veekman Reviews

Catch and Release (II) (2006)

Nothing new.

[1/10 · 11 January 2007]

Before I begin, let me just say that I am a fan of the movies and I enjoy heartfelt comedy as much as anyone else. But this movie relies too heavily of clichés and stereotypes. Every character is a cookie cutter character with no depth. The story is so typical. I feel I've seen this movie already and walked out of it. There is nothing knew here. Please, take time to search IMDb for a better movie. Don't waste your time. I wish I could give this movie zero stars. Kevins Smith looks bored. Jennifer Garner looks hot, but she could look hot selling anything. Thats the only good thing I can say to the director: "Hey, you didn't make Jen Garner look ugly." As far as the writing, I think the movies that these guys stole the plot lines and dialog from need to be credited.

A pathetic attempt which deserves pathetic box office returns.

Primeval (2007)

Don't waste your money!

[1/10 · 10 January 2007]

I saw this movie at a special screening. There is nothing special about it. I wont ruin it for those who want to see it, but I will tell say this to people who are not sure: Don't waste your money! It's only January and already this movie has the potential of being the worst of 2007.

This movie steals every plot point from other movies. Orlando Jones, who should have been banned from movie screens when Evolution came out, basically plays the same character he always plays: The Token Black Guy.

PLOT: 0 FOR 10 Acting: 0 for 10.

I cannot say anything nice about this film at all.

Mascara (1999)

the worst movie I have ever seen

[10 August 2006]

That is not an understatement. I have seen bad movies, but this one takes the cake. I was stationed in India, it was a rainy Sunday afternoon and I was craving anything in English. This movie was on Z-MGM. I decided to give it a try. That was my first mistake.

My second mistake was not turning it off after the first 5 minutes. Whne If I wasn't yelling at the TV, I was sleeping in front of it during this snooze fest. It's movies like this that hinder the feminist movement. I would rather be kicked in testes than watch this movie: Both are painful, but I'll have fonder memories of getting kicked squaw in the nads than watching this piece of estrogen laden garbage.

Pie in the Sky (1995)

Complete, human garbage...

[1/10 · 28 January 2006]

Now, that may sound harsh. But hear me out. This is the story of a guy, Josh Charles, who is in love with 2 things: Traffic and Anne Heche. He isn't just in love with traffic, he is obsessed with the "greatest traffic reporter of all time" played by John Goodman. As stupid, and insipid as that sounds...It gets worse. Heche is some type of experimental dancer who captures the main character's heart. How does she do it, you ask? By being an idiot and dancing on top on a bridge railing, then falling into his arms.

I saw this "movie" on HBO when HBO stood for "Hey Beastmaster's On." I regret every minute that I waited for this to better. It didn't. What's worse, they showed it constantly for a month. I mean why not, they're practically giving away the cable rights. True story: I was at a famous NYC Video/DVD chain. I came across an entire section of discounted DVD's and Videos. They had over 200 VHS copies of "Pie in the Sky", each with the label "2 for 99 cents." The DVD's were buy 1, get 1 free. No other DVD/VHS was selling for this cheap. I can only hope the idiot that ordered all the copies got fired. Or worse, he was forced to watch them all, one after the other.

If you put 10'000 brain broken monkeys in a room with 10'000 broken type writers, they could write a movie that kicks the crap out of this piece of crap. And that's a lot of crap! I mean, no wonder Anne Heche went nuts shortly after this movie. I almost went on a killing spree 15 minutes into this pile of human garbage.

The "acting" and "directing" also seem like they could have been better had the responsibility been delegated to one of the smarter mammals on the planet. Maybe a dolphin. Or a really smart seal that could also perform tricks. Now that's entertainment! This movie is like a fraternity prank gone horribly wrong. AVOID THIS FILM LIKE THE PLAGUE!