the CIA or the NSA. At times the plot was so incomprehensible it seemed to be encrypted. I was impressed that Antonio Banderas and Lucy Liu did their own fight scenes, but it seemed like the filmmakers relied on explosions and gunfire to build excitement. That only works for a little while. One big question I had; why is a movie about battling American intelligence operatives based mostly in Vancouver?

Oh, one other huge plot question. Why would you go to the trouble of creating the miniature robotic assassins? The little critter still has to be injected, so it's not like it's untraceable. Might as well slip your victim some slow acting poison and save the billions of dollars in development.

Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002)

Decent

[6/10 · 6 February 2003]

This is another good installment in the Austin Powers series but I think the franchise should think about coming to an end. I don't see where they could go for a fourth movie, they've already covered the '60s, '70s, '90s and 21st century. I guess they could go back to the '80s but that's so un-Powers. Also, you can see Mike Meyers is an SNL alumnus because some of the gags fall victim to the SNL-problem; they drag on so long they stop being funny.

On the good side, the opening "surprise" was great fun, and the casting department did a fantastic job with the actors playing the characters as teens.

Collateral Damage (2002)

Is Arnold too old for action movies?

[4/10 · 6 February 2003]

That asked, this action movie didn't have as much action as most of his earlier work. I think his only movie with less was Kindergarten Cop.

I gave this movie a low rating but that's because I've been conditioned from an early age to expect Arnold films to have lots of action; chases, explosions, gunplay, graphic deaths, and one-line kill quips. I liked that the filmmakers tried to make this movie more realistic, in that the lead character isn't a killing machine, he has difficulty carrying out his vengeance. However, they probably shouldn't have cast Arnold in that role then. I also had a problem with the believability of the climactic scene at the end.

Clockstoppers (2002)

Difficult to Watch (Possible spoilers)

[1/10 · 6 February 2003]

Not an impossibly bad movie, I didn't stop watching before the end, but I was wincing through most of it. I didn't notice the dialogue so much, I was mostly distracted by the totally unlikely physics.

Normally I consider myself to be quite good at suspending disbelief. The thing is, I could conceive of something like a cyborg coming from the future to change the past. What I can't conceive of is the science posited in this movie.

Fine, you can be accelerated so fast that everything else seems to be standing still. Wouldn't it be difficult to draw unaccelerated air into your lungs? Wouldn't your shoes melt just from the friction of walking? Why do the leaf-filled garbage bags fall at accelerated speed? Why are the vehicles they drive able to run at accelerated speed? When they move the DJs, the movements happen in realtime. The lead characters are accelerated, not invisible. That process would have been more like stop motion animation, ie. very tedious.

I guess I just couldn't get past those inconsistencies. For a better timepiece-stops-time movie, find the TV movie from 1980; "The Girl, The Gold Watch, and Everything".

The Ring (2002)

Seriously Messed Up

[16 November 2002]

I mean that in a good way. I had already heard that this movie was unsettling and I had pictured in my mind a scene similar to a website I saw a few months ago. The image of a trashed and dilapidated room suddenly flickers something unexpected. This movie was even more chilling.

I agree that the plot in no way borrows from The Sixth Sense, although the creepy, staticky TV brings back memories of Poltergeist. One thing this movie shares with The Sixth Sense is its timing. Like that movie, the big scares in this movie aren't necessarily from something suddenly jumping out. Instead a mood of horrible anticipation is built and then some slight appearance, perhaps in the background, makes your heart skip a beat. Even the surrealistic movie-within-the-movie conveys a powerful menace without being overtly horrific. I suspect some subsonics for mood enhancement but the haunting cello music track works very well.

As far as the plot being incomprehensible, I think things are explained very well. Almost too well. I think the sense of evil would have carried through without the psychically-sensitive boy explaining it all. The "ring" is not what you think.

Gorgeous (1999)

Unexpected

[31 January 2002]

I rented this movie along with another Jackie movie and I had expected the other movie to be better. I hadn't heard much about Gorgeous so I didn't know what it was about. It seemed to be a romance, yet there was fighting? The movie was very sweet and touching. The fighting didn't seem out of place, even to a westerner like myself. Qi Shu (Shu Qi?) is so cute and sweet! Jackie mentioned in the DVD commentary that he hadn't wanted to do the movie because he can't do drama. I think he sells himself short. If he ever decides to get away from the stuntwork I think he'll still have a place as an actor alone. Check out the scene where C.N. and his rival are commiserating near the end of the film. I also liked the diminutive and honorable kickboxer played by Brad Allan. This movie will be added to my Jackie Chan collection soon.

Blood: The Last Vampire (2000)

Flashy and fun but ultimately unsatisfying

[10 October 2001]

As the movie started I was amazed at the level and clarity of detail. I liked how the film started out by not explaining everything but I really expected more on Saya's background at some point.

The action was great and very realistic and I like how it was left in doubt as to whether Saya has any special powers or whether she's just a very efficient killing machine. She was a strong female lead who obviously didn't take any crap.

As another reviewer noted, the running time listed includes the time spent on an overly-long documentary on the making of the movie. I could have done with a little less "behind the scenes" and more story, I was surprised when the credits started to roll.

I don't regret buying the DVD but the movie didn't come anywhere near the amount of resolution I was expecting. That's plot resolution, not graphics, the animation is fantastic.

Modern Vampires (1998 TV Movie)

Horrifying and I don't mean in a good way

[2 January 2001]

I love the horror genre, vampire movies in particular, and I even enjoy well-made spoofs of them. I doubt this movie deserves to fit in either category. The only reason I watched this entire "film" is that it had the same effect as a bad car wreck; you just have to look. That and the entirely gratuitous nudity.

I haven't seen a lot of Casper Van Dien's work, other than Starship Troopers. Judging from Modern Vampires and that movie, he's getting these acting jobs on the strength of his looks. He resembles Dolph Lundgren, but without the muscles or the meager acting ability.

The dialogue in the movie was either bland or unfunnily bad. The vampire effects were below low-budget. The vampires weren't powerful enough to be scary or threatening, but they weren't funny either. Don't you suppose that after a few hundred years they would have learned to talk around those fangs?

Richard Elfman needs to make up his mind; scary horror flick or funny spoof. Add this film to the list of potentially good horror movies that Hollywood has destroyed by failing to understand the genre.

Dune (2000)

Excellent visuals, creative license

[4 December 2000]

First of all, let me qualify my comments by admitting I've only seen the first two hours of the mini-series.

I was very excited to hear that a 6-hour version of the Dune story was being made. I loved the books and I've read them all twice with the exception of the latest "House Atreides/Harkonnen" sequels. I avidly watched the first two hours of the series last night and I was impressed but still slightly disappointed.

The visuals in the movie are fantastic. Crisp, panoramic effects convey the massive technologies of the Dune universe, and I loved the concept/appearance of the Guild Navigator. The lighting effects were also interesting. There were hot oranges and cold blues to enhance the different planets and scenes.

They still haven't found a good way to do the fremen blue-on-blue eyes. Some of the scenes and effects also seemed to come directly from the David Lynch movie of 1984: the aforementioned eyes, the Bene Gesserit "voice", the bedroom scene with the "hunter-killer".

With only two hours seen so far, I still prefer the David Lynch version. The new movie seems to stray further from the book: Irulan visits Arrakis prior to the Harkonnen invasion, Paul & Jessica's exile into the desert is very different from the book, Liet Kynes and Duncan Idaho are killed differently than in the book. Gurney Halleck's inkvine scar is across his eye instead of his mouth. The mentat's lips aren't stained. All small things, I admit, but they jumped out at me.

I also felt that Lynch's movie more effectively conveyed the internal dialogue that each character experiences in the book. I felt that a lot of nuance was missed in the mini-series due to that.

So to sum up, the movie is beautiful and well-done and enjoyable, especially for a newcomer to the Dune universe. For a Dune purist, there have obviously been many liberties taken and it detracts from the experience a little.

House on Haunted Hill (1999)

Electrifying at first, current ebbs towards the end

[1 November 1999]

A very enjoyable and scary movie, although I don't know if I'd pay more than matinee prices to see it. The film starts out promisingly, with a prologue explaining the history of the "house", and setting up the premise of the people who have to spend the night there to earn their million dollars. I say "house" because the building is actually a former sanitarium where atrocities were committed. This "house" may not have been born bad, but it became that way when the evil perpetrated inside it infused the walls.

So a thrill ride mogul decides to have a birthday party for his wife at this haunted place, and invite people to try and spend the night. He thinks he has it all rigged to provide a scary party and see who breaks, but the "house" has other plans.

The first hour or so of the movie was the best, with barely glimpsed or blurred images that made my skin crawl and had me peeking between my fingers. The director made use of a jerky, blurring visual effect reminiscent of the ones in Jacob's Ladder, that I find very unsettling. Once the real evil in the house is revealed, the movie turned into just another one of those monster-running-rampant-run-for-your-lives flicks, and I was able to sit up and watch with no problem and very little adrenaline. There was also a bitter-marriage subplot that didn't do much for the overall flow of the movie.

A good, hair-raising movie that does with brutal imagery and gore what Sixth Sense did with subtle mood, The House on Haunted Hill doesn't deliver nearly as well at the end as that other excellent film.