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Mail Order Wife (2004)
"...a remarkably smart and weird film..."
IT takes guts to make yourself look as ugly as Andrew Gurland does in the totally original but rather nasty mockumentary "Mail Order Wife." At first, this black-as-tar comedy looks like a traditional (though disturbing) documentary that Gurland is making about Adrian (Adrian Martinez), a schlub from Queens who gets a Burmese mail-order bride. But the story veers off in unexpected directions.
Adrian turns out to be a depressingly unpleasant person, and after he ties up his bride, Lichi (Eugenia Yuan), to make a porno video, she runs away to the only other American she knows Andrew Gurland himself.
Then things get really crazy.
The fictional Andrew lets Lichi sleep on his couch, and then in his bed. His girlfriend leaves him. For a moment, it looks as though he and Lichi might fall in love.
But that would be way too sincere for this movie, and it turns out that Lichi isn't as naive as she seems.
The film twists and turns from there, each new development more surreal than the last, to a bizarre moment near the end when steroids-whistleblower Jose Canseco shows up to lend Andrew his yacht.
"Mail Order Wife" is a remarkably smart and weird film, even if it's sad and sometimes difficult to watch, with jokes designed to make you cringe.
Jeepers Creepers (2001)
Pathetic Little Film
There was a reason why I avoided watching this film for 2 years. The critics panned it, and now I know why. This film starts off well, especially with the looks of Gina Philips. I swear, this woman sounds and looks like Laura San Giacomo. Except in the sweater area, but I fell in love with the girl. Horrible ending, predictable to say the least and terrible special effects. The plot didn't make sense, and why don't the cops know about this phenomenon? Every 23 years, for 23 days? What keeps it in it's bottle for 23 years? Is it some sort of vampire? You have to see the flick, to find out what I'm talking about, but don't pay for it. I sure didn't, mom bought it for my sister and I was bored tonight. I hear the sequel is worst, and it must be if Gina is not in it! Powder was a better film.
The Critic (1994)
A Perfect Medium for Jon Lovitz
This show is way better than people give it credit for. In fact, very much like Sports Night, the critics love it, the people hate it.
Cartoons don't last very long, except for the Simpsons - which by the way, The Critic comes from the same Producers - so thus lasted the show. The movie ratings within The Critic are right on target and there are many "in" jokes as well.
The entire series is out on DVD now, and it was worth every penny ($41.99) If you like the Simpsons, you will love THE CRITIC.
Pudgy and balding Jay is not a well-liked man. His unsympathetic boss makes his life miserable, his ex-wife hates him, his adoptive parents barely tolerate him, and even the makeup lady treats him with disgust.
Fortunately for Jay, he has his 11-year-old son Marty and one very unlikely friend, Jeremy Hawke, the Australian film hunk.
Jon Lovitz provides Jay's distinctive voice as a single father who searches for happiness while satirizing life and the movies in this irreverent comedy...
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
You've got to be kidding right?
This movie is really outdated, and unless you live in the 50's, you'll find it to be stupid as well. Peter Sellers sux as an actor, and to have him play an American President, was just as about as stupid as him playing a German scientist. It would've been better if he were to remain a mute and have Miss Foreign Affairs (aka Tracy Reed) to transcribe whatever he wants to say. I rented this flick, cause it's one of my father's all time favs, but he's still stuck in the 50's himself, so I can see where he's coming from. I love Slim Pickins, Darth Varder, and Patton, but the rest of the crew can ride that bomb and send the film back to the can where it came from. #11 on the all-time lists ??? You must be smokin something when watching this film. I had to watch it in three shifts, it was so boring. In fact, I'm late with the rental because I hate to return something that I didnt' finish seeing, no matter how bad a film it is.
The Matrix Reloaded (2003)
Out of this world!
Good film, with not so suprising plot twists. Must see a couple of times to almost understand what's going on, and even now I must re-watch the original to fully comprehend the entire plotline. Great sequel as sequels come and look forward this X-mas or sooner for Revolutions!
The Trollenberg Terror (1958)
Things I learned from this movie
This film had a couple of things going for it, not least of which was that Anne is really attractive. Unfortunately, they made this movie in 1958 so she dresses like June Cleaver... a.) Villagers have something to say about everything b.) Clouds that are stationary and radioactive are bad news c.) Foreboding music does not belong in a scene involving empty beds d.) Do not open a backpack that is just lying around on a mountainside; odds are there's a head in it e.) Zombies created by freezing aliens melt away when killed.
Maybe a good film to see on late night cable TV while you're hoisting a few at the bar. In fact, every character in the film has either a brandy or a Scotch to drink at some time-when they're shook up or about to climb the mountain...or just to be sociable. So they might know something about this film we don't-such as, it might be best to have a few nips while viewing to enhance the "quality" of the film. Not the I'm an advocate of drinking, but what the hell...it can't hurt in this case.