Reviews
Feeders (1996)
...Unbelievable...
One would have to travel for a lifetime, making stops only to use the bathroom and an occasional meal, to find a film that even resembles the genius of this film. The Polonia Brothers are the (and to paraphrase Roger Ebert)"Thinking man's Coen Brothers". Ripe with the essence of Life's little idiosynchracies, "Feeders" succeeds where lesser films such as, "Ordinary People", "American Beauty", and "Terms of Endearment" failed. If you only see one film for the rest of your pale life, die with a shred of dignity and view "Feeders".
Duck Soup (1933)
The greatest comedy since talkies became the standard
The marx brothers are the greatest comedy team to ever grace the silver screen since the advent of sound. Duck Soup, is not only the funniest comedy to date, but quite possibly the most intelligent satire on war ever to be produced. The fictional country of Freedonia enlists the wise guidance of Rufus T. Firefly to keep their humble nation out of war. Ambassador Trentino hires the efforts of two spies, Chicolini and Pinky to thwart Fireflie's attempts. "Then we go to the ball game, but he no show up". Chicolini is tried for treason, in one of the funniest dance sequences ever filmed, "We got guns...they got guns...all god's chillin's got guns".
Firefly rejects the final offer of Ambassador Trentino and Slavania declares war. "Suppose he refuses, what a fine notion that would be...I hold out my hand and he refuses". Duck Soup contains, not only some of the greatest one liners of all time, "If I were any closer I'd be behind you", "I've got an uncle that lives in Taxes. Dollars, Taxes", but the classic mirror sequence. Many people recognize this gag to be from the I Love Lucy episode that Harpo guest starred in, but in actuality it was performed here first.
My favorite gag is where Groucho accidently gets a vase lodged on his head. Before the dynamite can explode, Harpo draws Groucho's face onto the vase to remedy the situation. The ridiculous side of war is exemplified, and has yet to be lampooned as brilliantly as in Duck Soup.
Batman & Robin (1997)
Don't Listen To Kris Earle, It is terrible. If I heard one more frozen pun I would've shoved my redvines violently through my ear drums.
First of all, to call Batman and Robin anywhere close to the Tim Burton masterpiece, that is Batman the original(1989) spoken in a mike tyson accent is ludicrous. The fourth series of the Batman franchise is the most assinine yet. George Clooney did a decent job with nothing to work with but cheesy catch lines like, "This is why superman works alone". Chris O'Donnel attempted to make some sense of his naively retarded Robin, but ended up mirroring that of a child holding a candy bar, about to be introduced to RoadBlock of G.I. Joe, "and knowings half the battle". I hated this movie for the simple fact that I paid money for it. I saw it with my girlfriend, looking for an empty theater for unmentionable purposes, and was too awestruck by the pure boredom on screen to get anything done:) Gotham City became a vast quagmire of pretentious statues and ridiculous architecture. The brilliance of the first, was the fact that Batman became pseudo real, therefore creating a plausible atmosphere. All three villains are wasted, when by themselves with a different plot they could have been awesome. Only a blind wood sprite with muscular dystrophy on life support wouldn't know that Batgirl was Ms. Silverstone. WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY did Arnold get Mr. Freeze and not Patrick Stewart. If I heard one more frozen pun I would've shoved my redvines violently through my ear drums. Joel Shumacher should be put on time out, with a dunce cap on and his piece of chalk writing, "I will not insult the audience's intelligence." Oh yeah, and what's the deal with surfing off a cathedral from thousands of miles up. "SCREW THE LAWS OF PHYSICS, I'M MAKING A MOVIE HERE!!!" - J.Mauldin
Hobgoblins (1988)
Why can't I save a few hundred for a guitar, but Rick Sloane gets to make a movie. Proof the world isn't fair.
The greatest thing about "Hobgoblins" is the fact that you don't need a plot, actors, readable dialogue, and basically coherency of any kind to make a movie. I'm sure that Rick Sloane had a yard sale the day before production. The main characters all got out of the same bus (having just been turned down for minor roles in the local high school production of "Our Town") and accepted roles after purchasing an old, leaky lava lamp. (which, by chance, was enough to fund the film). "Hobgoblins" (and yes, I've seen it out of MST3K) is the cinematic equivalent to baking your family's beloved dog in a casserole (of course, using a blender at puree first), and serving with a light side of spam. Why can't I save a few hundred to buy a guitar, but Rick Sloane gets to make a movie. Proof the world isn't fair. - J.Mauldin