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Reviews
Psycho Goreman (2020)
Some Fun, A Lot of Bad
It's a mix of 80s low budget sci-fi and explicit gore horror. Psycho Goreman as a character is pretty fun. The lead child character? Terrible. Not the actress' fault - she's doing as she's directed. But as a character she's just written and directed as a completely unlikeable lead, full of hatred and obnoxiousness. It's a combination of Troma films and The Gate. Unfortunately, it also incorporates the bad parts of those films.
Silent Hill (2006)
"Silent Hill" is a Nice Way of Saying "Dull Hill."
...Boring Hill. Lifeless Hill. Far Too Long Hill. Uninspired Hill. Nothing Happens Hill. Canada Looks Nothing Like West Virginia Hill. All more appropriate titles. First movie I walked out of...ever. There's really not a whole lot of good to be said for this film. So much could have been whittled out of this movie, and it's paper-thin plot would still have been in tact. It's embarrassing that a film like this gets made. I know that this film has a relatively high rating from members but that will surely change as soon as the video geeks that are populating the theatre now make way for the regular moviegoers. A promising trailer gave way to a film that has little suspense, story or even eye candy. Complete waste.
Hellbent (2004)
The First Gay Slasher...?
Surely it couldn't be the first. But even if it is the "first gay slasher" it's just as bad as the last few slashers I saw for the breeder crowd. I hope the 2nd, 3rd and all subsequent gay slashers are better than this. I've seen better production values on an episode of "Degrassi Junior High." Not scary, suspenseful or even funny. And it seems that gay characters (even when created by gay men) can only be X-takin', circuit-party-frequentin', bathroom-stall-sex-havin' pretty boys. It's kinda tiresome. But hey - what's good for the goose is good for the gander, and if you're gonna have one-dimensional characters in a movie like "I Know What You Did Last Summer," why not have them in this one?
Margaret Cho: CHO Revolution (2004)
A letdown
Margaret Cho's 2 previous filmed standup efforts - "I'm the One that I Want" and "Notorious CHO" were great fun: relevant, uproarious, uplifting and endearingly offensive. This one just does not have the charm or humor of its predecessors. The jokes feel forced, and the more vile and provocative bits of her set -- which are usually the most hysterical -- here feel too contrived and deliberate.
There are a few good laughs (detailing the expulsive results of a persimmon diet), but they are too often countered by jokes that are only mildly amusing (random catch phrases dedicated to a certain portion of the female body) or flat out dull. What's worked in her other routines is her ability -- like Richard Pryor -- to find humor in her heartbreak. Her identity and others' perception of her body have always come across as apropos and moving; that is not the case here. Even her tried and true tales of her mother's suffocating brand of love feel obligatory this go around.
Its short running time and padded jokes seem to confirm the notion that perhaps Ms. Cho needs a much-deserved break to give her time to add more depth and humor to her routine. She's been hysterical in the past and I'm sure she will again, but this one didn't do a whole lot for me.
Soul Plane (2004)
Of the 10 people in the theatre, 4 left before it was over.
Yes, it was so good that people were actually leaving the theatre before it finished. Boring, juvenile humor. The 10-year-old that was in the theatre (with his mother, little sister and baby, of course) found it hysterical. It strives no harder than to appeal to that level of humor. Lots of digs at gay people and Middle Easterners as well. I can find "politically incorrect" humor funny, but this just wasn't. If you're gonna make fun of people, make sure they're in on the joke and make the joke funny. That helps a lot. Not even 5 minutes of actual humor from Mo'Nique can help this stinker. At best, this film offers recycled jokes that you've heard time and again. "Airplane" with soul, this is not.
Connie and Carla (2004)
Comedy That Isn't Funny
One could be tempted to ask "Where did they go wrong?" but it would be much easier to ask "Where did they go right?" There's so much in here that isn't funny, and so many jokes that fall flat. Just the idea that gay men (in West Hollywood of all places) would believe these 2 women are drag queens is ridiculous. It could be ridiculous to the point that that would be the film's joke, but it isn't. It's supposed to be the selling point, and it ends up being detrimental to "Connie and Carla."
Yes, the portrayal of gay men in the film is one-dimensional, stereotypical and worst of all boring. Was it offensive? Not entirely, but it was a big waste of time. And the attempt to tug at the heart strings by adding a storyline that concerns a tired drag queen reuniting with his long-lost brother (David Duchovny) that never learned to accept that he was a bad drag queen is even more insidious. If you are to believe what this film shows about drag queens, they always wear full-on makeup and wigs, even when they're having dinner in a restaurant with their brother for the first time in years. Could that scene work if it was played for laughs? Sure it could, but it's played for sentiment and wreaks of a bad "After School Special." Ay yi yi.
Vardalos did a good job with the script for "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," but she does not repeat that success here. The weakness of "Wedding" was its convention, but she was able to overcome that with some genuinely funny moments and good performances from the cast. "Connie and Carla" is all convention, and gave me a grand total of 2 laughs -- a terrible track record for a supposed comedy.
Fight Club (1999)
Zzzzzzzz....
Oh, wait! Is it over yet? An over-hyped piece of testosterone crap. Great performances, but too bad the script drags the performances down with it. My favorite part about this whole overrated movie is that IMDB users have this ranked as a better piece of filmmaking than "Raging Bull," "Sunset Blvd," "Jaws," "On the Waterfront," and "Apocalypse Now." Wow... has anyone here seen a movie that came out before "Star Wars?"
Belly (1998)
All Hype, No Substance to this Lackluster, Unoriginal Movie
This movie leaves few positive things in its favor. The one positive aspect that does come to mind is the good turns by DMX and Taral Hicks. DMX is not a bad actor, and Taral Hicks gives a truly inspired performance as his devoted, no-BS girlfriend. T-Boz and NAS could really use some schooling and seem horribly out of place.
The whole movie is nothing more than an urban rip-off of the superior, but nonetheless highly overrated, "Scarface." First-time film director Hype Williams makes some poor cinematographic choices that, though they may work in videos, do not pay off in a feature-length project. The colors are murky and dark, and many of these scenes seem just plain empty; no aesthetic value to them at all.
The "plot" of the movie involves Nas and DMX struggling with living a good, decent life that may lead them nowhere or taking the more dangerous road of drug dealing, guns, and money. Hmmm...which would you take? Apparently, they haven't seen the 5 million other movies that have dealt with the same subject matter. If they had, they would have known that drugs, guns, and fast women are just so gosh darned evil. They would have also known that in the end, they would see the light from a good-hearted preacher man who would show them the evil of their ways. Duh!
Oh yeah, and the drug-lord with the heavy island accent is completely unintelligible. What's his point in this movie? Oops, I forgot - it's to add at least one plot point to the otherwise pointless drudgery that is "Belly." My guess is the writers got their storyline AND dialogue from the back of an inner city anti-drug pamphlet. Give me a break!
If you want to see a real gangster movie, see "Goodfellas" instead. It's a lot more original in its story-telling, and the characters are far more believable and entertaining. If urban dramas are what you're looking for, rent the excellent "Boyz N the Hood." It's a lot more inspiring and is filled with rich imagery and great story-telling and direction.
Suspiria (1977)
Boring, Boring, Boring Movie with Nice Use of Color
Based upon the recommendation of many people, I rented this little known (in America anyway) horror film by the so-called horror genius Dario Argento. There are reasons he's not known in the US - his films are too...well, European. Very stylistic, but lacking in any excitement, tension, plot, or story. The movie is a big, long, painting. If you wanna just look at the TV for a couple hours, and you're fine with just looking and not watching, this is the movie for you.
I can't say this movie is without merit, because it isn't. If it weren't for this movie, there would be no "Halloween." Stylistically speaking, "Halloween" takes a lot of its visual substance from this movie, and I'm sure it's influenced many other movies as well. The story, what little of it there is, is poorly acted and hard to follow. Most of the story is dull and completely unengaging, but that's clearly not what the director had intended. I can't tell you what he did intend, because I can't figure it out.
If schlocky European crap-horror is your bag, this is the movie for you. If not, go to your local video store and burn all copies of this movie. That would make me, and hopefully you, feel better about this uninspired movie.
Halloween (1978)
A trend-setting triumph of atmosphere and suspense
John Carpenter's trend-setting masterpiece, more than anything else, is a triumph of visual style and simple, effective, classic camera work. The gore, if any, is minimal. The movie relies more on atmosphere and suspense to build scares from the viewer.
Watching "Halloween" now may sometimes seem like it is a formulaic, cliched horror movie in the same genre of "Friday the 13th" and a myriad of other cheap imitators. The knowledgeable viewer would realize that this was the movie that started all the scare tactics that are now over-used by many wannabes.
The female leads, in the hands of any other film maker, would be clueless bimbos without the slightest hint of intelligence. Here, they are classy, fun, smart and not merely sex objects. This, of course, was the screen debut of Jamie Lee Curtis, who effectively plays the naive, awkward heroine and would return for two sequels - 1981's excessively gory "Halloween II" and 1998's not so bad "Halloween: H20."
The most effective part of the film is the filmmakers' use of foreground and background. There is always something lurking in the background while the action occurs in the foreground. There are no quick cut, flashy action sequences that distract the viewing. Simple hand-held shots and inter-cut sequences relay the story to the viewer in a simple, ageless style. Parts of the movie may seem dated (particularly some of the dialogue and the cheesy clothing), but the movie itself holds up surprisingly well.
All this in mind, let's not forget that above all, this movie is scary! Michael Myers appears out of shadows, from behind bushes, and does his best to frighten you. This movie loses a lot in the standard "altered to fit your screen" transfer, so if possible watch the widescreen version.