Takashi-3 Reviews

Tremors 4: The Legend Begins (2004 Video)

Booooooring... BOOOOOOOOOORING

[4/10 · 24 March 2004]

This, the direct-to-video death rattle of the Tremors series, features sixty inspired seconds (sawblade: you'll know it when you see it) and more tedium and filler than you can shake a stick at. Tremors 4 was obviously shot on a cripplingly low budget. That means they only had enough special effects mojo for three or four minutes of precious worm-on-human violence, tops. The lackluster, cliche-spouting cast and hackneyed writing ensure that the remaining hour and a half of the Tremors 4 experience feels at least fifteen thousand years long. Only hardcore Tremors fans will be able to sit through, much less enjoy this film. If you aren't among them- don't bother.

A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)

a heroic effort..

[8/10 · 30 June 2001]

This is the first good movie that I've seen in a long time (from Hollywood). What stands out about A.I. is the abandonment of irony and self-mockery and the attempt to grapple with one of life's huge questions- what does it mean to be (or become) human? - in a format that's both timely and accessible without being patronizing. I'm sure other people will comment on the acting, pacing, costuming, etc, so I won't bother here. But it's the ambition and scope of the movie that really makes it exceptional.

Future Shock (1994)

Mind Altering Horror

[2/10 · 6 August 2000]

Imagine a woman alone in a house for forty five minutes in which absolutely nothing happens. Then this goes on twice more. The writing is flat and lifeless, and jokes unfunny, and the bad acting keeps you from caring about any of the characters, even when they battle wolf packs and get beaten up by fraternity goons. Anyone that ranked this movie higher than a two is not fully sane.

Wing Commander (1999)

Unrealized Potential

[4/10 · 12 March 1999]

I can't say this movie was bad, but it was disappointing. The visual sequences are excellent, and the overall imagery of the movie was quite low tech and evoked both World War I fighter aces and the seafaring discovery of the Renaissance. The primary problem with this movie is that it tries to weave so many plot elements and types of statements into ninety minutes that nothing, even the military action, gets a proper showing. Without spoiling the plot, it contains two separate love stories, a statement about racial prejudice, and Hunt For Red October-esque submarine warfare sequences, in addition to the the usual dogfights and military psychodrama. The cast was rather devoid of any big names, which didn't help or hinder the movie, everyone put in a reasonable performance considering the (sometimes rather silly) script. In summary, if you like good visuals and are willing to sit through some confused plot elements and dead scenes, by all means go see Wing Commander.

They Live (1988)

Stupid, but funny

[31 January 1999]

This is a great, funny movie, but I don't understand anyone who thinks that it's deep and intellectual. The flimsy premise of this movie (that Republicans, aka anyone wealthy, white, and over 40, are really zombies and therefore it's ok to kill them.)- is really pretty crude and heavy handed when you think about it. All society's problems are caused by an evil race of subversive beings? Does that strike anyone out there as particularly thoughtful? Plus, this movie has all the usual gratuitous violence and blatant anti-intellectuallism that is John Carpenter's trademark. Don't get me wrong, this movie is really tremendously funny, but I couldn't sit back and listen to people go on about how it was a deep and thoughtful critique of the 80's- it was anything but.

Vampires (1998)

Utterly Pathetic

[1/10 · 28 January 1999]

I have mixed feelings about speaking my honest feelings about this movie because I had a great time watching it, mostly due to the large amount of alcohol that I had consumed and the fact that I went to see it with a theatre full of similarly drunken college students that turned the movie into a living Mystery Science Theater episode. But I have to warn you, if you don't have a good sense of humor about terrible movies, don't see Vampires. This movie has so many flaws, I'd type myself into carpal tunnel syndrome trying to list all of them. To sum it up- it's a movie so bad ass that it makes the sublime transition to totally ridiculous. From the tacky pseudo blues riff that plays over and over whenever any of the manly characters says a line or stands there posing manfully to the way that the female characters (all whores) are there to get slapped around and slaughtered to the ridiculously protracted dominance-contest fight scenes that go on every five minutes, this is John Carpenter at his best, and he is possibly the most sorry excuse for a filmmaker ever to live. That doesn't mean he can't be really really funny. This movie reminded me very much of "They Live" - if you look at it with the right attitude, it's quite humorous, but just don't go sober or expecting a good film.