Freak-10 Reviews

Tombstone (1993)

Perhaps the last, greatly-overrated American western

[1/10 · 16 December 2004]

After finally viewing this movie in its entirety, I am completely mystified by the adoration it has received by critics and online users alike. Is it the worst Western ever? No, I wouldn't say that. But "the last great American Western", a phrase I saw applied to it more than once? Not even close.

A movie that tries to tell a story like this needs believable characters that speak believable dialogue, and the dialogue in this film is among the most hackneyed and clichéd that I've ever seen. The movie can be measured in groaners per minute; as in, how many times is an actor or actress forced by the script to say something that no human being would say in real life? There's so many instances of this that it's distracting. Cheesy lines come at you in waves; predictable, unoriginal, and often.

If bad dialogue doesn't bother you, then how about bad gunfights? Few Westerns can show you gunfighting that's completely unbelievable while desperately trying to make you take the action seriously. It's okay if there's a comic edge to such gunfighting, such as in Silverado, but in Tombstone the very staged and very stiff choreography of the early gunplay is just another reason to leave this movie off the list of good Westerns. The final showdown somewhat redeems the director on this score, but by then, I was so disinterested in the movie that it was beyond saving.

Other than those flaws, I can say the visuals are stunning - the movie's well shot and the settings all look great. The acting is passable, especially considering what the actors were given to work with. However, if you're looking for the last great American Western, do yourself a favor - go rent Unforgiven instead.

3 out of 10

Action (1999–2000)

Funny as all get-out

[13 April 2004]

Wow! That's all you really need to say about this too-short-lived series.

But since I have the space, let me say this too: I don't think a funnier satire exists or has ever existed on TV. I pray for the day an uncensored DVD is released - this show has me laughing my @ss off for just about the entire time I'm watching it. It's amazing that it ever got made at all, what with all the jokes ripping on the Hollywood community, and everyone gets an equal dose - producers, actors, writers, you name it, this show makes fun of it. Jay Mohr is funnier in this series than in anything else I've ever seen him do, and Ileana Douglas is, as always, fantastic.

Watch it! And to the execs at Fox - put out the DVD, already!

The Passion of the Christ (2004)

Judged as a film, completely worthless

[1/10 · 26 February 2004]

I have chosen to add user comments on this film based on its worthiness as a film, not from any religious or secular viewpoint.

As a piece of filmmaking, this is two hours of garbage. There is no attempt to frame the violence within a meaningful context - it seems to just be 110 minutes of violence for violence's sake, bookended at the beginning and end by five minutes of quiet. I cannot imagine taking anyone under the age of 13 to this film and not scarring them for life. There are no redeeming qualities whatsoever within this movie.

There are, no doubt, thousands of people that will disagree with my comments, and I ask them to consider this point - if this were the same film, but was not about the central figure of your religion, would you go see it? Would you even want it to be released? Would you feel comfortable letting your children see it?

I think not.

Punch-Drunk Love (2002)

Stop Kissing Sandler's Behind

[1/10 · 25 August 2002]

This was probably the 5th or 6th Adam Sandler movie I've ever seen, and boy am I glad it was free. No laughs, no originality, no nothing. What's worse it that I come to the imdb to see the user reviews and of course, the top comment is once again an obvious studio plant. Puh-leeze! The "warmest, most dreamlike film you will probably encounter for a long, long while" ?? Only if you fall asleep in the theater.

Tenacious D (1997–2000)

They're hilarious and even the music's good

[24 June 2002]

What more can I say? It's original, it's funny, and if you haven't seen it you're just missing out. The only bad thing is that they're not making any new ones. But you should definitely run out and get their CD - not as uproariously hilarious as the show, but still stands on its own as some great work - both as a comedy CD and as a CD full of great music, a combination so rare I can't think of another that does it this well.

Tenacious D - they reign.

Blank Check (1994)

What an unbelievably lame piece of garbage.

[1/10 · 23 April 2002]

I almost called HBO and demanded my money back for the month just because they've been airing this movie. I can just see the movie execs sitting around going, "Okay, we need to come up with something that's just like Home Alone, only we'll add a bunch of cash for the kid, hire cut-rate actors, and oh yeah, we'll make it a lot less funny!"

Okay, maybe not the last part, but that's basically what you've got here. Not even worth seeing if someone else rents it. And as a movie for kids? Forget it. I wouldn't let my kids see this, not necessarily because of bad-taste jokes, but because I wouldn't want them to say, "What were you thinking showing us that lame piece of garbage, Dad?!?!"

Waterproof (2000)

After-School Special masquerading as a film

[1/10 · 13 January 2002]

Riveting, original, exciting... These are just some of the words I would never use to describe this laughable attempt at evangelical film-making. Even if this was a TV show it would be substandard in almost every respect - the acting, the hokey plot, the weak dialogue... I could barely get through it.

I suppose if you were some born-again type that isn't allowed to watch real movies, this is right up your alley. The ham-fisted preaching, present throughout this "movie", is pointless, considering that anyone who WOULDN'T be laughing at it the whole way is already in a church choir somewhere.

It's just too bad the IMDb doesn't have a -2 on its rating scale of 1 to 10.

Six Days in Roswell (1999)

If you get the chance to see it, take it!

[9/10 · 23 February 2000]

I was lucky enough to see this film at the Honolulu Film Festival. Having seen Trekkies already, I was prepared for another hilarious journey into a parallel universe that exists right here on our own world, and I wasn't disappointed. The only disappointment regarding this film is that it hasn't been released in a forum that the general public can see.

If you saw Trekkies and liked it, you'll have a blast watching this movie as well.

The Wrong Guy (1997)

A few funny moments, but an overall disappointment

[1/10 · 11 November 1999]

Got to see this movie at the Hawaii Film Festival where we were lucky enough to have Dave himself in attendance; unfortunately, his pre-show intro and post-show Q&A with the crowd was probably funnier than most of this movie. I loved Brain Candy so maybe my expectations for this flick were a little high, but still, when half the jokes are so obvious you can see them coming, you're not going to be laughing much.

The crowd liked it quite a bit, but I have a growing suspicion that film festival patrons, at least here, have no taste and go to these movies and laugh really loudly just to feel like they have culture.

On the bright side, there were a few moments (3, I think) where I really did laugh pretty hard. Not enough to carry the entire film, however. Thus, fittingly, a 3 out of 10.

Sorry, Dave. I hope your next one is better; I'll still go see it even if I thought this was mostly a dud.

South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)

Two words: %*@#in' HILARIOUS

[10/10 · 1 July 1999]

I can't remember the last time I left a movie theater and was physically worn out from laughing so hard. For at least the first 45 minutes it was nonstop funny. After that there's a bit of a slowdown but even then there's still more hilarious jokes then in the entire running time of most comedies. I'd prepared myself for a letdown just in case but it wasn't necessary, Trey and Matt did it RIGHT.

If you're a fan, this will be the funniest movie you see all year. If you're not, you'll either become one by the end or you'll walk out of the theater in the middle, like at least 5 people that left the packed house we were in on opening night. I put the odds at about 50/50. Disgusting, revolting, blasphemous, hysterical! Excuse me, I have to go see it again to try and catch all the jokes I missed the first time.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)

Sure it's a Tarantino ripoff, but who cares?

[7/10 · 16 June 1999]

People complaining about this movie being a "Pulp Fiction" or "True Romance" knock-off need to get a life. Maybe once every ten years a truly original movie is presented to the public and Hollywood spends the next decade serving up copies of it. The most we can hope for in most cases is that a movie, if not completely original, is at least done well, and I thought this movie was done pretty damn well. It cracked me up and I was digging the plot twists for the same reason I dig Tarantino flicks. So what if the style and story remind you of a couple of other movies, or if, in a couple of cases, you can see what's coming in the next scene? There were plenty of scenes where you didn't see what was coming next, the film had style, and the ending was great. 7 out of 10, and I only dock it a few points because it is a little derivative. See it and enjoy it.

The Player (1992)

One of the best satires I've ever seen

[10/10 · 15 June 1999]

The best thing about the humor in this movie is you don't have to live in Hollywood to get the jokes, and the jabs, and the sarcasm that is heaped on aplenty. It also helps if you're into good films and can't stand it when everyone you know wants to go see the latest stupid, tired, action flick or romance. This is definitely the movie for you. For people who don't get this movie, too bad for you, I guess. You're missing out.

Scent of a Woman (1992)

One of the funniest dramas ever made.

[10/10 · 1 June 1999]

I just watched this movie again and I still can't believe how good it is. Al Pacino is a great actor and he gets some great lines in this flick. I notice a new riff every time I watch it - tonight it was when Chris O'Donnell asks for Pacino's gun, he tells him it's a "weapon" or "piece", never a "gun", then a minute later, exasperated, tells him "I'm not givin' you my f***in' gun!" (yes, they did that on purpose, you fools!) Stuff like that cracks me up and Pacino works a great script and a great character.

Lest you think this is a comedy or something, let me assure you the movie does have a message. In fact, it's got two or three, but it's never heavy-handed about it, which I appreciated as well. Even Chris O'Donnell is good in this movie, and that's saying something (seen him as Robin?)

If you haven't seen Scent of a Woman, you're definitely missing out.

There's Something About Mary (1998)

Okay, it was funny, but not THAT funny

[1/10 · 31 May 1999]

I saw 'Mary' on its opening weekend, and I got some laughs out of it, but not nearly enough to make up for all the jokes that completely miss and result in tedious scenes. As a result, I was amazed when I started hearing people raving about how funny this movie supposedly was. This was one of the few movies that made me glad when it was finally over. You could take all the good, funny scenes in this flick and condense them into about 15 minutes worth of film, and still not miss anything about the rest of the movie.

Most people that don't like this movie are accused of being overly sensitive or uptight, which I don't understand. Some of the most offensive scenes really WERE funny, but so much of this movie is built around lame jokes that I was bored out of my skull most of the time. Easily the most overrated movie of 1998. And now there's a sequel coming out??? I'll save my money this time.

Pecker (1998)

Great ideas, terrible movie.

[2/10 · 24 May 1999]

I was so disappointed with this movie by the end that I was glad it was under 90 minutes long. Early on I kept saying, "It'll get better, this is just the set-up, there's no way the whole movie can be this bad..." but it was. The only good parts are the scenes designed to shock the homophobes in the audience, but those can't stand alone without a good movie around them. Bad performances abound, and whether Christina Ricci is overacting on purpose or not, it's still annoying. Ed Furlong is the only actor that made me forget he was acting, and even he's handed some cheesy lines that made me wince. There are countless times that you'd get the point or the joke of a scene already, and then some character has to add the extra line to explain it to you. And annoy me. 3 out of 10.

Friday (1995)

This movie could've been half as long and still fit in all the jokes.

[27 December 1998]

Friday tries hard to be a comedy, and comedies don't always have to move fast, but this comedy drags out every scene so long that by the time a joke does come, you're so bored that it's hard to laugh. There's a decent number of funny lines, and Chris Tucker does well with what he's given (which isn't much, script-wise), but overall there's way too much filler. You get idea that the Gary Gray was sitting in the editing room wondering, "How can I make this long enough to be a movie instead of a half-hour R-rated sitcom?"

The Cutting Edge (1992)

A mediocre movie with a few great moments between the two leads.

[5/10 · 16 October 1998]

Overall, not a BAD flick, but I'm glad I watched a friend's copy instead of paying a rental fee. Being a hockey fan I was prepared to be bored to tears by the figure skating plotline, but D.B. Sweeney played a (mostly) believable ex-hockey player, and the predictable situations throughout the film were nicely balanced out by what turned out to be sort of a surprise and not-too-unoriginal ending. I'd recommend seeing it if you're into any kind of skating and can't find anything better to watch on any given night.