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Reviews
Dinosaur (2000)
Two-Hundred Million dollar remake of "The Land Before Time"
THE STORY: (Warning! Plot Spoilers) After a Dinosaur egg is stolen and then dropped, re-stolen and then dropped some more by various clumsy prehistoric animals and mammals, it finally ends up in the hands of some adorable primates who raise it and love it as one of their own. Just when things couldn't be nicer for this family of mixed species, a nasty (albeit impressive) meteor storm all but obliterates their surroundings, forcing both Dinosaur and his furry family to join a herd of other Dinosaurs in finding a new home.
THE REVIEW: The first fifteen minutes of this film are jaw-droppingly beautiful. The animation is unlike anything we've ever seen, at least not since the original `Toy Story.' Mixed in with actual scenic cinematography, everything looks incredibly vivid and lifelike. I wanted to reach out and pet those cute-as-pie black and white primates, (all except the love monkey,' I was hoping a Brontosaurus would accidentally step on him. More about him later) and it looked like I practically could. So twelve years in production (or should I say in various offices and rooms loaded with sophisticated computer technology) and a budget exceeding two hundred million dollars, gets us a stunning looking animated film.
That's all fine and dandy, but what about story, what about characters? I'm afraid that's where `Dinosaur' is a few bones short of a skeleton. There really isn't a story here, just a rehash of the much better `Land Before Time' and elements of Disney's `Tarzan,' all without songs of course. As for characters I wish Disney could find it in their hearts to give us one film WITHOUT some cute wisecracking creature. The one found here, the furry fella who calls himself the love monkey,' is as irritating as stepping barefoot on a hairball. Forget the fact that this primate spews bothersome dialogue that seems to be out-of-place in a family film and totally ignore the major writing blooper suggesting that these two species could find themselves existing in the same time period, the fact is the mere presence of him and his family is just ridiculous in a story that is supposed to be about Dinosaurs and survival. It wouldn't have been so bad if the non-Dinosaur characters would have been seen and not heard' but this is a Disney film and there's millions to be made in plastic and furry renditions of these characters, so words are vital I guess, no matter how stupid they ultimately are.
Oh I know...lighten up Tom...this is a kids movie...not Bergman. However I cannot totally agree that this is just a kids film. There are a few scenes in this film (closely resembling some of the more intense moments from `Jurassic Park') that frightened some young children in the audience I sat in with, those that weren't bored by the whole affair that is. As I got out of my seat I noticed a little guy of about five who was sound asleep in his mom's lap. I would have loved to have a picture of that. I would send it along with a video of the little girl two rows in back of me who began screaming as a T-Rex attacked and quickly devoured one of the gentler Dinosaurs in the movie... to all those Disney folks 'so proud of their ultra-expensive family' movie.
Also absent here is emotion and a sense of wonderment. There is one segment in `Jurassic Park,` the one in which the plant-eating Dinosaurs visit the children in the pre-dawn hours, that holds more wonderment than `Dinosaur' does as a whole. As much as I absolutely hated the cutesy-pie dialogue in this film and felt so disappointed at the lack of a good story and the fact that too much of time is spent on non-Dinosaur characters, I cannot say enough for the visuals to be found in `Dinosaur.' Just looking at this film, for the first half-hour at least, is worth the price of admission alone. This film simply sets a new precedent for animation. James Newton Howard's score, pretty much a clone of everything done by James Horner, (especially `Land Before Time') is excellent as well. So its a mixed reaction to this movie. I am saddened that a film that looks so fantastic could be so lacking in almost every other department. See it for it's 'look' and the score alone.
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Oh the hype...the hype!
I was looking forward to this evening like nothing I can remember. Myself and three friends were about to have the privilege of seeing a private screening of "The Blair Witch Project," supposedly, and based on dozens of reviews, "the scariest movie in a long time, if not the scariest movie ever made period." I had read nearly 100 reviews of this film, from novice critics to established professionals, and all but about 7 declared "Blair Witch" to be a truly unsettling terrifying film experience.
I am 44 years old...have grown up with horror movies...loved horror movies since I was six...been part of horror movies...wrote and directed a documentary about what is probably the BEST horror movie ever...and have been a radio, newspaper and magazine film critic since 1980. Needless to say I know what a good horror movie is..should be...and was nervously looking forward to having the living hell scared out of me.
We waited until complete dark, then ran "Blair Witch Project" at 11:30 PM. 87 MInutes later we all sat around and stared at each other unable to speak. Finally I said it first "uh...is that the same film we've heard so much about?...because if it is...I want to know what was supposed to be so scary...so terrifying...so creepy about it. For the next hour or so we analyzed and scrutinized "Blair Witch," offering what we thought was good and the overpowering majority of what was bad.
We all agreed that it was an interesting idea, although heavily borrowed from "Cannibal Holocaust." We thought the 'you are there' style was good and the performances of the unknown leads was mostly very good.
The basic plot has a group of filmmakers, headed up by a loud-mouth bossy lady 'el direktor,' heading out to do a documentary on the legendary Blair witch that supposedly still haunts a certain area in Maryland. After interviewing some locals, and listening to some fairly creepy stories, the kids head into the very same 'haunted' woods to do some filming, video-taping and audio recording. Daytime is spent yelling, cussing and getting more and more lost. Night time is filled with sudden awakenings to creepy sounds and voices. Of course the camera and mike goes on every time to 'capture' this spooky stuff...and we know that things are only going to get worse for these movie makers. The movie history tells us that the group came up missing and all that was found was footage and audio tapes. The movie is an edited version of what was recovered. I'll stop right here with the description.
We all contended that a few elements were indeed creepy...but what was intended to be oh-so-scary was pretty banal when you got right down to it. You turn a light on and shine it in any part of the woods late at night and you'll get the creeps. If all around you are eerie voices and footsteps, you get the hell out of there, you don't run holding a heavy camera and keep on filming. That's done in "Blair Witch Project" more than once and it's simply silly and downright unbelievable, marring the 'supposed' REAL terror engulfing these people.
Admittedly the final twenty minutes of "Blair Witch Project" gets intense with the promise of something truly nightmarish to come. It never happens. The movie has no end..no explanation of any kind. The final image on the screen is puzzling and frustratingly vague but not provocative.
I fully agree that psychological terror is great and the more that is left to the imagination...the better...but "Blair Witch Project" leaves so much to the imagination, coupled with what is obviously improvisational 'play acting' and numerous contrivances, that it just doesn't work nearly as well as it should have, although the potential was certainly there. At a time when horror films are pretty much overrated teen-oriented soundtrack selling 'crap,' it would have been nice to have something original and frightening. I'm still waiting. "Blair Witch Project" is not that film and it doesn't come close to living up to all the hype.
We agreed that if we hadn't heard anything at all about this film in advance, at best it would be regarded as a direct-to-video film with an interesting concept that produces a few chills and tense moments, but nothing profound or overly effective. Keep in my mind, this is my opinion, and the opinions of my movie-loving buddies. If "Blair Witch Project" scared the hell out of you and you love it...great. You have a right to your opinion as well. Although I'm glad I got to see it, and I will probably see it more than once, it remains an interesting over-hyped colossal disappointment. On a 1-100 scale: 68.
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Oh the hype...the hype!
I was looking forward to this evening like nothing I can remember. Myself and three friends were about to have the privilege of seeing a private screening of "The Blair Witch Project," supposedly, and based on dozens of reviews, "the scariest movie in a long time, if not the scariest movie ever made period." I had read nearly 100 reviews of this film, from novice critics to established professionals, and all but about 7 declared "Blair Witch" to be a truly unsettling terrifying film experience.
I am 44 years old...have grown up with horror movies...loved horror movies since I was six...been part of horror movies...wrote and directed a documentary about what is probably the BEST horror movie ever...and have been a radio, newspaper and magazine film critic since 1980. Needless to say I know what a good horror movie is..should be...and was nervously looking forward to having the living hell scared out of me.
We waited until complete dark, then ran "Blair Witch Project" at 11:30 PM. 87 MInutes later we all sat around and stared at each other unable to speak. Finally I said it first "uh...is that the same film we've heard so much about?...because if it is...I want to know what was supposed to be so scary...so terrifying...so creepy about it. For the next hour or so we analyzed and scrutinized "Blair Witch," offering what we thought was good and the overpowering majority of what was bad.
We all agreed that it was an interesting idea, although heavily borrowed from "Cannibal Holocaust." We thought the 'you are there' style was good and the performances of the unknown leads was mostly very good.
The basic plot has a group of filmmakers, headed up by a loud-mouth bossy lady 'el direktor,' heading out to do a documentary on the legendary Blair witch that supposedly still haunts a certain area in Maryland. After interviewing some locals, and listening to some fairly creepy stories, the kids head into the very same 'haunted' woods to do some filming, video-taping and audio recording. Daytime is spent yelling, cussing and getting more and more lost. Night time is filled with sudden awakenings to creepy sounds and voices. Of course the camera and mike goes on every time to 'capture' this spooky stuff...and we know that things are only going to get worse for these movie makers. The movie history tells us that the group came up missing and all that was found was footage and audio tapes. The movie is an edited version of what was recovered. I'll stop right here with the description.
We all contended that a few elements were indeed creepy...but what was intended to be oh-so-scary was pretty banal when you got right down to it. You turn a light on and shine it in any part of the woods late at night and you'll get the creeps. If all around you are eerie voices and footsteps, you get the hell out of there, you don't run holding a heavy camera and keep on filming. That's done in "Blair Witch Project" more than once and it's simply silly and downright unbelievable, marring the 'supposed' REAL terror engulfing these people.
Admittedly the final twenty minutes of "Blair Witch Project" gets intense with the promise of something truly nightmarish to come. It never happens. The movie has no end..no explanation of any kind. The final image on the screen is puzzling and frustratingly vague but not provocative.
I fully agree that psychological terror is great and the more that is left to the imagination...the better...but "Blair Witch Project" leaves so much to the imagination, coupled with what is obviously improvisational 'play acting' and numerous contrivances, that it just doesn't work nearly as well as it should have, although the potential was certainly there. At a time when horror films are pretty much overrated teen-oriented soundtrack selling 'crap,' it would have been nice to have something original and frightening. I'm still waiting. "Blair Witch Project" is not that film and it doesn't come close to living up to all the hype.
We agreed that if we hadn't heard anything at all about this film in advance, at best it would be regarded as a direct-to-video film with an interesting concept that produces a few chills and tense moments, but nothing profound or overly effective. Keep in my mind, this is my opinion, and the opinions of my movie-loving buddies. If "Blair Witch Project" scared the hell out of you and you love it...great. You have a right to your opinion as well. Although I'm glad I got to see it, and I will probably see it more than once, it remains an interesting over-hyped colossal disappointment. On a 1-100 scale: 68.
Progeny (1998)
Boy was I surprised!
I went into Sterling Entertainment's "The Progeny" DVD after having read several less than favorable reviews, which was a surprise in itself considering that this was from Brian Yuzna and Stuart Gordon, the creative guys behind such masterpieces as The Re Animator. After fifteen minutes I knew two things; the 'nay-sayers' are too infatuated with "X-Files" for their own good and think that "Independence Day" was a great alien movie. This is a different kind of alien movie. It doesn't deal with huge spaceships and wisecracking heroes. It deals with alien abduction and it does so with carefully structured brooding suspense and finally outright terror as the final half-hour still has me gasping. This is dark dark stuff and quite unexpectedly graphic in places, especially during the entirely unexpected ending. "Progeny" can best be described as a blend of "It's Alive" with "Communion." There's a mystery and there's a baby, followed quickly by we know what the mystery is and oh God, don't let that baby be born! Frankly this is one of the best scifi-horror films I've seen in a long long time and deserved a theatrical run. It's the best alien movie I've seen since Mora's "Communion." The DVD also includes two commentary tracks, a trivia game, lots of bio's, a still gallery and interviews with actual abductees. The transfer is very good with excellent audio quality and separation. Even though it is only Dolby Surround, I could swear I was listening to Dolby Digital 5.1 at times. All in all I would give "The Progeny" a 9 out of 10, and by the way I consider myself a good judge of horror films.
The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999)
Surprisingly dark and unsettling sequel packs a real punch!
I went into this not expecting much. I got a lot more than I thought I'd get. The performances are quite good and the film maintains an even pace...a dark ominous feel that never lets up and a truly freak-show of an ending with so much intense blood and gore that I was surprised it got out with an 'R' rating. The final sequence contains an interesting 'jolt' paying nice homage, but in a completely original fashion, to De Palma's hellish 'grab' sequence. All in all "Carrie 2" is a surprisingly effective horror film. Notice I didn't say 'great.' I said it was effective. Topping the original "Carrie" would have been nearly impossible. An 8 out of 10 for me.
Baby Geniuses (1999)
I wanted to feed these babies one by one to a Great White.
The guy that gave us the wonderful "Christmas Story," the absolutely terrifying "Black Christmas" and the rollicking "Porky's"offers up a big piece of post-holiday sludge about experimental babies and the evil high-tech scientists that are raising them. The premise is that babies speak a language that if deciphered would provide the answers to the universe. While the adults on the screen are spared the thoughts and clever dialogue of the little tykes, the movie audience isn't afforded the same luxury.
Movies about babies aren't supposed to make you hate the babies, but in Bob Clark's new comedy that combines the worst elements of "Look Who's Talking" and "Home Alone," I began to truthfully despise the wise-cracking karate-kicking diaper-clad little urchins within three minutes of the opening credits. In all fairness it's not the babies fault that they're about as lovable as a hang-nail, it's an absolutely inane script filled with stupid dialogue, tired slapstick and over-driven campy performances by the likes of Kathleen Turner, Ruby Dee and the always exciting Dom Deluise. Those factors and digitized little mouths spewing cliched movie dialogue, statements like "ooh...diaper gravy!" and yes even some bad words, makes for the most agonizing 94 minutes I've ever spent in a movie theater. There may be something far more unsettling and scary in the upcoming new millennium than just the Y2K bug..."Baby Geniuse's 2!"'
Funny Games (1997)
You think you've seen it all in a horror movie...think again.
This can be best described as a chilling and sadistic blend of "Last House on the Left" with "The Desperate Hours." I should also say that this one doesn't play by the rules and is never ever predictable, particularly one incredibly ugly and nasty little story development that still haunts me.
Well made and certainly well played by the entire cast..actually it's too well played for my comfort. Not as gory as you might suspect... most of the heavy stuff happens off-camera..but at least one after-the-fact carnage sequence will send your flesh crawling.
This is without a doubt one of the most shocking and unsettling films I've seen since "Henry Portrait of A Serial Killer." Recommended for those that appreciate a startlingly original horror movie and for those that tire quickly of the American brand of so-called horror. Can you say "I Know What You Did Last Summer?"
Popeye (1980)
Terribly written and performed anti-musical.
The usually competent Robert Altman completely blows it with this hideously boring exercise in bad musicals. Admittedly well-produced with nice sets, it's the songs, snail-paced editing and horrible numbers like "He's Large" sung by Ms. Devoll like she's an Ostrich on PCP, that bother me. In my top 10 WORST films of all time list.
Thomas Brown / Ohio Film Critic
Robby (1968)
Naked and free in the deep blue sea!
What a waste of time...unless you happen to enjoy two little boys spending most of their time in their 'birthday suits' on a tropical island. Horribly acted and photographed, but a 'favorite' of bare little boy movie lovers. Chris Young's score is actually better than the movie. Note: this was originally a feature-film at 85+ minutes, but was cut way down to 'keep the interest' of the boy...er...movie-watchers.